Self Improvement Daily Podcast

I’ve always personally struggled with this in my personal development but recently have gotten a lot better with it. I was the kind of person that would get frustrated when I didn’t get a result. I felt like I was working hard, talented, had good ideas, and doing all of the right things… Yet it wasn’t being reflected in my influence, impact, and bank account. You might feel the same way in your health or relationships.

I was a victim of being attached to outcomes. Simply put, you’re attached to outcomes when you have a certain expectation for what will come of the effort you put in. Whether it was my podcast, business, or goals to be featured on more platforms, the things I was putting in weren’t translating into the outcomes I was hoping to enjoy.

What I’ve learned though is that when you don’t see tangible proof of progress, it’s just because you’re looking in the wrong places. There is certainly some form of alternative progress that’s being made. Consistent podcast episodes may not lead to more listeners, but it reinforced my confidence in being consistent. New strategies to grow my business may not have worked, but I matured as a professional in the process.

I’ve found that when you don’t get what you want, you get what you need instead. Those are the only two options. You either get what you want or better. The challenge is having the awareness to know that whatever you got is in fact better than what you wanted.

I started believing this to be true because of two perspective shifts. The first was in a moment where I realized I didn’t need to ‘do’ to be worthy… And that simply being was sufficient. I didn’t need to achieve a certain amount for my contributions to be significant. That’s a slippery slope with no end.

The second shift was in finding faith and believing in God. I was humbled to accept how limited my perspective and vision was, that His plan is so much greater than mine, and that it’d be foolish to think otherwise. It gave me permission to believe that things were happening in my favor even though I didn’t have the eyes to see it or the understanding to know how. 

So if you’ve been feeling defeated lately that your business isn’t growing, you’re not losing weight, or whatever it is that might be ailing you… Do your best to believe that the effort you’re putting in is making alternative, better than you could even imagine progress.  

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Last week I was working out, going for a run, and I just wasn’t feeling it. My legs were heavy from a weightlifting session the day before. I usually run in the morning but this time I was running in the afternoon after a long day, and could tell that I was just feeling grumpy.

My mind started spitting off thoughts like: “This sucks” and “Why are you even doing this?” and “You don’t need to do the whole thing.” It was that last one that woke me up, because it’s true. I didn’t need to keep running. If I really wanted to I could stop right then and there.

It made me realize that I had a choice to make. Even though my body and mind were telling me it was okay to call it, I actually wanted to keep going. I want to be the type of person who can make himself do hard things even when he doesn’t feel like it. Who prioritizes being healthy even when it’s inconvenient or not ideal. That’s what I wanted most. I wanted to finish the run.

And when I made that choice, it felt silly to complain about it. Why would I be all mad about something that I’m choosing to do, and that I want to do? It just didn’t make sense to me. 

So I chose to change my attitude. I forced a smile and lifted my gaze. I found reasons to be grateful for the pain and fatigue, knowing it was making me physically and mentally stronger.  I enjoyed the fresh air that I didn’t have all day. 

This story is a small example of something that is so common in life. First we forget that we have a say in what’s happening. If we’re tolerating something we don’t like, it’s our choice to tolerate it. We often don’t even think to question it. Then if we get honest with ourselves and realize we prefer that over whatever is the alternative, then we can feel reassured that we’re doing what we want to be doing. 

It can be as simple as pushing forward on a run and as real as allowing yourself to be abused. In all cases, we have choice. Now we don’t get to perfectly decide what the options are we’re picking from, but we do get to choose which option of the bunch we want to pursue.

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The human mind is amazing in so many ways. Its ability to remember and imagine life is remarkable. It is extremely good at what it does and is responsible for the innovation we’ve experienced as a species. The problem is, it’s too good. Especially when it comes to its core purpose to keep us safe.

The reason that we ‘get in our own way’ or struggle to do the things we tell ourselves we’re going to do is because our mind just wants to protect us. The unconscious mind works hard to maintain a certain version of reality that often conflicts with what we consciously want. It deploys things like fear, confusion, procrastination, avoidance, and many other forms of deception to keep us squarely within what’s familiar and safe.

Collectively, any psychological trickery your unconscious mind employs to prevent you from doing something you know you want  to do is called self sabotage. Self sabotage disguises itself as logical, rational thinking where in the moment it genuinely convinces us that not taking action, or taking safer action, is the right thing to do. Self sabotage is sneaky because a lot of the time, you don’t even know it’s influencing you.

Here’s an example: I was chatting with a client last week who clearly told me that the main thing he wants to improve in his life is his career. However when it came time to making a commitment for the month, he started talking himself out of it. That daily networking and relationship building wasn’t actually aligned with his goals.

