Life has a natural polarity to it, there are so many things that you are exposed to that are out of your control. But there’s something you always have, regardless of the environment, which is choice.

With that in mind, let's embrace this quote: “When things are going good, be grateful. When things are going bad, be graceful.”

Starting with the first half of the quote, It is so important to acknowledge when things are going well in your life. It’s sometimes tempting to get caught up in the vanity and superficiality of positive results, but remaining grounded and centered in the rewards that you earned helps you to develop the right associations with the outcome.

Now the second half - "When things are going bad, be graceful." Your brain and body have two ways of communicating with each other which are top-down and bottom-up processing, and your graceful behavior helps your brain orient itself as to how it wants to respond. To stay graceful is to be elegant, and you’ll be more prone to handling the situation in a way that you are proud of and is representative of your intentions.  

Also built into grace is an element of respect. Respect for what has happened, trying to find the meaning and lesson in it, as well as respect for yourself and your own state. When you can answer bad news or less than ideal events in your life with control and intentionality, you’ll be able to overcome the issue with much more authority and efficacy.

It’s not a natural behavior, but really give this some thought. “When things are going good, be grateful. When things are going bad, be graceful.”

I was at a co-workers birthday party just hanging outside playing games and chatting. A friend of mine brought his new puppy who was having a great time running and sniffing around. Having not played with a dog for months I started chasing her around the park pretty harmlessly trying to catch her.

Well, I guess I was playing too hard, because I was chasing the puppy and it started running away… and she kept going… and going… and going… until I lost sight of her. The rescue mission was on, and we ran around this complex looking for any sign of the dog and asking everyone if they’d seen her. At one point, a group saw her off leash and a few of them got up and followed the puppy knowing something was wrong. More than an hour passes, there’s only about 20 minutes of sunlight left, and no sign of the dog. I felt awful. I went back to that group that was following her and asked if they had an update, and they said “Oh yea, we got her! The girl on the bike is holding her.” 

“Oh thank god”, I thought. I was hit by a wave of relief and I started the mile long walk back from where I was to where we had started.

It wasn’t a minute later, walking in the middle of the street, that I see the dog sprinting toward me. So I get low ready to dive and make a play and she goes to my feet and gets on her hind legs practically jumping into my arms. We had rescued the dog!

The really fascinating point in this, is after hearing news that we secured the dog my energy shifted. My internal reality became that the dog was safe and captured, and then immediately after my external world had to match my internal state. So after almost an hour and a half of looking for any trace of the dog, she basically delivered herself to me.  I don’t know if they were lying about us finding the dog or what, but it doesn’t matter because it was enough to change my state and attract the resolution I was looking for into my life!

I’ve been working through exercises in Case Kenny’s New Mindset Journal, and everyday in the journal he asks us to answer one simple question. “What are you proud of about yourself?”.

I found the question intriguing the first time I read it and answered it, then noticed it return day after day in this 60 day journal. While I didn’t understand the immediate value in reflecting on that prompt daily, I have come to see its importance and the intent behind it. 

Just like daily gratitude, journaling helps you live with a more positive perspective, and daily affirmations help boost your confidence or prime your subconscious. This is a daily practice of self-love! It requires you to acknowledge something you like about yourself in a really clever way.

That’s why I wanted to introduce this to you. It’s uncomfortable to compliment yourself, but this prompt is powerful in that it makes it much easier. When I reflect on what I’m proud of about myself, a full spectrum of things come up. Everything from recognizing my talents and respecting my work ethic, to the way I approach important relationships, to the small daily choices I make. What I’ve found is there are way more things to celebrate about myself than I originally thought, and I guarantee the same for you. 

So I challenge you every day for the next 7 days, write down one thing you are proud of about yourself, and notice how it makes you feel!

I did something that was out of integrity of who I am, and I paid the price.

I had a call booked with a friend of mine, it was half meant to see how we could collaborate on something, and half a good reason to check-in. Earlier in the week we had our call booked but he had a conflict come up, so we rescheduled well in advance. No harm there. But then an hour before our new time to call I was invited by my roommates to do something fun. It was a Friday evening after a long week, and I felt like I had earned a little time-off, so I made the decision to postpone our call for a day and take action on this opportunity.

After asking to reschedule, my friend expressed his frustration about my decision, defending the value of his time and wishing that I had given him more advanced warning. It’s a very fair point and a consequence I was aware of when I made my decision. 

Long story short, I didn’t enjoy my time on Friday as much as I should have because this decision was lingering in the back of my mind, and after reflecting on it more I realized it’s because I violated one of my core principles, which is "Dependable Execution". 

I am consistent. When I tell you I’m going to do something I do it no questions asked. It is a strength of mine and something that I believe differentiates me from others. For years I have taken action in alignment with this core principle, it’s a trait that I value so dearly, and my mind and body had a physical reaction when I behaved out of integrity with this value.  However, the silver lining here is that this experience reinforced how important this core principle is to me, and offers good confirmation that I’m on the right path prioritizing this quality.

