Let's talk about an African philosophy that I learned from my friend Tunde Daniel, a Nigerian who founded of the non-profit Chess In Slums. The philosophy is "Ubuntu", which is a Zulu word that loosely translates to “being self through others”. It encompasses a few fundamental values all in one thought - Respect, human dignity, compassion, solidarity and consensus.

Respect is about seeing the value in someone else’s unique path. Human dignity is applying that same respect to humanity at large. Compassion is about being empathetic to the soul behind the person you see. Solidarity is standing with others to protect something you find mutually valuable. And consensus is a general understanding that what’s best for the group is best for the individual.

Essentially, Ubuntu captures the shared nature of life. Our personal well-being is intricately woven within the well-being of others. African communities live this Ubuntu philosophy, sharing what they have and only taking what they need, in order to care for all. 

In Western cultures, there’s a lot we can learn from this. Capitalism and the individualism that is embedded in our society rejects this notion of interconnectedness. There’s only so much to go around and you need to make sure you get yours, right? Wrong! And if we choose to be the leaders that provide more visibility to an Ubuntu alternative, we can start shaping a more cooperative society.

Now, back to my friend Tunde. As a kid that grew up in a slum in Nigeria, he depended on Ubuntu for his own survival. And now he’s in a position to pay it forward, and has founded a non-profit called Chess In Slums where he’s helping to inspire kids in poverty to take an interest in education through chess. At For Purpose, we have plans to support him, and if you want to hear more about how, please provide your email at the bottom of our website www.forpurpose.com.

Something that is really important in your self growth journey is your ability to be aware of what’s around you. That’s why mindfulness and perspective practices are so effective, because it brings your attention to things that are existing beyond your immediate and comfortable reality. But if we want to get the most out of our awareness, we need to go one step further. It’s not just about looking at the things around you, it’s about seeing everything for what it is. 

Do you notice the difference? Your observation is only as strong as the impression it leaves on you, and if you really want to extract information from your surroundings you need to invest in it. You need to be curious about the way certain things provoke certain emotions. You need to question your processes and understand why you operate a certain way to see what the consequences of that are, good and bad. It requires more energy and focus to see, which is why we don’t do it as naturally. 

It’s a similar argument as to why people “go through the motions”. Have you ever noticed you’re doing something just to check the box and say you did it? That is looking. It’s not approaching the activity with a desire to dive deeper, and it limits your ability to extract more value. 

So I turn the question over to you - When it comes to your environment and the things around you, are you looking or seeing? In your daily habits and choices, are you looking or seeing? Life is so much richer when it has depth, and when you begin to see things in greater detail you’ll realize that there’s so much more to see.

The one certainty about life is that life is uncertain. As much as we want to know what’s going to happen next, we simply can’t. There are too many variables, many of which are out of our control, and as you’ve probably noticed things don’t go exactly according to plan. 

This is interesting because we as humans crave certainty. Our brains are designed to seek comfort, so we default to trying to make calculated choices that lead to more predictable results. This process is informed by our past experiences, learnings, and beliefs to try and create a future that is as certain as possible.

Unfortunately, this often leads us to living the “shoulds” of life - Seeking to meet the expectations of others, to live a particular life’s path, even when you know it’s not authentically yours. It’s the “I should get a solid job with benefits and a pension”, “I should get married and have kids”, “I should be saving more for retirement”. The fear of uncertainty nudges us to look to others and the standards they’ve set to determine our own.

But if you’re being honest with yourself, even that is uncertain. It’s simply more comfortable because you don’t have to feel responsible for your own happiness. But if we recognize that our future is constantly uncertain, then we can take risks and make decisions that feel true to ourselves, and feel more alive and aligned more often.

We’ve probably all heard how important it is to get advice from others, but also how careful we need to be about the source of that advice. Darren Hardy put it great by saying “Only take advice from someone you would immediately trade places with.” While that might be a bit extreme, I want to frame this thought in that perspective - You need to be really careful about the advice you receive, but for a different reason.

Let’s talk about what it means to seek counsel. It’s slightly different than getting advice, and that’s even evident in the root word being used. When someone offers counsel they’re taking more of a consultative approach to providing feedback. They’re lending their experience, expertise, and years of knowledge to provide perspective around the issue at hand. However, in a consultative relationship, the final decision maker is still you. This means that the intent of seeking counsel is to become more informed about what your options are before making a decision. 

Advice, however, is usually someone telling you what they think you should do. There’s a bit more of an expectation there because the dynamic of the conversation is a little different. It’s only a small nuance, but the intent slightly shifts because their goal is to get you to think what they think, which may very well be in your best interest, but does not necessarily mean you’re thinking for yourself. 

So what changes? Not much, except that the advice you receive has a new tint to it. Yes, get insight from others who have been there and done that, you have a lot to learn, but no two stories are the same and ultimately it’s up to you to integrate that information and think for yourself. Seek counsel, not advice.

This mindset is a total game-changer for me. My intention for 2021 is to get uncomfortable and I’m getting really intentional about stepping outside of my comfort zone as often as I can. Shared by Brian Johnson, the anti-fragile mindset really embodies how to make the most of leaving your comfort zone. It's the growth you can experience by doing things differently and putting yourself out there.

The anti-fragile mindset is about reframing difficulties and obstacles to see them as fuel for your growth. With this mindset you can embrace challenge to create opportunity for yourself, and strengthen the way you relate to life’s circumstances. I’m using anti-fragility in a few ways. First with my cold shower routine, I have started smiling in the cold because I feel myself growing through the pain. Also, when someone tells me “No”. In the face of rejection I have learned to pull the benefit out of it, trusting that the experience is preparing me for something bigger. 

It’s unnatural to do, but when you start inviting challenges in your life instead of running from them, you begin to accelerate on your path toward excellence.

You want to hear something great? Failure. I know that might not sound right to you but I’m going to elaborate on why that’s the case, and share with you what I do when I fail.

First off, the fact that you failed means that you tried. Former US president Theodore Roosevelt was quoted saying “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” The attempt should be celebrated, and it in itself is more meaningful than we give it credit for. Most importantly, failure is a lesson. It is incredible feedback about your process, and allows you to learn at an accelerated rate. But, this is only possible when you allow yourself to pull the lessons embedded in the failure.

And that’s what I do, I have a Failure Reflection Framework that takes me through a series of prompts to really understand my performance, the good and bad about it, and identify areas for improvement moving forward.

Ultimately, what the framework does is it brings your awareness to the opportunities you didn’t pursue and the insights you didn’t consider. Then it gives you the structure you need to figure out what you’re going to do next to apply those learnings, because what matters most is using the experience to inform your next attempt.

This thought about the difference between positivity and optimism is very interesting, and I discovered it on Simon Sinek’s podcast “A Bit Of Optimism.”

Positivity is a reflection of your current state. It’s seeing the best in the way things are right now. It’s a perspective because it’s a lens through which you see your reality, and it helps you to experience better moments. I’m a big advocate for positivity.

But optimism is different, and just as important. As Simon stated in the podcast “Optimism is not a denial of the current state, it’s a belief that the future is bright, but it accepts current darkness.” In learning this, we can see that optimism doesn’t say much about how you feel in the moment, you absolutely can be stressed, worried, or anxious. It merely allows you to accept it as temporary. 

So now that begs the question, how are positivity and optimism different in practice? I think a lot of the short-term tactics like positive body posture, parasympathetic breathing, and gratitude are all great in helping to change your physiology so that you’re more comfortable feeling positive. But when it comes to optimism it’s more about practicing faith and surrendering to the process, trusting that things will ultimately be as they should.

So, let's be both positive and optimistic!