It was textbook self sabotage and fortunately I was able to call it out for him. His mind was just afraid of doing something different, and creating a less familiar reality that was more uncertain. He was rationalizing something that wasn’t true in an effort to protect him. 

What happened here happens in all of our minds, with most things, and we don’t even know it. But when you are more aware of the ways it likes to show up, or you have someone in your life that can help you see it when you don’t, you’re in a better position to build the life that you want!

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Ever heard the expression “See one, do one, teach one”? It’s for good reason. It offers a natural escalation in understanding. 

When you see something, you’re passively observing it and the process around it. When you do it, you’re working the process and that requires a certain level of proficiency. But when you teach it, you need to understand it so well that you can simplify it. You need to be able to know what elements are more advanced, or more technical, and break them down into smaller steps. You’re not memorizing or somewhat familiar with something, you really know it.

Something that lives at the core of this is the difference between being a passive or active participant in life. When you’re passively learning something, or aware of something, it doesn’t require engagement. But when you’re actively doing something or teaching something, it forces you to pay attention to it.

Simply put, if you really want to remember something, teach it. But I’d be remiss not to expand this into another point I’m really passionate about. If you want to improve something, track it!

Your improvement is also affected by this same dynamic: If you track your performance passively on an Apple Watch or some other technology, it doesn’t necessarily help you. It’s great to be able to review the data but that’s exactly it - it can only impact you if you pay attention to it. 

So there’s a similar escalation of engagement that goes along with your performance tracking. The data can be: Recorded, Reviewed, Reported. Something is recorded when it’s tracked for you, it’s reviewed when you look at what was recorded, and it’s reported when you track down the information yourself. 

Each has their own function and that’s for another time, but here’s the core lesson: The more conscious you are about what you’re doing or have done, the more engaged you are with it and the more of an impression it leaves on you. So for the things that are most important to you, be intentional about slowing down and taking the time to fully immerse yourself in them - or else you’ll be leaving value on the table. 

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Last week I had the chance to introduce two of my mentors to each other, two men who have played an instrumental role in me becoming the person I am today. Both are extremely successful in their own right having sold companies, plugging into extremely influential networks, in happy marriages with beautiful kids, have found a deep faith, and are fired up by a huge vision for the change they can make in the world. 

Needless to say, it’s no surprise why I want to spend more time with them. What I could not have predicted though was the type of conversation I’d get to be a part of when they met. I was mostly a fly on the wall, listening and soaking in information that was beyond my worldview.

They were talking about really innovative investment strategies, efforts to mine asteroids to build rocketships that could go to Mars, philanthropy models that turn $1 fundraised into $5, and so much more. I feel like I have meaningful and high-impact conversations but this revealed to me there’s an entirely different level.

I’m really proud of a few things. First is that I am in a position to know and learn from people like this. They both believe in me, and invest their time and experience in supporting me, which I don’t take lightly. But maybe more importantly I’m proud that I’m genuinely inspired by them! A past version of me would have felt disappointed that I’m not at that level myself and I would have judged myself for not being more successful. But instead I was fully present, enjoyed every moment, and got some serious exposure into what it looks like to think and dream bigger.

Sometimes all it takes is a shift in reference point to contextualize things. The more awareness you have and the better you understand something, the easier it is to attribute the details of your life today to everything that’s come before it. 

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One of the most difficult things to comprehend, and practice, as a person invested in their personal development is perspective. Particularly as it relates to what you see in others compared to what you know about yourself. 

There are times where we get compliments or acknowledged, and feel conflicted by it because people “don’t know the full truth”. We look at other people who are succeeding at the highest levels and they make it look so easy, yet everything in our lives is a battle…

We spend every minute in our own minds and know every detail of what happened or could have happened, what we thought or considered, and what we did or didn’t do. Compare that to the limited insight we get from others where we can only observe what they do and hear what they say. 

The context you have about your life and choices is so different from the context you have about others. And understanding that our perspective is limited, we can know that what looks easy actually isn’t, and what looks obvious probably came with lots of careful consideration. For every success you have, you see all of the extra parts that went into creating it, or how it could have been even better, that others don’t. Everyone has their own version of the same happening in their minds but you can’t see it. 

It’s one of the reasons why you can’t accurately compare your life to others. There’s so much more than meets the eye. The successful business person may be deeply unhappy, have a bad marriage, or be estranged from their kids. Someone who looks so happy and adventurous on Instagram may be crippled by self doubt and insecurities.

