Self Improvement Daily Podcast

As of this recording, Daylight Savings Time was last week. This means we ‘Sprung Forward’ and when we woke up the clock was one hour ahead of our body. 

Now that’s problematic for getting an adequate amount of rest. If you go to bed at your normal time, and wake up at your normal time, you actually get one hour less of sleep. This is exactly what happened to me, and I felt it.

I woke up and brushed my teeth right away like usual, and while brushing processed the fact that it seemed dark out and that was because of Daylight Savings. It’s something I had forgotten about and didn’t plan for… So I had a decision to make: Execute my day as scheduled or get more sleep and adjust.

Thinking through what I had planned for the morning, and weighing that against my sleep standards, I chose to get another half hour of sleep.

Here’s the thing about the plans we make: They’re our best attempt at organizing our day given the level of awareness we had when we made it. And while forgetting about Daylight Savings Time is an obvious oversight, there are other things that come up every single day that disrupt your plans too.

Life is inherently unpredictable, we can’t foresee everything that will demand our attention and we can’t plan for it all, so here are two ways to accommodate for that.

First, you can try to hedge for unpredictability. Instead of planning yourself back to back all day, give in an hour of buffer. That way when things take longer than expected or new things come up, you have time set aside to catch the spillover. Fortunately, based on my gentle plans for that Daylight Savings Sunday, I had the space to afford an extra half hour of sleep without compromising other commitments.

Second, you can incorporate the new information into a new plan. Who’s to say you can’t make a new schedule when circumstances have changed? In fact, I think you should! Again, you can only make decisions from your present level of consciousness… So if you have more to consider then you should adjust your plan to reflect that.

It’s a classic example of living out my favorite quote of all time by Maya Angelou: “Do your best until you know better, then when you know better, do better.” 

So that’s what I did - Rather than starting my day behind schedule, I redid my schedule so that I could stay right on track with the new plan.

And I encourage you to do the same the next time you notice your day is getting away from you. Rather than letting it fall apart and resolving to try again tomorrow, you can still salvage the day and fill it with what’s most important moving forward.

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I’ve always tried to be a really intentional person but recently I’ve been ramping it up even further. I’ve been challenging myself to live more consciously, more aware of the moment to moment details, and holding myself to a higher standard of living in integrity with them.

This is what I’ve noticed showing up for me: How many soft commitments do we make socially just to be pleasant? 

Telling someone you want to make plans to catch up or do something… 

Letting someone know that you’ll follow up about a recommendation you have for them… 

Checking in on someone who mentioned they were struggling with something…

Speaking for myself, as I’ve been elevating my awareness I’m now seeing all of these little mentions I’m making that pass by without serious thought or follow through. 

And it’s got me thinking - What if I chose to honor my word that much more? What if I didn’t just say it in passing but I actually meant it?

Of course I’ve never had the intention of blatantly lying, mentioning something to someone with no intention to deliver on it. But I’m noticing that it hasn’t always translated to action. 

So now I’ve placed a major focus on following through on all of it. 

It starts with increased consciousness so that I’m more aware of what I’m committing to, I have a deliberate follow up system where I immediately document any and all microcommitments I make, and then I put those things I said I was going to do on my daily schedule so that when I have the time and space to do something about it, I can.

For example: I had conversations with a handful of people the week leading up to my trip to Nicaragua. They said “let me know how that goes” or “send me pictures” and I responded, “I absolutely will!”

I could let that commitment pass and hope I remembered to follow up about it… Or I could be intentional about ensuring I did. I’m prioritizing the latter.

So I immediately notated in my task-management system “Follow up with Alex and Derek about Nicaragua”. Then when I organized all my to-dos from the day, I set a deadline to follow up the day after I returned home. Then when it came to creating my schedule for the day, I was notified of that commitment, put 30 minutes in my calendar to do follow ups, and got it done.

Again it’s a deliberate system to make sure I’m not making soft commitments that I’m not delivering on.

Why?

Because how you do one thing is how you do everything. And if I train my mind to consistently do what I say I’m going to do, even the small things, then I take myself more seriously when I say I’m going to do big things.

It’s a matter of self-trust, and it’s earned every day.

 If you want to see some of the systems I use to hold myself to a higher standard, click here to check it out.

