I am fascinated by evolutionary biology and how evolution has created us to be a certain type of species that exhibits certain traits. But the issue is we’ve created a  society where those traits are so out of place. In her work, Dr. Ellen Vora has identified a few of those misplaced optimizations, with a longer emphasis on the mechanism itself and how it designs us for survival.

"There's three things that are adaptive in the past that are really maladaptive these days. One of them is that we want to be lazy, another is that we really enjoy calorie dense food, and the other is that we're hardwired for survival - Which is a really good design on a savannah where 99% of the time you're not particularly stressed but 1% of the time it's life or death. We live in this flipped script now where we are chronic low-grade stress all the time, and it's not so life or death for the most part. We're sort of designed to be hypervigilant in anticipating negative consequences and to be obsessed about that. There's not survival advantage to being hardwired to be chill. I think the more that we can surrender and trust and show up and say 'all I can do is do my best and then I release the outcome, I don't control that part' then that's the way to push back against our hardwiring for survival."

All of the cognitive biases we have, and the predispositions, and subconscious behaviors were all created as a result of what helped us survive evolutionarily as humans. And as Dr. Vora pointed out one of the most maladaptive forms of that is our stress response. In order to combat our natural physiological tendencies to perceive threats and our hyperactive fight or flight sympathetic nervous systems, we need to detach ourselves from the results and accept them as they are rather than obsess on how we can influence the outcome.

Any time someone asks me “Brian, how do you come up with a new idea every single day?” I respond with one word - “Observation”.

There is so much going on around us in the world, and a lot of it we cannot even perceive. But those things that we can perceive often present themselves in a way that only reveals the surface of what it means, the tip of the iceberg, and when you get inquisitive you can get into some really powerful realizations.

To observe is to notice the things going on around you as they are. While it doesn't sound profound it is very difficult to do because it demands your focused attention, which is being pulled at from all angles. You cannot dive deeper into a thought or concept until you become aware of it, and being observant of your surroundings allows you to access this depth that exists around us.

As you can probably hear, observation is not everything. It is merely the first step in a process that cascades into a much deeper opportunity for understanding. Everything has a history and series of associations tied to it, and gaining insight into that helps explain why that thing exists, not simply that it does. And also important to note, observation is not actionable, it is simply a mental process that provokes action. If you attract the right thing into your life and you observe that it’s there, nothing changes. It’s your exercising that opportunity that reaps the benefit you wanted in the first place.

So I challenge you to observe. Don’t just hear, listen. Don’t just look, see. There is so much out there to be explored and you must first know it’s there through observation before you can dive much deeper into it.

A very misunderstood topic is this idea of opposition. Just seeing the word 'opposition' probably triggers you to get into some kind of defensive mode, and I don’t think that’s necessary or productive. Having opposition is usually representative of someone or something that is trying to limit you or prevent you from reaching a goal or accomplishment. It seems like their existence is meant to directly contradict you.

Well that’s exactly right. Opposition is merely a summary of the term “opposite position”. But instead of framing it so adversarially we can think through the implications of what it means about you if you’re facing opposition.

It means you’re pursuing something you believe in.  No matter what you do there is always going to be someone with the completely opposite opinion, but don’t let the existence of that keep you from standing up for what you think is right. When you are confronted with opposition it means that you are behaving in a way that puts yourself out of your comfort zone, in front of your opposition, which will allow you to grow within that particular belief as well as holistically. 

And when you face opposition, it’s an opportunity to learn. I think society’s fatal flaw right now is that we are unwilling to empathize with the opposing side and try to understand why they think the way they do. This goes from big political issues to daily choices. And in my opinion, as long as there is conflict then there an opportunity to stimulate conversation, which can lead to resolution.

The punchline is - Don’t fear opposition. There will always be opposition. Choose the right perspective when it comes to your opposition and use it as a vehicle to grow.

One thing that we don’t think nearly enough about, which takes up one third of our time and governs the other two thirds of our life, is sleep. Getting good sleep is so crucial when it comes to repairing and restoring your body and mind to be at its optimum state. Fortunately for us, our next SISD guest Dr. Ellen Vora can help us get better sleep by teaching us how to manage our light exposure.

