Self Improvement Daily Podcast

As purpose-driven people who want to make the most out of life and make a difference in the world, we know that our ticket to succeeding with that is by making an impact. But unfortunately there are a few things working against us in that effort that we need to be cognizant of and ultimately, overcome.

Within each of us is our ego. It’s our sense of self and its sole purpose is to keep us psychologically safe and preserve our self-worth. But as with most of our evolutionary biology, the ego has a fatal flaw in that it is optimized to support us in staying safe and secure in the short-term.

This is similar to the well-known tension we experience related to the choices we make on a daily basis, and if we give in to receive a short-term reward or manage to delay gratification.

There are many ways that the ego is at play, but one I want to highlight is the need that we have to impress others.

When we impress, it validates that we are worthy, that we have something to offer, and that people have a positive perception of us. This need comes from the history of mankind where we depended on each other for our survival, and we needed to prove we belonged in the group in order to survive.

But in today’s world, the same need comes out but it actually serves to limit our ability to make an impact. John Maxwell says “If we want to impress, talk about our successes. But if we want to impact, we need to talk about our failures.”

It’s in the vulnerability and sharing relatable experiences that we can more deeply connect with others. Rather than creating separation by talking about how good we are, we bring people closer by talking about what we’ve struggled with.

The ego attempts to separate us. It wants us to feel special, unique, and capable, so it unconsciously influences us to see and share evidence of that. But if we want to play the long game and make a more profound impact on the world, we need to navigate the ego and control it rather than let it control us.

The best way to do that is by choosing to place yourself beside people. Do the hard work with them. Share and work your process in ways that others can see. Lead by example and be humble enough to know that you don’t have it all figured out, and that’s okay.

Try to catch yourself when you find yourself trying to sound impressive, and instead route your dialogue to be of service and be more relatable.

This is something I’ve been trying to do more! Have you noticed?

At the end of the day, what's personal development and self-improvement for? Abraham Maslow says, it’s “To become all that we can be” in pursuit of our fullest potential.

But why is even that important?

I believe It’s because there’s nothing more fulfilling, purposeful, and blissful than feeling like we gave life all we’ve got and made the absolute most of it.

Bronnie Ware is known for popularizing the number one regret of the dying, which is “they wish they would have lived a life true to themselves, and not the life others expected of them.” Making the most out of life certainly involves having as little regret as possible.

More realistically, a good life is made up of good decades, which come from good good years, good months, good weeks, and good days. And even further, good days all boil down to the only thing in our control, which is the present moment. To tie the loose ends together, a good life is fueled by good moments.

The best way to explain the emphasis we should have on our lifestyle choices is the greek word “arete”, which roughly translates to moment to moment excellence, or virtue.

To live with “arete” means to act in alignment with the best version of ourselves and in service of our potential.

The problem is, it’s incredibly difficult to have the consciousness required to constantly be evaluating your choices. We haven’t reached the levels of enlightenment required to be fully aware of what’s happening at all times...

So instead we reflect on the variety of choices we make, and the excellence and virtue we live with, in daily cycles. That’s why it’s common for people to bundle it all together in an attempt to “win the day”.

Our daily performance is the most reliable unit of evaluation we have, and the quality of our daily review impacts the quality we bring to every moment.

If you don’t have a foundational performance tracking routine, this is the greatest opportunity you have for personal growth. You can’t improve what you don't measure.

It’s the reason I call it the Meta Habit - it's the habit that catalyzes all other habits - and if you can learn all about it as one of the 9 Super Habits by clicking here!

Last week on my Honeymoon I had an unforgettable experience. My wife Irene and I wanted to pamper ourselves a little bit so we treated ourselves to a nice massage. A man named Willian was highly recommended so we booked him to visit our accommodation for a session each.

When he showed up, Willian had a pure energy about him and a peaceful spirit. We instantly connected. What I wasn’t prepared for was how he was going to basically stand on me for most of the massage and dig his heel into muscles I didn’t know existed. It’s one of those “hurts so good” kind of experiences.

