Self Improvement Daily Podcast

We all know the classic Thanksgiving line, “What are you thankful for?”. Some families go around the table and have everyone express gratitude for a blessing in their life.  This is awesome, and it should be encouraged. I want to quickly share a few ways to make that affirmation more impactful, both internally and externally.

The big suggestion I’d make is to share something personal. Think about the last real challenge or struggle you faced. What emotions did you feel, and why did you feel them?  What is the root cause of it, and how did it resolve?  Placing yourself back in the shoes of when you were experiencing that challenge will help you reflect on what got you out of it. Also, giving credit to the people, circumstances, and actions that changed your path are a great source of gratitude.

If you haven’t come across something hugely challenging recently, then think about the biggest change you experienced in your life. How was it before, how is it now, and what lies at the core of that change?  I expect there is a huge blessing built into that change that would be good to share and acknowledge.

Take some time now to think about how either of these thought experiments might relate to your life, and be prepared to get introspective and personal when sharing what you’re thankful for, because that’ll mean the most to yourself and those that you are enjoying the Thanksgiving with.

In a chemical reaction, certain molecules, the reactants, change their bonds to form new molecules, the products. This process also involves an exchange of energy. If you remember what an endothermic reaction is, it means that energy must be put into the system to turn reactants into products. This means that a certain threshold of energy needs to be added to the system to induce the change, and that amount of energy is called “activation energy”.

Well, activation energy doesn’t just exist in chemistry. It exists within each of us and our own actions. We all know that feeling of “I just can’t get up” or “I just don’t have the energy right now”. That is activation energy holding us back! We also know, that once we get up and get going, our minds change and the task becomes way easier.  This is all possible by overcoming that initial activation energy, and using momentum to drive us forward.

There are few really good ways to get yourself to invest that initial activation energy to get moving. First, is to use a starting ritual, which is a mental shortcut to action.  My favorite is Mel Robbins’ 5 second rule, count down from 5 and act on 0. Another great technique is taking a “Just show up” mentality. Let’s say you want to workout in the morning, a full training regimen might seem daunting. But, by telling yourself you’ll “just show up” to the gym, you dilute the commitment required to take action, and more easily beat the activation energy barrier.

It is important to know how our bodies work so that we can have more control over them, and do more of the things we want to do!

Many of us at our core are competitors, which means one thing: We want to win. We work late, go the extra mile, spread ourselves thin, and do what it takes to gain a competitive advantage. Is that what it takes to win?

Well, what about the game of life, are we winning at that?  It’s a much larger thought and a longer conversation, but I really appreciated something Gary Vaynerchuk said on the topic recently. 

“That game itself is the win.  And it’s no different than being a mother, or a teacher, or a public servant, or a lawyer (you love reading law).  The people that win in life are the ones that found the thing they like the most and it sustained their lifestyle. The reason most people fail is that they want a lifestyle that their love doesn’t support because they worry about people’s opinions of them in their lifestyle.”

Let’s talk about how to win. Yes, your career is important, and it is fulfilling to be the best at what you do. But, remember to view that in the context of your entire life.  How do your actions relate with your family-life, passions, spirituality, health, and relationships? Stepping back and being competitive in a more holistic way, to get the most out of all areas of your life, is a better goal for all of us as humans. Gary Vee does a good job of always providing a perspective and scope to the hustle.

This little bit should be valuable for anyone trying to measure themselves up as a professional, but also more specifically for those of you who are looking for a job.  We are going to hear from CEO, Venture Capitalist, and author Bradley Tusk.  When looking to hire, Bradley doesn’t look deep into the candidate’s pedigree or schooling.  He prefers to learn about personality traits that are indicative of success. 

"Anyone who has had some success would tell you, yea part of it is through their talent. But, mainly it is just hard work. There is that Woody Allen quote, '90 percent of life is showing up', and I think that is right. At the end of the day, no matter how smart you are, if you do not put the work in and you're willing to take some risks then you cannot succeed. If you do all those things, even if you have a little less talent, that is okay. You can usually win. In life, it is really about hustle, instinct, street smarts, communication skills, work ethic, integrity, character. Yea, talent matters, but I think in a world where people believe that all matter are their credentials or their talents and not used to getting knocked down, in the work place, they are a lot less useful".

So, that’s just another data point for us. Hard work can compete with talent. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard”.  Bradley’s message give us some assurance that there is validity to that phrase.

If you preach positivity, it will be returned to you. It doesn’t require that much effort.  Think good thoughts. Try to give others the benefit of the doubt, assume people have good intention, and have the right intentions yourself. 

