Self Improvement Daily Podcast

A few months ago, my wife Irene got us new electric toothbrushes. Both of us had been using normal brushes for a while. Any time you do something new there’s a learning curve - in this case getting used to the tickle on your gums, figuring out your favorite setting, and perfecting your new form. It didn’t take long.

But one night, something odd happened. I caught myself brushing my teeth with my old toothbrush and for whatever reason I found that fascinating. Nothing happens on accident, there’s an explanation for everything but often you don’t have the awareness to know it. 

So I challenged myself to explore it. What issue might I have with my new toothbrush? Did I find the sound annoying? No, it’s not that…

I have some sensitivity on the top of my molars sometimes, was I unconsciously avoiding the electric toothbrush to avoid pain? No, the sensitivity isn’t any more significant with the electric toothbrush than the old one…  

And then it hit me. There’s one, hardwired, inescapable belief that is deeply embedded in humanity, and it was the reason that I chose to use my old toothbrush instead of my new one.

Familiarity. We are designed to do what is familiar and resist what is not. It’s a defense mechanism to keep us alive. Something that is less familiar is less predictable and therefore could pose a threat to our safety and survival. It’s this underlying belief that unconsciously led to me going back to using my old toothbrush.

Living with more consciousness is a process of treating everything like this. With curiosity you understand the engine that’s working behind the scenes to produce certain results in your life. Your belief system is evidenced in environment. 

For example, right now as I prepare this I see a pile of mail stacked in the corner. Why haven’t I gone through it? It’s easy enough to just do it, isn’t it? A deep and honest reflection reveals that I’m uncomfortable doing things I don’t know how to do, and there might be some of that in the mail so I avoid it. And a part of it relates to how I value my time and choose to do things that I reason to be more important, even thought sometimes it’s misinformed and creates a pattern of getting behind on things.

Every moment of life is a moment to understand more about yourself and what drives you to do certain things. It’s with that awareness that you can make new choices and create new results.

Recently I’ve been immersing myself more in the world of Jesse Itzler, If you don’t know who he is, check him out. He’s one of the most resourceful, clever, entrepreneurial figures in modern business. He also has a liking for endurance sports and pushing himself to the max, which is representative of the way that he chooses to live life.

One of the expressions he lives by, that has really struck me, is “Remember tomorrow”.

What he means by that is, when you’re facing a choice, remember that tomorrow you’re going to have to own up to it. Did you choose the path that builds character and contributes to what matters most to you… Or did you give in to short term inconvenience, fear, and laziness?

Jesse uses this philosophy in every area of his life. Does he want to pull over during a road trip and jump into a frozen lake? Or take 3 days to climb the distance of Mount Everest? Today it’s hard and tiring, but tomorrow it makes you proud.

And less extreme, is he going to stay too late scrolling on his phone and snacking on popcorn? No, because when tomorrow comes and he doesn’t have the same level of energy and enthusiasm, he’ll wish he would have made a different choice.

That’s the spirit of “remember tomorrow” - it holds you accountable to what you choose to do today.

And that’s the beautiful part about it. In reflection, when the emotions and inconveniences of the present moment have gone, that’s when you can be really honest with yourself. That’s when you can see your choices without bias, and think about if that’s what you really want.

The actions you take create the realities you experience. Creating more personal accountability goes a long way in shaping your future how you want it to be.

But don’t be mistaken, it’s not like Jesse is superhuman. He’s not fearless, but he can get himself to act despite fear. It’s not like he never feels like being lazy, he’s just intentional about what that looks like and doesn't let it slow him down. He has the habit of being discipline and doing what most serves him and the life he feels most proud to lead. 

His example in inspiring, but it’s also achievable. We each have within us the same opportunity to live and extraordinary life and make an extraordinary impact.

A great quality to have in life is an ability to be flexible. While it is generally healthy to be physically flexible, what I’m talking about is to be flexible within your day. High performers are really good at making the most of whatever they’ve got to work with. They find a way to win within unfamiliar, uncertain, and unpredicted circumstances.

Ultimately, flexibility is the perfect combination of structure and freedom. If things are too structured, then either it’s resistant to variation or breaks under stress. If things are too free, then they don’t take shape in such a way that can hold anything significant. Flexibility maintains the best of both - it’s not too rigid and not too loose.

One of the hallmark characteristics of flexibility is that it has a baseline structure to it. When under normal, non-straining conditions, it rests in a comfortable state. When it is under strain, it temporarily compromises its shape to accommodate the demand but then returns it’s preferred state when normal conditions are reestablished.

That’s exactly what happens when you have flexibility in a day. You have your schedule that you follow with discipline, but then as things come up you can effectively move things around to prioritize what’s urgent without deprioritizing other major commitments. Flexibility in your spending finds that perfect contrast between having sound principles and making reasonable exceptions to the rules when the setting calls for it. Flexibility in your diet helps you to find the healthy option when eating out with friends without being overbearing about your dietary restrictions.

Maximizing your flexibility requires two things: That you implement solid structure in your life to create meaningful restriction, and that you keep an open-mind so that you’re not attached to things being exactly a certain way, and you can creatively navigate what life throws at you.

