Self Improvement Daily Podcast

Many people who are deeply invested in their self-improvement (like you) are very ambitious. Their thirst for growth is fueled by a desire to maximize their potential. They have a bigger vision for who they can be in the world - the impact, influence, and income that goes along with being a major player - and they’re committed to seeing what they’re capable of. Does that sound familiar?

The problem is, many people are falling short of living the successful life they know they’re capable of. It raises the question, why?

In most cases, this happens when your level of execution doesn’t meet the height of your ambition. I call this the Ambition-Execution Gap. It shows up in these 3 ways. I want to introduce each by using the example of wanting to complete a major endurance event.

The first is a lack of discipline. Knowing what to do and not doing it. It’s like having a training plan but not following through on it. Results will never materialize from the actions you didn’t take. Execution requires you doing the work, not avoiding it.

The second is not operating with enough leverage. You can be taking action on things that keep you busy all day, but if those actions aren’t potent and don't generate real progress, you’ll never get anywhere with it. It’s like having a training plan that neglects your diet. You can workout intensely but it won’t build up your fitness if you aren’t fueling yourself properly. This makes execution low impact.

The third component is clarity. Many people have a vague idea of where they’re headed but they don’t know what to do differently to get there. You can’t execute on something you haven’t clearly defined. Like trying to increase your average pace for the event, reaching a new threshold of fitness requires a new level of planning, one that you might not even be aware of.

The only thing getting in the way of the life you imagine for yourself is that you don’t have the discipline, leverage, or clarity you need to get there. You’ve got the ambition, now you need to figure out why you don’t have the execution to match. 

Success won’t happen by accident. You need to raise your standard and elevate the way you take action if you want to create it. That’s why, I believe, bridging the Ambition-Execution Gap is the way that you change your life, and change the world.

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Over time we slowly calibrate to the systems, processes, and routines of day to day life. What we do is largely the byproduct of the way things have been. What you already know is familiar, predictable, and safe.

It also virtually guarantees that nothing will change. As Albert Einstein famously said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

As a version of learned helplessness, we don’t even think to question the way we’re doing things. It may seem to be working, but are they working as well as they could be? It could be efficient, but are there still redundancies to clean up?

As a growth and improvement-oriented person, you know the answer to this is a resounding “yes”. There’s always room for improvement, which means there’s always something different to consider.

That’s why I want to pose this very healthy question: Is there a better way?

It doesn’t need to be threatening or confrontational. It simply comes from a place of curiosity. Creating space for creative thinking may illuminate a pathway you didn’t notice, a tradeoff you don’t need to tolerate, or an optimization that makes everything smoother.

The reason I wrote a second draft of my book is because I discovered a better way to present the information…

The task and time management systems I’ve built are a byproduct of solving for the times things slipped through the crack and seeking to fix it…

There’s always a better way.

The tricky part is, how much better is that way, and is it worth your time and energy? It’s a gift and a curse. Anything can change positively, so you need to be intentional about what you focus on improving. Implementing change in one area of your life my be way less valuable than a change in another.

That’s why it’s good to ask the question “Is there a better way?” just to explore, and be realistic about the upside connected to it.

That’s how you get really smart about your growth and improvement. That’s how you create leverage in your life.

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I’m telling you my personal development shows up in the weirdest places… But I guess that makes sense because it’s integrated into everything we do.

Last week I was flying into Colorado for an event, I had a middle seat, and after settling in I noticed a foul smell. It passed, I continued working on my laptop, and then a few minutes later I smelled it again.

I realized that I noticed the smell after the woman sitting next to me, sighed in her sleep. It was her bad breath.

It caught me in a slightly moral dilemma. I imagine she’d want to know she had bad breath and could do something about it… In that way it would be a favor to her. 

But it’s equally possible that hearing that from a stranger would be embarrassing, especially if she had a medical condition where it was out of her control.

Debating in my head about what the “right thing to do” is, I got honest with myself and noted that even if I decided that telling a stranger about her bad breath is the best thing to do… I was unwilling to do it.

