Off the top of your head, can you think about that one person that loves being the center of attention, and always seems to mold the conversation to talk about themselves? How does that make you feel? Well, with a little conscious effort, you can make sure that person isn’t you.

Talk about others first, and once you make a habit of it, you will naturally begin to have better conversations, and as a result, relationships. It’s about having the personal expectation that sets you up for success incorporating this tip.

It might seem unnatural at first, but there are easy ways to practice directing the conversation toward other people. First, is the way that you respond to messages. Over text and email, oftentimes, there is a lot of content covered, addressing different questions and points. My suggestion is that you respond in this order by following up on the point about that affects their life the most first, and then last about yourself.

Responding this way is effective because it frames your whole communication in a way that optimizes their interest. It is human nature to love talking and sharing about yourself, so when you make “them” the center of attention by talking about them first, they will be more likely to view the communication positively, and will be more inclined to invest more in their response and their relationship with you.

It’s a little trickier in person, because if someone asks a targeted question about you, it can come off as rude to deflect it and redirect the conversation about them. So, in this case, I’d say best practice is to just follow up while the conversation is transitioning and ask them about something to speak on the same topic. This is the classic “enough about my family, how if your family doing?” response.  

In short, by talking about others first, you emphasize that they are the center of attention, and in turn they will be more invested in their interaction with you. Start in your text messages and go from there.

“A positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances instead of your circumstances having power over you”. I feel like this quote embodies a common benefit to positivity that goes unnoticed. Positivity gives you control of your perceptions.  Our perceptions are simply the way in which our brains interpret our external reality. It might be best to think about it like a machine. Our external reality works as an input into the machine. The machine changes the input into something else, and then on the other end we get an output, which in this case is our perception. With a lens of positivity, we can mold these inputs into a form that is better received by our brains and body.

This positive lens can be created a number of ways. For instance, you can look for the benefit of the doubt as well as emphasize the good parts in certain situations. You can also assume good intentions in other people. When negativity does present itself in your life, you can use these techniques to show that it isn’t all so bad, and you can focus on the less threatening parts.

The alternative to this, which is mentioned in the second half of the quote, is circumstances have control over you.  This implies that you are subject to the way that life happens to you, and that lack of autonomy can lead to negativity. 

So remember this,“A positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances instead of your circumstances having power over you”. Take ownership of your personal development, and your perceptions.

As an actor in this world, it is really important to know everything that is going on around you. Not only will being informed help you find common ground with others, but it will help you find and realize your place in the larger world.

Alright, so staying informed is important, but it can seem daunting. Fortunately for us, there are some really good resources at our fingertips that can help us in the process. With a more reasonable expectation for what staying informed really means, you can incorporate it into your routine.  

So, nowhere are a few of those resources. TV programming is a great news source, but our lives have changed and we can’t always dedicate half an hour to watching the TV.  My favorite resource is something called The Morning Brew, which is a daily email that summarizes major events and trends in business.  For a more general email based resource, The Skimm is really effective too. Or, if you prefer podcasting, then The Daily is great. Lastly, if you prefer video, Philip DeFranco has a great YouTuber that covers current events and offers a forum to discuss what everyone thinks.

This message comes from the “Millennial Mentor” and serial entrepreneur Gerard Adams. He talks about how we can create our own reality.

“Stop looking out into the world for answers and start looking within yourself. The world is going through a massive change, our planet is shifting back into a generation of consciousness and human connection. For this to happen, we must know that in order for us to change the world, we must change oneself. The day that you realize that you have the ability to master your mind, your beliefs and your imagination will be the moment that you experience the abundance of what is truly possible in your world. This truth will be the most momentous of your entire life”.

Gerard goes on to talk about how our reality is an extension of our perception. We can practice objectivity, control our emotions, and decide what affects us, which then manifests into the world we live in.  Harness this potential and create for yourself the life you have always wanted.

