I recently had a really interesting observation that forced me to challenge myself, so I wanted to share. I was waiting in the airport security line and a few people in line before me did the same thing. They acted kind of cool and experienced at the airport. However, when it came time to empty their pockets and fill their bins it was chaos. And I mean electronics were hitting the floor, paper was being ripped, it was a scene. Then I realized, I’m probably exactly the same when I do it because, why would I be any different? So, I challenged myself to stay focused on acting slowly and deliberately. I think it went well! It took about the same amount of time to get everything done, but I did it in a much more controlled manner, and was more careful to not do any damage.

I tell this story to state that every day we are surrounded by opportunities to test ourselves. And these are micro moments of personal growth. If you’re in an Uber and get social anxiety, challenge yourself to strike up a conversation. When you’re walking in the grocery store, think ahead and see if you can come up with the most efficient route possible. Or, when you step out of a bathroom stall, don’t do everything in your power to avoid interacting with the person that walked in. 

Putting ourselves in situations where we must respond to small self-imposed challenges will help us be better at responding to real life challenges. It’s like the concept of getting comfortable being uncomfortable, you have to experience those moments to improve your performance.

So, get creative because this can apply for anything you’re trying to emphasize in your life. For example, I want to be better at focusing on the task at hand, sometimes I try to keep too many balls in the air. So, any time I notice I have too many things going on, which usually takes the form of having too many tabs open in my web browser, I’m going to delete those not immediately pertinent to my work. Find your moments to train yourself in small doses so you can improve in the areas important to you.

You want to hear a secret? “you are the boss of you life”. Let that settle in for a second. It means that you don’t need anyone’s permission to do anything. You don’t need to seek anyone’s approval but your own, and you don’t need to answer to anyone but yourself.

I know what you’re thinking, "Brian that’s not how it works". You’re right. There are people who influence your decision making, so much so that you sometimes put your agenda on hold to satisfy there’s. However, that’s not the full story because you are still in power. You choose to let those people have that kind of influence, and you prioritize others in your life because you’ve decided that’s what is best for your life.

With that choice, you are still the boss of your life, and of course there are consequences, but you don’t have to do anything. That’s where you need to figure out what’s best for you. If there’s a negative situation in your life, do that self-audit and see if that is doing more net good than bad for what it is that you want in your life.

Like any boss, you need to make some tough decisions, but remember all of those decisions factor into the net result at the end. The outcomes or objectives you are striving to accomplish. I understand I presented this in a simplified way, but let it serve as a reminder that you are in control of your life and your destiny. You have the power to cut out or double down on anything that you feel best serves you.

I’m tired of putting things off, I’m tired of saying what if, and I’m tired of waiting for the right time. Nothing changes if nothing changes. We need to take control of the things we want in our lives and create it for ourselves. These things don’t happen overnight, in fact, they take a long time and often come without much visible progress, but starting the pursuit is the only way to begin taking steps forward.

Think of a plant. It starts as a seed and stretches out to try to find some sunlight. Our ideas, goals, and dreams are the same. They need to start somewhere. Everything grows from an origin and moves and morphs into what it’s meant to be. 

So let’s get our mentality right.  Is it one day, or day one?  

The One Day mentality is passive. It’s also theoretical and immaterial. One day, I will lose 15 pounds. One day, I will stop smoking. You already hear the doubt and complacency in that self-talk, and if you talk like that you can’t expect anything to happen.  It’s just delaying the introspection, effort, or vulnerability of what you want to do.

But, with the Day One mentality, It starts now. Want to lose 15 pounds? Start a nutrition journal and sign up for a fitness class. Want to quit smoking? Tap into some resources and get on a plan. It is an action-oriented mentality that serves as the foundation of the life-change you are looking to make. It’s answering the call to the challenge you see in front of yourself and, at the very least, giving it a try. Yes, failure is a real possibility, but you can’t succeed without giving it a shot.

As we know, consistent action is the key to habit formation, and making a change to your life is no different. It can’t happen one day, it has to start now.

Let’s have a harsh reality check. Sometimes, you don’t know what’s best for you. Our brains are hardwired to avoid conflict and discomfort, and sometimes that leads us astray in our decision making. This means we tend to avoid the things we should actually do. Darren Hardy easily simplifies it for us.