It seems minor but it’s so important. We can let light dictate our circadian rhythm by making sure our devices aren’t disrupting it. Our sleep habits are a major factor in our expression of anxiety, and sleep allows our body to engage in important therapeutic processes like cancer mitigation, decrease our risk of dementia, and do so many other things relating to our overall mental health.

I want to share with you a major realization that completely changed my perspective on our human capabilities for love.

I used to be the type of person that was very protective about my emotions and commitment to others. I would reserve saying “I love you” only for people that in my opinion had earned it. I wasn’t confident being vulnerable about how important someone was in my life, and making sure they knew how much they meant to me. This was true for all types of relationships - Romantic, family, and friends.

But then I started observing people I really admire and saw how they interacted with others, and I chose to begin loving everyone. I realized that everyone is worthy of my love, meaning everyone deserves my compassion. I was hesitant to be so open about sharing my emotions for the logical reason - How can you possibly love people you don’t know that well, or even know at all? I wrestled that for a while until I realized this.

If people can hate for no reason, then we absolutely can love for no reason. 

How we look at people is our choice, and we can set a new standard for ourselves that defaults to having love for others. And I’m not talking about being polyamorous, I mean that you can genuinely want the best for and care for the well being of everyone. There is more than enough in this world, including the love that you have to offer, and your love is one of the most powerful forces you have to create a collective sense of belonging, purpose, and fulfillment.

Today we need to make an important distinction. The two words of happiness and joy are used synonymously but they imply very different things. One is positioned as the byproduct of something and perceived in a moment, and one is more focused on the state of being and the process. One of our time’s most eloquent speakers, Simon Sinek, recently shared his opinion on this.

Simon makes one other really good point. We can’t expect to live in a perpetual state of happiness. Happiness can only be appreciated when observed relative to hardship and challenges, which most definitely will exist in our lives. But joy is more enduring, and can be more consistent, because it’s the byproduct of an aligned and genuine life where you feel like you matter.

Jay Shetty talks about the 3 Cs of changing you life. If you want to really make positive strides, you need to consider all 3 - Coaching, community, and consistency.

First, coaching. The role of a coach is to provide instruction that improves your performance. It usually comes from a place of experience or level of understanding that is more comprehensive than your own. The reason this is important is because it provides a blueprint and targeted action steps that help point you in the right direction. This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to pay someone to induce a positive change, but you do need to identify an individual whose example you can learn from.

Next is community. You're probably familiar with the idea that you’re the combination of the 5 people you spend the most time with. If that’s the case, then you simply are mirroring the behavior of the people around you. If you want to create change in your life, simply change the people you surround yourself with and the things that influence you will be more aligned with the behaviors of those people.

And last is consistency. This is the heart of positive change. You must be dedicated and accountable to taking action in order to make progress in a significant way. The results of your actions compound over time and begin creating larger results from the same input. Consistency is very difficult, especially for positive behaviors that provide delayed gratification, but it’s important to invest in being consistent up front to get the ultimate payoff you desire in the future.

If you’re serious about growing in a certain way you need to be intentional about incorporating all three of these elements - Coaching, community, and consistency.

Our behavior is so complex and exists on so many different levels. When we take action, we very quickly seek to find the meaning in that decision. We as humans are meaning making machines and we will continue to process decisions until we have achieved some sort of understanding, or we’ve alleviated an internal disagreement called "cognitive dissonance". Unfortunately this is often maladaptive because our brains are reflexively looking to rationalize behaviors, and do so on more of a superficial level rather than tapping into the true cause.

When we do get to the root motivation of the behavior, we find it’s a matter of meeting a deeply engrained human desire. Common human desires include a need for safety, a need for belonging, and a need for comfort. These desires are generated from a lifetime of experiences, with a focus on creating strategies that compensate for needs that weren't met in the past. This means that we can overcompensate and try to meet needs beyond capacity, resulting in dysfunctional and distracting behavior. With this understanding, we should attempt to identify these areas and redirect this energy toward more productive areas.  

The best way to do so is by auditing the fulfillment payout. Basically, when a need is successfully satisfied, we need to evaluate how much joy or comfort it actually provides. It’s a very difficult process because it asks you to see in your blindspots, but with the right instruction you can begin to see the areas that are unnecessarily sucking your energy and attention.