Now that we are deep into the New Year, and we have some of our resolutions and goals in effect, it’s important to think about what that means for us.  Sure, the New Year serves as good motivation to start working toward something that is important to you, but then what does that mean for how you used to spend your time last year? I’m sure there was a lot of good that happened. And that’s what Kim Kaupe, the CEO of The Superfan Company is sharing with us in this video.

So,we’re not working on a new version of ourselves, we are expanding upon the framework we have already built, and finding areas for improvement. Everything about is makes us who we are, and it is extremely important to acknowledge and appreciate the person you have become. Thanks to Kim, we won’t lose sight of that.

In my favorite book of all time, Influenced by Dr. Robert Cialdini, we are introduced to six different mental shortcuts we have the certain people that can take advantage of for personal gain, and they are reciprocity, commitment, consistency, social proof, liking, authority, and scarcity. The pillar I want to focus on is commitment and consistency.

Our behavior is affected by previous commitments that we make because our mind prefers to maintain a consistent state. This means that if we make a micro-commitment, it could very well grow into a larger commitment simply out of comfort.  

So In the spirit of today, which is the second episode of my guilty pleasure “The Bachelor”, I am going to share a Bachelor related example. 

To be on the show, all of the girls completely uproot their life in the hopes that they would find love. With all of that sacrifice, the girls must justify their decision to leave, and the only thing that could truly validate their decision is to end up with the bachelor.  So, their behavior becomes consistent with that decision they made, and they become over-infatuated with the Bachelor because that is the only things that would validate their commitment. This explains why they truly believe they can fall in love so quickly.

No,today’s tip isn’t to be on the Bachelor, although that would be a good one, it is to be aware of your behavior after making a commitment. You would be surprised how many micro-commitments we make a day, and how strongly motivating it is to be consistent with that commitment. It’s the reason why accountability is so effective. Your brain prefers to follow through on the things you set out to do, or else you will experience cognitive dissonance, which is a state of inconsistency in your thoughts.

This message is about dread, which is defined as “to anticipate with apprehension or fear”. In discomfort we find growth, and when we feel that cringe-worthy event, conversation, or speech is fast-approaching on the horizon, we have a tendency to avoid the way we feel about it.  But Mark Bradford, the founder of Alchemy for Life has a different take on it.

Bradford states, " Do you experience dread? We all do. It's the feeling that you don't wanna do something. When you think about it you just say, 'ugh'. You have this flight or fight reaction or more accurately you wanna leave your house. You wanna do something else. You just procrastinate and do everything you can to avoid it. We all done this a number of times. To get rid or dread, you have to direct the play going on in your head. Studies have shown that we can be our worst enemy. The amount of theory that go on in our head can really drive us crazy. So, here is what to do. If you are feeling dread, and i have to stress that if you are not feeling dread this won't work. This only works when you actually are experiencing dread in your life. Take a breath and allow yourself to feel it. I know it a negative emotion. I know it is unpleasant, but allow yourself to feel it, and let it wash over you. Now , ask why you are dreading this particular thing that you are avoiding. Is it because the person on the other side is just gonna yell at you? That they are going to have an overly-emotional reaction?That they are definitely going to disagree with what you are telling them? Now, get off the infinite loop and make the change and make the change. Which means take the next step and play it out in your mind. Is what your saying to the person or the situation correct? Do you feel that that is part of who your character is doing the right thing? This is important, because if you feel like you are doing the right thing, you will notice the play start to change. If what your doing is not tainted by spite, anger, and disrespect or things that really what you really are, you will suddenly gain control of the play. There is no guilt or no bad feelings. Just you trying to do the right thing. Now that you feel that, one or two things are going to happen: Because you are the person controlling the play and doing the right thing you may find that the theoretical person on the other side doesn't react so terribly. It might be more plausible and realistic. Huh. That's not a big thing. That is not a big deal. And if like it? Well, that is reasonable. Now, go back to the feeling of dread. Is it still there or did it dissolve. It may very well have dissolved. So, if you are suffering fro dread why not try this today?It could literally work in the time it took for me to describe it to you. Try it".

Addressing emotions head on is a very healthy approach, especially when the emotions are negative.

Lets take a quick moment to share more about Mark and his life coaching practice Alchemy for Life. Mark believes that our lives are the combination of 3 things such as time, energy, and resources, and he has developed many frameworks and tools to optimize different areas of your life.

