One of the most influential minds of the modern personal development movement (that you maybe have never heard of) is Phil Stutz. He’s a psychologist and therapist for celebrities as well as a high performance coach for some of the world’s most successful people. I’ve been diving into his work more recently and wanted to share some of his best with you.

Stutz says that 3 unavoidable, universal aspects in life are pain, uncertainty, and hard work. He finds that a lot of people find themselves in conflict because they don’t have the right relationship with these things and therefore, they become negative influences.

To quickly define each - Pain is an aversive response you have to emotional, physical, or psychological strain. Uncertainty is the doubt and fear we experience around an unknown future. And work, in particular hard work, is the mechanism that changes any circumstance.

Put them all together in an acronym and you’ve got PUH - Poo!

If we want, we can choose to treat these things like poo. The default response is to be disgusted, avoidant, and dismissive of pain, uncertainty, and hard work. I think we can all agree that feces are nasty... and similarly we default to relating with PUH a bit negatively as well.

But here's the opportunity. From a different perspective - poo is a fertilizer! It is the ingredient you need to support growth, development and proliferation. In that way poo is a great thing and a catalyst to things changing and improving.

In order for this PUH to serve you - pain, uncertainty, and hard work - you must choose a positive way to relate with it.

Instead of feeling like a victim in pain, get curious about where that pain is coming from and what you have to learn from it.

Instead of being paralyzed from taking action by uncertainty, use it as a training ground to experiment and get better at predicting how things will be.

And instead of being allergic to hard work, find more value in the ways you’re investing your time so that you can build the life of your dreams.

I don’t mean to be grotesque - My aim is to get your attention so that you can improve your life. If you feel like this insight was interesting or helpful for you, it will certainly be helpful to other people you care about.

Sharing is caring! Forward this along to someone who you think would be curious to learn about it.

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I want to take a moment to expand on some pretty standard advice in the personal development space. When it comes to creating a better life for yourself, you can only do that in the present and in the future. Thinking about the past and replaying old scenarios is often a distraction that robs you of the effort and attention you need to show up in the present.

Now in terms of where we should place our focus, the present is pretty straightforward. It’s about what’s happening right here and now. When you’re more mindful of the moment and perceptive of what’s around you, you deepen your experience, allowing you to be more present in the present.

The second, more ambiguous factor to a better life is the future. It’s the land of possibility, expectancy, and opportunity. But there are two different relationships you have with the future, it has two faces, the first one is wishing and the second one is creating.

First let’s dive into wishing. This is what you do when you have determined that you want something. You have enough knowledge to know that it would add to the quality of your life. The very nature of wishing is hopeful, it’s aspirational, but it’s not very concrete. Kind of like the law of attraction, you hope to arrive at something but you aren’t taking an active role in it coming to fruition.

That is exactly what we do in the second face. The impetus is the same - you want something. But when you’re creating you realize that you have the power to shape your future. You get how the ‘now’ connects to the ‘then’ and that there’s a sequence to it. You see the future as more of an evolution from the present, and the direction of the development is something you have the power to influence.

To restate it, the difference between wishing and creating is how actively you’re playing a role in shaping the future. If you’re removed from it and observing, then you’re wishing. If you’re making moves, strategizing, and connecting the dots, then you’re creating.

The highlight is - Don’t fool yourself that your future will be better just because you want it to be so. You must take control of it, be a participant in its evolution, and be the source of the change. You must invest in the present to effectuate the future, or else it will come to be without your say in the matter. That is the heart of creation, and when you realize that it’s within your power, you will become on fire and unstoppable!

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Featuring a quote from 18th century poet Alexander Pope, I must say that there is more to this thought than his immediately perceived. There’s a silver lining to it. The quote is “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."

When I first read this I had the impression that this is too far on the side of being unemotional and detached from reality. I thought that if you don’t expect anything then sure, you can’t be disappointed. But the consequence to that is it’s also restricting your ability to feel enjoyment and celebration.

But then I really thought about the first word of the quote -Blessed. “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”

This highlights the extent of the gift that detachment is. So many people are preoccupied with cause and effect of things and the expectancy of results that it prevents them from being present in the moment. It causes people to be less engaged in the input, which is where moments live and life is experienced. 

