If you are unaware of your subconscious mind, how can you go about identifying what needs to be changed? Jim Fortin is an expert in subconscious transformation who teaches that identity is the root of all behavior change. But it’s not only the source of your potential for positive behavior, it’s also the key that unlocks the mystery of your negative realities. For those things occur at a subconscious level, that can’t be rationally comprehended, you need to look somewhere else. You need to look in your environment.

Just because we can’t see into our subconscious does not mean that there is no evidence that suggests what's in there. Our internal identity provides clues in our external reality that we can use to learn what exists inside. So if you want to learn more about your subconscious thoughts on your relationships, look at your relationships as they are. If you want to know the subconscious positions you hold regarding money and work-life balance, look at the current state of your money and work life balance. This awareness will allow you to recondition your brain in a way that helps you improve your identity with these important elements in your life. When you make progress on your internal state, you'll see and your evidence in your external state - your environment.

Think positive. It’s something I’ve said a thousand times, something you’ve heard a million more, but what does it actually mean. Quite simply it’s about adopting a lens of positivity that filters everything around you so that it appears more optimistic and encouraging in your world. While that all sounds great, positivity is not a natural response. It needs to be developed. The question becomes HOW can we go about thinking positive more often?

First is practicing gratitude. Gratitude works because it focuses your attention on the positive things in your life, training your subconscious to look for more of the same in your environment. If you haven’t begun a gratitude practice, I challenge you to try journaling about 3 things you’re grateful for everyday for two weeks. It will change your life.

Second is to utilize reframing exercises. Positive and negative is a perception, an arbitrary label to a situation, and you can be intentional about which one you focus on. When something bad happens in your life, you can reframe it to find a silver lining or an unexpected blessing that is buried in the situation. It’s uncomfortable and difficult to do when in a highly emotional state, but it very quickly changes the meaning of the negative things your experiencing. 

Then last, if you don’t want to direct this effort toward yourself, direct it toward others. Compliment others on the good things they’re doing, acknowledge them, and you’ll find that the energy you put out returns to you indirectly.

That’s what it takes to think positive. Positivity is a choice, and these are some of the tools you can use to begin introducing more positivity into your life. 

What is the role model mindset? Essentially, this is all about behaving and acting in a way that provides a good template for others. Another way that it is commonly articulated is 'leading by example'. When you’re a role model, you can’t take the shortcuts, you can’t fall into lazy habits, because others are learning from you as an instructional authority. In my mind, adopting this mindset primarily does two things. 

First, it holds you accountable to doing things the right way. If you believe that others are learning from your example then you have a duty to be responsible in the way that you’re teaching, and that responsibility creates a pressure to do it right. Fortunately, the byproduct of that means that you end up taking complete action, which is your best chance at creating the results you want.

Second, it gives you meaning. We all want to be able to positively influence the lives of others. It’s rewarding to know that your actions create ripples in those who are observing and duplicating your behavior. The reality is, you never know who is watching, you never know how far your influence is reaching, which drives more motivation to continue doing things the right way. 

A great example to sum this up comes from my beautiful mother. My mom was asked, “What is the best question you’ve ever asked yourself?” Her response embodies the role model mindset - “Will it make my children proud?”

You are a role model to others, whether you see it or not, whether you believe it or not, so you might as well start acting like it!

Is there something that you once had to work so hard for, really applying yourself to get it done, and now the same thing seems to happen with relative ease? Well there's a reason for that. Life only gives you what you can handle. When these challenges are presented in your life, they are best viewed as the lesson and mechanism you needed to develop in an important way. But then over time they don’t feel as difficult, and it’s not because life got any easier, it’s because you got stronger.

Our bodies are designed to grow in response to the stresses that it is exposed to, and when you’re presented with a challenge, your body immediately adapts to accommodate the need. Physically you could strengthen your muscles to more easily meet the task. Mentally you can strengthen your capacity to memorize and recall information. And operatively you can strengthen your systems to efficiently produce a desired outcome. In all cases, the task didn’t change, it’s your capability to meet the task that did.

That’s the exciting opportunity! Every day when we meet our challenges we are pushed to grow. So it’s really important that you’re fighting the right battles and choosing the right challenges. In life you don’t climb to the level of your dreams, you fall to what you’re willing to tolerate. Approaching daily demands from this perspective allows you to see the power in your actions and become more resistant to the forces that weigh you down. You hold the key to your own development, and you decide where and how you grow. Life doesn’t get easier, you get stronger.

Something that we do every moment of every day, that usually happens beyond our conscious control, is "rationalization".

Essentially, we rationalize when we take in new information and assimilate it into our world view. It’s when we attempt to explain or justify the existence of something in a way that is logical and makes sense to us. But the difficult part about this process is it is incredibly biased because the meaning you extract in the rationalization process is meant to be compatible with your previous belief systems.