We live in such a consumerist society that encourages us to get more... and more... and more... Then when we get it we see that we’re not "there" yet so we keep pushing and sacrificing and exerting ourselves beyond our means to attain something that will always evade us. My ambitions are out of this world, trust me, and I’m proud of them, but they are not everything. I need to find value in who I am right now, not who I want to be, what I want to have, and what I want to do. That’s something Chalene Johnson taught me:

It’s the truth - An aligned life includes satisfaction and fulfillment. If we’re always off chasing something else that will validate us then we’ll never experience the joy of the present. We’ll never appreciate it, and that’s a sad thought and no way to live. But with a little more awareness, and an emphasis on being mindful in the moment, we can find the joy and fulfillment we so desperately seek. Give yourself some credit, cut yourself some slack, and accept that you are enough, and it is enough.

You have so much to offer! Your energy is contagious and your love even more so. When you choose to show up for others, and provide your heart, you’ll discover that it doesn’t take much to make a big difference. Love is an emotion that speaks louder than all other emotions, it’s a dominating force, and it comes in so many different shapes and sizes. And that’s what you I encourage you to affirm today. You can be intentional about leading with love and spreading love everywhere you go.

It’s taking an extra moment with a stranger to acknowledge them, to give them your attention, and make them feel heard and seen. It’s picking up a piece of trash on the ground out of respect and love for the other people you share this space with. It’s going the extra mile for no reason other than to facilitate someone else’s happiness.

And to me, that’s the point. It’s a choice. It’s your choice to spread love everywhere you go. Wherever you focus your attention will attract more of the same in your life, which will amplify your ability to provide more of it and your willingness to receive it. Make that thing love, because the world needs more of it, and no matter what you think, you have a ton of it to give.

In my core, I truly believe you can change someone's life for the better. I have been incredibly inspired by the Founder of the non-profit Pencils Of Promise, Adam Braun, particularly his book called “The Promise of a Pencil” where he chronicles the formation of his world changing organization Pencils of Promise. The beautiful part about Adam's journey is that the impact he created is relatable to everyone. It started small, one individual at a time, and has grown to affect thousands!

Every single one of us can make a difference. We’re all capable of inconveniencing ourselves a little to provide a lot for someone else. And it’s not even an inconvenience, it’s an aligned decision, and it gives you taste of what you have to offer. Adam’s career is a testament to everyone’s personal capacity for service, and his example has inspired me to take a larger role of service in my life.

Have you ever had one of the moments where you know that you know something, but you just can’t produce it? That “its on the tip of my tongue” kind of phenomena? Maybe you’re trying to remember someone’s name, or the title of a song, or a common knowledge trivia question that you’re sure you’ve been exposed to.

You think on it and you don’t make any progress until all of a sudden POOF you remember it clear as day, like you’ve known it all along. How does that happen? 

In order to understand we need to talk about memory. There are 2 types of memory - working / short term memory (while something is on your mind) and long term memory (something that encodes in your brain and can be recalled). Different bits of information are encoded to different levels and can be recalled with variable ease.

One of these levels is called episodic memory. This is when something major, what was labeled as most important, encodes in your brain. However, other details around the event aren’t encoded with the same complexity and therefore can’t be recalled as easily. That’s why we easily remember the emotional experience of the song lyrics we liked the most, but can have a hard time remembering the artist.

So what we do is we use episodic memory to simulate the environment and prompt our brain into recalling more details around the event. And that’s why it can take a bit of time, because you need to think through the memory, trigger word, or experience that is the gate to the information you are seeking. It's the very reason why you can think through something for a long time, make no progress on it, leave it for a bit, return to it and discover your answer! It’s because you gave yourself the time to come upon new possible events or memories that included the detail you are trying to recall.

The standard definition of judgment is far different than the real association we have with it as people. It is intended to be an unbiased evaluation of the way things are, but our egoistic minds have taken that and used it as a tool to self-soothe, which often leads to negative interpretations.

When we’re being judgmental we’re looking for criticism and fault. This happens because we want to validate our belief system, which reinforces the importance of the values we hold. This is a mechanism that is intended to make ourselves feel better about who ere, but what’s interesting is that it implies that we have pain or doubts that need to be comforted.

Your judgment is a projection of your own insecurities. What you see in others is simply a mirror of what you consciously or subconsciously see in yourself. And a lot of our behavior is driven by this mission to accommodate for the areas in our lives that feel like they’re out of alignment, or not enough.

So how can you be less judgmental? Stop judging yourself. Forgive yourself for wrongdoings. Recognize your own biases. Face-off with your insecurities and doubts. After gaining clarity within yourself, your relationship with those concepts will change, and the way you see those qualities in others will change.

The reason I know is because I’m becoming aware of certain negative thought patterns I have about others and their choices, that originate from my own insecurities. So I’m going to work on those, it’ll get better, and I encourage you to do the same!