Have you ever heard about the power of non-verbal communication? I’m sure you have, but fortunately I came upon some research that backs it up a little more. The study was conducted by Dr. Albert Mehranian at UCLA. Dr. Mehrabian founded the 7/38/55 rule, stating that 7% of our communication is in the words we say, 38% is in our tone and the way we say it, and 55% is in our body and our posture as we deliver it. 

While the specifics are under contention, there’s one thing everyone agrees on, and it’s the idea of balance. It’s that all 3 of those elements are most definitely at play while communicating, and they need to all say the same message. In fact, when those messages are not consistent, you can know that there is an underlying disbelief or concern that isn’t being expressed. 

This is where we as leaders and communicators need to be extra cognizant of everyone’s holistic communication so that we don’t get ahead of ourselves and draw conclusions too early in conversation. These incongruencies are often displayed as micro expressions.

A good method that is shared in the book, Never Split the Difference, by Chris Voss is to use the rule of 3. If someone is saying something, make them repeat their thought in a few different ways so that they have more opportunities to express themselves. 3 opportunities seems to be the magical number when it comes to disclosing truth.

Communication is about the words you say, the way you say it, and the belief your body has behind it.

If someone achieves something amazing they often say “I was in the right place at the right time” implying that it could have been anyone, it just happened to be them. And as things start to domino and grow into massive opportunities we all look back at the lucky breaks we caught to get there.

I want to focus on one word in particular that relates to all of this, but in understanding it we flip this whole thought on its head. Coincidence. What does it actually mean if something is a coincidence?

The root words built into the word are “co” meaning together and “incident” meaning occurrence, which means that two things are happening at the same time. But then when we think of the word coincidence there’s an element of luck, chance, and randomness built into it. Why can’t coincidence happen by design?

As David Meltzer puts it, this new form of “designed” coincidence is the combination of attention and intention. Attention helps you to know that something is happening, and intention helps direct where it will happen! When these two elements are applied, you’ll find coincidences start to multiply, and you know that it’s not random.

I can describe it this way too. Arnonld Palmer, a legendary golfer, once said, “It’s a funny thing. The more I practice, the luckier I get”. We can clearly see the correlation between his practice and generating positive results. He attributes those results to luck, but is that really the cause? The same goes for coincidences, they might seem lucky, but they’re really a response to the foundation you’ve laid for two things to occur together in a magical way.

I’m going to share a bit about my daily mental restart. The reason I choose to restart my brain every single day is for the same reasons you restart a computer, laptop, or anything. For whatever reason, when it starts getting slow or glitching out or being inaccurate, all you have to do is unplug it, wait 30 seconds, and plug it back in and like magic it’s as good as new.

Well, that’s what I do every morning with my brain but in the form of meditation. After I quickly ground myself by focusing on my sensations and the flow of my breath, I close my eyes and ask myself a question. “Why are you meditating today?”. My answer is always some form of, “I want my brain to work more efficiently, defaulting to the traits and perspectives I choose to embody, and I want to make higher quality mental associations more often”. Then, I turn my brain off, and picture my visual field go completely black and feel what it’s like to have zero brain activity.

Even on the days when I feel like I’m relaxed, I always find that there’s a little more of my brain to turn off.

I’m far from an expert. I’ve only been meditating about 2 years but I’ve found that very quickly I was more often in higher brain states where my processing power, ability to recall information, and ability to understand new information was far improved.

To get started, it doesn’t need to be massive. It can take you two minutes. Spend 30 seconds focusing on your breath, 30 mores seconds focusing on your breath with your eyes closed, and then let your brain screen go completely black. Relax the tension on your face particularly in your forehead and eyes, and just let yourself rest.

The reality is, many people shy away from real critical self-reflection. It's understandable - Self-reflection is intimidating, it’s scary, and it doesn’t sound like a whole lot of good can come from it. Well that is actually not the case. Jessica Carson, the author of “Wired This Way” has discovered that when you’re willing to explore that dark within you, you’ll be able to tap into your innate creativity and energy that has the potential for real change. Your darkness holds the key to a growth opportunity you otherwise would never have discovered!

Jessica encourages you to step into your truth, get uncomfortable in your own skin, and acknowledge the things you have chosen to repress, because it very well could be the source you’ve been looking for.

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“Believe in yourself and you will be unstoppable.”