It’s a blessing that you expect nothing because it means that you have no attachment to the output and you can dedicate your full-attention to the input.

The beautiful part is, this helps you focus on what’s in your control. We can shoot to attain certain results but at the end of the day we cannot guarantee them. What we do have fully agency over though, is the way we position things and set them up for success.

When we’re too invested in the outcome and we fall short of achieving it, it’s disappointing. That’s a universal response. But that’s not to say we can’t celebrate the wins of life! Of course we can, and we should! But the focus here is we cannot expect them because that will affect the way we go about doing things.

And that’s the silver-lining of positivity - to live a more joyful and uplifting life it serves you to prevent contrasting emotions like disappointment and frustration. Understanding now that those emotions come when reality didn’t meet your expectations, you can curb their influence on you by not having set expectations in the first place.

Now I must say, I’m not suggesting you don’t have any expectations for anything. I believe there are certain standards you must uphold for yourself and those around you to create your best environment, but I share this perspective because it might help you interrupt the pattern and give you a new way of thinking about your relationship with generating results.

I don’t talk a lot about nutrition or diet because I don’t know nearly enough about it to contribute anything meaningful. But even so, despite conflicting articles and information, there is a consensus about what is the best diet. If you want to start eating healthier this is what you need to do:

Pick the diet that you can stick to.

It’s that simple. The best diet for you is the one you can stay consistent with. The reality is all different diets have a widespread of benefits - vegan, paleo, intermittent fasting, gluten-free, and each of our bodies are different so it’s hard to make any recommendations about it. What matters most is your compliance with it - the best diet for you is the one you can stick to.

When you can pick a diet that is reasonably within your financial means and your social interests, you’re more likely to follow through on it and therefore discover how it affects you. You’ll be able to start figuring out what makes you feel at your best when you commit to a sustainable diet and reflect on how much energy you had throughout the day, did you have any discomfort, etc.

This also helps you align on what’s most manageable for you over the long-term. Is it healthy for you to have dessert and drink alcohol every night? Probably not, although of course there’s research that suggests chocolate is great for you and a glass of wine at night is too. But the point I’m trying to make is if you tell yourself you can’t have dessert, or you can’t drink alcohol ever because it’s part of an unhealthy diet, then you’re setting expectations that aren’t organically compatible with your life!

In my coaching I encourage people to find that best fit amount so that they have the right amount to shoot for. This is the true definition of temperance - it’s not completely eliminating something from your life, it’s about finding the right amount of it that is in alignment with your values.

So if you want to get into a healthier lifestyle and commit to a more healthful diet - pick the one that you can stick to. It might be oversimplified but when you set that expectation from your logical, reasonable best-self, you’ll find that it might be a little challenging, and it will hold you accountable, because with good intentions you set a new standard.

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I want to use a metaphor to explain how we’re affected by the things around us. I want you to picture a big powerful ship.Whether it’s a military ship, a cruise ship, or some other vessel, it spans long across the water. This ship is capable of traveling long distances through difficult currents to get to its destination.

A ship has one primary purpose, which is to stay afloat. It has been expertly crafted to maintain buoyancy with the right distribution of weight and materials to ensure that it can glide on top of the water. Now here’s the lesson - ships don’t sink because of the water around them, they sink because they get water in them.

The same is true for you and the influences of your life. You might be surrounded by the very thing that is your demise but it does not need to negatively impact you. Like a ship on top of water, you must navigate the danger, temptation, and vice around you without letting it affect you. Just because you’re surrounded by something does not mean it will dictate your life. Of course it has the potential to, should you let it win, but there are real things you can do to decrease the chances of that.

First is preparation. Understand the environment you’re entering. What storms are out there and how might that expose your weaknesses. Think through the physics of what materials and structures you need to maximize your frame. ​​Sun Tzu says in “The Art Of War” - “Every battle is won or lost before it is ever fought”. Preparation creates confidence, which creates more presence to make the right decisions in the moment.