I’m going to start this one off by sharing a study that shook the science community. The study was the marshmallow test done by Walter Mischel, and it was very simple in design. You put a kid alone in a room for several minutes with a marshmallow in front of him, and tell them that if they don’t eat it they will be given a second marshmallow for cooperating.  As you’d expect, not many children lasted, but the significant finding was that kids who were able to resist the temptation for 7 minutes in the experiment went on to be higher achievers in their youth and beyond. It’s crazy to think about, I know, but the findings have been confirmed in follow up studies!

Although we aren’t kids hungry for a marshmallow in a science experiment, the core message remains true. Having the mental toughness to practice self-control generates results in life!

Although self-control can be put into practice by sticking to habits or being consistent in your behavior, this experiment focuses more on having will-power and refraining from something.

There are a few good ways to work on your self-control. First, is to set limits on a certain behavior you want to reduce. By creating a new expectation ahead of time, you will be more cognizant of your actions in the moment, and will be more likely to withhold.  Second, is accountability.  Having someone or something to answer to is very influential in your behavior. To generate accountability, you can create written or verbal affirmations, or set a goal that reflects what you are actively trying to limit.

What is perfection? First, let’s listen to golf-legend Tiger Woods and his take on the issue.

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I understand people have their own opinions on Tiger and the way he has conducted himself as a person, but it is undeniable that he is in all likelihood the most “perfect” golfer of all time. It is powerful how he acknowledges there is a difference between being elite and being perfect. He shares a message that we all can relate to, which is instead of seeking perfection, seek excellence.  

This mentality shift makes being the best at what you do more realistic because excellence is achievable by nature, whereas perfection is not. And having a realistic end goal makes the efforts more justified in the moment.

So, get over being perfect. Know that you’ll make mistakes, but take them as lessons that point you toward excellence.

I’m as guilty as anyone else when it comes to wanting to see the product of my efforts immediately.  For me, it is very useful to get feedback and use it to make changes that lead to incremental improvement.  While that might be an effective technique, it doesn’t account for all forms of improvement. This quote is a reminder for us to reel things back and remember the big picture.  

There are so many things that can’t be measured on a daily basis, yet they are consistently adding at an imperceptible rate.  This concept is the topic of one of my favorite books, “The Compound Effect” by Darren Hardy".  In the novel, Hardy talks about turning small decisions into micro-habits that prove their value over time in a drastic way.

To continue, when trusting the journey, we must have faith that these small imperceptible efforts accumulate into larger results that lead to justifying our efforts. So, using positivity to see these little, tedious, day to day moments as opportunities for growth will frame your efforts and help you feel more fulfilled in the way you are spending your time.

Today, I want to breakdown the 6 pillars Dr. Robert Cialdini presents in the book, “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasions", so that we have a better understanding for how people try to manipulate us.

The first pillar is reciprocity. We all have an innate preference to not owe people anything, so we go out of our way to repay debts.  Some people try to take advantage of us by creating situations that require reciprocation.

The second pillar is commitment and consistency. We all have a tendency to back-up previous commitments that we made, and have consistent behavior.  This why negotiating can be so hard, because we get stuck in a certain way of thinking in order to be consistent.

The third pillar is social proof. If there is a line at a restaurant, or a lot of reviews for a product, we are more likely to choose it because it has the public stamp of approval.  There are cases when a false perception of public acceptance influences our choices.

The fourth pillar is liking. People tend to prefer things that they seem to like, which comes as a result of attractiveness, similarity, and cooperation.

The fifth pillar is authority. We tend to be affected by the requests of authority figures, and will do things against our normal behavior patterns out of respect. A classic example of this is the Milgram Shock Experiment.

The last pillar is scarcity. If there isn’t much available, then it must be good.  This is FOMO (or fear of missing out) taken to the extreme, and most definitely can influence our actions.

Keep an eye out for reciprocity, commitment consistency, social proof, liking, authority, and scarcity in your life, and you will be less likely to be manipulated.