I wanted to put this out there because it’s a truth we lose sight of: Everything is relative.

You might see someone else who has or is doing what you dream to do. Then someone else might be looking at you for the same reasons. No matter where you’re at there’s going to be something better and there’s going to be something worse. There’s going to be different, and there's going to be unrelated. There's going to be things that are unfathomable and unacceptable. And all of that is powerful because it helps you gain awareness on exactly where you’re at and what you need to do next.

Some people would argue that you need to have blinders on and be so focused that you don’t see any of this, but I think understanding your relativity to others is important. The first side of this is that you need to see other people and their success to believe that you can have it too. This accounts for the time and work they put in to achieve it, serving as a nice blueprint for you to use as well. It’s not, however, about being critical of yourself. It’s meant to gain an understanding of where you’re at and what you need to do to get there for yourself.

Then the second side of this is that there are people who don’t have it as well as you do. That’s the gratitude piece, and appreciating aspects of your life in relation to how other people are living.

Notice that I didn’t say compare. Comparison is a dangerous game because it provides relativity without context, trying to position things as better or worse than each other. Relativity in itself is an acknowledgment of how things are presently, as well as the history that lead to it and its implications for the future. Also notice that I didn’t say the good side and the bad side, or the positive side and the negative side. There is no objective “better”. All of this exists on a spectrum where everyone accepts their own tradeoffs for their purposes, interests, and responsibilities.

And that’s what relativity is about: Acquiring more data points to understand where you are on the spectrum.

Have you every played this script before for your life? One day I’ll do something meaningful. One day I’ll have clarity on what I was put on this earth to do. And this was a big one for me - One day I’ll be in a position to give back. The truth is you will never know the full extent of your actions in the moment, and that should not deter you from believing you are capable and worthy of having significance today.

This is what Charly and Richard Jaffe, a father daughter team that recently co-wrote the book “Turning Crisis into Success”, had to say on the subject.

See now this is important. It’s so common to live life from a “one day” mentality, but what that does is it decreases your capacity for significance because it stalls your taking action in it. You have significance today in everything you do, and those around you require your attention!

I’m going to ask you a very fundamental question when it comes to personal development. Do you try new things? I don’t mean just tweak something here and there. I mean do you actively put yourself outside of your comfort zone? Do you have an open mind about your beliefs and actively seek other perspectives?

It’s a tough thing to do, but it’s necessary if you want to make any kind of advancement in your life. A previous podcast guest, Brian Mazza, has a classic expression that states, “Nothing changes if nothing changes”. Whether you’re happy or not with the way your life is going today, it will continue to stay the same unless you do something different. That’s just a given in life.

Just because something, historically, has served you in the past, doesn’t mean that it’s still right for you now. In fact, there’s a book about this called, What got you here won’t get you there.

I have an example of this in my life. I grew up an athlete and was very conscious about my health and what I put in my body. I have never smoked once in my life. This awareness made me develop a negative association toward smoking weed in particular because I saw how it affected the ambition of those around me. However, since my playing days have ended a lot of research has come out about CBD based products, and I’ve retained that negative association because it served me in the past. But now, I recognize that very well could be holding me back, that there’s a lot of validity and use for CBD based products, and recently I’ve decided to explore that.

What does it mean to make the pass? It’s something that has been on my mind a lot lately. As you probably know I have a long background in sports playing college soccer and even baseball through high school. In sports, making the pass is doing the unselfish thing that is best for the team overall. It’s a result of prioritizing the team’s success over personal acclaim. 

But there’s a second form of making the pass - it’s an invitation. A pass involves an intentional decision to include someone else and work with them to generate a certain result. Within passing is collaboration, teamwork, and mutual interest. And when you live in a way that considers others, inviting them into your world, it’s a much brighter place to live with more understanding and less suffering.

But today, I want to talk about Making the Pass through the lens of underserved youth. As an athlete myself I know first hand the value in playing team sports - the meritocracy of it where you get out what you put it, the structure guidance and mentorship, and the opportunity for advancement that lies within it. Unfortunately many under-served do not have access to organized sports and therefore do not have that influence to develop in a well-rounded way. That is why I chose to fundraise for the non-profit Peace Players, to bridge the opportunity gap and drive change in the lives of deserving kids.

Here is an important clarification on goal setting. You don’t accomplish a goal simply because you have one. Yes, you are 42% more likely to accomplish a goal if you write it down, but that’s more because it means you acknowledged your intention and you’re serious about it, not that there’s any mechanism behind it.