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Last week I had plans to go for a 8.5 mile morning run. As I got started with it I could tell my body felt a little off. My breathing was heavy, my legs felt a little achy, and I could tell right away that I wasn’t going to run as fast as I normally do.

Thinking through why that’s the case, I reasoned that maybe I was beginning to get sick. I’d had a long week after some serious travel, and remember feeling a little under the weather the night before.

I faced this dilemma: Do I suck it up and run the 8.5 miles like I said I would, or do what I felt like my body needed and take it a little easier.

I made the more disciplined choice and decided to cut my workout short.

‍Wait Brian… Aren't you disciplined when you do what you said you were going to do?

Often yes, but in this case - No. And here’s why:

Self-discipline is consistently following through on doing the thing that most serves you despite the circumstances. 

This is commonly misunderstood because very often doing the ‘thing that most serves you’ requires that you suck it up and take action even when you don’t feel like it… But it’s all in service of your highest self. 

In this moment the thing that most served me was to support my wellness. Before you can practice true self-discipline you must have clarity of what is best for you, and then you follow through on that.

This is the foundation of intentionality: Thinking carefully to make the choice that most serves you, and following through on it decisively. 

Forgive me as I continue to extend this explanation, but I’m doing so because it’s a critically important point… 

You might think that working out consistently is a disciplined thing to do, and it is because it’s what most serves you. But exercising for the sake of following through on the commitment you made isn’t reason enough. Especially when exercising actually does you more harm than good.

The challenging part is, it’s hard to know with full clarity ‘what most serves you’. It’s very complex and our awareness for how a choice will actually play out in reality is limited. So it’s upon us to accept that we can only do our best, and make our best choice, knowing that we’ll never be perfect. 

Take that spirit into your moment to moment decision making and you’ll find not only that you’ll be holding yourself to a higher standard, but you’ll get feedback on what you actually want, which informs your perspective for future decisions.

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Last week I was meditating as part of my morning routine but this time was a little different. I usually meditate before my wife is up and about for the day, but this time I went on a run with a friend and did my morning routine later in the morning after I had returned.

I’m about 3 minutes into my meditation and I hear the patter of some footsteps coming down the stairs heading into the kitchen. Then about 30 seconds later I hear the loud rumble of a blender.

Accustomed to quiet while I meditate, this was pretty disruptive. But I noticed my mind instantly assigned an empowering meaning to the blender. Unconsciously I naturally thought “How peaceful to have the white noise of a blender.”

This reminded me of an incredibly powerful truth to life: Our perception is not what we experience but the story we tell ourselves about it.

One of my favorite frameworks is Jack Canfield’s E + R = O. Event + Response = Outcome. What it suggests is that given any event (good, bad or otherwise), it’s our response to it that ultimately determines how we feel about it.

That’s what happened here. The event was - The silence of my meditation was disturbed by my wife making her breakfast in a blender. 

To that, there are many different responses. 

Everything from feeling like starting a blender during meditation is a really inconsiderate thing to do… To feeling neutral about it and accepting the circumstances… To actually using it as a trigger to find deeper layers of peace.

We are in control of our response, which means we can choose the meaning of any given event. The interpretation of this event happened unconsciously, but it encouraged me to consciously reframe events for the rest of my meditation. 

When the white noise of the blender stopped, I recited to myself “wow, the silence is so peaceful”. And when I heard more footsteps from my wife in the kitchen I recited to myself “How lucky am I to share a home and life with such an amazing person.”

When people talk about seeing life through a certain lens, this is what they’re talking about. We can influence the perspective we see the world through, consciously by being aware of the story we’re telling, and unconsciously by working on our mindset.

And my best recommendation for beginning to do that is 1) Cultivate a growth mindset by reflecting on your choices every day and understanding how you could have done better, and 2) Begin a practice of gratitude journaling to start shaping a more positive outlook on the world.

If you want my help doing both of those things, check this out!

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When you think about humanity and what has accelerated our species beyond anything we’ve ever known is our ability to communicate. Communication fosters high-level collaboration, which leads to compounded efforts, specialization, and fast innovation.

However, the way we communicate is far from perfect. There’s a lot of nuance and subtlety that impacts the meaning of what’s being said. The two I want to focus on today are timing and tone.

