Self Improvement Daily Podcast

Your environment is simply everything around you, the context of your life. What you might not realize is the way your environment may be influencing you in ways you aren’t aware of. If you think of it this way, your environment is rich with different stimuli that trigger you into unconscious behavior patterns. Some of those behaviors are good, many are bad, but in either case it is simply the things around you, your environment, that quietly leads you down that path.

Oftentimes your environment presents itself as circumstance, which is thought to be fixed or determined. But in understanding that your environment and context is dynamic and ever-changing, you realize you can actually manipulate your circumstances to change your life. So let’s start gaining an awareness about our environment by auditing the different environments we live within.

First is your physical environment. The actual space you’re in and where it is geographically. Is it conducive to helping you sleep well, eat healthy, be productive, etc? Then there’s your social environment. Your relationships, who you value in your life, who influences your expectations and standards, and how they support you. And then there’s your energetic environment. Your motivation, alignment, and integrity. How you pursue your values, and your spirituality.

Within the lens of these three environments determine what the ideal is, how you want these environments to contribute to your life, and when you identify a mismatch begin pursuing certain steps to tweak your environment to bridge the gap.

Today I want to ask you a fundamental question, and it’s something I’ve been spending some time asking myself. When it comes to personal development, your self growth, and the person you need to be to make your dreams come true, what are you working on?

Is there a certain skill you need to learn or improve in? A limiting belief that you’re working through? A routine or habit  you want to instill? A priority that you no longer want to neglect? 

That’s why it’s called personal development, because it requires growth or advancement in certain ways that will create more happiness, fulfillment, joy, and impact in your life. Don’t get me wrong, consuming the content put out by Self Improvement Daily is a great first step because it exposes you to what’s out there and it allows you to reflect and gain self awareness. But in order to really pursue your personal development you need to translate that learning into something actionable. Like a seed that grows toward the sunlight you need to have your destination that you are growing toward.

So I’ll ask you again - What are you working on? And how does that align with who you want to be? To make that actionable a follow up question, "What can you do today to begin making progress?" It doesn’t need to be massive action, but it does need to be something.

This is an important topic I haven't touched on yet - Taking risks and exploring what "risk" means. Kara Goldin, the CEO and Founder of Hint, a world-leading beverage company has taken many risks in her life and wants to help people understand the nature and implications of risk, rather than just shying away from them.

Her message encourages us to take an independent approach toward risk. What is the upside of the decision, and what does that mean for you? Don’t let other people who feel uncomfortable taking a certain risk influence you and keep you from doing what you want to do. Think for yourself!

There’s a lot to unpack here with self-love and self-acceptance. I personally have struggled with this topic. Growing up as a kid I was in a very validating environment. For many years I misunderstood who or what I should be working for. Basically, I became dependent on the praise and approval of others in order to measure my own self-worth. It’s hard to see when you’re in it, and that’s why I think this quote is so good because it helps provide some awareness to it.

"Prove yourself to yourself, not others."

Even in the expression “I’m trying to prove myself”... Who are you trying to prove yourself to? If you don’t think highly about yourself then you’ll rely on others to make up the difference. But the problem is it becomes an endless chase of more and more to constantly fill the need of feeling like you’re worthy.

So when you’re caught up in this cycle, of valuing others’ opinions over your own, what do you do? You challenge yourself. You step straight into the fear. The fear that you aren’t enough, that you aren’t worthy, and you show yourself that you are capable. It could be as small as just showing up for yourself at an event, or as big as radically changing something about your life. In order to prove yourself to yourself you need to do something for yourself.

Believe it or not, we all share something about life. For every one of us, things haven’t gone perfectly. Our paths have had a few bumps and turns and re-routes along the way. So what separates those who persevere and those who give up? It’s how they respond to that adversity, and doing what they can in the face of challenges to get back on track.

