I just spent a few days with my family and it was interesting to observe myself in some of the interactions. 

My Mom made a suggestion about a restaurant to go to, even though she’s already taken me there probably a dozen times…

We went on a kayak together and she asked me if I knew how to do it, even though we’ve probably already done it about a dozen times…

I put some breakfast in the toaster, and my grandma heard the ‘ding’ and notified me that the toaster was done, even though I heard it myself and was on my way toward it...

These were simple, everyday situations but there was a lot happening behind the scenes. In my initial gut-reaction, I felt myself getting frustrated or offended: 

“Does she not remember that I’ve been to this restaurant before?” “She doesn’t think I know how to kayak?” “She doesn’t think I know when my food is ready?” 

Because I had the presence to observe these feelings, I didn’t let them influence how I chose to behave. Instead I got curious about why I had those thoughts in the first place. It’s not that I don’t appreciate my Mom and Grandma, I realized that these situations involving them was triggering my ego.

The ego acts as your sense of individuality. It defines the border between you and others, and wants to validate where you fit in relative to the group. My mentor David Meltzer often talks about how the ego uses separation and comparison to achieve that individuality, and expresses it through various needs: To be right, to be offended, to feel inferior, to feel superior, to be recognized… To be separate.

The ego also has the intention to preserve a positive self-image. It wants to boost your perceived status within the group, which is why it often gets the reputation for contributing to arrogance and selfishness. The ego interprets situations around you through a lens that’s designed to make you look good or feel better about yourself, which then leads to corresponding behaviors.

That’s exactly what happened during my family time. My ego was trying to hijack the moment and be heard. But through intentionality and self-awareness, I could control those impulses so that they didn't send me in the wrong direction. 

I told my mom without tone or frustration that we’ve been to that restaurant before. I explained that I’ve been on a kayak many times, and feel capable, in a non-condescending way. I thanked my grandma for telling me the toaster had finished.

It’s interesting to think about what you think. And it’s important to observe your behaviors and lived experience because it provides clues to what’s happening behind the scenes.

Do you have that quiet, nagging thought in the back of your mind that says “'I should be further along by now”?

That was me for years. Smart, hard working, always learning, always busy doing what I thought were ‘the right things’. I could talk a big game but deep down knew I was slowly becoming the guy who couldn’t back it up.

For those who read lots of self improvement books, listen to podcasts, and have all the right information, it can be really frustrating. You see so many others who are no smarter or talented than you are succeeding and wonder why you haven’t figured it out yet for yourself. 

I call this being a "personal development junkie” where you keep yourself so busy consuming new things that can change your life that you don’t actually get around to doing it. There’s a disconnect between what you’re learning and what you’re applying, and a core misalignment between what you know you’re capable of and what you are actually achieving.

At first I thought there was something wrong with me, but then I realized that wasn’t it… There was something wrong with my process. 

I wanted to improve but I didn’t have a system for measuring my performance. I wanted to make faster progress but I didn’t have a system for receiving and implementing feedback. I wanted to be a high performer but I didn’t have a strong enough foundation built to sustain it. I knew better but wasn’t doing better.

Systems are the engines behind execution. And the problem was, I wanted to go fast like a Ferrari but I had a lawnmower’s engine. That’s why I committed to upgrading my engine and building better systems. And slowly but surely, I bridged the gap and started getting the results I knew were possible for myself.

It started with my baseline layer of self-awareness. I implemented a new system of personal performance tracking so that I knew how I was showing up on a daily basis. I incorporated productivity systems, getting consistent with following a balanced schedule for the day and organizing my tasks so that I was focused on getting the most important things done before the rest. I built a system that improved my morning and night routines, and got me in the consistent practice of gratitude journaling which completely shifted my mindset.

I felt like I was falling behind but I made up ground because I focused on creating more structure around me, and it’s the best thing I ever did for my self-growth. If you thought you’d be further along by now, but you’ve plateaued at a level of business success, unhealthy habits, and overbusy days that keep you falling short of your potential, then you would get a lot out of a systems upgrade.

