When you look at the mirror it gives you life exactly how it is. No lens, no filter, just at face value. This is it. It’s a simple equation, but we forget the ways in which it applies, and sometimes even see ourselves as an exception where the formula doesn't apply.

My friend Stephanie Zee once told me that, "when you judge others in life it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you, meaning that you project your own insecurities and issues onto others". If that’s the case, which I believe it’s true, then we can see how honestly life reflects back to you what you put out.

So if you want to receive kindness, be kind. If you want to be loved, love first. If you want others to be patient with you, start by being patient with them. 

We’ve gotten in our heads that this world is unpredictable and inconsistent, but the universal laws that we live within have never changed. While we can only perceive the world through our brain’s interpretation of our 5 senses, I fully believe that there are other universal laws that we are susceptible to. This is one of them.

Life is a mirror. What you put in is what you get out. So why not choose to add to your life the qualities that you know will serve you? Lead with kindness and from a place of support, and you’ll find it will return in the most important ways.

What is your purpose?

To me, purpose is what we’re all searching for. It’s the cause or area of service that lights you up every time you’re in it. It’s the combination of your interests, strengths, and causes that perfectly come together to get you feeling aligned and fulfilled. And when we’re working within our purpose, we find a flow that allows you to pour everything you have into whatever you’re working on in the most meaningful and fulfilling way.

I imagine you’ve experienced micro-moments of this throughout your life, where you’ve felt an incredible buzz or energy that makes you feel truly alive, and like you matter.

We need this more often! I think we’ve all created a story in our heads, which has been fed by the social norms we’ve come to accept, that prevents us from dreaming about pursuing our true purpose because it’s not practical.

Well guess what? That’s not the truth. That’s what you’ve been telling yourself, and the second you lift that expectation you’ll find that you’re actually ready to discover your purpose.

There were times when I wanted to pursue something bold or share a controversial opinion or tell someone how I feel and I just didn’t have the courage. When my head was on the pillow at night it was so easy to tell myself I was going to do it, but then when it came to doing it I just couldn’t!

Well, this topic might fix that. It’s about having 20 seconds of courage. Literally, it’s about getting out of your head, silencing your thoughts of doubt and insecurity, and just doing it. Stand up for yourself! Ask them out! Be bold!

I’m not asking you to sustain this. The reason you aren’t acting is because it is so uncomfortable. But I am asking you to shift your mindset for 20 seconds of courage, because that’s all that’s needed.

In a lot of these moments, it’s just about initiation. The fear usually isn’t in the act itself, it is in starting the act. The truth is we’re more competent and prepared than we think when it comes to expressing the things we want to stand for. It’s the getting into that space to facilitate the conversation or the act where a lot of people drop off. We are extremely adept at morphing and molding to the setting we find ourselves in. 20 seconds of courage will help you arrive to the setting that you’ve been resisting but you know is good for you.

To delve deeper, the fear of inaction is based on the perceived consequences. Of course, we’re going to be resistant to negative consequences, but we need to evaluate how those compare to the positive payoff. Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of liquid courage? Imagine being able to apply that but in a more intentional way. Are there consequences? Yes. But, how does it feel to act in a way true to yourself?

Long story short, It’s 20 seconds. That’s all I’m asking. You can do anything for 20 seconds. The next time you find yourself resisting how you feel or how you want to behave, and it’s appropriate, gather the courage and go for it!

A trait that many of us value across the board is courage. We all respect when someone is courageous and does what is required of them, but I don’t think courage is embraced as much as it should be. Let me ask you this. When was the last time you were courageous? It’s tougher to think of than it should be. This is because we often see courage as something external that other people do, but never think to embody it ourselves. This comes from our brain protecting us from the fear we are trying to avoid. But I believe that gaining awareness on the topic will help us to practice it more.

Being courageous involves three things which are gaining clarity on what you want, acknowledging the fear, and taking action.

First, we need to clarify what we want because if we don’t have that then what’s the point? We can never rationalize our way in to doing something we fear if we don’t believe it has purpose. So start there.

Then, if the means to accomplish it makes you afraid, then you need to acknowledge that emotion. Don’t avoid that truth because then you’ll avoid everything associated with it. I bet you’ve been forced to be courageous when you had non-negotiable responsibilities to attend to. This shows that you can act in the face of fear, and labeling it helps you understand the nature of your discomfort.