After the massage we had a long conversation about life and his wisdom was profound. As a Colombian man who used to be a pastor in Los Angeles and now is a massage therapist in Hawaii, he talked a lot about how he faithfully listened to wherever he could be of service.

But there was one line he said that I wanted to share with you: “Everything you do should be life-giving”. He elaborated on the two different expressions of this thought.

First is that in the way we contribute toward others, we must be life-giving. This goes beyond the miracle that is creating life and serves as a filter that we can view our actions through. He talked about indigenous traditions and how our actions transcend 7 generations, and we must treat each choice with care and diligence.

Second he talked about how we must do things that are life-giving for ourselves. A lot of Willian’s massage practice is rooted in disrupting pockets of stored energy and getting energy moving throughout the body and ultimately, discharged back into the Earth. I can personally attest to how different parts of my body felt like I was buzzing throughout the session.

This reminds of the language I use about serving the self. If it’s inspiring then its energy giving and if it’s expiring then its energy draining. Simply put, our goal is to do more of what inspires us and less of what doesn’t.

“Everything you do should be life-giving”.

It’s an interesting perspective to take, and my encouragement to you is to explore how this idea interfaces with the choices you make over the next few days.

Something that is commonly talked about in romantic relationships, that I want to broaden, is the concept of red flags.

The origin of the expression comes from war zones. If someone held up a red flag it signaled that danger was near. But in today’s vocabulary, for something to be a ‘red flag’ means that it’s a warning or a sign that something’s wrong.

There are very obvious red flags (like going into business with someone who has gone to prison for embezzlement) and there are more subtle red flags that are more intuitive (like having the feeling that someone doesn’t have good intentions).

What’s interesting is while we wouldn’t knowingly choose to step into a situation with clear ‘red flags’ we often find ourselves in them.

One reason is we choose to ignore them. For whatever reason, our sense of hope and possibility outweighs the negative perception of how a ‘red flag’ might impact our life. Having optimism causes us to be more tolerant of things we otherwise wouldn’t want.

Another reason is fear of change. The way things are, even though they aren’t ideal, is predictable. You know what you’re going to get. And our minds crave certainty because there’s a sense of safety in it, so we postpone change in an attempt to maintain the level of safety we have right now for fear we’ll have less if we intervene.

And last is emotional investment. When we’ve poured time and energy into a person or job or lifestyle, we experience a cognitive bias called ‘sunk cost fallacy'. This causes us to try to salvage the deposits we’ve already placed in order to avoid wasting them. But often this keeps us locked into a situation that isn’t going to improve.

Standing up to the red flags in your life takes courage. Your mind will try to convince you that you don’t need to initiate change. But when you do you create space that allows more positive relationships and opportunities to fill in.

So be honest with yourself and what serves you. Don’t pretend ‘not to know’ what’s going on. The more you allow 'red flags' in, the weaker your boundary becomes and the more you enable other red flags to find their way into your life.

To integrate this concept with awareness, you can reflect on this question: What am I pretending not to know?

Something that I really desire more of in my life, that I am extremely focused on cultivating, is enthusiasm and excitement. 

There are some people that just exude enthusiasm. They’re buzzing with energy and it makes you step up your level of presence and engagement with what’s happening.

One of those people is my wife Irene.

In my vows to her on our wedding day I commented on how the looks at life with a sense of wonder in everything, and it inspires me.

But some of us don’t naturally find reasons to be excited about life. Our demeanor is more reserved, introverted, and composed. We prefer to not let emotions sway us off center too far.

But we’re missing out on experiencing life fully without enthusiasm! According to Heroic, of the 8 cardinal virtues the one that is most highly correlated with flourishing is ‘zest’ aka enthusiasm.

When you strip it all away, excitement and enthusiasm is a perspective. We can choose to assign an excitable meaning to anything. In other words, you don’t need to create hype… You just need to start seeing it!

