Here’s a problem I see a lot of ambitious, high performing people making. They think that when it comes to introducing change into their life, it needs to be exactly what they imagine.

To be in the best shape of your life you need to exercise 5 times a week and have a perfectly clean diet...

To grow your social media presence you need to be posting high-quality content, every single day, on all channels...

To afford your dream home you need to cut all unnecessary subscriptions and expenses to aggressively save more...

And while all of that is true, it’s the finish line. It’s what you want to get to eventually.

More often than not, the difference in lifestyle between how things are now and how you picture they could be is vast. And creating full, sweeping changes is more disruptive than is sustainable. 

Oftentimes that’s because the ‘new normal’ you’re trying to create can be so unfamiliar that it actually initiates self-sabotage. Your mind actively resists the changes and tries to convince you to give up, make exceptions, and take back your commitments - which makes change that much harder.

The commitment also doesn’t fit into the current design of your life and because of that, other areas start to suffer. Think of it like a puzzle piece - if you try to force fit a big new piece into the puzzle, it’s going to displace a lot of other things. This means you don’t have the time and energy for what you really care about, making sacrifices with unintended consequences that you didn’t choose.

That’s why the very basics of behavior change is all about starting small and consistent. It’s one of the core messages in “Atomic Habits” by James Clear and the mechanism behind the idea of improving “1% every day”.

And the reason why? Because it works.

So rather than committing to getting in the gym 5 times a week, start with going for a 10 minute walk 5 times a week. Rather than building a new healthy diet from scratch, replace your tendency to snack on chips to snacking on veggies. Rather than posting every day on social media, post once a week. 

People forget that in order to reach their ideal, they need to start by taking their first step toward it. It’s something you build toward as a progression plan. And once they start to do that, they realize that there’s less of a daily battle to take action, less fits and starts of undoing and redoing progress, and more continuity in growth.

And no matter what it is you’re looking to improve in your life, I have a first step for you that will help you be more consistent and accountable. It’s the underlying engine that makes all growth possible, and helps you put this lesson into practice. Because learning more won’t change your life, taking new action will. And that’s exactly what I show you how to do in the 21 Day Super Habits Challenge.

What is life? It’s a deep existential question that people like us ask while we’re on our self improvement journey. We desperately want to make the most out of life, experience everything the world has to offer, and become who we’re capable of becoming. So a question like this is definitely worth a reflection.

In the grand scheme of things, life is very simple. We’re born, we exist, and then we pass away. Garrain Jones calls it “the dash”, referring to the dash on a tombstone that connects the day you’re born to the day you die. Everything that you’re involved in, that happens between those dates, is your life.

And while it might not seem like it, how we spend time is always broken down into the same singular unit: The present moment. A decade is a 10 year series of moments. A minute is 60 seconds worth of moments. All we ever have is the present moment.

So in order to maximize our life by taking advantage of each present moment, it’s critical that we are intentional about where we put our attention. In a sea of everything, our attention dictates what we actually experience. Our attention determines how we spend any present moment. And given that’s the case, what we pay attention to deserves a lot more discernment.

First, we need to pay attention to what we want - thinking the thoughts we want to think, feeling the emotions we want to feel, taking up the space we want to take up. When we can control the focus of our attention, our life follows. Focus on more of the right things and you’ll get more of the right things.

But beyond the ‘what’, we also must consider the 'how'. This is a matter of quality. It’s the difference between being fully in a moment, or your attention being fragmented. It’s no surprise that trying to do multiple things at the same time negatively affects your ability to do any one thing as well as you could. When it’s time to listen, speak, think, observe, work, or rest… Do that and only that. It helps you squeeze more value out of each present moment.

And what that means is - if you’re serious about making the most out of life, it starts with the moment you’re in right now. Then the next, and the next. It’s impossible to be fully conscious all the time, but if you set the intention to be more mindful more often, and more present in more moments, then you’re headed in the right direction.

In today’s world we’re taught that if we want to be successful, we have to be tough. To get what we want we can never quit and never give in. It’s a narrative that comes from a society that is oriented around achievement and accomplishment at all costs… But I think it’s a bit misunderstood.

This is best demonstrated by the idea of ‘surrendering’. To surrender is thought to be a bad thing - it means that you let someone else defeat you, that you weren’t strong enough, and that you’re giving up on something that you care about. Like surrendering in war or sports, it means that you forfeit and let the other side win.

But let’s open up the concept of ‘surrender’ to its fuller meaning. To surrender simply means 'to choose to release your resistance'. On one hand, yes, opposing forces can impose their power over you... But on the other it helps you stop resisting things that can truly serve you.

