If you want to change your life and get consistent with a new habit, you can't rely on your willpower and you must leverage your environment. 

To explain this concept I often use the metaphor of a river - If you’re sitting in a canoe on a river, the current will take you effortlessly downstream. If you want to go in a different direction, then you need to paddle. And you’re capable of overcoming the current temporarily but eventually, when you tire out and stop paddling, the river’s current will take you exactly where it wants you to go. It is unrelenting.

The river is your environment, and paddling is using willpower. If you want to consistently go a certain direction, you need to make changes to your environment so that the current naturally pulls you the right way.

There are many things you can do to improve the influence of your environment - change your surroundings, add accountability, change your unconscious beliefs - but the one I want to focus on today is making a financial investment. When you pay for something it completely changes the way you show up for it, and that’s primarily because of something called ‘loss aversion’. 

Our minds are literally wired to prevent us from wasting money, time, or effort we put into something. It’s like a psychological need, which means that we’re unconsciously motivated to take action in ways that allows us to preserve what we have. So if you want to exercise more, you’re more likely to follow through on it if you pay for a gym membership, and even more so if you pay for a personal trainer, to avoid wasting the money you’ve invested.

Fundamentally, when you make an investment in something, you’re designing your environment for success. You’re redirecting the river’s current so that it takes you in a more favorable direction. And that’s because when you pay for something, you’re aligning with this concept of ‘loss aversion’ and getting it to work for you.

That’s not to say it’s all you need to do, but it’s one variable that’s more effective than most in driving sustainable behavior change. And that’s the goal - When you take positive action consistently, you increase the likelihood of producing a positive result.

Last week I was at Retreat in Maine and I met many incredible people, but one person who stood out from the rest is my new friend named Tarzan. Not only does she have one of the coolest names ever, but her spirit and authenticity were palpable.

On the first evening, in front of a room that was largely full of strangers, Tarzan made an announcement that she he was leading a Song Circle that evening. But it wasn’t just that she was sharing vision or instructions, she led by sharing her limited experience with it. She said something along the lines of:

“I’ve only been a part of one song circle before, so obviously this is going to be my first time leading one. It was deeply impactful for me and it’s something I want to do more of. I’d love for you to be a part of it but just know that it’s not going to perfect - it’s going to be messy. If you’re open to trying something new and being patient as we figure it out along the way, the circle starts at 8.”

The way she delivered it was powerful. It was authentic. She didn’t try to act like she had all the answers or that she was something she’s not… Her vulnerability made her more relatable. Her willingness to imperfectly lead made her appear more confident. And her honest invitation was magnetic.

You can feel authenticity and throughout the week, at every opportunity, Tarzan had a special purity to her. And it made me think, what times do I not show up authentically? When am I trying to appear more polished, or like I have it more figured out than I actually do? 

I realized, we all do that. It’s a means for protection and an armor we wear. But when we let our guard down and let other see us for who we are - weaknesses, shortcomings, mistakes, and areas of inexperience - we become more approachable and enable a deeper connection.

Have you ever heard the expression “We are our own greatest limiting factor?” Or has someone told you that they just need to “stop getting in their own way?”

On one hand it’s shocking how many people don’t do what they say they’re going to do, what they know they need to do… But on the other hand, when you understand the psychology it's more obvious why it happens.

The first culprit is a concept called ‘Cognitive Dissonance’. It basically means that something doesn’t make sense in the mind - that something is incongruent. Particularly with actions you’ve taken or you’re considering taking… If it conflicts with your unconscious belief system, then it creates uncertainty and ultimately resistance.

The reason this happens is because the mind’s sole purpose is to keep you safe. Based on your belief system, the mind expects things to happen in specific ways. When something different happens the mind determines things to be unpredictable... Unpredictable is uncertain... And uncertain is a potential threat. So your mind attempts to prevent you from doing anything ‘new’ or ‘unknown’ for fear that it might harm you.

It’s why it can be so hard to do things that are outside of your comfort zone. Your mind is telling you not to do it as a form of self-sabotage.

The second culprit is a concept called ‘Competing Commitments’. This is a similar disagreement in the mind, but more directly related to having a conflict between what you consciously want and what you unconsciously need. It’s frustrating because we’re very aware of what we want and relatively unaware of what we need, so we’re secretly ruining our chances to be successful.

