Kindness is contagious. Our physiological response to kindness is a cascade of neurotransmitters that lifts mood, provides energy, relieves anxiety, and creates depression. Interestingly enough, it induces the same effect in the recipient, who with that boost, is more likely to go on and continue to spread kindness.

Kindness is easy. We have the wrong idea that random acts of kindness are meant to be elaborate and complex. The reason they are “random” is because they aren’t premeditated. They are a response to how you’re feeling in the moment and what you can offer to someone who looks like they could use it. Last week, a friend of mine stepped in dog poop, and I took her shoe to the bathroom to clean it myself. There’s no way I could have predicted that!

Lastly, it connects our heart and our mind. For those of us who are heart centered, we acknowledge that we are responsive to the energy and emotions of those around us. By taking the internal feelings our heart desires and putting them in an external, shared environment through acts of kindness, our logical mind feels validated in the logic witnessed in the manifestation of the internal state. 

Remember that these are acts of kindness, which means it’s important to take action. A random act of kindness goes infinitely further than a random thought of kindness. And it doesn’t need to be for a stranger! There are many people in your life who are more than deserving of your kindness. 

Now, how do we do it? It’s about being mindful of the opportunity. You can place your body in a state where it is primed to notice the ways you can be kind. This means smile often, stand tall, and be kind to yourself, as it will attract more of the same.

Our perspective may be limited. Our perspective has been created over years of experiences, rationalizations, feedback and response. It truly is beautiful how we see the world from our own lens, because it means we offer something unique to ourselves. But, we must be honest and recognize that it presents limitations. While I often talk about the positive side of perspective, I am going to talk about the negative side:

You are too close to see the truth.

We all have our default perspective and way of processing the environment around us. Whether we are approaching a challenge, we rely on our default scripts that have done us good in the past. But, as we gain more experience and navigate deeper into the issue something odd happens. We know too much to make a truly informed decision.

The decisions we make are just trade-offs. What are the consequences for the reward? When we know too much, we are hyper-focused on the small details, that mean a lot to us because they are now in our awareness, often prioritizing those micro things over the more important macro consequences.

This is why hearing others’ opinions is so important, both personally and professionally. It is through the fresh eyes of others where we can see the bigger picture that we usually cannot. I have had some really good conversations with people who have known more of the truth by knowing less, simply because they aren’t being distracted by the small details.  

This lovely quote is actually in the form of a question, “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”

Let’s first look at the state of culture. We are encouraged to conform and do what makes conventional sense in order to abide by general societal norms. Of course there are situations where this is appropriate. For instance, making sure not to behave in a way that jeopardizes someone else’s safety or ability to find joy. What about those times when that is not the case?

Many of the limits we place on ourselves are self-imposed, which often comes out of fear. Fear that challenging the norm will create problems for yourself or others. Fear that others will judge you for being different. Fear that you expressing yourself will do more harm than good. Fortunately, the results of these self-imposed fears are often misguided assumptions, overestimating the severity and consequences of your actions. You can overcome this by gaining self-awareness.

Now let’s look at the alternative. It takes something different to do something different. If you abide by all conventions then you can expect conventional results. We both know that’s not you, and lies within you to grow beyond average.

It literally is you! The uniqueness you offer, the experiences you’ve acquired, and your perspective of the world is beyond average. You offer something no one else can. When you allow yourself to express that, you can generate outcomes no one else is capable of. 

If you dream big and have aspirations to do something great, you can’t fit in, because greatness is never average. We were each born to stand out, and that’s something worth celebrating.

Our guest was Sarah Speers, who is a woman at the forefront of eating disorder advocacy and treatment. We often have awareness of things that we know we should or shouldn’t be doing, and we come up with rationalization strategies to justify our behavior. In the interview, Sarah reflected on a very common rationalization, “I’ll start tomorrow".

While Sarahs’ example is specific to her relationship with disordered eating, at the end she broadens it and explains how it applies more generally to making healthier choices. I mean think about it, haven’t we all told ourselves “I’ll start tomorrow” at some point? And then we find a way to justify our way out of doing it, or into giving in to the urge one last time. It could be food, exercise, porn, video games, alcohol, you name it! But knowing what we know now, that our brain has this rationalization strategy, we can be more aware of the times it’s prevalent in our lives.