For example, from a spiritual or religious sense, we’re called to surrender to a higher power. There’s a divine plan or destiny written for us that maximizes the contribution we can make to the world. However our own internal resistance, fear, and uncertainty keeps us from accessing it. Our logical, rational minds are getting in the way of what we’re meant for. But when we surrender, trust, and have faith that what’s meant to happen will happen, we open ourselves up to a new level of alignment and impact.

Having said that, this is difficult to do because the ego wants us to be in control. It wants to architect our reality so that it’s more predictable and stable. To surrender is to release control. But you can reject the ego and open yourself up as a vessel for divine intervention. And the deeper you surrender, the less anxious you feel about everything because you know that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, experiencing exactly what you’re meant to experience, and guided in the exact ways you you’re meant to be guided.

As humans we all have a deep need for meaning. Our souls feel malnourished without it. And I’m far from perfect, but I believe that one of the best ways to find and serve your unique purpose is to choose to surrender.

A few weeks ago I was visiting my family and spent time with my brother and nephews. My 4.5 year old nephew, JT, is in a phase where after everything he says, he adds a drawn out “Right?”

“I get to pick my PJs, right?”

“We’re going to watch one show, right?”

“We’re seeing our cousins tomorrow, right?”

Most of the time the intention behind him saying it is that he knows it evokes a verbal acknowledgment. It’s his way of knowing that he’s being listened to. He’ll keep saying “right?” to get our attention until we answer “Yes, that’s right JT.”

But sometimes he uses it to be a clever, persuasive little boy. He asks for things in an assumptive way. Like saying “We’re having pizza for dinner tonight, right?” even though that wasn’t the plan at all. He positions what he wants in such a way that makes it harder to say “no” than it is to say “yes”.

And there’s something to learn in that. Humans take the path of least resistance. When we’re unconsciously navigating a path forward, we’re going to take the one that requires less effort. So if we can be creative about the way we relate with what we want, we can add friction to any alternative so that we’re more likely to get what we want.

It’s similar to a ‘glass half full’ approach. When your attention is fixated on all of the reasons why something can work, the variables that are in favor, and why success is a likely outcome - it influences the result. It inspires you to take more confident action. It encourages you to work through a challenge or setback. It gives you can make what’s on your heart a reality.

That, compared to the ‘glass half empty’ approach that comes more naturally. Our negativity bias automatically points out the things that are wrong with the plan and makes us focus on all of the things that are getting in the way. But when you let that be the line of thinking, your actions follow suit and you it manifests accordingly.

Kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy - When you assume success, you show up as someone who expects it. But when you don’t, then you’re writing your own demise. Henry Ford said it best "Whether you believe you can or you can't, you're right!"

You get to choose which way you let yourself spiral: You can be uplifted with encouragement or slowed down by discouragement. And while most of this happens unconsciously and in ways you don’t control, you can still architect it in subtle ways. You can present yourself as if you already know that you’re going to get what you want, and success is presumed.

You want to make your dreams come true, RIGHT? Then you ought to root for them.

I don’t know why this just clicked for me. I’m someone who is extremely intentional about how I spend my time, and carefully plans out my days so that they reflect what’s most important to me. I’ve been wanting to spend more time with people doing fun things, but the intention wasn't enough - nothing changed.

I’m late to the game but I recently realized... If I want to do more fun things and more quality time with friends, then I need to plan those things.

We live in a world where spontaneity isn’t an option like it used to be. We all have jam packed schedules where ‘dropping by’ just isn’t as feasible any more because... Who knows if someone’s going to be home, available, and interested to change plans to spend time with you. Even calling someone on the phone out of the blue can feel like you’re inconveniencing them or catching them at the wrong time.

But if you make plans to do something - whether it be a phone call, hang out, or workout - then everyone can budget their time accordingly. And guess what? It means that everyone’s much more likely to be available and interested to spend time together!

It’s obvious, I know, but that’s not to say it will happen on its own. The planning step is the bottleneck. And with a desire to get more time with people on the books, this last week I put it to the test.

I coordinated with some friends to come over for a board game night, and we had a blast. I reached out to some other friends to try a new sport. I created a group chat, got everyone’s availability, and made the reservation. It was epic! I’m even thinking ahead now for some travel that I have planned - I’m going to be in Boston and Austin in the next few months (didn't realize that rhymed!), so I’m reaching out to friends in those cities and coordinating group dinners and meet ups.

It’s so easy to do, and so valuable when it works, yet for most of my adult life I haven’t even thought to do it. And it’s representative of the larger reality that is life: Get clear on what you want, strategize how you can go about getting that, make an action plan, and execute it.