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Hardy stated, "One of the key philosophies that I learned is whatever it is that you don't want to do, is usually the thing that you should do. Whatever it is that I fear, I just try to do what I don't want to do. I don't want to go workout. I don't want to go for a run. It's cold. I should go run. I don't want to bite my tongue and apologize to my wife, when I think that I am right. I probably should do that. I don't want to make this call. I am a little intimidated by calling this person. I should probably call that person. When faced with the choice, and you're not sure which one to take, take the one you don't want to do. I know it sounds simplistic, but it's amazing how often that is the correct choice, because fear is facing you at every turn. The hard choice, and so if you just do what you don't want to do, that is usually the thing you should do".

Powerful. When we get into the habit of questioning our reasons, and build a habit of stepping outside of our comfort zone, we can begin to experience a whole new potential for growth.

A question we were asked a lot as a kid but hardly ever any more is “Who is your hero?”. It’s funny because the answer was so meaningless then, but it’s everything now.

My hero is my Grandpa, Paul Shaw. It wasn’t until recently that I realized he has been the strongest driving force in my life, even though he has been deceased for over a decade. He was a standout college student-athlete, and that’s all I wanted to be. He was a successful entrepreneur, and here I am trying to make a name for myself and create something that matters like my grandpa did. But most interestingly, he is my biggest fear. Let me explain.

My grandpa grew up the son of immigrants in a Brooklyn superb. His father wasn’t around and his mom was terminally ill for most of his childhood, so he had to keep himself alive. From these beginnings, he earned a scholarship to play college basketball at Harvard, graduated Summa Cum Laude, and was awarded a government grant to start his career. He overcame extreme hardship to make a name for himself, and my biggest fear is that I don’t know if I could do the same if I were to face significant, unrelenting, survival mode adversity. In fact, that is my biggest insecurity.

That’s why he is my hero because he excelled in the area I see myself most deficient. He is the example I need in the face of my greatest fears, and he is the strength I strive to emulate in my own life. I don’t think it is uncommon for heroes to be born out of fear, and I think that’s part of the reason why I look up to him so much. It comes as the most sincere gesture of respect. So I ask you this: Who is your hero, and why?

This thought comes from Cuyla Coogan, a woman leading members of the LGBT community, and encouraging others to be themselves and make a difference while doing so. She’s well versed in the challenges the LGBT community faces, and has experienced them firsthand. Her response to the adversity present is simply love. In the video,Cuyla reflects on the role love has played in her life, past and present.

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This is a special reflection. I experienced a similar resistance to love, I used to hold on to it too tightly instead of share it with others. But I’ve changed my ways and you can too. Love is the language of the universe and the world needs more of it. Be the difference you want to see in the world, and that difference starts with love.

This quote is all about awareness. When you notice something it comes into your awareness. Whether it's gaining awareness about yourself, starting to notice beauty, or finding clarity on a solution, there’s one commonality that encompasses them all. Nothing changed about the input, it was always there in front of you, you just weren’t noticing it. It was there before, during and after. It exists independent of you, and for whatever reason it all changes once you acknowledge it. That is awareness and it feeds our reality.

Now let’s be intentional about what we choose to be aware of, because while we can notice beauty, positivity, and hope in the things around us, we can also notice of monotony and hatred.  Acknowledging negativity is really important. Turning that energy into gratitude is a superpower that will serve you in life. Outside of that, how can we see more of the beauty around us?

For me, it's mindfulness and curiosity. Mindfulness helps us to be present, to appreciate simplicity, and to gain awareness on the mundane. Pairing that with curiosity, you can add a whole new layer to the mundane that elicits intrigue and perfect complexity.

When something is placed in front of you that comes into your awareness, do you take it as a given and it just plays a background role in your life, or do you choose to see the miracle that is in front of you? The rustling of the leaves can either be background noise or a unique display of physics that relied on generations of creation to design that exact moment. Life is full of beauty, it’s time that we noticed it!

I believe that we can all be better together, and that through teamwork, cooperation, and collaboration, we can create things larger than we could on our own.  When it comes to building a community, or leading a team, it’s not about anyone in particular, it’s about everyone!

Everyone needs to be bought into the same core mission. Everyone needs to play their role knowing that other people are accountable to their role. Everyone. 

If any one person starts going off script and acts in a way to cover themselves, it comes at the expense of the entire group. One of my favorite quotes is, “You are only as good as your weakest player”. When it comes to accomplishing more, it’s about raising the tide for all, not just yourself.

Another way to think about this is how Gary Vaynerchuk relates to it. In his pursuit to be the best businessman, he describes two different ways to have the tallest building in the city. You can either build the tallest building, or knock all of the other buildings down.

When you use this group oriented mentality, you choose to give instead of take, and in doing that you improve the ecosystem that you, then, can benefit from. It’s not about anyone, it’s about everyone, and this world is abundant enough to take care of us all!