I was on a morning run, and I had just picked up the pace because I was nearing the end, when I saw probably 20 pigeons all on the sidewalk in front of me pecking at something. With my blistering pace I startled them as I gained ground and naturally they all got up in a fuss and flew away at the same time. Makes sense, as I approached, I startled them and they relied on a built in fight or flight response that has helped them to survive for hundreds of thousands of years as a species. What was interesting though, was that they didn’t all just fly away, they all scattered randomly at first, then came together and flew in a coordinated pack with a strange amount of order. 

I believe the way pigeons responded to me as a threat in this situation is very similar to how we as humans respond to threats. We also have responses built up over generations of survival of the fittest and evolution, but something we underestimate is that we also have responses built up over our lifetime that we have come to find comfort in. When we’re exposed to a threat, and not necessarily a physical threat but an emotional, social, or psychological threat, many of us turn inward out of emotional protection. The opportunity here is if we take an extra moment to think through our unconscious response, we might be able to pursue a distinct advantage. 

Let’s use the pigeons here as an example. If one pigeon had the presence to know that their “fly away” response wasn’t necessary, and instead had hopped out of the way, it would have been able to return to pecking at the ground again sooner. This would violate their natural instinct but would produce a better result.

As humans, we have knee jerk reactions to so many things like bad news, awkward moments, and failure. In the face of these moments, we tend to resort to what’s comfortable. But what might be more advantageous, is if we can continue on and discover the opportunity hidden behind the knee jerk reaction, then we can begin making progress more often in a meaningful way.

What I’ve realized is that everything that exists collectively is rooted in personal choice. It all comes back to people and the decisions we make. While climate change, poverty, and the prison system all seem too daunting to ever be able to make a difference, I disagree. Those systems were manufactured by humans and therefore can be corrected by humans. It’s not going to be easy, of course not, but it needs to start somewhere right? You’re a human aren’t you?

I’m fascinated by what it means to “make a difference”, and specifically how helpless we sometimes feel when we want to make a difference. But I am telling you the work you do to support an important cause creates a magnitude of change far beyond what you believe, because you are leading the way! You are setting the example, and in order to create a change in the world you need to lead by example and embody that solution. That’s why before you can do, you must be.

Let’s say there’s something you’ve always wanted, like you’ve always wanted to be an architect. So, you went to college and studied what was required to have a competitive application to get into a graduate architecture program. Then, you go and you finish it and you get a job at a prominent architecture firm! Great work, success, you did it!

Until you realize you don’t enjoy the work and you’re not happy. Now what?

Examples similar to this happen across the board to everyone in all areas of our life. Jobs, relationships, commitments, and habits. Not all examples have that same amount of investment, but they are all relatable in the same way. You have a difficult time letting go of the way things were supposed to be.

You criticize yourself for not feeling better about it, and feel bad for yourself because you’ve wasted so much of your energy and time. But, the most important thing to do is to breathe in deep and recognize the truth that it might not be a good fit.

I believe there are two reasons why we have such a difficult time exiting situations that we know are no longer serving us. The first is out of respect for your past, and recognizing the time and effort you put into creating that situation. It’s something we hold onto for too long. Second, is we prefer our comfort, and enduring the pain we know is more appealing than navigating a foreign “potential pain”. This is the devil you know or the devil you don’t.

This is how I want you to think about it. This world changes fast. And a piece that fit the puzzle of your life may no longer have a spot anymore because you change too. With that in mind, it’s important to acknowledge that a piece may no longer fit. And that’s okay, because ultimately you want to pursue what belongs and feels right.

Do you have a morning routine? If you don’t I highly suggest you get one. It’s the consistency your brain and body crave to execute at a high level. I’m a firm believer in making the 1 decision that makes 90% of all other decisions, and that’s exactly what establishing a morning routine can do.

But the thing is, everyone has their own preferences that best serve their own needs. And even more difficult, those needs change! So, it’s really important to remain aware of the different things you’re doing and what they’re doing for you, so that they contribute to the areas of your life that are important to you.

My current morning routine involves a 6am alarm, drink half a glass of water, then get into my gratitude, affirmations, and goal setting journaling. Then, I exercise on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It’s been really good for me for a long time, but I think there’s more I can do. And I want to explore that.

This goes along with what I’ve been focusing on for the last 7 weeks in the Greatness Accelerator Program, which is auditing my sleep, dietary, and exercise habits to better understand what fuels me on a daily basis. Well I want to extend the experimentation into my morning routine, maybe even my evening routine, so that I can understand what I can do today to better prepare myself for the challenges I face.

The point of all of this is it’s really important to experiment. New information and preferences surface with time, and it’s important to have a system to be able to incorporate that in your day to see how it works for you. And some of these things won’t work, which is fine, but just like Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work".

