Let's talk about owning our misunderstandings, and what I mean by that, is when something is not communicated correctly, or not completely understood, to take responsibility for the error. An example that illustrates this case is to say, “Did I explain that clearly?”, instead of “Do you understand?”.

Your conversational partner is much more likely to remain confident and open in the conversation because they don’t feel like they are the one at fault, and therefore do not need to protect themselves with their behavior. Also,it helps your conversational partner to be more honest with you, and provide more valuable feedback, because they don’t feel like their intelligence or capabilities will be put into question with another mistake.  

It takes some practice to get into the habit of making this switch, and it is much more natural to speak in a non-filtered way. But, knowing some of those phrases ahead of time will help them arrive more easily.  So, a few expressions, when summarizing, say something like “did I get that correct?” rather than “Do you agree?”. Or, when referencing something, say “As I recall” instead of “as you mentioned”.

In this age of social media, we can’t help but compare ourselves to what we see. Even though we know that what we see isn’t reality, it still somehow manages to become our point of reference for everything that we do.  The only way to rid ourselves of that comparison is to completely shut it out, and this can be done by deciding not to compete with it. This helps us rely on only our own expectations to evaluate our behavior. It’s at this point, when you are confident enough in your own interpretations and standards, that you can open your eyes and see the world again without comparison, acknowledging that you are different. And that’s exactly when something really interesting happens.

Without comparison, we no longer feel threatened by the best version of everyone else, no longer feel the need to compete with them, and can instead become everyone’s biggest fan. We can encourage others to attain success because it doesn’t threaten our own.  With this mentality, you surround yourself in an aura of positivity that diffuses into your own life and improves your own environment.  Happiness is the result of eliminating comparison, and positivity is the byproduct that then amplifies your happiness.  

As a marketer, I am constantly running tests to understand the market and create better ads. It is a slow and iterative process, but over time it gets results.

The same thing applies for our lives and personal development. I fully acknowledge that not every tip I give is perfect for everyone’s life. That’s impossible because we are all so different. But, what it does do is it introduces new opportunities for personal growth that you might not have thought of before that might be worth a try!

Try to experiment and test things out. If you want to make a change, there is no one way to do it, and that’s why you need to figure it out for yourself. All tests are made up of 3 fundamental components.

First is to plan. you need to know what you are looking to learn so that you can optimize your actions to highlight those metrics. Second is to execute by implement the plan, and give it a fair shot. I know that creating new habits can feel uncomfortable at first, but that’s the nature of anything that challenges your status quo. Stick to the timeline you established in your plan and don’t conclude anything before everything has run its course. And Last, is to evaluate. Understand findings of your experiment, and reflect on how the results relate to your pre-experiment expectations. 

To give a personal example of this, this process is how I started taking cold showers. For one week I took only cold showers, and it was miserable. The next week I took half cold showers, and it still sucked, especially at night. Then the third week I decided to do 15 seconds of cold at the end of my shower, excluding showers after 9pm, which is the perfect amount and what I have continued to do for the last 9 months.

Give it a try, or maybe I should say, test it out! I’m curious to know how it goes for you.

WBeing human is about instinct, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around exactly what it is, and why it exists. It had an initial purpose way back in our evolutionary history as a mechanism for survival, where having an innate sense about the way things are, particularly when they don’t feel right, was the difference between life and death.  

The stakes aren’t quite as high, but instinct still plays an important role in our lives. Being in tune with that feeling is incredibly important to have a complete understanding of how we are meant to respond.  This thought was inspired by Mike Sherbakov, an incredible philanthropist and entrepreneur, who has coined this feeling “divine discomfort”. 

The point that Mike really brings home is the way we approach that discomfort - do we ignore it and let it fester in our subconscious, or do we address it and use it to make a change?  With his life experience, he has learned to trust that the discomfort he feels is communicating something unique and important.  Allowing space for it in your mind, and to not reject it, is an essential way of coming upon a new realization.

Do you ever feel like something happens and it is the end of the world, only to realize a few days, weeks, or months later, it wasn’t as big of a deal as you thought?  It’s human nature and you’re not alone, it happens all the time. I’ll admit, those emotions feel very real, but there are things you can do to make them more manageable in that moment.  

Write down your issue so you can revisit it at a later date, or as I call it, “Write and Revisit”. 

