The Two Reasons You’re Getting In Your Own Way

Have you ever heard the expression “We are our own greatest limiting factor?” Or has someone told you that they just need to “stop getting in their own way?”

On one hand it’s shocking how many people don’t do what they say they’re going to do, what they know they need to do… But on the other hand, when you understand the psychology it's more obvious why it happens.

The first culprit is a concept called ‘Cognitive Dissonance’. It basically means that something doesn’t make sense in the mind - that something is incongruent. Particularly with actions you’ve taken or you’re considering taking… If it conflicts with your unconscious belief system, then it creates uncertainty and ultimately resistance.

The reason this happens is because the mind’s sole purpose is to keep you safe. Based on your belief system, the mind expects things to happen in specific ways. When something different happens the mind determines things to be unpredictable... Unpredictable is uncertain... And uncertain is a potential threat. So your mind attempts to prevent you from doing anything ‘new’ or ‘unknown’ for fear that it might harm you.

It’s why it can be so hard to do things that are outside of your comfort zone. Your mind is telling you not to do it as a form of self-sabotage.

The second culprit is a concept called ‘Competing Commitments’. This is a similar disagreement in the mind, but more directly related to having a conflict between what you consciously want and what you unconsciously need. It’s frustrating because we’re very aware of what we want and relatively unaware of what we need, so we’re secretly ruining our chances to be successful.

Here’s a personal example - I really want to grow my business. I full-heartedly believe that I can make a huge impact and create freedom for myself and my family. Yet for years I couldn’t complete the simple task of promoting myself. 

And I now understand that greater than the conscious want is an unconscious need. If I say the wrong thing or expose myself to the judgment of others, maybe people won’t like me as much. If that’s the case then I’m less likely to get support during a crisis. So deep down, an unconscious need for safety is fighting against my big desire to grow my business. That’s why it’s called a ‘Competing Commitment’.

We are in fact our own greatest limiting factor. We are getting in our own way. And I’ve found that when you understand what’s happening and you can make the unconscious more conscious, you alleviate the resistance you feel to doing what you know you need to do.