Today, I want to breakdown the 6 pillars Dr. Robert Cialdini presents in the book, “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasions", so that we have a better understanding for how people try to manipulate us.

The first pillar is reciprocity. We all have an innate preference to not owe people anything, so we go out of our way to repay debts.  Some people try to take advantage of us by creating situations that require reciprocation.

The second pillar is commitment and consistency. We all have a tendency to back-up previous commitments that we made, and have consistent behavior.  This why negotiating can be so hard, because we get stuck in a certain way of thinking in order to be consistent.

The third pillar is social proof. If there is a line at a restaurant, or a lot of reviews for a product, we are more likely to choose it because it has the public stamp of approval.  There are cases when a false perception of public acceptance influences our choices.

The fourth pillar is liking. People tend to prefer things that they seem to like, which comes as a result of attractiveness, similarity, and cooperation.

The fifth pillar is authority. We tend to be affected by the requests of authority figures, and will do things against our normal behavior patterns out of respect. A classic example of this is the Milgram Shock Experiment.

The last pillar is scarcity. If there isn’t much available, then it must be good.  This is FOMO (or fear of missing out) taken to the extreme, and most definitely can influence our actions.

Keep an eye out for reciprocity, commitment consistency, social proof, liking, authority, and scarcity in your life, and you will be less likely to be manipulated.

This message is to share value, and it plays out favorably in a few ways. To start, it helps you build relationships because people start to see you as a trusted source of information. Also, it holds you accountable to present accurate information because your reputation is on the line. But last, and most interesting in today’s market, it provides an opportunity to develop your personal brand. A recent trend is that consumers are starting to prefer doing business with individuals over companies, and personal branding is the latest way to capture that audience.

Let’s hear from the founder of Addicted2Success Joel Brown, a guy who has built a multi-million dollar business using his personal brand. 

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I recently updated my phone and got access to the “Screen Time” tracker on my iPhone. These insights I have into my mobile usage will help me limit the time I waste on my phone after a few days.

Essentially, the app counts your mobile usage and breaks it down into different categories like social networking, entertainment, and education, and what time of day you are using at, as well as how many times you pick up your phone every day.  

I began tracking my usage personally to decrease the amount of time doing certain things. For example, I think I check my phone too many times during the day, disrupting my work flow, and will focus on reducing that.

This feature is now available as part of iOS 12. To learn all about it there is a great video online that you can find by googling “Mac Rumors Screen TIme”. 

Using this resource, or a resources like it, will help you realize how much time you are actually spending doing certain things on your phone, and will open the door for areas of improvement that can be addressed.  

We can’t let our bad times snowball into worse times, we need to take control of our life and get it pointed back where it needs to go. Demonstrating resilience in the face of adversity is a huge opportunity for personal growth, because growth occurs at our limits. Harness that potential and take control.

The reason we get ourselves into these situations is because we are short on motivation and will. It’s not easy to pull yourself out and reverse the tide, but it is possible, and here is how:

One thing to do is to talk to others about it. Everyone has their own set of issues, and people are understanding of that. Getting everything out of your mind and shared with someone else lets you address everything that’s going on while receiving usable feedback.

Also, it’s really helpful to make a plan. The nature of motivation is that it is intrinsic. When you don’t have it, you won’t be able to take action. However, having a plan tells you what you need to do, and can override your psychology helping you to move forward.

The reason I like phrasing it as “be a comeback story” is because it paints the negative situation in a opportunistic way. With that mentality, you will be more likely to overcome the situation you find yourself in.

I know, it’s not that simple. You can’t just tell yourself to be happy.  Well, yes and no.  You can actively induce the release of positive neurotransmitters that will elevate your mood.  For example, the act of forcing yourself to smile activates certain muscles that are associated with happiness, and since our bodies reject inconsistency, our brains adapt and become happier.  Another thing you can do is to seek physical contact. Climb on up to that snuggle buddy of yours and hold them tight.  

The hard part is getting yourself to engage in these behaviors that create perceived happiness. Remember, it is a choice, and having the will power to do some of these simple things can make you happier.  

So, back to the quote, “I think I’ll just be happy today”.  It is a choice. Choose today, and tomorrow, and the next day to be happy.

I’m not saying that life isn’t hard, but I am saying that you can add a little more happiness to it if you allow yourself to.

I wanted to share some advice I heard from Ryan Robinson, the founder of "ryrob.com", that amasses over 250,000 readers to his blog.  He suggests that it’s best to utilize our current foundation to be successful starting something new.

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Instead of growing a passion for something new that seems like it could be profitable, grow something around what you are already passionate about.

Sit side by side when problem solving.

This simple trick works in a really interesting way.  First, this keeps people from sitting across the table from each other. That seating arrangement implies that it is one person against the other, and if there is a significant difference in opinion, then it is much more likely that each person will hold on tighter to their positions. By sitting side by side, both parties can direct their attention, and criticism, to the same place, like a presentation or a board. This helps everyone involved to put out their concerns so that a mutually agreed upon solution can be reached.  

You can encourage people to sit next to each other by preparing the room ahead of time. Pour glasses of water, set out writing material, or just set up the room to get people sitting next to each other. Obviously this gets more silly as the number of people increases, but try and make it happen in an appropriate way, and you’ll notice the conversation will be honest and beneficial.

This tip is pretty self-explanatory, but it is difficult for a lot of people to do consistently and in the right way.

If you want something, then ask for it. 

Sharing a bit of personal experience, this used to be a huge issue for me. I would way too often compromise what I wanted because of a lack of self confidence. I feared that I would offend someone, or inconvenience someone, or jeopardize a relationship if I interjected. As a result, I found myself in situations where I wasn’t entirely happy with the result, and reflecting on my own actions and why I couldn’t stand up for myself.

Well, I have gotten over this fear (for the most part), but it was a process. In sales, my colleague introduced me to the expression, “a closed mouth don’t get fed”, and I learned to speak up for myself to earn business. When I started asking, I started receiving, and it helped me feel more confident that I had realistic expectations and that I could have what I want.  

However, I must state, that this shouldn’t be abused. It is essential to know when the right moments are to ask for something, because making unjustified demands can work out poorly for you.

So, what I would do is start small. When your server gets part of your order wrong, kindly ask for a correction. Or, if there is a discrepancy in price, nicely ask for clarification. Use small examples like that to build up your courage and confidence to ask for the things that you want.