The Fear Of Trying

On your personal development journey you’ve probably learned that there are two motivating forces in life: Love and fear.

These are derived from our innate reward system that influences us to take action in ways that either gives us pleasure or removes pain (with the latter being far more powerful).

One of the most underrepresented fears we have in society is a fear of trying. And how could that possibly be? When we try, we do our best and we’re way likely to succeed! Yet many people are afraid to try, and that’s simply because what we consciously want gets overridden by what we unconsciously need.

Here’s how it breaks down. We have a fear of trying because, if we genuinely do our best and it’s not good enough, what does that mean? Mainly that we’re incapable and have less to offer others. This often gets expressed as embarrassment or feeling like you ‘look stupid’, which are more obvious things that people are afraid of.

But one step further, why are we afraid to be embarrassed or ‘look stupid’? That’s because of the perception it generates for others. Someone may want to invest less in someone else who they believe to be incompetent. Someone may be less interested to support, or get to know a person who is awkward or socially unpredictable.

And it all comes back to the same and only core unconscious need we all have which is a need to be safe. It is the single thing that evolution has optimized around because those who were safer lived longer, and their genes spread. Those who weren’t, died. 

In many ways, safety is found in community and social groups. We can share resources so that we have food, water and shelter. We have a mutual understanding to remove anyone who becomes a threat to our safety. And in a fight, we’re more likely to survive when we can defend ourselves together. 

The fear of trying is just a modern day defense mechanism for survival, because if we don’t put ourselves in a vulnerable situation, we’re less likely to be ‘found out’ and pushed away. 

But in many ways our evolutionary hardwiring is poorly suited for modern society. It’s an unconscious ‘foot on the brake’ when we consciously want to ‘speed up’. It creates internal conflict because we struggle to be more aggressive in our follow through and bolder in our action taking. The resistance puts into question if we have what it takes to succeed in the ways we know we’re capable of.

As far as I can tell, this is the bottleneck to success. Those who can genuinely put themselves out there, try their best, and show up in the ways they feel inspired to are the ones who make it. They earn confidence along the way and attract more opportunities.

Do you want that to be you? If so, go for it. Summon the courage to do what you know you need to do. At this point it’s not about learning anything new, it’s all about taking action.