Then also, it’s really about highlighting the intention. What is the mission? What are you meant to do? When you add that perspective to the moment you have more awareness to know what is in alignment and what’s not. A ship chooses to leave the shore and take on the open ocean for a purpose, and when you connect to yours you find more direct ways to navigate the waters as effectively as possible.

The expectation cannot be that you avoid risk and danger at all costs, but rather that you can confidently move through it knowing how to prevent its influence on you. Like a ship surrounded by water, you must keep the negative influences out of your life if you want to stay afloat.

I’m a huge advocate for building life systems. I find that when you have standardized routines and processes you get reliable results. Having said that, there’s an interesting caveat I want to add that I’ve only recently been thinking about.

What if your routine is feeling too routine? Meaning, what if the things you’re consistently doing are only functioning at a surface level. The sequence of events have been carefully determined to create a certain result, and it’s possible that you’re only receiving a fraction of that result because your mind isn’t in it. Similar to how sometimes we do things to “check the box”, when we aren’t fully-engaged in the activity it’s possible that the benefits are diluted.

In 2023, I really wanted to revamp my morning routine. I do it consistently but felt like the process wasn’t preparing me for my day as much as it could or how I would have liked it to. So I implemented something to interrupt that normal process and my experience with it so far has been tremendous. 

Basically, instead of just going through the list of things I do in my head, I now have a list written down with an intention assigned to each. This gives a voice to the reason “why” I do it rather than just doing it. With this new list, now my process is to first read the intention before I begin. After that I do the behavior with the intention in mind, and then I acknowledge that I completed by reflecting on how effectively I fulfilled that intention at the end.

What this has done is it has brought consciousness to what had become unconscious over time. The more you routinely do something, the more subconscious it becomes. It’s is a process called automaticity. This is great when you want to stay consistent with something because you can do it on autopilot, without much effort. But in order to get the full benefits of doing that behavior, you must pay attention. The more engaged you are in something the deeper the imprint it leaves.

So beyond being in good habits, which is a challenge in itself, the next step is to stay full-engaged in those habits. The benefits will decay over-time if you’re not intentional about cultivating them. Your task is to be more present, more often, doing the things that serve you most, so that you can be as prepared as possible to take on life and make the most of it!

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If you're someone who is ambitious, who wants to achieve a lot in life and create amazing abundance for themself, then pay close attention to this. John Assaraf has a philosophy that we should “lift each other as we climb”.

Picture yourself climbing the ladder of success. You find yourself climbing up and reaching new heights you’ve never reached before. You even see yourself start to pass people on the path. It may be tempting to leave them behind, because that’s energy and focus that you could use for your own ascension. But the best thing for you to do in the moment is to actually help people when you can, even when it is inconvenient, and there are 3 reasons why.

Reason #1 - It will actually create more value for you. Pat Flynn has a quote that goes “the universe has this amazing way of giving to those who serve first.” Call it Karma, call it collective consciousness, but what’s undeniable is the pattern that those who take care of others are taken care of themselves. 

Every time you help someone you make a deposit. You make an investment big or small, in the success or well-being of someone else. What happens to that investment is that it grows to a much larger amount without you even knowing it. Eventually, that new multiplied amount finds its way back to you in indirect ways, adding value to your life that you didn’t know you were missing.

This transitions into reason #2 - You never know when you’re going to need help yourself. That ladder is steep and it’s tiring and sometimes, it’s going to bend in ways that you aren’t capable of navigating yourself. When you help others you become more willing to receive help yourself. This is abundance, knowing that things don’t exist in conflict with each other but in synergy. The more deposits you placed in others, the bigger the pot of value is that you can pull from when you need it. Everyone needs help and you can invest in getting the support you need, when you need it, by being of service now.

And then reason #3 - When you get to the top, who are you going to enjoy it with? The fulfillment you feel when you reach your goals will feel much emptier if you’re alone. By lifting people as you climb, you’ll find more people were able to make it to the top alongside you, and you can celebrate with them. At the end of the day, isn’t it all about your happiness anyway? The mentality of “do it at all costs” is flawed because there doesn’t need to be costs. You can enjoy the journey and the destination when you do it the right way, which is by being of service and lifting as you climb.