I have been accustomed to waiting to be invited to things… And fortunately enough I get invited to do a lot... But the bigger shift this represents is that we all can take the lead and design the future. We can create the experiences, happenings, and relationships that are our life. And often that involves  taking the initiative to make the effort, craft the plan, and invite others to be involved.

People are waiting to be invited to do things. Make the plans, be the connector, and watch your life fill with things you’ve been missing.

On your personal development journey you’ve probably learned that there are two motivating forces in life: Love and fear.

These are derived from our innate reward system that influences us to take action in ways that either gives us pleasure or removes pain (with the latter being far more powerful).

One of the most underrepresented fears we have in society is a fear of trying. And how could that possibly be? When we try, we do our best and we’re way likely to succeed! Yet many people are afraid to try, and that’s simply because what we consciously want gets overridden by what we unconsciously need.

Here’s how it breaks down. We have a fear of trying because, if we genuinely do our best and it’s not good enough, what does that mean? Mainly that we’re incapable and have less to offer others. This often gets expressed as embarrassment or feeling like you ‘look stupid’, which are more obvious things that people are afraid of.

But one step further, why are we afraid to be embarrassed or ‘look stupid’? That’s because of the perception it generates for others. Someone may want to invest less in someone else who they believe to be incompetent. Someone may be less interested to support, or get to know a person who is awkward or socially unpredictable.

And it all comes back to the same and only core unconscious need we all have which is a need to be safe. It is the single thing that evolution has optimized around because those who were safer lived longer, and their genes spread. Those who weren’t, died. 

In many ways, safety is found in community and social groups. We can share resources so that we have food, water and shelter. We have a mutual understanding to remove anyone who becomes a threat to our safety. And in a fight, we’re more likely to survive when we can defend ourselves together. 

The fear of trying is just a modern day defense mechanism for survival, because if we don’t put ourselves in a vulnerable situation, we’re less likely to be ‘found out’ and pushed away. 

But in many ways our evolutionary hardwiring is poorly suited for modern society. It’s an unconscious ‘foot on the brake’ when we consciously want to ‘speed up’. It creates internal conflict because we struggle to be more aggressive in our follow through and bolder in our action taking. The resistance puts into question if we have what it takes to succeed in the ways we know we’re capable of.

As far as I can tell, this is the bottleneck to success. Those who can genuinely put themselves out there, try their best, and show up in the ways they feel inspired to are the ones who make it. They earn confidence along the way and attract more opportunities.

Do you want that to be you? If so, go for it. Summon the courage to do what you know you need to do. At this point it’s not about learning anything new, it’s all about taking action.

We’re in a world that rewards high performance and achievement. Headlines feature incredible accomplishments... Social media posts are highlight reels... Praise comes from winning long, hard fought battles... And while all of those things are deserving of it, it really serves us to find ways to celebrate more proactively.

It’s the distinction between enjoying the journey and the destination. Of course we want to feel accomplished when we achieve something meaningful that we worked hard for, but it’s more important that we find satisfaction in the process because that’s where we spend the majority of our time. The results aren’t guaranteed.

This is where I want to introduce two different perspectives: Milestone Mentality and Movement Mentality. 

Milestone Mentality is about chasing outcomes that can usually be defined in a moment. It’s pursuing a path forward from the mindset that there’s a job to be done, or a goal to reach. If you’re inspired by what you’re working toward, then this can be an effective mindset. But ultimately it’s meant to fuel day to day action that generates progress.

This is why I prefer the Movement Mentality. It’s about showing up, staying engaged, and applying yourself in whatever way that looks. Your decision to move is within your control and therefore, less vulnerable to outside forces and a more reliable and sustaining source of joy.

The difference in approach is common throughout goal setting practice. Businesses have leading KPIs (which are more process based) and lagging KPIs (which are more outcome based). It’s the combination of the two that keep you taking action in the ways that are meant to contribute progress, and a feedback loop to know if it’s working.

I find that the right balance for this is to take a step back every week or month to get in the mindset of the outcomes you’re pursuing, and the milestones you want to achieve. This helps you align on what you want, and once you know that you can make the plan that you believe is most likely to achieve it.

At that point, you spend the majority of your time executing, focusing on generating movement through daily action, and celebrating the achievement of that. 

I’ve found for myself that the more emphasis I’ve placed on the inputs of life, the more fulfilled I feel and the more enthusiasm I bring to my life. You’ve probably heard this before, it’s not a groundbreaking discovery, but hopefully it’s a timely reminder to refocus your effort and attention on the process, not the outcome.

If you want to find more joy on a daily basis, then you’d get a lot out of taking on the 21 Day Super Habits Challenge. It helps you get more consistent with daily reflections so that you’re acknowledging your daily progress, and getting clear on the action steps you need to follow through on to move the needle toward your goals.