The Role Of Other People's Advice

One of the things we often seek to help us make decisions, understand situations, and navigate life is the perspective of others. And rightfully so, we live in our own world and need help seeing the way we exist amid everything around us.

But not all opinions are the same. Some are certainly more valuable than others. So the intention isn’t just to get people’s opinion, but to acquire more perspective that is aligned with helping you achieve your goals.

Here are a few examples:

My mentor David Meltzer often says “Just because someone loves you doesn’t mean they give you good advice.” That’s not to say they don’t want what’s best for you, love you unconditionally, and genuinely want to help… But their way of doing that might not be helpful. And that’s because they want to see you safe and happy. They don’t want to see your heart get broken, or the pain of a business failing. So in the name of helping you know what’s best for you, they give you advice that protects you.

Also taking advice from someone who’s in your peer circle or is a contemporary. They also might want to genuinely help you, but they can only offer you advice from where they’re at right now. If you want to level up and grow beyond how things are, you need to do things differently. And people at your current level will give you advice that keeps you there. Our lives are perfectly calibrated to the actions we’re taking and the environment we’re in. Someone who’s there with you right now will give you more of the same.

Now don’t get me wrong, family members and colleagues can certainly be helpful. But I want to highlight the ways limited thinking can disguise themselves as good advice.

In “The Compound Effect” by Darren Hardy he says “Don’t take advice from someone you wouldn’t immediately trade places with.” I find that to be a bit extreme - you’re meant to be you and only you - but the insight is that you should take guidance more seriously when it comes from someone who has been where you want to go. 

They know what it takes. They know the constraints. They know what works and what you might get stuck on. They’re the ones with the most valuable advice, so listen most intently to them.

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