It surfaces something really interesting about human nature. We are unconsciously inclined to want to be liked by others. Being liked is associated with being safe because it means more people would come to help you if you need it.

The implications of saying something that might make someone not like me, even if it’s a stranger I’ll never see again, were overpowering. So much so that it paralyzed me from taking action.

What I experienced on the plane is similar to the social pressures we face on a daily basis. Whether it’s doing what meets other’s expectations, going along with the crowd, or doing what’s more socially acceptable… Our behavior is influenced by this invisible force.

The good thing is, the more aware of it you are, the less power it holds over you.

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This is a term I’m making up but I think there’s something really special about it. I’ve completely oriented my life around being intentional. This means that I’m trying to live as consciously as possible so that I’m aware of what I’m choosing to do and how I’m choosing to show up. 

Intentionality requires two things: Clarity on what you want and discipline to follow through on the thing that you’ve decided to do about it. The more you can fine-tune your clarity and the more disciplined you become, in my opinion, the more intentional you are.

But there’s an extra detail that I believe needs to be layered on, and it’s the thing that people struggle the most with, myself included, when it comes to being intentional: Authenticity.

This concerns the side of clarity - Is this actually what I want?

In many cases, what we say we want is influenced by the expectations of society, demands of loved ones, or who we believe we’re supposed to be. But if you orient your life around intentions that aren’t true to yourself, you’re steering your life in a direction that isn’t fully yours.

In that way, the most sincere form of intentionality requires radical honesty. One where you’re painfully aware of who you’re being influenced to be, and who you want to be deep down at your core.

Being authentically intentional requires a level of vulnerability that doesn’t come naturally to you. It demands that you challenge what you’ve implicitly chosen you want and give yourself space to get to the heart of it.

We can make conscious choices all we want, but if those choices don’t steer us in the perfect direction, we won’t end up where we want to be.

Knowing the difference between what you want and, as The Spice Girls famously said, “What you really, really want”, is the game to play and the skill to build if you want to create your dream life. 

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As someone who continues to study deeply what it means to live a purposeful and holistically successful life, I’ve found there are really two different aspects to consider. They’re the yin and yang, the art and science that come together to create an outcome that is greater than the sum of its parts:

To summarize it quickly, there’s the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment.

Achievement is all oriented around results and what actually materializes into existence. Reaching a certain income amount, earning accolades, being honored in various ways, and hitting personal milestones like running a marathon or sending a child to college are all meaningful moments. A good life involves great achievements.

But achievement gets a bad reputation because it’s focused on outcomes. It neglects the internal experience that occurs when external reality shifts. Even with that considered, achievement is still important. You can’t measure impact without having tangible results. One of our greatest needs as humans is contribution, which is inherently external.

Achievement is pretty predictable, and that’s why it’s more of a science. It operates on the law of cause and effect - do these things and it’s more likely to generate corresponding results. So if you do the right things more often, you can reliably increase your level of achievement.

Then there’s the art of fulfillment. While the achievement might look great to others, it’s empty if it doesn’t feel great to you. We have an internal relationship with our external circumstances that dictates how much we’re enjoying life, and how purposeful we feel our existence is. 

Fulfillment is a mindset and a perspective. It’s a lens you view everything you do through. When you reframe hardship with gratitude or challenges as an opportunity for growth, you are changing the way you interpret life events. Without the right frame, even the greatest life achievements won’t feel substantial.

How you can best interpret life is unique to you, your values, and core beliefs. That’s what makes it an art. You take the canvas that life gives you and choose to make something beautiful with it. 

In my opinion this is the art and science of a good life: Achievement to drive meaningful external impacts, and fulfillment as a byproduct of having the right internal relationship with it.

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I was playing pickleball with some friends, one of whom is really good, and he couldn’t be beaten! This caused one of my other friends to get frustrated. When she hit a bad shot or saw an unreturnable ball whizz past her, she would get upset and in a few instances, use profane language.

One of those times she apologized afterwards and asked “I’m sorry, do you have any issues with me swearing? I can try not to if so.”