Then last, you have to take action. Courage doesn’t exist unless you take action because courage describes a state that involves overcoming the fear, so by definition you can only be courageous by taking action.

I wanted to feature a really important message that was central to the conversation I had with Shane Sams, the founder of Flipped Lifestyle and our next SISD guest. As we get into in the interview, Shane went through some major pain and hurt to discover what he wanted and needed to do with his life. His story is powerful and I encourage you to tune in for the full conversation. All you need to know is that this pain fueled his desire to make a change. As he puts it, that’s the catalyst, but that’s not enough, you need to see the dream too. And that’s what Shane did.

If you want to make a change, you need to be motivated to do it and you need to be prompted into action, and if that change is big and sustainable it needs to be a sustained motivation. Then, if you actually want to make it happen, and realize the dream, you need to learn how to do it. Watching and learning from other people who have done it can be the template to get started to creating it for yourself.

This line was featured in a song written by the very talented musician Julia Price.

"Like a dream that don't come true, something better will come to you."

It’s a tough reality to accept, but let’s think more about it. Our dreams are our deepest desires that we attach a lot of our fulfillment and meaning to. It’s a motivational piece that encourages us to work toward something we value. When our dreams don’t come true, our sense of value and worth goes with it.  

However, in this line in Julia Price's song, she presents an alternative perspective. Perhaps our brains are limited in what we can even dream about! Our perspectives are narrow to our own lens and experiences, and what we label as “our dreams” might not be what we want most. It’s in this linear way of thinking that we fail to determine what’s the best fit for our life trajectory, and there’s a larger plan that will take care of us. It’s about surrendering to the process, and viewing setbacks as flags to remember to have faith.

When presenting something to someone, give them two options to choose from. Two days to grab a coffee, two time slots to grab a phone call, two offers.

The reason why this is important is because we can lose people if we give too many or too few options. First, if we want anyone to take the next step with this we need to tell them how to do that. So, at the very least one option is required. But, when it’s just one then it seems rigid. There’s no sense of autonomy or agency in the decision, and some people might perceive that as inequitable and they’re less likely to pursue the activity. However, when there are two options, people feel like they have a choice, that their schedule and bandwidth is being respected, and it sets a better foundation.

On the alternative side, having too many options presents its own challenges like decision fatigue. Have you ever been presented so many options that you don’t even know where to start, and you give up? This is a science a lot of restaurants are very cognizant of on their menus.

Of course there’s leeway here and there and case by case, but keep this in mind when trying to book a time with someone. It’s an empathetic practice to design your outreach in a way that it will be best received. I encourage you to present two options the next time you pitch something and see how it goes.

What do you do when you face adversity? Do you fold and cry and stop in your tracks? No of course not, the ONLY thing you can do is move forward as best as you can, and move forward with the right perspective. That’s exactly what Matt Zinman shares as he elaborates a bit on this idea of facing life adversity.

Matt articulates the mindset we need to adopt when approaching life. It's a mindful, grateful, practical, and resilient mindset that can find the best in overcoming any obstacle. We need to give ourselves credit for our pasts and see it as a strength, recognizing how far we’ve already come, and use that to move forward.

I wanted to present an interesting thought in the book I’m reading, The 10x Rule, by Grant Cardone. I do like the mentality and philosophy of setting massive goals going way above and beyond to accomplish them, it’s an interesting form of accountability that forces us to be at our best. There’s a second part to the philosophy I’m trying to wrap my head around that I want to share.

Grant says, "you don’t want to compete with the people in your space, but you want to dominate them". The reason is that if you’re competing then you’re always using them as a reference point to measure your own performance. So by choosing to dominate, you set your own standards and therefore pursue your own potential, not the potential established by others.

The part that is difficult for me, and seems to be incongruent in my mind is how this all equates to success. Grant shares that to be successful you must dominate, and he defined success in the classic form. It comes from the same root word that is in the word successor, which historically has meant to overthrow or replace in power. For me, success doesn’t need to come at the expense of other people, and this philosophy has an undertone of scarcity and limited resources.

Having said all of that, I know it comes from a good place, and later in the book Grant does speak to the difference between abundance and scarcity, but I’m still processing it all and coming upon my own understanding.