“Turn your wounds into wisdom”. In life, we are inundated with lessons and opportunities to grow.  Sometimes they are more welcome or expected than others, but even so, every moment you experience plays an important role in your life.  I like the words in this quote, "picturing a wound creates a strong image that strengthens the negativity of the event".  When comparing that to wisdom, we understand that the pain was necessary to come upon a new realization that is no forever with you. Fittingly, wounds turn into scars, and you will have that remnant of what happened and a constant reminder of the progress you have made.

So, turn your wounds into wisdom, and know that certain things that happen in your life are meant to be there in order to help you grow.

Let’s talk about a childhood game that actually has some validity to it. Remember how we used to repeat back whatever was said to us just to be annoying?  Well, it  turns out that might not have been as effective as we thought, because the opposite is actually true. Mimicry helps build relationships.  

Okay, I know. It’s not supposed to be used in the same way we did as kids, but there is definitely a time and place for it.  By mimicking someone’s body posture, tone of voice, or even speed of speech, people are more responsive to your message. This is because people are more comfortable around you due to familiarity. We all have a tendency to prefer things that are familiar to us, because it means we are more confident it doesn’t present a threat.  

But there was an interesting study shared by social psychologist Jonah Berger, in his book, “Invisible Influence”.  He reported that waiters and waitresses who chose to mimic the behavior of their clients were 70% more likely to get a better tip at the end of the meal.  Why?  Because they were comfortable with, could relate to, and decided to reward their waiter.  

So, be extra cognizant of what others are doing, and try to match it, because it generates real results!

Let’s talk about technology. It has absolutely exploded in in the last decade and it’s scary to think that we each have access to more information in our pockets than many modern presidents did during their presidency. This comes with great opportunity, but also at a great detriment. Something that is starting to get the attention it deserves is the ramifications this technology is having on our social lives. A pioneer in the space, best-selling author,Dan Schawbel, has come upon some great conclusions, and he has shared those in his most recent book titled Back to Human. 

Technology is doing just as much harm as good. And some crazy statistics Dan shared is that we are on average tapping our devices 2600 times a day and looking at our phones once every 12 minutes. Pretty absurd.

What he articulates is that our mobile usage is in direct contradiction with our natural hierarchy of needs which creates superficial interactions that don’t leave a lasting impact on our well-being and psyche.  

But, technology definitely has its place in today’s society, and even in our social lives. So, use technology as a bridge to create opportunities for authentic social interaction. It really is irreplaceable.

It’s true that there is something unique and different inside each and every one of us. Between genetics, environment, and relationships, we all see and do things a little differently.  But this concept extends to our own capabilities, and is a bit misinformed. We think that we are better at something than we actually are because we overvalue our own uniqueness. This concept is demonstrated in the results of a driving study where the great majority of subjects rated their own driving in the 70th percentile. This provides some obvious insight into inflated perceptions we have of our own capabilities.

What does it take to truly be different, and to really be in the top of the top in life? Some would argue that it requires having a 2% mindset.

The key component to a 2% mindset is being able to overcome fear.  Most people prefer to stay in their comfort zone, which is perfectly acceptable, but limiting. It is the protection from failure and the comfortability of familiarity that reinforces this decision. Should you choose to be in the 2%, you need to be willing to take risks, act in spite of fear, embrace change, enjoy the unknown, and take chances.

It’s not for everybody. I would even hesitate to say that I have a 2% mindset. I prefer routine, organization, and security. Does that mean I can’t be outrageously successful? I don’t think so, but it does keep me from pursuing some of the opportunities that might lead to that big break.

Have self-awareness, know who you are, and live the life you want to live.

As you have probably noticed, every single day I talk about taking ownership of your personal development. But, what does that mean?

To take ownership is to take full responsibility for what happens. It means that no matter what result is achieved, it comes from your effort and your effort alone. It places all of the accountability on yourself so that you are intrinsically driven to perform when you can’t point the finger anywhere else but at yourself.  

Specifically within personal development, taking ownership is an absolute necessity. It’s called personal development because it is a very personal thing because you are doing it for yourself, by yourself, and having an ownership mentality makes the process that much more effective. Sure, it is still healthy to want to lose weight for your spouse, or to read more at night to be a better performer at work, but the intention to improve still exists within yourself. And that’s the important part here, because we get more done when that’s the case. 

We find more passion and motivation by work that reflects our capabilities as an individual. With nowhere to hide, we understand that the results we achieve are directly related to the actions we took to achieve them. And, as motivated as we are to succeed, we are way more motivated not to fail. Therefore, we go the extra mile and do whatever it takes to accomplish more. After all, we are all our own biggest fans!

So, take ownership of your personal development. Do it for yourself, and be unrelenting in your pursuit, because that is how you generate results.