This is an important topic I haven't touched on yet - Taking risks and exploring what "risk" means. Kara Goldin, the CEO and Founder of Hint, a world-leading beverage company has taken many risks in her life and wants to help people understand the nature and implications of risk, rather than just shying away from them.

Her message encourages us to take an independent approach toward risk. What is the upside of the decision, and what does that mean for you? Don’t let other people who feel uncomfortable taking a certain risk influence you and keep you from doing what you want to do. Think for yourself!

There’s a lot to unpack here with self-love and self-acceptance. I personally have struggled with this topic. Growing up as a kid I was in a very validating environment. For many years I misunderstood who or what I should be working for. Basically, I became dependent on the praise and approval of others in order to measure my own self-worth. It’s hard to see when you’re in it, and that’s why I think this quote is so good because it helps provide some awareness to it.

"Prove yourself to yourself, not others."

Even in the expression “I’m trying to prove myself”... Who are you trying to prove yourself to? If you don’t think highly about yourself then you’ll rely on others to make up the difference. But the problem is it becomes an endless chase of more and more to constantly fill the need of feeling like you’re worthy.

So when you’re caught up in this cycle, of valuing others’ opinions over your own, what do you do? You challenge yourself. You step straight into the fear. The fear that you aren’t enough, that you aren’t worthy, and you show yourself that you are capable. It could be as small as just showing up for yourself at an event, or as big as radically changing something about your life. In order to prove yourself to yourself you need to do something for yourself.

Believe it or not, we all share something about life. For every one of us, things haven’t gone perfectly. Our paths have had a few bumps and turns and re-routes along the way. So what separates those who persevere and those who give up? It’s how they respond to that adversity, and doing what they can in the face of challenges to get back on track.

The first step is to separate from your emotions. Your emotions are really effective at communicating to you how you should feel given certain things, but those emotions also have certain associated responses. In the case of challenge, our emotions tell us to "stop" so that we can preserve ourselves. If you want to get back on track you need to first overcome your emotions. 

Then, once you’ve done that you need to take a small action. You are in control of your life and you choose the direction. Take action to set your destination and commit to that positive change. At that point it becomes about consistency. Continuing to show up for yourself and what you want, picking up momentum and making that path a little easier to travel. Once you’ve re-established your baseline, you’re back on track and you can grow from that. 

Every single person has strengths and weaknesses. We all hold a unique perspective that comes from our own life’s context. We are very different and very similar all at the same time, which is a gift and a curse. In my mind this means two things - We all have something to offer others, and we all need something from others.

Let’s talk about the latter, and getting the support we need. The main reason we don’t get the help we need is because we don’t ask for it. It is uncomfortable to be vulnerable, to share about things that could hurt us, but there’s a wealth of opportunity if we can overcome it. I believe this fear of vulnerability is deeply wired within us as animals that existed in a hierarchy of dominance. But even dogs concede and expose their bellies sometimes, and as humans we can do the same by voicing our insecurities to others.

By sharing openly about your fears, insecurities, and areas you need help in, other people can come in to support you. You cultivate an awareness about a need that you have. What is your weakness is someone else’s strength, what you have little of someone else has a lot of, and resources or knowledge can be allocated appropriately depending on where it needs to go. 

This means that support becomes more accessible to those who express that they need it, and voicing your insecurities is your first step in beginning to overcome the challenge you are fearful of facing.

We all have a million great ideas about the things we want to do. Wake up at 5 am, meditate for half an hour, get a good workout in, get home and get straight to work… you get the picture. I’m just as guilty as anyone on this and sometimes find myself dreaming a little more than doing. This is because it’s so easy to think about doing all of those things, but when it comes to actually doing it, it’s not so easy. 

Something that makes all the difference is making a plan. Literally writing out what you’re going to do, in what order, and committing to doing it. This allows you to leverage the motivation you feel the night before, or the morning of, and helps you to actually implement it. This has been game changing for me this Holiday season. I am visiting family away from home and my routine was totally flipped upside down. But my first night in town I took the time to make a plan, establish what I want my routines to be, and even challenged myself a little bit. I cannot reiterate enough how valuable it is to make a decision in advance that instructs you how to behave rather than deciding how to behave in the moment.