It was really kind and thoughtful of her to ask. I appreciated her concern and  told her that I didn’t have an issue with it, and we continued along. In reflecting on it all, I discovered that’s only part of the truth, the full picture is much more powerful.

In response I had two options: To have an issue with her profanity and request she change her behavior, or not. Like I said I genuinely don’t have a problem with it… But what if I did? 

That’s where things get interesting, and it comes down to this:

I would want her to feel like she can be her most authentic self more than I want her to abide by my preferences.

I don’t want someone to feel like they need to be someone else when they’re around me. That subtly creates distance and weakens the connection. I want to be the type of person who accepts others and meets them where they’re at. To be a person that others feel like they can be themselves around without judgment or criticism.

This is really tricky, though, and maybe you can relate to this. I’m the type of person who holds myself to a high standard and prioritizes a certain quality of positive choices. When I’m me around others, it acts as a mirror that makes them see their choices for what they are. 

For some people it inspires them to be better, but it makes others feel threatened and insecure. It’s just the realty of choosing to be someone who takes themselves (and their potential) seriously.

And just like I want others to feel like they can be themselves around me, I want to feel like I can be my authentic self around them - high standards and all. When it comes to values, there are few things more important than that. And I believe it’s best for all people involved!

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After wrapping up an evening walk with some friends I got in the car to drive home. The first thing I needed to do was take a hard left off of a narrow two lane beach road, which is a turn I’ve made 100 times. I had to wait for one car to pass before making it so I sat idled in the road waiting.

As I made the turn, I heard the person in the car waiting behind me, shout at me “Turn signal!”. I hadn’t put it on and he was letting me know it.

My gut reaction was to get offended and defensive. Instead of internalizing it as my fault, I deflected to assume something about him. Thoughts like “What a jerk” and “How rude?” flashed across my mind.

But that only happened in maybe the first second. And then I realized, he was right. It was dark and I failed to communicate something to another driver. My actions made the situation more dangerous.

There are a few lessons embedded in this story. First is how the ego naturally reacts to situations unconsciously before we have the chance to consciously reframe. Some people who lack perspective  would stay upset. But when you work on your mindset, you can override how your mind reacts and instead intentionally respond.

The other lesson relates to being open to feedback. When we’re in a defensive state, we justify what happens, don’t accept responsibility, and fail to see what could be improved. We assign blame and neglect to learn from it because it’s not our fault.

As simple of an example as this is, it highlights a vulnerability we all have. But the more aware of it we are, the less control it has over us.

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A question that I’ve dedicated my life to answering, an obsession in many ways, is “Why don’t people do the things they know they need to do to change their life?”

It baffles me to think that we can have such good ideas and intentions, yet when it comes time to execute on them there’s so much that gets in the way. Myself included! 

We talk ourselves out of it through self-sabotage… Limiting beliefs convince us of something that isn’t true… Our energetic and emotional state makes us not feel like doing it… The action might not be immediately accessible…

All of these reasons bundle into one common category: They’re all forms of resistance. We don’t follow-through because there’s too much resistance.

But that’s not the full story. The presence of resistance itself isn’t the problem, it’s how we interact with it. Resistance is like running into the wind or swimming up current. It’s a condition that requires something else from us, and that thing is more effort.

That’s the real reason we don’t follow through: It’s just too hard to do. You’d market yourself so much more aggressively if you weren’t resisted by the fear of rejection. You’re more likely to cook a healthy meal if you don’t need to go out and get all of the ingredients.

In that way, environmental design is the antidote to effort. If something feels hard to do, it’s simply because your environment is set up that way. 

That’s what the Follow Through Formula is all about: Environment + Effort > Action. 

When there’s little supportive environment, or a negative environment, it requires much more effort to take action…

When there’s a highly supportive environment, it does the work for you and taking action requires little effort…

More on that another time! For now, if you want to join the pre-order list for my book, titled “The Follow Through Formula”, the link is in the description. It’ll really help me out too!

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