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Weekend Recap 9/30 - 10/4

October 5, 2024
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Self-Care Is Different Than Taking Care Of Yourself

October 4, 2024

I connected with an inspiring nonprofit leader named Vernon Shaw earlier this week, and he said something that really stood out to me. He’s the kind of person where you feel his presence any time he walks into a room. Everyone immediately acknowledges how abundant, driven, and pure-hearted he is, including myself. You figure someone like that has to be really intentional to carry that kind of energy everywhere they go.

Vernon said “Self-care is different than taking care of yourself.”

Sometimes we get caught up in checking the box - Getting your meditation and exercise in, completing your daily routine of gratitude journaling, taking a cold shower to kick off your metabolism for the day. While these activities themselves are very healthy and markers of a high-performing person, there’s one very important thing that is missing - Why?

We don’t do these things just to do them, we do them because they help us to be the most dynamic, grounded, and effective version of ourselves. Self-care is just a means to taking care of yourself.

But it doesn’t always perfectly translate over. There are times when self-care activities are not the things that take care of yourself. For example, I have a cold right now. I have certain goals for myself in terms of the amount I want to exercise, and a standard for myself to always take a cold shower if it’s before 8pm, but does following through on that serve me right now?

What serves me most, the way I can best take care of myself right now, is to rest - To not push myself through a workout and to not shock my system with cold water.

The difference between self-care and taking care of yourself reminds me of an improved way to relate with self-discipline. Self discipline is misunderstood to be a “do what you said you would do at all costs” kind of thing. And oftentimes, getting yourself to take action and ‘grind it out’ is the right expression of it. 

But true self-discipline is a matter of being aware of what choice most serves you right now, and faithfully following through on it despite the pressures and circumstances you’re in. To me, that’s living intentionally. It’s infusing everything with purpose. And when self-care has that level of intentionality built into it, then it functions to help you take care of yourself.

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"You architect inspiration through action."

October 3, 2024

When you really get down to the basics, the only thing that matters is taking action. Actions shift the current design of the world and in doing so, reshape reality. Improving habits, beliefs, identity, and environment - all of it contributes to taking higher quality actions to produce higher quality results.

So unsurprisingly, the same thing goes for the level of inspiration we feel. Ben Nemtin, one of the world’s most prolific keynote speakers who encourages people to follow their dreams, says “You architect inspiration through action.”

We cannot wait to feel inspired to benefit from the fulfillment and purpose that inspired living gives us. If we rely on motivated moments to work up the courage to live at the level we know we’re capable of, we’ll never reach the critical mass of consistency required to actually make moves. 

Our natural response is to wait to be in a certain mood to take a certain action, but it’s the opposite that’s true - Mood follows action. And if we want to feel more energized, focused, or inspired, it starts by taking energizing, focused and inspired action.

Ben’s core message is to get your inspiration in motion. You can kickstart feelings with just small steps. Actions compound and the more you take them, the more disproportionate the benefits you get from them over time.

So now thinking through how you can be the architect who intentionally builds inspiration through action, what can you do? Here are a few ideas. You can tackle that one task you’ve been avoiding to liberate the energy that has been blocked by it. You can visualize your goals and connect your actions today with your future reality. You can play a game where you take on an alter ego for 15 minutes and show up as the big, bold, inspired person you know you can be. Whatever it is, the goal is to invite inspiration into your life through action and let it take over.

We are not at the mercy of everything around us. At any given moment we can cultivate the awareness, courage, discipline, and inspiration to take action. And like a fire that needs a match, the inspiration will burn long after you ignite it.

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Find Energizers

October 2, 2024

One of the founding fathers of personal development, Jim Rohn, is known for saying "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." This suggests that who we choose to surround ourselves with matters and plays a huge role in determining the arc of our life’s trajectory.

We’re social creatures by design. Our survival once depended on our ability to fit in with a group, which is why we unconsciously incorporate the behaviors of those around us. This means we adopt the health choices, spending habits, and interests of those around us without even realizing it.

Just like you pick up your pace when you’re walking with someone who is a fast walker, our habits, mindset, and actions are shaped by the people we’re surrounded by. 

Darren Hardy in “The Compound Effect” says there are two types of people - “Engines” and “Anchors.” Engines are the people who fire you up, encouraging you to think bigger, take bold actions, and become the best version of yourself. Anchors are the ones who weigh you down with negativity, doubt, or complacency. The key is to seek out and surround yourself with engines - the energizers who push you forward.

So take stock of your current circle. Who lifts you up and gets you excited about the future? Who might be holding you back? By intentionally curating your relationships, you’ll find that the right people can make all the difference in helping you achieve your goals. 