The Write and Revisit Method works because the physical action of writing your concern down addresses the issue face on, as you are actively working through it. This  operates in two ways. First, when you reread the problem immediately, you can look at it more objectively because at that point it has been removed from yourself, and you may already feel better about the situation. Second, I write down the issue in my journal, “The Happiness Project”, ensuring that I am going to reread that segment in a years time. This puts everything into perspective and reminds me that time and life will go on regardless of this issue, which helps me move beyond it.  

Write and Revisit doesn’t have to be in year long spurts. It can be done in the amount of time feels right to you. What is important is that you write it with the intent to revisit it. So, with the next end-of-the-world event you face, try the “Write and Revisit” method, and see how it makes you feel.

The bottom line to making an effort is that you need to try. It’s all about your intentions. This is demonstrated by the amount of energy you put into something which shows your commitment and prioritization, because it is worth your energy.  

However, there are different ways to try, and that’s what I want to jump into.

First, is to be present. Making an effort to plan around a certain person or event indicates that you are doing everything you can to be a part of it. The obvious implication is that you took the time to organize and prioritize the event, which is a true dedication to making something work in your life. 

But, you can make an effort by demonstrating how much you care without being present. This might be best explained in an example. Let’s say you’re invited to a birthday party, but you can’t make it because of a scheduling conflict. You can still make an effort by playing a role in planning the party, sending a gift that makes you part of the event, or by calling in and including yourself in the excitement before the event and the reflection after the event. That’s all people really care about, that you care, and you can show that without being there.

So, make an effort simply by trying. But, try in the way that is most practical given the event. Anything in life requires efforts, especially relationships, and your presence and best wishes are a form of support that will strengthen your bonds.

Valentine’s day has the reputation of being about romantic love, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s never the wrong time to spread love, because this world could always use a little more of it.

For me, love involves devotion, and I don’t reserve the specifically for my significant other. I am devoted to my family, friends, and even my causes and passions.  We are surrounded by love and I think Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to recognize that.

So, let’s run through a few reminders.

Today, love yourself, because even though we can be way too critical on ourselves, we are devoted to our own happiness and success. That is self-love.

Love your significant other. I never said to ignore romantic love, it’s a very important part of our lives. Make sure they know how much you care, and do that everyday, but especially today.

Love your friends. Tell them that you are grateful for the influence they have in your life, and encourage them to understand how important they are to you. You are not the same person without them.

Send some love into your environment. The people, places, and things we choose to surround ourselves with respond to the energy we put out, and it’s a better world for everyone when we inject positivity whenever we can.

And last, tell your family you love them. Family is one of those things that you don’t get to choose, but it is the foundation that the rest of your life is built on.  And many family members have made sacrifices for you, and it’s important to be devoted to appreciating them. My grandma has been my Valentine for 26 years, and today is no different, she always will be!

I was looking a bit into the story of Ellen DeGeneres, and I was inspired to hear a bit about her life, and the obstacles she has faced to become who she is.  She lived privately as a homosexual for a long time, and even had to deal with the tragic death of her girlfriend.  She slowly worked her way through the entertainment ranks, and found herself as the star of her own tv series and was killing it.  She then made a move that put her entire career in jeopardy, and came out in a large and unexpected publicity stunt.  She had a tough time securing work for many years and thought it was the end.  

Ellen has been through a lot in her life, and everything she experienced has contributed to the person and comedian she is today, which is one of the most beloved daytime tv host in the industry.  And knowing that it wasn’t always that way makes her influence that much more meaningful.

More recently, she had the opportunity to play Dory in the movie Finding Nemo. Dory dealt with many of her own challenges, and approached her issues with her own philosophy, drawing many parallels to Ellen and the way she approaches her own life. The movie is about the most improbable quest of retrieving Nemo from across the world, and Ellen’s famous line embodies the main message in the story. “just keep swimming”.

It’s a powerful quote that has meaning both within the context of the movie and life in general.  In the movie, “just keep swimming" was the necessary action to accomplish the large feat of crossing the ocean, but more abstractly, it was how they coped with the improbability of the task,. This quote also helped them move forward without thinking too much about it.

In life, it takes a similar meaning.  Sometimes we are faced with huge and overwhelming setbacks, and there is no end in sight.  Remembering to “just keep swimming” can help us to take steps forward however possible, persevere in the smallest ways, and distract us from the reality of the circumstance. It also gives us hope that with enough time and energy, we can make it out the other end and overcome whatever is paining us.  It’s a mentality that has been adopted by so many to date, including Ellen, that can change lives.

So whatever you’re going through, know that there is an end to the madness, and just keep swimming until you get there.