Let’s put it this way.To rationalize often involves “rational lies”. Without having an awareness of the pressures that bias our judgment we have a tendency to use new information as evidence that validates our previous belief system.  That’s the inherent danger of rationalization, it’s designed to strengthen your current beliefs, not keep you open to changing them given new details.

So what can we do to keep an open mind? First is to assume the identity of a life-long learner. When you accept the fact that you are always a work in progress, always your own experiment, you are no longer threatened by information that potentially disagrees with your belief system. You choose to embrace new thoughts as different and novel, and incorporate that information through expansion and not biased assimilation. In an ever-changing world where we don’t know nearly enough, it’s an important quality to possess to play your role in it.

All drama does is it provides a platform for people to commiserate in an unproductive way. At the heart of drama are a few things that I believe have no place in our world - complaining, gossiping and deflecting responsibility. When you talk about drama it’s usually about what someone else did, or how something else happened. It’s expensive. Expensive from the standpoint that you are choosing to allocate your valuable attention toward something that isn’t productive.  

We get into this trap because it presents a stimulating conversation that activates our evolutionary tendency to take interest in social hierarchy, which is really appealing on the surface. But unfortunately it approaches the topic in a very scandalous way and rewards you with a fleeting boost in self-worth because you feel taller after someone else is pulled down. It’s scarce, it’s trivial, and it’s avoidable if you follow these two things.

First - Don’t cause drama. Think of yourself as a match that could ignite it all. By talking about others in a non-critical, non-judgmental way, you can bypass that tendency to gossip and speak on the matter in a more productive way.

And second - Don’t escalate it. Drama and gossip are only possible because it involves a mutual exchange between two people. If you are unwilling to receive the drama in the conversation, then the conversation will naturally steer away from the gossip. If you can approach the conversation from a place of resolution, without communicating agitation or frustration, then you will be able to redirect the negative energy away.

There’s already enough going on in your life, you don’t need anything petty to sap your energy, and drama is often the culprit.

Life has a natural polarity to it, there are so many things that you are exposed to that are out of your control. But there’s something you always have, regardless of the environment, which is choice.

With that in mind, let's embrace this quote: “When things are going good, be grateful. When things are going bad, be graceful.”

Starting with the first half of the quote, It is so important to acknowledge when things are going well in your life. It’s sometimes tempting to get caught up in the vanity and superficiality of positive results, but remaining grounded and centered in the rewards that you earned helps you to develop the right associations with the outcome.

Now the second half - "When things are going bad, be graceful." Your brain and body have two ways of communicating with each other which are top-down and bottom-up processing, and your graceful behavior helps your brain orient itself as to how it wants to respond. To stay graceful is to be elegant, and you’ll be more prone to handling the situation in a way that you are proud of and is representative of your intentions.  

Also built into grace is an element of respect. Respect for what has happened, trying to find the meaning and lesson in it, as well as respect for yourself and your own state. When you can answer bad news or less than ideal events in your life with control and intentionality, you’ll be able to overcome the issue with much more authority and efficacy.

It’s not a natural behavior, but really give this some thought. “When things are going good, be grateful. When things are going bad, be graceful.”

I was at a co-workers birthday party just hanging outside playing games and chatting. A friend of mine brought his new puppy who was having a great time running and sniffing around. Having not played with a dog for months I started chasing her around the park pretty harmlessly trying to catch her.

Well, I guess I was playing too hard, because I was chasing the puppy and it started running away… and she kept going… and going… and going… until I lost sight of her. The rescue mission was on, and we ran around this complex looking for any sign of the dog and asking everyone if they’d seen her. At one point, a group saw her off leash and a few of them got up and followed the puppy knowing something was wrong. More than an hour passes, there’s only about 20 minutes of sunlight left, and no sign of the dog. I felt awful. I went back to that group that was following her and asked if they had an update, and they said “Oh yea, we got her! The girl on the bike is holding her.” 

“Oh thank god”, I thought. I was hit by a wave of relief and I started the mile long walk back from where I was to where we had started.

It wasn’t a minute later, walking in the middle of the street, that I see the dog sprinting toward me. So I get low ready to dive and make a play and she goes to my feet and gets on her hind legs practically jumping into my arms. We had rescued the dog!

The really fascinating point in this, is after hearing news that we secured the dog my energy shifted. My internal reality became that the dog was safe and captured, and then immediately after my external world had to match my internal state. So after almost an hour and a half of looking for any trace of the dog, she basically delivered herself to me.  I don’t know if they were lying about us finding the dog or what, but it doesn’t matter because it was enough to change my state and attract the resolution I was looking for into my life!