It’s in pursuit of being all that we can be where we find happiness, and the people that are most likely to help you tap into that are energizers. If one person comes to mind who’s an energizer, and you’re feeling inspired to change your life right now, reach out to them and tell them you want to spend more time with them.

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There's More To Be Present To

October 1, 2024

Last week I was in a new town and wanted to enjoy my lunch by the bay. I made a conscious effort to avoid all temptations to check social media, respond to text messages, or otherwise get caught up on my phone so that I could be more present. Sitting on a bench overlooking the bay and taking in the sights, I was proud of myself for allowing myself to be.

It must have looked like my intention was to enjoy the scenery  because a woman walking her dog chose to make a quick comment to me in passing: “Don’t you love that smell?” she said. I responded “Ya, the sandwich smells great doesn’t it?” And to that she responded, “No, the smell of the bay!”

In a quick moment this woman completely shifted my perspective. Here I was, trying to be as present as possible taking in everything that my senses could, and I hadn’t even noticed the one thing that stood out the most to someone else. It reminded me of how narrow our perspective is, even when we’re trying to take on the widest view possible.

Relating this back to our personal development, the same goes for our performance and efforts to be the best version of ourselves. We go about our days operating with a limited level of awareness. On one hand it can be defeating and discouraging as we do our best but still fail to get the results we want. But on the other hand, it’s extremely liberating because any time you fall short you can attribute it to lacking awareness.

This isn’t meant to be a cop out that deflects responsibility… It’s the practical truth. Our choices are limited by the awareness and information we have when we make the choice. If anything this actually generates ownership because then it’s on us to seek out the awareness and information we need to bridge the gap.

That’s why one of the great pursuits of humanity is to elevate our consciousness. Albert Einstein is quoted saying “You can’t solve a problem from the same level of consciousness that created it.” We cultivate consciousness by seeking perspective from others, practicing self-awareness, challenging our own thoughts and beliefs, disconnecting from our ego, and creating more space to observe the events of life before assigning a defaulted meaning to them. 

What you perceive and experience today is the smallest fraction of what’s out there. And it’s on us to chip away at seeing into the things we don’t, as best as we can. It’s like Maya Angelou says: “Do the best you can until you know better. The when you know better, do better.”

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Life Is A Great Balancing Act

September 30, 2024

One of my favorite books of all time is “Oh The Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss. It’s always a treat when I get to read it to my nephews. One of my favorite parts of the book reads:

“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.”

It’s a book ripe with life lessons but the one on 'balance' strikes me most. When you think about creating balance in life, you think of it as striking an equilibrium where all of the important things in life are appropriately weighted. That’s not to say that you need to divide your work, loved ones, and self-care equally in thirds, but that you find your right amount that satisfies your best-life equilibrium.

But the thing that a lot of people miss about balance is that, like equilibrium in a chemical reaction, it’s a dynamic state. Reactants are consistently becoming products, and products are constantly turning back into reactants.  Equilibrium is the state where the rate of each process is just about equal so that it offsets and appears to be static.

The same thing goes for riding a bicycle. Once you find balance you don’t have it permanently. You constantly need to adjust and shift your weight in subtle ways to maintain balance. It’s a dynamic process.

In “The One Thing”, Gary Keller puts it like this: Work-life balance is a verb. There are pressures and factors that constantly push us off center. A big work project pops up here, and family priorities pop up there. His recommendation is that we also know what the priority is. Work when you work, and work on the right things. Play when you play, and don’t allow your mind to wander on things happening in other areas of your life. It’s the rhythm of doing both work and life well that keeps you on a high-achieving and fulfilling trajectory. 

The act of balancing is constantly evaluating what’s most important right now. Given the state of work, and life, and the context of the moment that’s presented in front of you, you make the choice about how you want to proceed.

That’s living with intentionality, and that’s my north star for everything I do.

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Weekend Recap 9/23 - 9/27

September 28, 2024
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Timelines Of Regret

September 27, 2024

One of the things that stings the most in life is regret. Basically, regret is knowing that we could have done something differently and wishing that were the case. As compelling  as the “everything happens for a reason” narrative is, it’s very difficult to genuinely believe it. When you don’t, you leave yourself vulnerable to regret.

There are two different timelines for regret, which we’ll call “short-term regret” and “long-term regret”.

Starting with short-term regret, these are usually things that you did and very soon thereafter, immediately wish you didn't do. It goes beyond making a mistake and doing something that has real consequences. Things like saying something hurtful in a fight, making a big and uninformed purchase, or accepting a dare gone wrong that inflicted pain. But ultimately, in time you recover from the blunder.

