This is one of the most important questions we could ever ask ourselves. I think we tip-toe around it as we go about our day, but asking it plainly and directly could yield some incredible awareness. The question is “What do you want?”

It’s harder to answer than it sounds, but that’s because it in of itself is so ambiguous. Getting in the habit of asking this question within the context of what’s going on around you will help you to make decisions that are aligned with… What you want!

First, let’s think existentially. What do you want in life? What are some of the things you’d do, the person you’d be proud to be, 30 years from now? Actually think about it, and identify it, so you can begin pursuing it. Then how about if you’re upset, sad, or angry. What do you want? What would be the best resolution to the problem? You can’t change the past, but what does an ideal future look like? Then you know what to pursue. And how about broadly in your day, what do you want? What are the activities you want to engage in, the people you want to be around, the way you carry yourself? Again, once you know what that thing is then you can work towards it. 

This question works because it activates objective neutral thinking. With neutral thinking you can take the emotion out of the context and relate to the situation on the level of your values. This will not only help you generate the outcomes and happiness you want, but it will keep you in check and hold you accountable to being your best self, not your impulsive self. 

In just about any situation, as you’re making a decision, ask yourself “What do I want?” That very often will give you the answer you need.

Have you heard the quote “How you do one thing is how you do everything” before? It’s a really powerful thought. It demonstrates how your actions in all areas of life, when people are watching and when they aren’t, is really indicative of the person you are. To expand on that quote, today I want to talk about why this is so important.

Everything we do matters, sure to other people, but mostly to ourselves. Our brains are constantly trying to figure out how we relate to different topics in the world, what our priorities are, what our beliefs are, and it uses the actions you take as the ultimate truth. So if you cut corners on a basic and unimportant task, your brain will start accepting that in your life. If you give yourself an excuse not to do something you kind of committed to, then similarly it will not hold you as accountable when there’s more on the line. How you do one thing is how you do everything, and your identity shapes around the things you do. The details matter.

This came to mind for me because I was sending a text to someone, noticed I had a slight typo in it, and chose to send it anyway. I’m someone that prides myself on being detail-oriented and I realized that not correcting my mistake was not the type of person I wanted to be. Now I’m going to be more aware of it moving forward.

Now my question to you is, are there small things you’re doing that go against the person you want to be? These things might seem insignificant in the moment, but they represent something larger, and how you do one thing is how you do everything.

As you know, it’s so important to incorporate multiple perspectives around subjects to truly understand them. And with that in mind, something I hadn’t completely thought about is the nature of preparation. Often we think about it through the lens of ourselves, what we can do to be personally prepared, but it’s equally important to consider the environment and field of competition you’ll be taking action within in order to maximize your performance. One of my best friends and brothers, Dr. Cyrus Ghaffari, has utilized this unique take on preparation to achieve his goals.

 Really think about what Cyrus said, and to summarize that “Art of War’ quote - Preparation isn’t just about you, but it’s also about you with respect to them. Taking an empathetic approach and knowing that everyone sees the world through their own egocentric view allows you to better interact with the elements around you, and ultimately get what you want. If you’re in medical school or in an intensive program, you might benefit from hearing more about Cyrus’ experience. Check him out on his YouTube channel Cyrus MD.

I want to introduce a perspective, and that perspective can be captured in one single word - “Good.” Train yourself to say “good” as your default way of thinking about things. This forces you to process things in a way that is more positive because it needs to match the positive angle you chose to take. Let me give a few examples.

Told you need to work late on Tuesday? Good! That means you’re an important member of the team and you have job security. Was your car broken into and a few personal items stolen? Good. That person probably needed that stuff more than you did. Did your best friend split up with her long-time boyfriend? Good. Now she can be more okay discovering herself all over again.

Do you see how that works? If you choose to respond to different situations with the answer “good” before anything else, it shapes the way you perceive it. 

But now when it comes to growing this habit, and really ingraining this idea in your psyche, it needs to start with gratitude. You need to be intentional about priming your brain to see things through a positive lens, and that must first be established effortfully and consciously before it becomes a subconscious process. However it doesn’t need to be that effortful, it can be as simple as taking 30 seconds to write in a  gratitude journal everyday, just giving your brain enough to flex its gratitude muscle.

What do you think of when I ask the question, “Where do you want to go in life?” Is it building a world-changing business, raising a family, pursuing a hobby? No one else can answer that question for you, and you might not even know the answer yourself, which is totally normal, but ultimately you can’t get there if you don’t define it.