This same concept goes for New Years Resolutions. I’m going to lose 30 pounds, I’m going to read 20 books, I’m going to organize my house completely! All sounds good and dandy, but 80% of New Years Resolutions fail. Why? There’s no plan. Make a plan to determine what you need to do in order to create the results you want in your life.

No matter what someone says, or does, or means, we all share one thing - We all want to be liked. There’s no shame in it, in fact it’s a very normal thing that sometimes is labeled as bad, and I want to take some time to provide perspective to that.

Starting at the very beginning, being liked is an important survival mechanism. As strong and smart as humans are, back in the day when we had predators it was very important to be a part of a group for your safety. So having a need to be liked by others was actually evolutionarily beneficial because it promoted a behavior of cooperation and assimilation, which then allowed you to be a contributing member of the group.

While the game is different now, we still need to use a similar lens to evaluate if our desire to be liked is maladaptive or if it’s adding value. And that lens is "what need is it satisfying?"

If you want to be liked because you’re compensating for insecurities, or are refusing to acknowledge your truth, then that is more of an unhealthy application of wanting to be liked. That’s because it is addressing your needs in a way that compromises your potentiality through external validation. 

If you want to be liked because you want to grow deeper, more intimate relationships with people who challenge you to be better, which facilitates the process of you exploring your truth and potentiality, then that is a more healthy and productive application of wanting to be liked.

In both cases, and just like way back when, this need to be liked is being applied to meet a need. It’s up to you to figure out what need is being met by your desire to be liked by others, and how that contributes to your overall well-being.

When we put ourselves out there we expose ourselves to the real possibility of coming up short. Naturally, we want to do everything we can to avoid that criticism because it threatens our self-belief and affects our self-esteem. However, with a different perspective we can see more positivity in this circumstance. This is communicated effectively in the following quote: “No matter how bad things go you're still ahead of those who aren't trying.”

The real failure, the real thing to be critical about yourself for, is not trying. As long as you pick up the phone and make that call, walk over to that girl and spit a line, roll out of your covers and put your running shoes on, you are ahead of where you would have been if you didn’t take action. And it’s important to recognize that. Maybe they don’t answer the call, maybe she’s not interested in getting to know you, maybe you only go for a short walk instead of a full workout, you’re still better off because you chose to do something.

Out of this natural tendency to self-preserve we overestimate the worst case scenario, and we let it paralyze us from taking action in any form. But outcomes exist on a spectrum, and if things go bad... I bet they didn’t go all the way bad. And it's important to acknowledge that half of the spectrum is allocated for things going well! But remember, "no matter how bad things go you’re still ahead of those who aren't trying."

Life is good! And I really want you to feel that. Maybe you had a few big wins come through recently, maybe you’re finally getting some recognition for the hard work you’ve been putting in, or maybe you’re finally in a place to dream bigger. It’s important to leverage this momentum to help you keep making forward progress, but don’t rest on your laurels. In order to achieve the life you want you need to earn it every day.

Unfortunately, we often get held up on past accomplishments and identities. We remember how things were and who we were, keeping us from being present in who we are now and what we’re capable of now. I’m all for you being proud of yourself, but that doesn’t mean you can get complacent. The job isn’t done, and holding too tightly on to past successes may be limiting you from accessing your potential today. So it’s important to be mindful of the present moment and understand that there's so much more to build and create around what you’ve already done.

When you are no longer so attached to your past results, and you feel the genuine desire to prove yourself in everything you do, you’ll feel a wave of inspiration that will lift you and guide you. I encourage you to earn it every day, to be validated in the effort you’re putting into it, and not holding on to the successes of the past.

As a leading executive creativity coach, Genein Letford has some really clever ways to help people think outside the box. They’re non-traditional by nature, but that’s what makes them so unique and profound. One of those ways is by encouraging people to use metaphors to approach ideas in a new way.

Let’s try this in real time! Using that "bark on the tree" example... What is the bark to self improvement? I’d say the bark on the tree is like self-belief in self improvement, because when you try new things you can fail, and you need to have the confidence to get back up and try again without discouragement. Try using a metaphor to create new associations onthe next creative project you work on!