And if you don’t know where to start with that, or you want to see how I did it, I take you through it step by step in the 21 Day Super Habits Challenge.

Something that is amazing about the world we live in today is how something that used to be impossible, or science fiction, is now a reality. Nights were lit by candles until Thomas Edison introduced electric lightbulbs to the world. Letters had to be physically mailed across the world to be read by someone else until the invention of the fax machine, and then improved further through email. Even in our pockets we have devices that operate with touchscreens, which were futuristic inventions in fantasy worlds.

But this isn’t just true for technology, it’s also true for human physiology. As a former Division 1 college athlete, my favorite example of this is Roger Bannister. For years runners were trying to accomplish the incredible feat of running a mile in under 4 minutes. Everyone who tried failed, and scientists even concluded that biologically human hearts were incapable of sustaining such demand. That is until May 6, 1954., Roger Bannister broke the barrier and completely changed the game. Within 13 months, 4 other runners also broke the impossible 4 minute mile barrier.

The limitation in life isn’t the physical or technological characteristics of things, it’s our belief of what’s possible. We conclude that things are impossible from our current level of understanding, but knowing how incomplete that is, it’s foolish to think that we’re right. 

Given what we understand about the properties of physical matter, it seems impossible to be able to teleport. But given what we knew about physics, we also thought that planes would be too heavy to fly… Or given the way human anatomy works to breathe in air, it seems impossible for humans to to breathe underwater. But animals like frogs can do both, so is it really impossible?

Tthinking something can’t be done keeps you from even trying to do it. And that’s the real limitation - the belief that it's impossible. 

I’m giving pioneering and innovative examples, but the same principles are true when you scale them down to your life. Is it really impossible to get that promotion, look as good as you did in college, convince that dream client to work with you, or live overseas? Of course not! Other people have done it, so why can’t you?

A renewed belief about what’s possible gives you a reason to go for it. It’s not guaranteed, but it’s only those who try for something that achieve it. What is guaranteed is that you won’t get what you want if you don’t try.

Something that’s behind the scenes of our day to day choices is a desire for status. It’s quietly a part of how our society works, and explains why we care so much about the lives of the rich and famous, why we buy expensive things to signal wealth, and why so many people seek power in work and politics.

A desire for higher status in society has been planted into our psychology through generations and generations of evolution. What’s unique is the way we express this evolutionary need for status in modern our modern world.

The driving force of evolution was all to accomplish one goal: To keep us and our kin alive to ensure that our genes were passed into future generations. Those who could secure essential resources like food, water, shelter, and protection were most likely to survive the longest. So who do those resources go to? Those who have the highest status within the group, they get to eat before everyone else does. 

Originally, it was the most physically dominant that achieved the highest status. This is still true in the animal kingdom where the strongest, biggest, most aggressive, most violent males lead the pack. But in today’s world, dominance no longer is derived just from the individual’s strength. Dominance comes from the strength of all the resources at their disposal. It’s no longer the physically strongest that has the highest status but the person that has the most power.

This is true for major political leaders who have militaries to enforce their mission, celebrities who have a platform and audience to activate, and the wealthy who can afford to secure resources when they’re scarce. People who are in a position to influence others can organize resources in ways that others can’t, and therefore ensure that they get whatever they want. 

Whether we realize it or not, as social creatures we are very sensitive to the power dynamics in our environments. There’s a delicate game of taking advantage of opportunities to elevate our status without ruining our good standing with others who are higher status. It’s a dynamic that influences every interaction we have.

But given that we live in a world where resources are abundant and we’re not fighting for survival like we used to, this evolutionary hardwiring for status is a bit out of place. It’s hard to do, but it’s on each one of us to live a life that’s authentic to ourselves and not the one that signals status, motivated by unmet evolutionary needs.

One of the most influential voices in the history of personal development, Jim Rohn, has a quote that goes “It’s not what happens, but what you do with what happens.”

Situations and events in life have no meaning until we give them meaning. They’re just isolated incidents with zero implications. It’s only when our mind interprets these events and assigns them a meaning that we form our own perception of it. 

