Self Improvement Daily Podcast

Something that has been fascinating me recently is the infinite potentiality of existence and the miracle that is the present moment. The exact moment we’re experiencing right now is the perfect result of everything that ever came before it. This involves every decision you, me, and anyone has ever made, as well as all that’s happened before and during our existence. 

Think of it this way: There’s an estimated 7.5 quintillion specks of sand on the Earth. That’s 7.5 x 10¹⁸ grains of sand. The present moment is infinitely more unlikely than picking out a specific speck. There are countless alternatives that could have come to pass, just like there are countless specks of sand that could have been picked instead. The truth of it is - the one speck that’s here before us is the one that came to be. Every moment of reality is a miracle. It’s statistically impossible.

Further (and I believe in God but whatever higher power you believe in) each one of the infinite possibilities was designed into that first creation. If we speed through a yellow light or stop at it shifts the trajectory of existence permanently. Not to mention the infinite amount of details that could be different from every single person in every single moment moving forward… The scope of potentiality is impossible to comprehend. 

Only God, or a higher power, is capable of something so vast. 

What’s really encouraging about this is that there are potential realities that include exactly what we want. There are paths we can walk on that take us into the sliver of existence we want to experience. In fact, that future is designed to be influenceable. In that way every choice co-creates every moment that will ever exist moving forward. 

Some people use that power for evil, and have done so. Political assassinations and attacks have put history on a new course. Existence is forever altered by their acts. Equally there are people who are committed to being a force for good amid the uncertainty. They give others opportunities, resources, and favor that are carried into the next moment of their lives and beyond. 

Do not underestimate how impactful a single moment of kindness can be. It’s infinite and impossible to quantify. Isn’t that interesting… As we discuss the infinite possibilities that exist, the once that comes to be is determined to be impossible? 

Life is the sandbox we get to play in. It gives us the raw materials to create whatever our minds can dream up! What are you going to build?

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I just finished listening to the audiobook “Unreasonable Hospitality” by Will Guidara and enjoyed the level of thoughtfulness he puts into his work. As a world-famous restaurateur there’s intention in every part of the dining experience - from how people are greeted, the slower pace of a waiter delivering dessert to a table, and the specific dish soap they put in the dishwasher. 

Throughout the book Will featured stories and lessons about his experience managing his team. He knows that he couldn’t have achieved a fraction of the success he did without a high-powered group of people around him who were equally committed to making the product and service exceptional.

One of the best things he said on the topic was “A good manager makes sure everyone knows what to do, and then makes sure they’ve done it.” 

There’s nothing profound about that statement. It’s advice you’ve heard before, in fact it’s something I say often related to managing yourself. And it reinforces what is truly important.

In a management capacity, the main reason people don’t meet expectations is because they don’t know what those expectations are. The task or command isn’t clearly defined enough and it leaves room for interpretation. What one person thinks is sufficient may not be to someone else. That’s why clarity of expectation is such an important part of effective management.

The next part is ‘making sure they’ve done it’, and I want to tackle that from a different angle that Will implies. As a manager it’s your responsibility to make sure that the people you’re managing are fully supported in doing the thing they’ve been assigned to. It’s not as simple as setting the goal and then measuring if it was achieved… That’s a strategist. Management involves hands-on and detailed iteration. Management requires constant adjustment. 

As I alluded to, it’s this same philosophy that steers our own self-improvement and self-management. We set clear intentions for what we’re going to do and how we’re going to show up in the world, and then we execute it. The process of converting intention into action is more artistic than scientific. There’s a lot of nuance that a perfect plan can’t account for. Those are the details that require your personal management.

I’m sure you don’t need another book recommendation, but if you’re in a position where you’re running a business and want to hold the organization to an exceptional standard, or learn what high-performance and a connected culture looks like in a team environment, then I recommend reading “Unreasonable Hospitality”. 

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For the last 6 months or so I’ve really been enjoying doing things in silence. I’ve noticed how easy it is to keep yourself stimulated but how much more peaceful life is without it. In practicing some of that, while I was getting ready to board a flight, I chose to create a moment of mindfulness of doing nothing but standing there and waiting.

I noticed the guy in front of me on the jetway was also just standing and waiting – which is pretty abnormal given how everyone else was looking at their phones. I had the crazy idea to strike up a conversation, but chickened out. I could have asked about his shoes, a brand I was interested in, but didn’t. I could have asked him where he was flying to, an easy and obvious topic. 

I realized that I was scared to talk to a stranger, which is silly and not who I want to be, and I asked a question abruptly that he responded to, and we chatted for a minute or two. He was a nice guy and nothing to fear.