Here’s a personal example - I really want to grow my business. I full-heartedly believe that I can make a huge impact and create freedom for myself and my family. Yet for years I couldn’t complete the simple task of promoting myself. 

And I now understand that greater than the conscious want is an unconscious need. If I say the wrong thing or expose myself to the judgment of others, maybe people won’t like me as much. If that’s the case then I’m less likely to get support during a crisis. So deep down, an unconscious need for safety is fighting against my big desire to grow my business. That’s why it’s called a ‘Competing Commitment’.

We are in fact our own greatest limiting factor. We are getting in our own way. And I’ve found that when you understand what’s happening and you can make the unconscious more conscious, you alleviate the resistance you feel to doing what you know you need to do.

At an event I heard Darrell Vesterfelt speak and he shared the simplest philosophy to self improvement I’ve ever heard.

Darrell is the VP of Growth for Mighty Networks, he's built and sold a handful of businesses, and he's created a life by his design. And while of that is impressive, what's most impressive is the way that he did it.

At every juncture and with every decision, Darrell asked “What’s the next right thing to do?”.

Bad news from a vendor or a client - What’s the next right thing?

Gets a new and exciting opportunity presented to him - What’s the next right thing?

Feeling stuck about how to proceed on solving a problem - What’s the next right thing?

You don’t need to know or do everything. You don’t need to have the perfect strategy in place. You don’t even need to know how to do it. You just need to take action with full alignment toward what you want.

It’s such a simple philosophy but it’s so effective, and connects to guidance offered by two other leaders in the space:

Brian Johnson, the founder of Heroic, makes the simple recommendation to “do more of what works and less of what doesn’t”. It’s a path that will get you slowly optimizing toward the lifestyle and realities you desire.

And in Atomic Habits, James Clear talks about the power of decisive moments. We can choose to make a good choice or a bad choice, and it’s the accumulation of those choices that determines where we end up.  He uses the example of tree branches where at every decision point, you either branch up or down. More good choices lead to more positive inflections, and more bad choices lead to more negative inflections. 

Both of these theories imply the exact same thing - Doing the next right thing. 

One choice, one action, one intervention at a time, you are building your life. When you live with more consciousness to know you’re making decision, have the clarity to know what’s the right choice, and exhibit the discipline to execute it - Darrell claims that in 30 days your life would be unrecognizable.

I call this living intentionally where you’re thoughtful and purposeful about everything you do. And while the process of consistently living out this process requires more awareness, the next time you find yourself making a decision, ask yourself this question:

What’s the next right thing to do?

More often than not, the first thing that I see ambitious professionals deprioritize is their self-care.

They’re passionate about what they do, so they work long and busy hours. They have people and families that depend on them, so they fulfill those responsibilities with a good attitude.

It’s only after those two intentions are met that they make time for themselves - their fitness, their rest, their mental health, and their sanity. And the days where they get to squeeze that in might feel like a luxury.

I understand the logic behind why people choose to sacrifice their self-care and wellness. There are only 24 hours in a day. If you choose to spend more time on yourself, that means you have less time for your work and your loved ones. But if you have big goals at work that you’re committed to... And there’s nothing more important to you than your loved ones... Taking time for yourself is a trade you might be unwilling to make. 

But this rationale is missing one important part: Not all time is made the same.

Overall output isn’t just a matter of quantity, but also quality. You can get more and better work done in less time when you do it the right way. In other words, you can create more leverage. When you do things with more quality and efficiency, you can get more out for the same amount of time that you put in.

There’s nothing that elevates quality and efficiency more than prioritizing your self-care. When you exercise regularly, you sustain higher energy levels. When you go to bed on time and get a full night of sleep, you wake up ready to attack the day rather than playing catch up. When you’re healthy you have more vitality for life.

Yes, doing these things takes time from other things in your day… But when you’re energized - You’re more focused at work, better at deflecting distraction, and you get more of the right things done. And in the moments you have with your loved ones, you have the capacity to be more present and connected, and they feel it.

Self-care and prioritizing your own personal wellness creates leverage in all areas of your life because it’s not just about the time you spend doing things, but the quality infused in that time. When you treat self-care as a tradeoff, it’s a linear equation. But when you treat self-care as an investment, it’s exponential. 

It’s a simple equation: Output = Quantity x Quality.