However, a well crafted goal SMART goal gives you the direction required to figure out exactly what you need to do to accomplish it.

When you set a goal you approach progress from something called "outcome orientation", which is taking the position of generating a specific result. Well outcomes are a delayed indication of the work you’ve been doing, they’re a lagging measure of the action you’ve taken. So if that’s delayed, then what can we do in the now to accomplish our goals?

Take action! Once you know where you’re headed, you need to get there. You need to take action. And that’s called "process orientation", approaching progress from the lens of the things that you do to take steps toward your goals.

But even then, how sustainable is it to use will power and discipline to take action? It will run dry eventually, which is why it’s important to make one final shift toward "identity orientation". When the actions you take are simply the person you are, then it’s not longer a decision to take the right action, it just becomes something you do. 

You see there’s a system to all of it, and making that change you’ve always had on your heart is all possible when you have a comprehensive plan.

I want to talk about something that is true for a lot of us. We are stubborn. When we have our mind made up about something, or an opinion on a topic, we hold onto that perspective very tightly. It makes sense because there is an identity built within that viewpoint, from which we have drawn other conclusions and generated other opinions. 

The problem is though, that when we’re challenged in that opinion, it becomes more a matter of protecting our perspectives than having an open conversation about what is right. This happens across the board from social issues to common preferences to politics to religion. 

I believe the reason we do this is because we don’t want to be wrong, because if we are wrong, what does that say about us? We’re incompetent, ill-informed, uneducated, and therefore not valuable.

But, what if I were to flip it for you and tell you that changing your mind is a strength? Hmm. Well it is, and here’s why.

When you have the awareness to recognize that your perspective or opinion isn’t completely accurate, and you take action to renew or improve it, it’s actually a major display of emotional maturity. It demonstrates that your identity isn’t tied to you being right on something, but instead suggests an overall capacity and willingness to become more right in many different things. This more generally lifts your value, displays that you can become educated, opens the door to conversations that will allow you to be more informed, and therefore you are more competent.

3 of the most powerful words a leader can say are “I don’t know” because the vulnerability in it implies confidence. It’s an expression of humility in asking for support, and it’s proactive in its approach to find the answer.

So believe it! Changing your mind is a strength, and when you become open to being persuaded, you’ll stumble upon much more authentic, pure, and appropriate strategies for life.

Life goes on.

The good, the bad, and the ugly. The planned, the unexpected and the spontaneous. We have a tendency to attach so much anticipation and emotion to future events, and while it does pull us out of the present moment, it’s fascinating to think about how the future becomes our present.

Then, it becomes our past. That’s the core message. If you’re ready for it or not, life goes on. It’s your choice to decide if you move along with it.

For me, it was a big exciting launch day at my full-time job and I couldn’t even picture what life would be like after it, because it was the culmination of so much hard work. And here I am on the other side. In college, it was a reflection on heartbreak and private matters and injuries, but it all came and went.

I don’t mean to sound cynical or pessimistic. I’m just bringing this up to share more about our reality. The only thing we can do right now is the next thing. We can’t change the past. Sure we can influence the future but we can’t craft it perfectly. What we have in front of us today are the choices we make in the present. Time doesn’t care how you feel today or if you’re in the mood to dwell or celebrate. Life is just going to keep moving forward. you need to make sure you do the same if you want to keep up.

“You’ll never know until you try”. The expectations we have are imposed by ourselves and those around us, and usually aren’t all that fair. We expect that we need to succeed in everything we do, that it’s only worth it if we succeed and there’s some measurable outcome that comes from it.

But that’s not fair, especially in the context of this quote, because all that’s asked of you is that you try. When you try, you make an attempt or effort to do something. It’s all about the process, and not the outcome.

That’s because when you try, both failure and success are very possible options. And that’s great! It means your effort and commitment to trying is what should be measured, not the result generated. If you start approaching things with curiosity, and you start giving them a try, it is best that you aren’t emotionally attached to the result because that undermines your reason for trying.

Think of it this way. One of the most effective things you can do is use the trial and error process. Each time you try and don’t create what you want, it still should be viewed as a success because now you’re one step closer to doing it right and the outcome you want!

As Thomas Edison put it, “I haven’t failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”.

The reason that this is all important is the quote, "you’ll never know until you try". You don’t want to live in the what if’s and could have been's in life. Might as well figure out the truth for yourself by simply giving it a try.