After landing and having a short layover, when I was in line to board the next plane I challenged myself to do it again. This time someone was asked to check one of their bags because they had too many. I heard the conversation and his complaints, walked over, and offered to allocate one of his bags as my carryon because I didn’t have one. The request was denied, apparently that was illegal, and when we both returned to line we had a quick conversation and he appreciated the gesture.

Nothing majorly profound came from either exchange but it reinforced something important inside me. Life is better when we’re connected and a part of each other’s world. From a stranger to a close friend, there’s something instinctual within us that wants to be in community with others. Yet we are surrounded by people that choose to pay attention to the world on their screens.

I’m guilty of this myself and setting an intention to chat it up more often with the people around me. It’s harmless, fun, and a little exhilarating. If you have some social anxiety or want to improve your social skills, give it a try once and you’ll realize it’s not as scary or hard as you thought it would be.

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I don’t know if you’re a recovering people-pleaser like I am, but sometimes still when someone invites you to something it’s hard to say “no”. FOMO creeps in, you don’t want to be looked over for the next opportunity or invitation, and it’s possible that you agree to doing something that doesn’t make sense. 

One of the things that I’ve found has helped me navigate situations like this, is by simply stating “I have another commitment”. It very subtly implies that you’re interested in doing the thing, you’d like to be a part of it, but this time you’re unable to attend. 

Even if you have nothing going on, this is better than making a white-lie. A commitment is just a strong way of communicating what you’re planning on doing. That can be as serious as fully occupied plans, related to lighter plans that you could move around if needed, or as open as keeping space in your calendar so that you’re not booked. A commitment is a firm decision and ironically, that decision can be to commit to nothing.

Also what I’ve found to be true is that people don’t usually ask follow up questions when you keep your answer short and sweet. They respect the boundary, recognize it’s none of their business, and the conversation moves on. Having a simple expression like this in your back pocket helps you not make plans doing things you don’t want to do.

A sister expression that doesn’t state a position but buys you more time to consider your options is “Let me think about it.” This isn’t a new and grand idea, it’s probably something you’ve done before, but I’m bringing it up because it works. People aren’t going to probe and make you make a decision on the spot. You give yourself space to be thoughtful about what you want to do without the pressure and bias of the moment.

The most helpful insights of personal development often revisit the fundamentals. They’re in place because they work when you work them. So rather than getting caught up in committing to things that are out of alignment with how you want to invest your time, take control of it with intentional language in conversation.

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I want to clarify a mistake I see a lot of people making in their self improvement and because of it, they’re not giving themselves enough credit for the progress they’re making. 

What does it mean to be accountable? Believe it or not, it does not mean to do the thing that you said you were going to do. It’s way simpler than that and flips the idea on its head. Most people have an avoidant relationship with accountability because if they didn’t do the thing they were supposed to do, it means they were bad and are disappointing others. 

If you go to the etymology of accountability, you can see the meaning more plainly. To ‘account’ for something is to keep track of it. That’s what accounting is for a business. Then ‘ability’ is to be able to take action on it. When you put that together, accountability is ‘the act of keeping track’. It does not require that you did what you said you were going to do, it makes you produce an answer as to whether you did or didn’t do it. So long as you provide that answer, you are accountable.

The great part about this reframe is that you can then learn so much from times when you didn’t follow through and do what you intended to do. You can diagnose the conditions, context, and circumstances around it to understand what got in the way. Rather than wallowing in disappointment, you can learn from your mistakes and oversights. That’s what generates growth.

You can’t improve something that you aren’t aware isn’t meeting your standard. Follow through is behavioral, accountability is awareness. When you hold yourself accountable it means you make yourself aware of your performance. When someone else holds you accountable, they make sure you’re reflecting on how you did. In that way, accountability borrowed awareness.

That’s not to say that you’re actions don’t matter. Of course they do. You need to follow through if you want to get results. But when you don’t, you can still be accountable and drive positive improvement for your next attempt.

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One of the things I talk about a lot is doing things that are higher-leverage. But what does that mean?

Leverage is the relationship between what you put in and what goes out. The more output you get from less input, the greater the leverage. 

A professional speaker who gets paid $20k for a speech operates with more leverage than the person who gets paid $5k… 

The software developer who writes 15 lines of code in an hour operates with more leverage than the person who can write 5…

The main two inputs of your leverage are the two most valuable resources we have as humans: Time and energy. Essentially anyone who can get something done with less time and effort operates with more leverage. 

Having money is a means of creating leverage for yourself. You can pay for a tool that helps you get a task done faster. You can pay for another person to do the work for you. When you create more leverage you can do more with your fixed personal capacity.

So when it comes to changing your life, solving a problem, or existing in the world, the most effective thing to do is find the biggest lever. Where can you focus your time and energy, or the time and energy of people supporting you, that generates the most valuable impact?