So don’t discredit yourself, your success, and your happiness because it’s more complicated, or it’s not so straightforward. That’s how it is for everybody. Their version is theirs and yours is yours. That’s why self-awareness is such an important and fascinating pursuit. The more you seek to go deeper to understand the details of the context you’re in, the more at peace you’ll feel with where you’re at. At least that’s been my experience! 

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The story behind one of the most celebrated and revered figures in history isn’t what you’d expect it to be. Alred Nobel, the man that they named the Nobel Peace Prize after, had a long career of being anything but peaceful. He was actually an ammunition and weapons manufacturer, invented dynamite, and earned a fortune fueling war.

When his brother Ludvig died, they mistakenly put Alfred’s obituary in the paper. This gave Alfred insight into the reputation he had built, the legacy he was leaving, and what his life represented. He was appalled. The headline read: “A Merchant Of Death”. This realization rattled Alfred and he committed to changing his ways.

He decided that he wanted to create a more peaceful future, not a tumultuous one, and vowed to donate the majority of his estate to support inventions in physics, chemistry, and medicine that moved humanity forward. It ended up being about 94% of his net worth, which would be valued today at around $259 million.

I share this story because we don’t know Alfred Nobel as the “Merchant Of Death” but as a pioneer in innovation and supporting innovative projects. It demonstrates just how quickly and significantly you can change your life with a new awareness. 

The interesting part about it all is that Alfred Nobel always had these aspirations to use his fortune for good. He just wasn’t taking action on them. Nothing significant enough happened to disrupt his present pattern and reorient his life. But something did happen, it initiated fast and radical change.

Whether you aspire to be a household icon like Alfred Nobel or you just want to get off the couch and take better care of yourself, the lesson is the same. There’s a greater calling inside of us, and we can either wait for that calling to be woken up or we can choose to step into it. 

I encourage you to think about what your version of this might be, how you might be scheming about your life without following through yet, and entertain the idea that you can be that person, and do those things - today. 

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An expression we hear all the time is “Things will work themselves out”, and it’s true! Give it enough time and eventually things will settle into their natural cadence. But there’s an underlying assumption to the expression I want to highlight. Yes, things will always work out, but they often don’t work out how you want them to.

When you get fired from a job, things work out in that it stays that way and they replace you. When you have two plans that conflict with each other, you’re not going to magically be able to do both - one will be sacrificed. Things do work out in that life goes on, but there are real consequences and implications to how they resolve. 

For people to genuinely embody the energy they intend in saying the quote, which means something closer to “Things will work out for the best”, something else needs to happen. They need to control the story that comes from it. They need to make meaning out of whatever happened such that it’s the best thing that could have happened. 

Absolutely anything can be reframed. It’s all a matter of perspective. When you hold the belief that things are always working for you and your best interest, it’s a worldview that gets applied to everything. If you try to see the silver lining in a tragedy, you’ll find it. Similarly if you want to come up with a reason to spoil a good thing, you’ll find it.

Things will work out somehow, someway. They always do. The question becomes how actively are you going to be involved in shaping what it becomes? 

You don’t need to passively let the dust settle, you can take action to organize it. You can influence the way things work out. And once the result is established, you can actively and consciously choose to see it in a favorable way.

That’s how you get things to work out for the best. You make it so. If we take a passive approach to life we’re going to get whatever it gives us. But if we take an active approach to life, one where we see ourselves as co-creators of reality, life gives you more of what you want. 

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I was at an awesome event a few weeks ago, BookThinkers Live, and it gave me some great insight into my bookwriting process. It was exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. 

A few hours into the first day, I noticed I’d been sitting a lot and wanted to stretch my legs. Fortunately the chair I chose was on the far side of the room and no one was behind me.  I had full freedom to stand up, stretch, and move around as much as I wanted. I then looked in front of me and realized the people sitting closer to the stage didn’t have the same freedom.

That moment reminded me of the ever present and constant influence of environmental design. Standing up and stretching from the front of the room would be disruptive and draw attention. Something as simple as that is enough to create resistance against the behavior, making it way less likely to happen. 

Alternatively, there are benefits to sitting closer. You end up paying more attention to the content because it’s right in front of you and you feel like you’re a bigger part of it. You’re less likely to check your phone and tune out because you have more eyes on you. This is a benefit of sitting closer, and in this case the environment supports a higher quality experience.

That’s the thing about your environment and every choice that you make: There are so many forces at play and all of them are influencing what happens in their own way. You can’t possibly quantify every environment's interaction with everything you might do… But you can isolate a single action and optimize around a single benefit.

That’s why knowing what you want is so important. When you’re aware of what you’re designing for, you can make choices that better align with it. In this case I did it by accident, but now that I’ve experienced the benefit of it, I’m going to be more intentional about where I sit at events moving forward!

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