To extend this metaphor let’s just say that “where you want to go in life” is a physical destination.

In pursuit of that life, there are two important factors to keep in mind, your speed and direction. First, your speed determines how fast you’re making up ground, it’s the rate of progress by which you close the gap and how quickly you move. Then, the direction is exactly that - It’s about where you are pointed and having a direct route with your movement. 

These two factors work hand-in-hand because going fast doesn’t matter if you’re not going the right way, and if you’re going the right way but not fast enough you may never get there. It’s a chicken or the egg kind of situation. My general recommendation is dependent on what you’re pursuing. If you’re casually searching for your final destination, where you want to end up, then less direction and more speed could be helpful to get you to try more things faster. If you’re being more critical and intentional in search of that destination, then it might make sense to prioritize your direction before investing in the speed.

I hope that idea makes sense, but the bottom line is - Recognize the way that both direction and speed play a role in your life. Everyone’s path is their own, going at their own speed and toward their own destination, and it’s important to figure out what is uniquely best for you.

Is it good to be competitive? This hits really close to home for me. Growing up with an older brother and being a collegiate athlete, competition has been an integral part of my life. I’ve always been told that being competitive is a good thing - It helps make you a better businessperson, you’re more passionate and committed, and you’re seen as someone who can get things done no matter the opposition. But taking a step back, I’m not so sure I buy it.

The very spirit of competition means that two people are competing for the same thing, whether that’s a championship, a job or a romantic partner. Underlying the idea of competition is scarcity, and that there’s only so much to go around. It’s either you or them that gets it. I do think competition plays a healthy role in society - It drives innovation, it sets higher expectations, and it motivates a lot of people, but I think competition should be reserved for the right contexts.

For myself, and with my background I feel like I’m supposed to be competitive. But I feel like I’m misunderstood and that my natural state is actually more collaborative than competitive. It doesn’t upset me if I lose a casual game, and when I do go the extra mile to win it’s for the intrinsic fulfillment of executing rather than proving my worth in beating someone or something else.   

I share this perspective because maybe you can relate to it. Maybe you’re a frenemy always trying to one up your best friend. Maybe you’re in a sibling rivalry. Or maybe you’re jockeying for position with a work colleague. When is it right to be competitive? I don’t know, I have a lot of figuring out to do on that myself, and maybe you could benefit from learning more about how you relate with being competitive too.

As we talk every day about improvement and generating personal and professional outcomes in our lives, we often think about it very formally. While making progress might seem most urgent and necessary in key areas of your life, I want to remind you that we’re constantly making progress in everything we do. And there’s even value to seeking improvement in not so important areas of your life, because it refreshes you on some of the fundamentals.

For that reason, it could be really valuable to be a beginner at something. I feel like we have this pressure to be great at everything we do, and when we abide by that we lose sight of a lot of opportunity to grow. Whether you pick up a new hobby you enjoy like playing guitar, painting, or writing poetry... Or want to learn a new skill like how to change a flat tire, there is a lot of value from starting at the very beginning with something. 

First, the task gets you thinking in new ways. Doing new behaviors activates new areas of your brain, making connections that might be helpful in other areas of your life. Second, it’s humbling. Embracing something that you’re not good at reminds you that there’s so much to learn, and it gives you a new-found appreciation for those who are good in that area and the work they put in to develop it. 

Then probably most importantly, it teaches you all over again how good it feels to get better at something. This is because when it comes to learning new things, you can get a lot better very quickly. In a matter of hours you can feel the results of progress, and be inspired to continue developing other areas of your life knowing that the work you’re putting in is helping to generate improved results.

So be the beginner! Take some time this week to do something new - Learn how to fold origami, play a new sport, I don’t care! - and let the fulfillment of fast progress motivate you to push on!

If you feel you like you’re a little different, like there’s something about you that isn’t normal or average, then good! That’s what matters about people. That’s when you really get to know people, and that’s something I want to get better at probing understanding and getting to know about others. Most importantly, that thing about you should be embraced! In fact, Quentin Allums believes that a commonality we share is that we're all a bit uncommon.

Quentin has leveraged being different to grow a personal brand because, different stands out. People remember different. So let’s take this to heart, both in the way we express ourselves externally (making sure to capture the essence of who we are and what we can uniquely offer), as well as being committed to discovering the same in other people as well. There is so much untapped opportunity, talent, and potential that goes to waste because as a society we’re afraid to share how we’re different. But we’re all misfits, and that’s what people care about, so let it shine!