Timing matters because a message reaches someone in different emotional contexts. Someone who’s stressed will misinterpret a playful jab. A reflective statement may be misunderstood as a cry for help by someone who’s highly emotional. 

To accommodate for this, my wife and I have a practice to make sure our communication isn’t misunderstood. Once a week we have our Sunday Sync which is a meeting to coordinate schedules, but also space to share grievances and frustrations that came up about the other person. Rather than bringing it up in the moment, catching the other person off guard and causing them to get defensive, we can talk things through in an environment where we’re reminded that we’re on the same team.

Another important nuance to communication is tone. This is on clear display in the example of saying a sentence but changing the word that has emphasis:

‍I didn’t say that.

I didn’t say that.

I didn’t say that.

I didn’t say that

It’s the same words, in the same order, but with very different meanings. The tone carries the energy behind the words, which conveys a lot of information.

In terms of how we use this information… It’s a good reminder to make sure that you’re being empathetic. In your correspondence with others try to see their perspective, step into their shoes, and understand how they might interpret things. This can be done proactively before speaking or retroactively to diagnose miscommunication. 

Also, it’s a testament to the importance of keeping your own nervous system regulated. The last thing we want to do is speak out of turn without even realizing it, and that often happens because we’re so caught up in a stress response that we become irritable, foggy, and numb - therefore tone deaf. 

Mindfulness is a wonderful intervention for this. Create space, sit in silence, shut off the world, and allow yourself to calm down. It’s one of the best things you can do to be in control of what you’re communicating in the world.

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When you’re on an airplane you’re surrounded by a bunch of strangers - people you know nothing about but happen to be sharing space with. And if you’re not very social on planes then it’s likely they’ll stay that way and go on with their life.

But recently when I was on a plane and stood up to stretch my legs, I scanned ahead of me about 8 rows and noticed the top of someone’s head but this time, it was someone I knew - someone I just spent 4 days with supporting communities in Nicaragua.

Because of our time together, she’s not a stranger. I know how her husband proposed to her. I know what she’s passionate about. I know what her dreams are, what she’s building, what she values, and a little bit about what makes her the way she is. She’s not just another random person on an airplane, she’s a dear friend.

Seeing her amid the sea of others, I chose to do something that you’ve probably thought of or done before, but I want you to really deeply consider it again:

I chose to see everyone else on the plane not just as another person completely out of context, but as someone with a story just like her.

Every seat is filled with someone who’s a parent or friend. They each have a hometown, heartbreak, and moments of triumph. Every person has their own expertise, insecurity, and vision for their future.

We go about life and we forget that every person we encounter is one of the most important people in the world to someone else. What if we chose to see them like that ourselves?

There’s a faith-based term called ‘Imago Dei’ which roughly translates to ‘seeing the image of God in others’. Religious or not, the principle is simple - slow down to see others at a deeper level for who they are.

If we were to do that - We’d be friendlier, kinder, and more helpful. We’d be more tolerant, patient, and curious. We’d see how much humanity we share with them and not just that we happen to be in the same place at the same time.

Anyway, that was the perspective I acquired when I saw my friend on the plane. Before we met she was just a stranger, and now she’s someone I care deeply for. And I believe each person is capable of the same should we take the time to get to know them.

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I went to Nicaragua for a humanitarian trip and it led to many introspective moments, one in particular I want to share with you. 

I was remarkably safe the entire time - the people there are so kind but there’s always risk when you visit a foreign country and go to remote villages. That must have been in my mind as I arrived at a very meaningful question:

Let’s say it all ended today, and my friends and family wanted to distribute every dollar to my name in my honor… What would I want them to do with my money?

Of course our impact is about way more than where we put our money, but it’s an interesting scenario to consider. Sad and hopefully not going to happen any time soon, but interesting.

What are the specific causes, communities, or organizations you’d really want to impact? Is there an initiative you’re starting that you’d want them to help bring to life? Remember it’s not money for your friends and family, they’re the ones allocating it on your behalf.

For me, what I’d want them to do is carry out the vision I have for my nonprofit the For Purpose Foundation. I’m building a movement helping people change their life and change the world. Where people become the best version of themselves and in turn give their best to the causes they care about. 