The thought parallels the profound African Proverb “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together”. Teamwork makes the dream work. You don’t need to do it alone, and you’ll want people around you to enjoy it with. So the next time someone extends a hand asking for help, lift them up as you climb.

This featured quote represents a timeless principle through a modern lens. I’m sure you’ve heard of the idea of not taking things “for granted”. It basically means that there are so many things in our life that we’ve grown accustomed to, that are just normal components of our life and we don’t know much different. But there are many people that don’t have those same things and there’s nothing they want more in the world than that.

Just to provide a few examples: If you are able-bodied and you can walk, that’s a gift. There are many people who can’t, whether it be because of an unexpected accident, a disease, or old-age. We don’t often think about how nice it is to be able to walk until we realize what it would be like if we couldn’t.

The same goes for basic utilities - Water, electricity, internet, insulation. Imagine how much more uncomfortable and inconvenient your life would be if you didn’t have those basic things. There are people on this planet right now who don’t.

But now getting more narrow on today’s quote - “Never take a single breath for granted.” As humans, breath is the indicator of life. If you’re not breathing you’re no longer living. Every single moment you take a breath is another opportunity for you to experience this miracle that is life.

Truly, everything about life is extraordinary. Not only thinking about the odds that you came to be in the first place, but the way that all of your body’s processes are working in perfect synchronicity is phenomenal. And it should be viewed as such, but many people are blind to it.

Many people go another day, getting through what’s ahead of them and “checking the box” in life. They’re not present in the moment, finding joy and curiosity in what’s around them, or feeling the edge of their capabilities. They’re just kind of existing, but they’re not living.

I don’t know anything about what happens after death, but what has been documented for people on their deathbed is that one of their main regrets is to not have showed up for life as fully as they could have.

The end of our life is always around the corner and nothing is guaranteed. So how can you honor that moment and live with more intention, presence, and purpose right now? Tying it back to a timeless principle, all of this echoes what the Stoic philosophers called “Memento Mori”. To summarize, it translates to “you will die”, but it suggests that you must live as fully as possible until that day comes.

I know it’s impossible to never take a single breath for granted, but commit to taking as few breaths for granted as possible. Now that you know better, you can do better.

I don’t mean to be morbid, my intention is to be real and support you in living a life you’re proud of. If you want help with that, click the link here and we can schedule a time to connect about it!

Something that is hard-wired into us, over the course of years of evolution, is negativity bias. To put it more simply, as humans we are designed to find the bad in things. This is because back when our brains we’re evolving, it was very important that we were hyper-aware of the things in our environment that were negative, dangerous, threatening, or otherwise concerning. It literally was a matter of life and death.

But today, things are very different. We don’t require the same vigilance for the things around us, yet that part of us still plays a central role in our psychology. This is often the source the prevents us from dreaming bigger, feeling capable, and having confidence - it’s because our brain finds all the reasons why we "can’t" and overlooks the reasons why we can. It’s an unconscious bias, but we can overcome it by being more conscious about how it affects us. With a little more awareness and understanding this inclination doesn’t have the same power over us.

So how can we get intentional about working on this? It’s by setting an intention on how you want to be in certain situations. When you choose how you want to be you have an extra force in your psychology that pulls you to be that way.

One of the ways we can do this is by implementing a “How can we?” response pattern. Instead of allowing your brain to see all of the reasons why a new idea won’t work, you can train yourself to ask a more empowering question.

Let’s say you couldn’t focus during your meditation. You could get self-critical and judgmental, which is negativity bias, or you could ask yourself “How could we do better next time?” It represents the perspective of possibility and opportunity rather than despair and deprecation.

Or if there’s a daunting new business idea you have. Instead of reflecting on the idea with all of the reasons why it’s going to be hard or where you might fail (which prevents you from even trying), you can ask yourself the question “How can we get the first version of this business off the ground?”

It completely changes the energy you use to approach a challenge. Unconsciously the default is negative, that’s just the way our brains are designed to work, but consciously it can be positive and optimistic. To promote the latter, the goal is to interrupt the normal pattern, create awareness on how you want to relate with the situation, and use the prompt you’ve now learned to change your thinking. You do it enough times and it will become more natural, more familiar, and more default.