I had a pretty big realization the other day that is testing my own definition for self improvement. My philosophy toward personal development is very similar to that presented in the Compound Effect by Darren Hardy, which is all about how small things add on top of each other. For that reason, I have tried to instill great micro-habits that serve as the foundation for that growth, knowing I would reap the benefits in time as they compound on top of each other.

However, I now realize I haven’t paid enough attention to the complimentary part of that argument that the same things occurs with bad habits and poor decisions.  Removing the negative is just as important as adding the positive when it comes to personal development, and it’s something I want to spend some time exploring.

It’s not just about adding something new to your day to be more productive and feel like you got more done, it’s also about efficiency, and doing less of those things you know are wasting your time and energy. A good example is instead of focusing on how many days this week you worked out, start keeping note of how many nights you resisted the urge to make yourself a bowl of ice cream. It’s not as glamorous, but subtracting is just as effective as adding when creating a self-improvement lifestyle.

So, in your life, think about the things you might want to cut out and dedicate some of your attention in those areas to reap benefits. It’s not always about working harder, it’s also about working smarter.

I came across a great story, and I wanted to share it with you. The message is clear, but the means a bit unexpected.

“A man saw a snake being burned to death and decided to take it out of the fire. When he did, the snake but him causing excruciating pain.  The man dropped the snake, and the reptile fell right back into the fire.  So, the man grabbed a metal pole, took the snake out of the fire, and saved its life.”

Someone who was watching approached the man and said “that snake bit you. Why are you still trying to save it?”. The man replied” “the nature of the snake is to bite, but that’s not gonna change my nature, which is to help. Do not change your nature simply because someone harms you. Do not lose your good heart, only learn to take precautions.”

The events in this story remind me of something that is extremely important to me, which are intentions. And I feel like that word is synonymous with the concept of “nature” in this story. The snake’s intention was to protect itself, not to hurt.  The man realizes that and decides not to punish the snake for its actions, and follow through on his own intentions, which was to help.  

The observable world is one thing, and many events can be misconstrued into the wrong interpretation. The purest form of behavior is behavioral intent, and seeing through the action into that intent will help you decide how to act.

Gain clarity on your own intentions, and don’t compromise them just because it appears that a situation doesn’t call for them. It’s not in your nature.

Lets talk about taking control of our lives and the events that transpire in it, because we are a result of everything we experience.  

The mentality is best summarized as things that happen to you, versus things that happen for you. Let’s dive a little deeper into that.

When things happen to you, it means that you believe you are merely the byproduct of the event, and not the focus. This is a victim mentality because things seem out of your control, and you inherit the situations you are presented. And having a passive relationship with the events in your life prompts you to be reactive in nature.

But, when you believe things happen for you, you realize everything plays a necessary role in your journey.  And it places you as the central focus for the events, because they are so uniquely essential to your development and path. It reminds you that there is a greater sense of purpose, a destination you are meant to reach, and the only way to get there is by embracing your current environment.

Sounds a little different huh? It’s not all reading between the lines, but the way you read is a choice. Do you want things to happen to you, where you aren’t even considered in the grander decision, or that things happen for you? Whatever happens is the logical next step in your adventure?

Let’s talk about something that isn’t very glamorous, but is an incredible resource if managed correctly which is data. Data is all around us, and when treated correctly, can help us draw conclusions that were otherwise invisible.  It is the most reliable metric to make any decision off of because it comes from simulation and trial.

One of the world leaders in data is Sparta Science, and specifically Dr. Phil Wagner, and the work he does to use data to improve athletic performance. 

Dr. Wagner collects data, finds correlation between different sets of data, and translates it into usable terms so that coaches and players can benefit from the findings.  The value he offers is a solution coaches didn’t know they were missing, a deficiency they were unaware of, and when using data, the same can happen for you.

For example, I used data to make changes to my diet. When I started recording my meals at night, I realized two things. First, I skipped too many meals without realizing it, and that I ate out more often that I wanted to. With that finding, I have been able to prepare meals ahead of time and provide a solution to both of those problems, but didn’t realize the extent of the problem until it was presented in data.

So whatever you’re curious about, start keeping track of it, and see what you find.

I came across a great post from a friend of mine that I wanted to share. The piece was written by Manu Goswami, aka Swish, who is a Top 20 under 20 entrepreneur, serial startup founder, keynote speaker, the list goes on. But this time, his insight struck me in a particularly interesting way. He shared 6 adages, and I want to break them down one at a time.

Before you pray, believe. This is an inherent part of faith is that you yourself have the confidence that it is possible, which is belief.

Before you speak, listen. Every conversation has a give and take, and in order to communicate what you want, you must know where the other person’s mind is at.

Before you spend, earn. Not just money, it can be time, emotion, anything. You must first be in a position to give before you do.

Before you write, think. It’s important to have structure in life to create what you set out to create. Take time to prepare before acting.