And over time, as you get feedback, understand your tolerance, and become clearer on what you want, your flexibility forms into the amount that is right for you.

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson, and it goes “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” After all, actions speak louder than words.

But I don’t think that tells the full story. I’m someone who cares a lot about intentions. There’s a full context behind what you do that says a lot about you. That’s why perhaps the greatest testament of character is the way you act, and not the things that you do.

The way you act is the way you show up on a moment to moment basis. It’s the energy that you bring to what you do. While it’s largely imperceptible to others, doing somethin for one reason has a different meaning than if you do it for another. And sometimes you’re the only one that knows the difference.

This mirrors a stoic concept called ‘arete’, which loosely translates to ‘being the best version of yourself moment to moment’. Arete is about living a virtuous life that you’re proud to lead, with integrity and authenticity.  The things you do are a byproduct of what really matters, which is the way you act.

When you encounter a challenge or setback, you step up courageously to the task. When you have a disagreement with someone else, you reject being defensive and take the position of being patient as you seek to understand. When someone makes a mistake that negatively affects you, you respond with encouragement and calmness. Life’s adversities put your character to the test, and It’s how you show up to these events that puts your true self on display.

Speaking from personal experience, I’m certainly not perfect. Every day I experience moments where I could have done better, lost control, or wasn’t as thoughtful as I could have been. And often this leads to choices and actions that aren’t optimal. But equally, every day I reinforce my commitment to acting as the best, most virtuous version of myself.

Yes, observe what someone does because it’s often a reflection of their motivations and intentions. Believe what someone does more than what they say. But also, consider the engine behind what they do as you decide what to think about it. Public speaking might be scary to one person and commonplace to the next, so it’s impossible to judge the action itself. It’s the virtues the person embodies in taking the action that represents a fuller version of the truth.

In our pursuit to become the best versions of ourselves, and be an inspiring example for others, there are two different sources of transformation: Inside out and outside in.

First, inside out - This is when you energize your own positive change. You take the initiative to read a new book, listen to a podcast, and implement an idea into your life. We can only make choices from our current level of awareness, and by investing in acquiring more wisdom you can elevate your awareness and improve the way you navigate the world. The inside out direction of growth represents how your own internal shifts change the shape of your external world.

Outside in growth is the opposite and in my opinion, way more powerful. This is the influence that your environment has on you. It’s how your habits and lifestyle resembles the 5 people you spend the most time with (without you even intending to do so). Your walking pace speeds up and slows down based on who you’re walking with. Humans have survived many years because we are adaptable, but this also means that we are susceptible to external forces. It’s the design of the environment around us that plays a large role in determining what happens.

That’s why the fastest way to improve your life is to plant yourself in a community of people who are taking action at the level you want to. They have the health habits, business success, and thriving personal life you aspire to. They enjoy the world through a lens of gratitude, possibility, and curiosity like you hope to. Their influence disrupts your current pattern and holds you to a new and higher standard.

Or, perhaps your current community is having a negative influence on you. Perhaps your health, business, and relationships are held back by their underachieving standards. Their norms create resistance to any improvements you want to make to your life, forcing you to put a lot of effort in to make an inch of progress.

My encouragement to you today is to capitalize on these two sources of growth - What idea can you implement to change your life inside out, and what adjustments to your environment can you make to change your life from the outside in?

A belief that you are self-disciplined is what I call a foundational mindset. If you don’t follow through on doing the things you know you need to do, then all of your intentions to apply yourself aren’t supported by your own ability to execute them.

However, I do believe the idea of self-discipline is misunderstood. It’s not a notion of doing what you said you would do at all costs… I relate with it as something more beneficial - To faithfully do what you know most serves you, consistently, despite the circumstances surrounding it.

For that reason, to rest is to be disciplined. Let me explain this by running through a scenario.

You wake up in the morning with a plan to get a workout in, but your boss pings you or you have that one important errand to get done. You do it quickly but realize now you don’t have time for your workout so you start your workday. Things come up that pull you off track - getting distracted in non-essential things, requests from your boss, etc. - and you start to run behind. Maybe you squeeze a mini-workout in but most likely you put time into doing the things that others need from you. Even so, it pushes your work day a little longer.

Then at the end of the day you have dinner, spend time with loved ones and do activities that you enjoy, or even wrap up one last thing at work. But it’s not enough, and when it’s time to start shutting down for the day to get to bed on time, you have a decision to make. You have time to do more of those things you enjoy, didn’t do, or need to do… Or you can choose to go to sleep.

The right choice, that most serves you and everything else you have on your plate, is to take care of you. To get enough sleep and be well-rested for a new day. It takes self-control and will-power to get yourself to stop and actually go to sleep on time. It takes discipline to make that choice despite the circumstances and pressure of wanting to do more.

An investment in your energy is an investment in everything else. The quality of your output, focus, or presence is limited by how you feel when you show up to the moment. Going to sleep on time is harder than it needs to be, but that’s why it’s an ultimate expression of self-discipline. Challenge yourself to go to bed on time for a full week and notice how much it transforms your life.

If you want to really take things to the next level, learn about the 2 other foundational mindsets, alongside being self-disciplined, here.