"When You Understand, You Can't Help But Love."

We live in a very polarizing world where divisiveness is normal and unity is effort. It creates a lot of conflict and the saddest part is, it doesn’t need to be that way. We have so much more in common than different, and when you look at the arguments of opposing sides it often breaks down to different expressions of the same core points.

Thích Nhất Hạnh is known for saying the quote “When you understand, you can't help but love". And that’s because when you truly take the time to see someone’s point of view, and learn the context and history around it, their conclusion makes more sense. It helps you cultivate a deeper level of empathy for the other person because, even if you think their line of thinking is flawed, you understand how they got there and how that influences the choices they make.

So rather than judging or criticizing someone who screams at their child, you feel sadness for the abusive childhood that taught them it was normal. Rather than developing a rivalry with someone at work who cheated you or tried to destroy your career, you hold space for them knowing that their insecurities made them act out of fear.

When you understand, other people’s behavior and choices make sense to you… And with a heavy heart for what caused them to be that way, you love them.

Most disagreement happens because two people are operating off of incomplete information. More often than not, people will arrive at the same understanding of a situation when they are working from the same set of facts. The problem is so much information and context is unspoken, and this leaves more space for interpretation.

So the next time someone frustrates you, challenges you, wants to make you upset, or completely disregards you… Reject your natural reaction to fight back and instead seek to understand.

Ask with curiosity “What about this person is causing them to act this way?”

That’s not to say you always need to agree with others, but you do become way more likely to hold your judgment. Because when you assume that someone has a good reason for doing what they're doing, you’re more likely to see it, understand it, and be empathetic to the parts that make them who they are.