Before you quit, try. You can’t know what you think about something until you do it, and it’s only after you do it that you can understand it isn’t right for you.

And last, before you die, live. This is pretty self-explanatory, but we each should try to get the absolute most out of the time we spend here together.

I am fascinated by dreams. In high school, I kept a dream journal to try and pick apart the subliminal meaning in my dreams and access my subconscious. It was a fun and creative activity because it made me find associations and challenge my own perceptions of myself, which undoubtedly contributed to the person I am today.  The adventures I went on while asleep wasn’t reality, but it was relatable enough for me to draw a few riveting conclusions

It is so interesting that we tend to use the word, "dream", when referencing what we want to accomplish in life. It paints our aspirations with haze and implies that our goals aren’t realistic or rooted in reality.  It also implies that we’re never going to achieve what we set out to. I think it’s kind of a cynical association, but it creates this scarcity to our dreams that motivates us to pursue them.

Nightmares are equally unfathomable and unrealistic. However, they leave a strong discouraging impression. The same thing happens when we work toward our goals. We experience setbacks, nightmares if you will, that sap are motivation.  Also, remember your next dream is right around the corner, and it might be the breakthrough you’ve been looking for to take a big step forward toward your goals. “Don’t stop dreaming just because you had a nightmare”.

Today’s tip comes from Shark Tank Star and entrepreneur Daymond John.  He achieved wild financial success by creating and scaling his apparel brand FUBU, but says it wasn’t solid business practice, smart spending, or anything financially related that led him to success - it was doing something that he loved.  Listen to Daymond describe that passion:

John said, "What changed my life wasn't the fact that I wanted to become a millionaire. What changed my life was the fact that I wanted to make for other people because nobody respected this market. I was doing something I loved, and then all of a sudden it started to take off. When that passion grabs a hold of you, as they say when the needle is finally in the vain, and you are really hooked, its like being in love. Its like um you know when you thought you'd like somebody when you were thirteen/fourteen years-old. It was just something new and it was puppy love. But, when you are twenty-two/twenty-three years-old and you are out there making life decisions and saying, 'I can see myself with this person for the rest of my life', and you are getting butterflies every time you see them. That's what it is when you have a business or a company that you love. You can't see anything else, and I would have dressed people til today for free if I could".

When we think about this message, without having Daymond John in mind, we can relate it to all of us.  There is a business, or an activity behind each one of our passions, and if we can tap into that, we will soar.  Work doesn’t feel like work when you’re doing what you love, what you would do for free.

We all communicate in our lives because it’s an essential part of being human. And many of us have picked up the same mannerisms just based on what is socially acceptable. One of those mannerisms is the use of filler words. The reason we use filler words are because, when we are transitioning thoughts but want to continue speaking, we feel the need to communicate that we will continue speaking. So, we fill the space to discourage others from interrupting us.

Essentially, this is a defense mechanism that protects us from awkward communication. And we have all adopted it because it seems to improve the quality of communication.

However, these filler words, also known as “crutch” words, often do more harm than good. Words that disrupt the normal flow of language make the speech more difficult to understand and the message less engaging overall.  

So what’s the alternative? Instead of using a filler, embrace a pause. The silence strengthens the weight of the words, injects a perception of confidence in the speaker, and demands attention. It is an extremely effective tool that many great public speakers use often to be more effective.

A few good steps to get rid of your ums is awareness. Start to notice how often you use your crutch, and maybe even try recording yourself. Next is preparation, and it just requires practice. Embracing silences, speaking slower, and gathering your thoughts are all ways to reduce the need for fillers.  And last, is perform. Often times, our fillers come out in public speaking settings, and being able to fight the nerves, and have confidence in your speaking abilities, will help you to perform.

How many things do you wish you started a long time ago?  Maybe it was a workout routine that would’ve helped with your half-marathon training, or maybe you wish you would’ve attended meetups and events to meet new people when you first moved to a new city.  If that sounds like you it’s okay, because there is an addition to the quote that I want to share.  “The second best time to plant a tree is today.”

We all come up with reasons why we shouldn’t do something, or why now is not the right time.  This self-talk creates an insurmountable tendency to procrastinate and put off that thing you want to do for too long.  For instance, I wish that I had been running Facebook Ads for Self Improvement Daily all this time to help my audience grow.  But I didn’t, and the next best thing to do is change my behavior today and just start.

In an ideal world, I have already put in the groundwork and can now be reaping the benefits of it. However, building the foundation is a requirement, and it won’t happen on its own. It’s crazy to think about how quickly things change. Maybe you’ll be seeing the results of that work way sooner than you expected.

So, do a little introspection, and think about what that thing is that you want to have, be, or do.  Once you have identified that, make a plan and start tomorrow working toward it.  Don’t listen to the reasons why you can’t, and have faith that the process will get you there.