It’s similar to how a lever works in physics. The best lever exerts the most amount of force given the least amount of energy. The goal is to achieve the same with your day to day choices. 

A great lever involves addressing something that really matters with the strategy or tactic that will work best to achieve it. It’s a combination of knowing what you want to change and what you’re going to do about it, stated in clear terms.

As Archimedes famously said, “Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.”

Knowing what to do is the first step to operating with more leverage. Once you do that, then you need to execute. And if you do, you’ll find that better results come easier than they used to!

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Lots of people talk about the importance of being disciplined. When you’re disciplined you’re consistent even when you don’t feel like it, and consistency like that generates the results you’ve been imagining for yourself. 

But discipline doesn’t need to be hard - it means that you consistently do what you intended to do. We’ve just been raised in a world that has taught us to believe being disciplined needs to be really effortful. It certainly doesn’t need to be that way. 

Here’s a perfect example of this: Last week I was staying at a friend’s house. I took the redeye in on a Monday night and had an all day meeting on Tuesday. As you can imagine, I was pretty worn out.

But given my goals and standards that I have for myself, and that I didn’t prioritize working out on Tuesday, I wanted to make sure I got my workout in on Wednesday before flying home.

When I asked my friend about his workout plan he told me that he’s up at 4:30am and in the gym by 5am. A very disciplined thing to do and not something I’m accustomed to. 

Without giving myself a chance to overthink I told him “Tomorrow I’m going with you.” 

How much effort did it take to say those 5 words? Hardly any. But how much of an impact did it have on me when my alarm went off at 4:30am? Massive.

Instead of using all the will I had to wake myself up so early, the precommitment I made did the work for me. If I didn’t wake up, what would he think about me? Would he think I’m lazy? Would he think I don’t do what I say that I’m going to do? 

The thought of those two things being true, and jeopardizing my relationship with my friend, was way more painful than making myself wake up early.

That’s how discipline can be easy: When used correctly, you can get your environment to do the work for you. It makes following through virtually effortless.

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Human beings are absolutely remarkable. We are capable of exceptional things, overcoming desperate circumstances, and finding a way through. Not surprisingly, this resilience has been passed down through evolution. The most resilient found a way to survive and reproduce. Resilience is in our genetics and got our species where it is today.

The human instinct to be resilient is a survival mechanism. If we don’t have the food, water, or safety we need to make it through the day, we’ll do unexplainable things to attain them. When people are desperate they’ll lie, cheat, steal, and do what it takes. 

The problem is, humans aren’t resilient in the ways that we’d like to be. When it comes to pursuing our goals, we don’t have that inner drive to make it happen at all costs. When we get rejected or fall short, we tend to wallow in the pain for a bit before we pick ourselves back up. We expect that if we were truly resilient then we’d quickly move past setbacks. Yet for the most part, we don’t.

That’s because our instinct to be resilient is reserved for survival behaviors. It’s doesn’t get activated because we want something, it gets activated because we need something to stay alive. It hits on an entirely different level. 

In fact, when we’re not in a survival situation, the opposite instinct gets active - to be lazy. The human brain reasons that if our needs are met right now, the best thing for us to do is conserve our energy so that we’re as prepared as possible to respond to a future threat. 

This is problematic to say the least, and the primary force of resistance that causes us to not follow through on all of the things we’ve been saying we want to do. If you fall victim to laziness and low motivation in instances when you’d expect to be resilient, it’s not your fault. It’s the byproduct of human evolution. 

Wanting it to be different isn’t going to work, you’re going to need to play the cards you have and do something else. Easier said than done, but at least you know that you’re not the problem!

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I had an experience last week that highlighted something I’ve really been focused on in my growth. I was talking to my mom’s boyfriend and at the end of the conversation he politely said “Give Irene my best”. I casually told him I would, realized I made a commitment and was on the hook, and texted Irene right away so that I did.

I’ve always been a really reliable person but I’m making an extra effort to be aware of the commitments I’m making. You’d be surprised how much you agree to just in casual conversation! I don’t want to take those off-handed remarks lightly because how you do one thing is how you do everything. 

It’s become a bit of a curse because it makes my conversations way more cognitively demanding. When someone asks if I want ice cream, and I’m limiting my sugar, the right answer is “Yes I want ice cream but I’m choosing not to have it tonight” Is that overboard? Maybe a little, but I’m finding it serves a bigger purpose than most people realize.

When I’m carefully impeccable with my word it forces me to be fully honest. It makes me put more effort into representing my perspective and reality to others. As someone who has inflated details to look good to others, being annoying about my word choice is a matter of self-trust.

If you’re feeling like you aren’t always honest with yourself or others, give this a try just for one day. Make today the day that you mean everything you say, where you intend to follow through on every micro commitment you make, and observe how you feel. It might unlock something for you like it did for me!

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