Also, try to say nice things. Give out compliments, express appreciation for a job well done, and frame criticism in a constructive way.  Do good for others. Take a step out of your way for someone if you know it will save 10 steps of their own.  Although these are simple concepts, their effects are massive, and everything really does come back to you.

Whether you need the boost yourself, or you just like encouraging the people around you, there is a huge opportunity for impact when you spread positivity.  A little support goes a long way, and it won’t be forgotten!

So share the gift of positivity with someone today. Think good thoughts, say nice things, and do good for others.  In fact, let’s do a little of that everyday!

Let me set the stage by sharing a super interesting experiment conducted by Soloman Asch.  Asch and his team brought in a group of individuals, sat them down at a table, and had them look at four different lines on a board. They then asked that the participants compare the line on the far left with the other lines, and indicate which line they thought was the same length.  In each test, there was clearly only one correct option.  However, all but one person in the group were confederates told to give the wrong answer! Although the study participant knew what line was correct to choose, they gave an intentionally wrong answer because they conformed to the answers of the group.  

Try to give honest feedback. It demonstrates that you have an opinion, you feel like you can add value, and that you care. As seen in the experiment, it is a natural human tendency to refrain from expressing your opinion if it disagrees with the group. But knowing what you do now, you can overcome that tendency and share your honest opinion.

There is an interesting expansion to the Asch experiment. If only one confederate gave a different answer, it didn’t even have to be the right one, then the study participant was far more likely to give their honest feedback. As a leader, this is an interesting observation because you can induce that environment to get honest feedback. Trying things like having people submit anonymous points, or having people write down their initial impressions before any discussion, will help get your team members real thoughts out on the table.  

Be deliberate and get honest feedback so that you can use it to improve!

What is the first thing you think of when someone mentions jealousy? It has a negative feel to it doesn’t it. I thought that too, until recently when I heard Mel Robbins share her take on the cause of jealousy. 

“You can be in a space where you can be happy and you are thrilled for someone you love and care about and respect, because you’re watching them have their dreams come true, so you can feel all of that. And if you also feel jealous, what that means is that’s your unrealized dreams trying to get you to pay attention.  It’s not about hatred for the other person.  Envy is about hatred for the other person, because envy is when you think ‘well you didn’t work hard enough for that’.  Jealousy is basically your dreams saying ‘hey, that is something that you care about.”

The way Mel broke down the difference between jealousy and envy was brilliant. It’s important to strip each emotion and reveal its cause and deeper meaning. Jealousy is fueled by introspection and problems within yourself, whereas envy resides in your resentment of others. So, jealousy is much healthier than envy because you can do something about it! Next time you start feeling jealous, think about how that emotion relates to your own insecurities.

This is one of the oldest tricks in the book but so under used. Even with all of the technology we have available to us today, there sometimes is still no replacement for doing things the old-fashioned way, and this is no exception.

Write a handwritten note. This doesn’t mean write an email, or send a text. It means pull out a piece of paper, write down your thoughts in your own handwriting, and deliver a tangible product.  

I know, it seems like unnecessary effort, but that’s the point. Dedicating the time to express appreciation, show an interest, or be there for someone else is extremely well received. Your commitment to another person is clear when its in your own handwriting, and it represents more than digital words ever could.  

Additionally, it makes the words you write more true to yourself. The physical act of writing something down has a deep association within your psychology, and your affirmations affect your psyche in a more physiological way

Give it a try the next time you want to say thank you, send an invitation, or share a memory. It’ll make you feel better about what you’re writing about, and it’ll be better received by the recipient.  

Next time you can, give a friend the gift of a handwritten note and see what happens.

What do you do when you’re stressed?  Let’s say a bunch of things have gotten out of control and have added up in your life. How do you release that tension?  Did screaming cross your mind?

Screaming is a great way to get emotion out of your system. This works because emotion can’t really take a physical form, in fact, we usually suppress it. But, it is very healthy and natural to let it out of your system, and screaming is one of our most natural forms. Think about how we yell at the TV during sports, or how we raise our voices to ourselves when we make a mistake. Screaming definitely serves its purpose in society.

So scream, but do it when appropriate. You don’t want to scare your neighbor, or have anyone question your sanity, but find the right opportunity to get it done and you’ll feel better and refreshed. Just the other day I was having a tough day, and things weren’t going well, so I went on a run and, when it felt right. When I was alone, I gave out a good yell, and man did it feel good. Give it a try yourself the next time you need to get that emotion out of your system.