Rohn makes this distinction clear in one of his classic examples: 

Say there’s a blustery storm outside. Salesperson #1 reasons “I’m not going to go door to door today, the conditions are miserable, sounds like an awful day to be on the road” and he chooses to stay home. Salesperson #2 reasons “What a great day for me! The conditions are miserable, probably means a lot of people will be home!” Two people, same circumstances, different perceptions.

This thought closely aligns with a more recognizable philosophy popularized by Jack Canfield: E + R = O. Event + Response = Outcome. The outcome of any event is not determined until there’s a response to it. And there are two factors that go into our response: There’s a conscious response and an unconscious response.

The conscious response is us telling ourselves how we want to think, react to, or receive and event. It’s within our power to shape and control our perception. We can coach ourselves into seeing the good in the bad, the opportunity in the bleak, the good intentions in the mistake, and the effort in the action. This works very effectively but it requires that we are aware of what’s happening and can dedicate our attention to create the story.

What’s working in the background 100% of the time is the unconscious response. Our mind is always listening and interpreting events in our lives in ways that we don’t even realize. The unconscious response pulls from our belief system, short-term needs, emotional state, and other factors to give an event meaning. And its influence happens without us even realizing it, causing us to navigate the outcomes that come as a byproduct of our unconscious processing.

Back to the quote: “It’s not what happens, but what you do with what happens.” What happens is neutral and meaningless. The way you receive what happens, and how that impacts the way you feel, think, and take action is what has consequence.

So my encouragement to you is to start questioning the way you’re interpreting things in your life, and if you don’t like how things are, then change the meaning. It’ll feel unnatural and fake at first, but once you build up the skillset, you can truly shape your reality.

I’m going to be real with you… I haven’t been feeling very motivated lately. 

I’ve been taking my time getting up and out of bed, not feeling up for a workout and dragging myself into the gym, spending more time than usual on my phone doing nothing important, delaying getting into a cold shower even though I know it’s inevitable, and generally going about things with a slower pace to my day. 

I’ve even noticed that I’ve been criticizing myself for it, trying to tell myself to get over how I feel and take action in the ways I know are best for me. And I’m finding out that’s easier said than done! Yes, even Mr. Self Improvement has some bad days and weeks.

Even though I’ve still been getting everything done, it’s not the energy I want to carry into my life, and that’s an indicator for me to work on changing it.  I’m clear on what I want - to be an unstoppable and inspired high performer - and I figured it might be helpful to share some of the things that are working for me so that you too can get yourself out of a funk the next time you find yourself in one.

First, I wanted to understand the conditions around me that might be causing me to feel unmotivated. Upon reflection I uncovered some obvious factors. To start, I’ve been traveling a lot recently with lots of early flights, and for that reason I have not been getting enough sleep or being as consistent with my morning routine as I usually am. Of course I’m not as on top of things when I don’t have the energy for it. 

Also, I realized that I’ve taken on a lot recently and have more on my plate than I used to, making me feel more overwhelmed and stretched than usual. It’s ironic because I have more to do and less time to do it, yet I’ve been more time wasteful. I’m finding that my unconscious response to being ‘overloaded’ is to shut down, and that’s coming out as a feeling of low motivation.

It’s with this awareness that I can make direct and effective changes. Knowing I’m underslept, I can prioritize my sleep and protect my morning routine and priming. Knowing that I’m stretched beyond capacity, I can be conscious of not saying ‘yes’ to anything else that will add to my plate. Now that I know what’s dripping I can fix the source of the leak.

Put it all together and it has created a powerful shift in me: I have awareness of what’s influencing me to be unmotivated so I can be less self-critical, I have a pathway of action steps that I believe will help me get out of this funk and back to where I want to be, and I have renewed hope that this little fit won’t last too much longer.

It doesn’t serve me to feel bad for myself. I’m genuinely excited about everything in my life and that’s being clouded by the conditions around me! But by taking a few steps forward I can start seeing through the fog and know that I’ll make it to the other side.

If you haven’t been feeling motivated lately, take a look at the things that are different in your world now compared to how they were before, understand how they might be influencing you, and discover your game plan for working through it.