And while that’s what I’d want them to do, if I’m being honest, I don’t know that the people who are closest to me would know to do that. What that tells me is I’m not showing up as big or as bold as I could be for what I believe in and care the most about.

Which leads to an important perspective that extends off of the original question: If that’s what you’d want people to do with your money if you weren’t here, why isn’t that what you’re doing with your time, talent, and money while you are here?

I’m realizing that I’ve been too passive about the movement I aspire to build. I’ve been waiting for the right conditions, the right context, the right timing. And I imagine you might be too.

I want you to seriously consider this question: If you wanted your friends and family to distribute every dollar to your name and carry on your legacy, what would you want them to do?

And further if you have the courage to do so, ask yourself what’s holding you back from investing more of yourself in exactly that right now?

Cheers to changing our life and changing the world!

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One of ‘humanity’s fatal flaws’ is that we are designed to prefer immediate gratification. Our inclination to meet our immediate needs for high-carb foods, energy conservation, stimulation, and safety (among other things) is responsible for many of the choices we make that we later regret. 

It’s a battle we fight every day: What feels good in the short term is bad in the long-run… And what’s best for you in the long-run often doesn’t feel good in the short term. 

For that reason - personal development, self-growth, and ‘living your best life’ is often associated with being more disciplined. In doing so we reject our impulses and take action in ways that serve as investments for our future-self.

Given this context and speaking of Future-Self… I’m currently re-reading the book “Be Your Future Self Now” by Benjamin Hardy and wanted to highlight a brilliant way he expands on the way we relate with our efforts to delay gratification:

Either we’re sacrificing for our future self, or we’re investing in them.

Sacrifice makes being disciplined seem like it’s inconvenient and undesirable. Like there’s a big cost that you feel that decreases your quality of life.

Investing in your future self feels way more additive and productive. Like a traditional investment, you’re allocating resources now for a greater amount later. We willingly and consciously offer what we have now as a means of getting a return on our investment.

And it makes so much sense. Your Future Self is you today, but more! More capacity. More skills. More character. How are you supposed to become more? Investing today to yield more tomorrow.

So the next time you’re holding yourself accountable to making the decision that serves you in the long-term - choosing salad over fries, getting to bed on time when your friends are staying out late, saving money for a program and not blowing it on things you don’t need - try to view it as an investment.

It’s not feeling like you’re refusing to give yourself something that you want now… But rather choosing to give yourself something way more valuable in the future. 

Now don’t get me wrong, it still might feel like a bummer. This new perspective doesn’t guarantee that you’ll always feel inspired to invest in your Future Self.  But rather than doubling down on how much you’re sacrificing, putting more pressure on yourself that it’ll all be worth it, you can view it as an intentional bet you're placing on yourself and one day, you’ll get to see how it pays out!

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The unfortunate part about holding yourself to a high standard is that you can be really hard on yourself. A mistake is viewed as a setback against what was possible, a change of plans can disrupt efficiency, falling short on a goal can make you feel like you’re not good enough…

We talk about having a growth mindset but it’s one of those things that is really easy to say and much harder to do. I know for myself I’ve often tried to convince myself to see the good, opportunity, and lessons in challenges but in my heart had a hard time believing it. 

I’m proud of how far I’ve come with it, and how much better life is when you can genuinely turn failure into feedback. That’s why I want to share an incredible perspective I learned from my good friend Gregory Benedikt. In his Newsletter last week he talked about treating life like a GPS.

Do you know what a GPS does when you’re driving and you make a wrong turn or miss an exit? It recalculates. Given the information it has at hand, it determines the best path to get to your destination.

It doesn’t shame you or tell you how awful you are… It quickly reroutes you.

Imagine we build that some reflex for ourselves, where rather than being held up by a mistake we just adjust to it? Negative thought spirals and emotion would no longer consume us. We’d just do our best to follow our new path, and execute our new plan.

The main element at play here is detachment. That’s the first layer. If you can successfully separate from the outcome and steward the experience of it, there will be way less resistance when things go awry. 

And if you want to take it one step further like Gregory does in his own way, embrace those changes with curiosity. Reframe them as a great thing to have happened, a blessing you didn’t know you needed, with wonder for what might come from it. 

If you want to learn more about Greg and his work, I’ve got his website linked here where you can sign up for his Newsletter.

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