When it comes down to it, all of us just want to be loved. It’s in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and it’s something that is important to each and everyone of us. What’s interesting is, when we think about love, we think about receiving but we don’t think about giving it. And the thing is, it’s just as important.

A perfect example of this is an event I went to a few months ago that recently became top of mind again. I’ve gotten into a workout group called November project, and they’re a very supportive and fun-loving group, so they hosted a cheering section at a 10k to root their friends on in the race! I decided to go and support, see some friends, why not? And I’m so glad I did. It was very different experience than I expected because, there were 10 people we were there to specifically cheer for, but continued on to support thousands more who were participating. 

And since we were there, we poured our heart and soul out for each and every person that passed us, complete strangers, rooting them on, just because.

It was powerful to look someone in the eye, say something encouraging, and see their response. You could see their spirit lift and mentality shift all because they felt supported. It was also powerful to serve someone while expecting absolutely nothing in return. The feeling of taking a complete position of service was really grounding.

And that brings us back to the first point I made. When it comes to thinking about love, we default to receiving love and not really giving love. But what happens is, when you give love, it ends up serving you in the way that you feel validated by serving others.

Give love for no reason. Wish someone a good day, give out a high five, shoot someone a smile. What this does is it creates ripples in this world that invites more goodness, returning back to you stronger, and helping you to perpetuate it.

Have you ever claimed to have the next billion dollar idea? I think we all have. There’s a lesson to be learned in that. One route is that you fail to pursue the opportunity, which requires its own breakdown, but the other side of it is that a “billion dollar idea” actually fails. This is because not all good ideas are a good opportunity. No one would know this better than our favorite pitch expert and former SISD guest Brant Pinvidic.

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So, I hope that all makes sense. it’s about bringing something into fruition not just starting and getting close. There’s a genius to understanding that, of the 8 billion dollar ideas we have, they still need the right timing, the right team, and the right context. It’s about having the awareness to know if there’s more fuel to the idea than just the concept. This translates to life and life opportunities. Just because something is available to you doesn’t always mean you should pursue it. It’s a fine line between humility and ambition that we’re all quantifying for ourselves.

Today I wanted to share a communication technique I learned from Bill Sanders, that was brought to my attention again by Darren Hardy. It is a way to manage expectations at work, and it is brilliant.

Maybe it’s best viewed in the lens of an example. Your boss swings by your desk and tells you that you need to work on project A. “Hey Brian, just got word from up top we need to get this done ASAP. Can you do that?”.

You can’t say no right? Well, you don’t have to!

“Absolutely, I am more than happy to get that done. I am currently working on Project B and Project C, which one of those would you like this to take priority over?”

Essentially, what just happened in this conversation I had with myself, is that you were supportive of the work added to your plate, respectful of its urgency, and then subtly communicated that there is a cost associated with getting it done that you want them to make the decision on. It’s a way you can stand up for yourself without standing out.   

What you did is you addressed the real factors built into the task, which are ability and time, saying that you by all means have the ability to get it done, and can make the time if they deem it priority over your other tasks.

So, when you feel like you’re being stretched a little thin, and something gets added to your plate, you now have a way of enthusiastically taking the project on while standing up for yourself and your time.

“You are so much more than you are going through”.

Isn’t that just refreshing to hear? Sometimes we forget how strong we are, and what we’re capable of. We forget that in the face of any challenge, we have what it takes to overcome it within us. The only person that can tell you differently is yourself.

That’s not to say life isn’t full of challenges, it absolutely is, and it’s meant to test us. We face adversity that tests our will. We lose motivation and desperately search for it. We get anxious and stressed when it seems like we can’t.

But let me ask you this, has anything you’ve faced ever won? Well I can tell you it hasn’t. It might not have gone according to plan or worked out in an ideal way, but you live to fight another day. In my book, that means you won.

It means that in every instance so far, you have had more within you than whatever it is you were going through. The best part is those experiences have only helped to make you capable of more. Every challenge faced generates experience that you can use in the next one. Be grateful for the role it played in your life. Extract the lessons and growth. Keep on winning like you have every time before.

You are so much more than you are going through. I believe it, and I know you do too.