The first step is to separate from your emotions. Your emotions are really effective at communicating to you how you should feel given certain things, but those emotions also have certain associated responses. In the case of challenge, our emotions tell us to "stop" so that we can preserve ourselves. If you want to get back on track you need to first overcome your emotions. 

Then, once you’ve done that you need to take a small action. You are in control of your life and you choose the direction. Take action to set your destination and commit to that positive change. At that point it becomes about consistency. Continuing to show up for yourself and what you want, picking up momentum and making that path a little easier to travel. Once you’ve re-established your baseline, you’re back on track and you can grow from that. 

Every single person has strengths and weaknesses. We all hold a unique perspective that comes from our own life’s context. We are very different and very similar all at the same time, which is a gift and a curse. In my mind this means two things - We all have something to offer others, and we all need something from others.

Let’s talk about the latter, and getting the support we need. The main reason we don’t get the help we need is because we don’t ask for it. It is uncomfortable to be vulnerable, to share about things that could hurt us, but there’s a wealth of opportunity if we can overcome it. I believe this fear of vulnerability is deeply wired within us as animals that existed in a hierarchy of dominance. But even dogs concede and expose their bellies sometimes, and as humans we can do the same by voicing our insecurities to others.

By sharing openly about your fears, insecurities, and areas you need help in, other people can come in to support you. You cultivate an awareness about a need that you have. What is your weakness is someone else’s strength, what you have little of someone else has a lot of, and resources or knowledge can be allocated appropriately depending on where it needs to go. 

This means that support becomes more accessible to those who express that they need it, and voicing your insecurities is your first step in beginning to overcome the challenge you are fearful of facing.

We all have a million great ideas about the things we want to do. Wake up at 5 am, meditate for half an hour, get a good workout in, get home and get straight to work… you get the picture. I’m just as guilty as anyone on this and sometimes find myself dreaming a little more than doing. This is because it’s so easy to think about doing all of those things, but when it comes to actually doing it, it’s not so easy. 

Something that makes all the difference is making a plan. Literally writing out what you’re going to do, in what order, and committing to doing it. This allows you to leverage the motivation you feel the night before, or the morning of, and helps you to actually implement it. This has been game changing for me this Holiday season. I am visiting family away from home and my routine was totally flipped upside down. But my first night in town I took the time to make a plan, establish what I want my routines to be, and even challenged myself a little bit. I cannot reiterate enough how valuable it is to make a decision in advance that instructs you how to behave rather than deciding how to behave in the moment.

This same concept goes for New Years Resolutions. I’m going to lose 30 pounds, I’m going to read 20 books, I’m going to organize my house completely! All sounds good and dandy, but 80% of New Years Resolutions fail. Why? There’s no plan. Make a plan to determine what you need to do in order to create the results you want in your life.

No matter what someone says, or does, or means, we all share one thing - We all want to be liked. There’s no shame in it, in fact it’s a very normal thing that sometimes is labeled as bad, and I want to take some time to provide perspective to that.

Starting at the very beginning, being liked is an important survival mechanism. As strong and smart as humans are, back in the day when we had predators it was very important to be a part of a group for your safety. So having a need to be liked by others was actually evolutionarily beneficial because it promoted a behavior of cooperation and assimilation, which then allowed you to be a contributing member of the group.

While the game is different now, we still need to use a similar lens to evaluate if our desire to be liked is maladaptive or if it’s adding value. And that lens is "what need is it satisfying?"

If you want to be liked because you’re compensating for insecurities, or are refusing to acknowledge your truth, then that is more of an unhealthy application of wanting to be liked. That’s because it is addressing your needs in a way that compromises your potentiality through external validation. 

If you want to be liked because you want to grow deeper, more intimate relationships with people who challenge you to be better, which facilitates the process of you exploring your truth and potentiality, then that is a more healthy and productive application of wanting to be liked.

In both cases, and just like way back when, this need to be liked is being applied to meet a need. It’s up to you to figure out what need is being met by your desire to be liked by others, and how that contributes to your overall well-being.