“Treat others the way you want to be treated”, but let’s take it a step further. Treat everyone like you have something to learn from them. This does two really interesting things that I want to reflect on.

First, we all want to feel heard, and like what we have to share is worth listening to. At the end of the day, we all want to be loved, heard, and understood, and authentic connection and listening is one way to facilitate that. So, from an empathetic approach, it’s important to treat someone like you have something to learn because it validates the value you see in them and your relationship with them.

The second part is more of a shift. The world is abundant with knowledge, and it is impossible for any one person to know even a fraction of it. Just because it seems like objectively you are more educated or come off as more intelligent as someone else, it doesn’t mean they don’t have something to teach you. And it actually becomes fun trying to discover exactly what that is. In Vanessa Van Edwards book Captivate, she talks about a game you can play when you first meet someone where you try to find a point of similarity with them as fast as possible. Once we’ve built that rapport, the next step is to find out what we can learn from them! When you approach relationships with that curiosity to uncover something new, you’ll find not only that your knowledge base grows and diversifies, but you’re connecting more genuinely with the people around you.

A listener and buddy of mine, Derek, sent me this thought which is covered in Brendon Burchard’s book, “The Charge - Activating 10 Human Drives that Make you feel alive”.

In it, he covers the 3 ways to live. First is the caged life. This is when you live in the past, are molded and limited by the expectations of others, and are tethered by yesterday’s results and complacent in what’s happening right now.

Then there’s the comfortable life, where you feel engaged and thankful for what you have, you find some meaning and mystery in what you do, and you use your voice to stand up for things you believe in.

And lastly, there’s the charged life. This is where you dream and wonder how you can actualize your potential. You live an inspired life that is inspiring others. You chase the things that are authentic to you, not anyone else, and pursue experiences that you find valuable. And you are hungry for ways to stretch your abilities.

All 3 of these lives are fully attainable, and you get what you ask for. So which one do you want to live?. 

A line in the book goes as follows: “For it is often the human condition to comply obediently at first, then to assert but still cooperate or compromise, then, finally, to discover choice, calling, maturity, and heightened drives for freedom, expression, and contribution”.

The quote is, “You are nothing special”. This quote is true. We put our pants on one leg at a time, see things with our own two eyes, hear things with our own two ears, and walk places with our own two legs. We also breathe the same air and pump the same blood. It’s not all that different is it?

Well, here’s the important part with a twist to it. That’s not the full quote. It should have said, “You are capable of everything. You are nothing special”.

Just like having two eyes and two ears, we all share this same reality that we can do and be whatever we want! That ability to do everything exists in each and every one of us. For that reason you are not special.

But here’s the opportunity. There are some people who might have better vision, might be able to hear a little better, might be able to run a little faster, which is their uniqueness that stands out beyond average. Unique is not special. We all have our own uniqueness that allows us to contribute in a way that maximizes our efforts, which many people call “your zone of genius”.

Now the game is to get people with different geniuses all swimming in the same direction and working together to share their uniqueness! You are not special just because you are unique. Within that uniqueness you are capable of everything! Fortunately, so is everyone else.

For our next SISD, I had the pleasure of speaking with Dan Pallotta, an individual with a record setting Ted Talk and who is truly making a difference in this world by being smart in how he works with non-profits. Dan has disrupted the industry simply because he dared to dream! And his philosophy on it is really inspiring.

How true is it? This life and this opportunity is an absolute privilege, and let’s make the absolute most of it! Just because there is a way we used to do it doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. Through innovation and persistence you can accomplish major things if only you start creating it!

Recently, I was on a Zoom call with my friend, David Meltzer, who is always full of wisdom, and he shared a super powerful story that we all have something to learn from.

This happened pre-quarantine, but David woke at 4:30 A.M. as usual and went outside to drive to the gym. He noticed that his daughter’s car wasn’t parked anywhere near the house. He started to get really angry thinking through what she was doing and how he was going to punish her. She snuck out, and never came home. Is everything okay? He went to call her up but then thought twice because he didn’t want to approach the conversation with that kind of energy. He took a few moments, calmed himself down, then made the call. His daughter answered.

“Hey honey, is everything okay? I noticed your car isn’t out front.” 

“Yes it is Daddy, last night I went out to a party where people were drinking and you told me not to drive home if people had been drinking, so I left my car there.”

"Sweetie, I’m so proud of you, thank you for making the right decision, go back to bed, I love you.”

“Love you too Daddy!”

David recognizes that this probably means she was drinking too, but found it more important that she had the confidence to make the right decision.

Had David acted on his emotions, and accused his daughter of wrongdoings, she would have gotten defensive and this event would have been a much larger deal. So much so that the next time she’s out, she might choose to drive home to avoid this confrontation, and who knows what might happen then.

I share this story to help us remember that it’s so important to think about the energy you’re carrying, and how others may receive it, because it directly affects the results you generate.