Given that you can’t create more time in a day, the only way to increase output is by increasing the quality you put into the time you have. And in my opinion, taking exceptional care of yourself is the best way to do exactly that.

If you know it’s time to take your self-care more seriously, and you don't have the good habits and action plans in place to see success with it, I really encourage you to check out the 21 Day Super Habits Challenge. By the end of it, you’ll have built a foundation of consistency, discipline, and systems that can make that dream of a new, healthy lifestyle your reality!

Here’s a problem I see a lot of ambitious, high performing people making. They think that when it comes to introducing change into their life, it needs to be exactly what they imagine.

To be in the best shape of your life you need to exercise 5 times a week and have a perfectly clean diet...

To grow your social media presence you need to be posting high-quality content, every single day, on all channels...

To afford your dream home you need to cut all unnecessary subscriptions and expenses to aggressively save more...

And while all of that is true, it’s the finish line. It’s what you want to get to eventually.

More often than not, the difference in lifestyle between how things are now and how you picture they could be is vast. And creating full, sweeping changes is more disruptive than is sustainable. 

Oftentimes that’s because the ‘new normal’ you’re trying to create can be so unfamiliar that it actually initiates self-sabotage. Your mind actively resists the changes and tries to convince you to give up, make exceptions, and take back your commitments - which makes change that much harder.

The commitment also doesn’t fit into the current design of your life and because of that, other areas start to suffer. Think of it like a puzzle piece - if you try to force fit a big new piece into the puzzle, it’s going to displace a lot of other things. This means you don’t have the time and energy for what you really care about, making sacrifices with unintended consequences that you didn’t choose.

That’s why the very basics of behavior change is all about starting small and consistent. It’s one of the core messages in “Atomic Habits” by James Clear and the mechanism behind the idea of improving “1% every day”.

And the reason why? Because it works.

So rather than committing to getting in the gym 5 times a week, start with going for a 10 minute walk 5 times a week. Rather than building a new healthy diet from scratch, replace your tendency to snack on chips to snacking on veggies. Rather than posting every day on social media, post once a week. 

People forget that in order to reach their ideal, they need to start by taking their first step toward it. It’s something you build toward as a progression plan. And once they start to do that, they realize that there’s less of a daily battle to take action, less fits and starts of undoing and redoing progress, and more continuity in growth.

And no matter what it is you’re looking to improve in your life, I have a first step for you that will help you be more consistent and accountable. It’s the underlying engine that makes all growth possible, and helps you put this lesson into practice. Because learning more won’t change your life, taking new action will. And that’s exactly what I show you how to do in the 21 Day Super Habits Challenge.

What is life? It’s a deep existential question that people like us ask while we’re on our self improvement journey. We desperately want to make the most out of life, experience everything the world has to offer, and become who we’re capable of becoming. So a question like this is definitely worth a reflection.

In the grand scheme of things, life is very simple. We’re born, we exist, and then we pass away. Garrain Jones calls it “the dash”, referring to the dash on a tombstone that connects the day you’re born to the day you die. Everything that you’re involved in, that happens between those dates, is your life.

And while it might not seem like it, how we spend time is always broken down into the same singular unit: The present moment. A decade is a 10 year series of moments. A minute is 60 seconds worth of moments. All we ever have is the present moment.

So in order to maximize our life by taking advantage of each present moment, it’s critical that we are intentional about where we put our attention. In a sea of everything, our attention dictates what we actually experience. Our attention determines how we spend any present moment. And given that’s the case, what we pay attention to deserves a lot more discernment.

First, we need to pay attention to what we want - thinking the thoughts we want to think, feeling the emotions we want to feel, taking up the space we want to take up. When we can control the focus of our attention, our life follows. Focus on more of the right things and you’ll get more of the right things.

But beyond the ‘what’, we also must consider the 'how'. This is a matter of quality. It’s the difference between being fully in a moment, or your attention being fragmented. It’s no surprise that trying to do multiple things at the same time negatively affects your ability to do any one thing as well as you could. When it’s time to listen, speak, think, observe, work, or rest… Do that and only that. It helps you squeeze more value out of each present moment.

And what that means is - if you’re serious about making the most out of life, it starts with the moment you’re in right now. Then the next, and the next. It’s impossible to be fully conscious all the time, but if you set the intention to be more mindful more often, and more present in more moments, then you’re headed in the right direction.