The word that gets me is unstoppable, and let me shed some light on why. One thing that I tend to speak a lot about is the importance of consistency. With every positive choice or action your identity grows deeper and your resilience grows heavier. A result of consistency over time is momentum, which  is a measurement of your mass,(how difficult you are to move), and your velocity,(how fast you’re going). The more momentum something has, the more unstoppable it is! 

Well, that’s you. You become unstoppable when you consistently execute whatever you’ve committed to. Let’s remember the quote and take one more step back.

“Believe in yourself and you will be unstoppable.”

The limiting item in your ability to be unstoppable is yourself. All you need to do is believe in yourself. When you believe in yourself, you will believe that you can get the result you want. If that’s a possibility, then it’s not so silly to do the simple things that you know will get you there. With consistency you pick up momentum and then boom! You’re unstoppable!

You see where it all starts? It starts within you. You need to believe that you can do it. You also need to be sure it’s what you truly want. You cannot second guess your ability or reasons, you just need to go for it! So what steps are you taking today to become unstoppable?

I wanted to share this thought because it is so necessary and important to keep in mind as we continue to navigate new frontiers in this world. Former SISD guest Dr. Sangeeta Sahi, who has her Medical Degree had a well articulated thought on the differences between science and spirituality, with specific context to today’s environment.

"I was very interested at the time in science, and how science could maybe verify some of the spiritual teachings and experiences. I realized that science can go up to a point, but spirituality has a very different character to it. Science is very structured ,it is quite linear. It is all about observation and putting things into a structure that makes it standardized and repeatable. Spirituality is a much more experimental. It is much more creative. It has a flu character to it. So, that is a bit different. And we are living in uncertain time, and we are in a state of not knowing the answers and what is coming next. So, we have to open up to this new way of flowing a being".

There is a necessary element of surrendering and faith that is required to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When you begin to acknowledge spirituality you can begin to see that the chaos is designed, the hardship is full of lessons, and you’re being prepared for your big breakthrough.

I recently saw a good friend of mine post on Facebook about an accident. His brother Pierre was mountain biking and seriously injured himself, requiring emergency spine surgery to save his life. Fortunately, he did survive but he is not expected to walk again. Things like this happen and it’s an unfortunate reality in the world.

When I was scrolling on Facebook and read this, I was taken aback and got emotional. Then, I couldn’t help but think of my friend, who had a similar moment of receiving horrible news out of nowhere. I’ve had moments like that in my past and the pain and shock of it is overwhelming.

That’s the truth. You wake up in the morning and you have no idea what’s going to happen. This is part of what makes life so exciting, but in times like this it’s what makes life so painful also. We cannot take these simple things for granted, things we see as normal and expected, because it all can change in an instant. When Pierre woke up that morning, he never could have expected how his life would change.

And when this stuff happens, because it will in life, it becomes a matter of perspective. It’s all on a spectrum and you need to find the positive in the event. The fact that he has his life is incredible. The response and love he’s received from family and friends is remarkable. These life situations will always exist on a spectrum, and while it’s hard to see the positives in tragedies like this it’s important to try to. Because a positive outlook and optimism for the situation will attract more of the same, which will give you more strength and courage to press on in your life.

This is something that is pretty crazy to think about, and it requires absolutely nothing different from you. Every hour, every minute, and every second you take up space in this world, which is your house, your desk at work, a seat at a restaurant, or your favorite spot on a friend’s couch. When you spend time with people, they are right there in front of you clearly taking up space as well.

Great, so you spend a few moments, part ways to get back to your independent lives, and off you go. The thing that we have grown so accustomed to, is that our experience is always within our body. We are always directly aware of the way that we are taking up space in the world because we literally cannot be anywhere else.

Have you ever thought about how that’s also true for everyone else? In this moment right now, every person you’ve ever met that is still alive is taking up space somewhere. They have their own agendas, making their own decisions, just like you every hour, every minute, and every second.

In 2018, there were 7.6 Billion people on our planet. And every single one of them, whether you passed them on the street, bought something from them while on vacation, or have never crossed paths with them is doing exactly what you do with the same focus an intentionality applied to their own life experience. It’s nuts!

Then thinking about occupying space, that space is filled in different ways by different people over time. 7.6 million people were estimated to have visited the Coliseum in Rome in 2018, not to mention how many different people took up that space the year before, or even those who attended events there during the height of the Roman Empire thousands of years ago.

We are so focused on our own experience and our own context that we lose sight of the big picture. Everyone lives their life with the same importance and purpose as you do, and I think it’s important we start thinking about that.