Less often, there are things that we hesitated to do that we immediately regret. We didn’t ask the person out, raise our hand for an opportunity, or take someone’s advice. However, more often than not, the short-term regrets we face are about the actions we took rather than the things we didn’t do.

Moving on to long-term regret, these are a few of those things that we did in the moment that we wish we didn’t do. Being unfaithful to a loved one, for example,  completely and permanently shifts the trajectory of your life. But more often the things we regret over the long term are the things we didn’t do. We wish we would’ve traveled more in our 20s, started that business, cared more for our bodies, or had that conversation with someone before they passed away. 

At the end of the day, it’s very possible we’re going to live with regret. We can’t predict the future and therefore can’t decide how our action, or inaction, shapes it. But it is upon us to do our best so that we minimize regret, and that comes from living out your values as best you can.

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"Doing what inspires you inspires others."

September 26, 2024

Something that I've identified to be a cornerstone to my best life is living ‘inspired’. There’s a fulfillment that comes with the boldness and pace of an inspired life. It makes you feel unstoppable and like you’re applying yourself fully to the things you care about. 

But beyond the impact it has on you, “doing what inspires you inspires others.”

Think about the times when you've been deeply inspired by someone else. Maybe it was a friend who decided to pursue a lifelong dream, a colleague who went above and beyond to bring a creative idea to life, or even a stranger who showed incredible resilience in the face of adversity. We hold a deep respect for these people because we know how hard it is to live a bigger and better life, and we admire when other people find ways to overcome the resistance. We can see when people live inspired, and it inspires us to do the same.

When you follow your inspiration, you're not just taking a step toward your own fulfillment, you're also lighting a path for others. Inspiration is contagious. It spreads effortlessly from one person to another, creating a chain reaction of positive energy and motivation.

Imagine if we all pursue our passions, no matter how big or small, and share our journey with those around us. The impact would be incredible as we lift each other up.

But again, it’s not easy. You need to be brave. Some people will criticize you and tell you you’re annoying, overly idealistic, and out of touch with reality. But that’s just their insecurities and limitations projected on you. If you want to live on fire it’s up to you to protect your flame.

That’s what I want to encourage you to lean into. Maybe there’s a hobby you've been neglecting, a goal you've set aside, or a dream that feels just out of reach. Whatever it is, take that first step and see how good it feels to live inspired. Beyond the joy and purpose you’ll bring into your own life, you'll  give others permission to do the same.

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Perception Represents Beliefs

September 25, 2024

I was on an introductory call with a new connection last week and my experience with it brought to light some of my beliefs. First I dove into my story and why I’m so fired up to do what I do, and he offered to introduce me to someone who could help. Then we got into his story and work, which went 20 minutes beyond the half hour we’d allocated for the conversation. And finally we wrapped up the call and went our separate ways.

I say that all to level set and state the facts of the conversation before getting into the judgments and perception that came from these facts.

Given how the conversation got on my calendar, I went into it thinking that it might be a sales conversation. I was warm and engaged, but needless to say I had my guard up a little. This means that when he offered an introduction, I perceived it as part of his sales funnel where he seeks to add value before getting into his pitch. 

As he got into his story I noticed a name drop here, a humble brag there, and noticed myself questioning his intentions. And when the conversation extended beyond the 30 minutes I planned for I became a little anxious knowing that I wouldn’t be able to do the other things I committed to doing during that time. And as I left the conversation, I noticed that I felt unsettled and wanted to understand why.

This is where we get into our beliefs, which are the unconscious lens and filter that we see everything in life through. It's’ the belief system that creates the meaning from the set of facts.

Trying to be as honest with myself as possible, one belief that surfaced related to being in a sales environment. A belief that things should always be done with good intentions, and that it’s unethical to be manipulative in a sales conversation because that means you have poor intentions. But what is it about me that assumed he had bad intentions and was being manipulative? Perhaps a belief I have about sales overall? Or money?

Another belief that surfaced related to time integrity - that staying on task maximizes your output for the day and allows you to live a fully balanced life. When the conversation started to violate that, the belief fought back and created uneasiness.   

All of this highlights the importance of being as conscious as possible. When you’re conscious, you’re aware of how all these little factors are at play in shaping your perception. Your beliefs deserve to be questioned and your understanding challenged. How? Question your beliefs by asking ‘Why?’ more often.

This is growth, and what I just shared is an example of how my consciousness and reflection helped me to become more aware of some of the forces driving my life behind the scenes.

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