And since I’ve shared some of the details around my process… I’m also happy to share what it looks like in action. It works for me and might give you some ideas!

There’s a famous expression that goes “ignorance is bliss” that I really want us to think about. Is it actually the best path forward, or is it one of those things that we’ve heard enough times that we believe it’s and never thought to challenge?

I’ve been thinking deeper about the question “Is ignorance bliss?” and I’ve got my answer: No, but sometimes kind of. Let me explain.

Ignorance can be bliss when there’s a problem in life that isn’t impacting you too much right now, but it would significantly impact you if you were aware of it. And I think that’s the intended meaning of the expression - "Ignorance is bliss" when it does more harm than good to worry about something that doesn’t need to be a cause for worry. This is often true for the things that are out of your control because if you can’t do anything about it then you’re not wasting energy on it.

However, the cost to the “ignorance is bliss” approach is that it could lead to bigger problems down the road. It may be easier to intervene on a situation today, but if you choose not to be aware of it then it’s at risk for becoming more difficult to manage in the future. Also when you take the position of non-awareness on something, it has the potential to dilute your overall experience. Things are good enough but they could be better… And choosing ignorance might cause you to miss out on the fullness of experience that life has to offer.

Which leads us to the alternative - “Ignorance is not bliss”. Built into the word ‘ignorance’ is ‘ignore’. As I see it, to ‘ignore’ is to willingly choose to not know about something or take action on something. To ignore something is to avoid it despite knowing that doing something about it is in your best interest. And that’s why to me, ignoring facets of your life is unhealthy, irresponsible, and undisciplined. 

My primary interest is to live with as much intentionality as possible, and that requires having awareness and discipline. Ignorance exists opposite to that. Does it serve you to not seek as much awareness and information as you possibly can? Is it better to be avoidant of the realities of your life? Largely, no. But sometimes when your awareness does more harm than good, sure.

But I’ve found those instances are few and far between. Even for those things that do add unnecessary worry or stress to your life, the healthier approach is to accept them rather than completely ignore them.

As we pursue our self-improvement and think about the positive changes we want to make to our lives, it’s natural to gravitate toward the extreme. We feel inspired to replace your unmotivated mornings with 5am daily workouts, an unhealthy diet to being fully gluten-free, or producing a lot of waste as a consumer to getting rid of all plastics in your life. We think to make major life-changes because those are the most significant, but that kind of radical approach often fails because it’s too disruptive to be sustainable.

I call this the ‘Strain and recovery’ cycle. You can choose to pursue personal transformation in a way that asks you to do thing that are radically different from how you’re doing them now… But it requires that you put in an effortful push to establish a new standard. Maybe you can stick with it in the short term, but it’s an unsustainable amount to take on and when you tire out, or life circumstances change, the follow through fades away.

The more manageable approach is the ‘Elevate and sustain cycle’, and what this does is it considers all of the milestones between where you’re at and where you want to be. By achieving micro-goals and locking in smaller changes, you don’t fatigue in the same way. This enables you to make consistent progress so that piece by piece, things get better. It’s a process of systematically raising your baseline one detail at a time in the direction of the ideal you have in mind. 

And this is how it plays out: Start waking up at 7am and going for a short walk in the morning before you attempt 5am workouts at the gym. First limit your midday snacking on crackers and chips before you make every meal gluten-free. You replace your personal hygiene products with brands that have compostable containers before you have a house that is rid of all plastics.

Rather than trying to create the ideal situation from the very beginning, ask yourself what ‘better’ looks like. What’s one thing you can do to have a better workout routine? What’s one thing you can do to incorporate a better diet? What’s one thing you can swap to be more environmentally conscious?

Fight that natural inclination to pursue the extreme, ideal, perfect version of improvement because it sets you up for failure and disappointment. Instead focus on doing one thing better, time and again, as you build up the life you see for yourself. 

This is what it means to get better every day. Small, meaningful, consistent improvements. And as the growth stacks on top of itself, you’ll find that you’ll reach new heights and have a strong foundation to support you the entire way. 

My process for getting better every day is I have a daily habit of completing my Self Improvement Scorecard. Check it out!