I’m not saying you need to 'turn it all the way up' from stoic to bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm, but you might enjoy how your next level of daily excitement makes you feel. So let’s do it now!

Ask yourself this question - What am I really excited about today?

And then continue on with this follow up question - What can I do differently today to bring out that excitement?

Give it a try! And if you find that it really serves you, the consider anchoring it as a consistent practice in a morning or startup routine.

The more you train yourself to see excitement, and the more prepared you are to act on it, the more natural it will be for you to experience it and the more embedded it will be in everything you do!

One of the most important things we can have to live a high-quality life, full of rich experiences and meaningful personal challenges, is a growth mindset. Popularized in Carol Dweck’s breakout book titled “Mindset” she unlocked a new era of personal development.

A ‘growth mindset’ is a foundational belief that things can improve. That you can influence the results in your life through practice and experimentation. When you have a growth mindset it means that you receive failure better because you know it’s not permanent. It means that you have more natural motivation because you have the power to bring improvement into your life.

That compares to what Dweck calls a ‘fixed mindset’. This is when you believe that things cannot change and simply are the way they are. You accept reality as it is right now without challenging it for what it could be, feeling little to no agency for what happens in your life.

Let’s take this one layer deeper and talk about self-worth.

Many people attach their sense of self to what they achieve. Even those who have a growth-mindset are vulnerable to this thinking and get frustrated when they don’t create the results that they desire.

The healthy thing to attach to, reenforce, and validate about our performance is the effort we put in.

Here’s a parenting example that will help you see how it works, and how to apply it for yourself: A kid works really hard on an art project and gets an A on it. Rather than celebrating the grade they received, compliment them on the time and effort they put into their piece. It’d be something along the lines of “I’m so proud of how focused you were to create such a beautiful painting” or “It must feel really good to do your best.”

We as adults look at our paychecks, our weight on the scale, or our social media likes to determine how we want to feel about something. But a healthier way to look at it is to reflect on the quality of our work projects, our consistency in the gym and in our diet, and how present we are in our memories to draw conclusions. 

The effort is in our control, the outcome often isn’t. And we can build each of them up by being intentional with the way we relate with both.

I so appreciate you for following along on my journey and message, but I want to call something out about it…

I bet that most of what I share isn’t all that new to you. 

You’ve probably already heard it before in books, Youtube videos and Ted Talks, on podcasts (and even in some of my past episodes!).

Yet it’s still valuable, and here’s why.

The information requires context. When you learn you relate it to your immediate environment. This gives the same ideas different meanings in different settings, and different points of application. 

This is the exact reason why my ratio for reading books is that I reread two for every new one. I’ve found this to be most impactful for me because I can take the same insights that I already know are really good and use them in an entirely new way.

I also do this because retention is important. Hearing the same ideas over and over again helps you recall it more naturally. It also increases the impact the lessons have on your life.

And of course, I’d be remiss not to mention that acquiring information alone isn’t enough. In “The Compound Effect” Darren Hardy says “Knowledge isn’t power, it’s potential power.” It works like electricity in a light switch in that the information is only valuable when you turn it on.

The other metaphor I use to explain this is about a car.

When we’re spending time learning new things it’s like filling gas in the tank. You need gas to go, but the gas itself won’t cause you to go anywhere new. You need to turn the engine on and press the accelerator to actually start moving.

On your self-improvement journey, and with the abundance of resources that are available to you, I can confidently say that you already have enough information.

You have a full gas tank.

Now if you don’t like how well your car is performing (or feel like you’re not living at the level that you’re capable of) you’re better suited to work on improving the engine rather than getting more fuel.

Practically, in our lives that involves creating new systems, setting higher standards, and changing our environment so that it more positively influences us.

All of that is built into the 9 Super Habits, it’s what makes them so effective.

To improve your self-improvement engine and better your health, get more organized and focused in your work, and become more self-disciplined in your life, I highly encourage you to implement the 9 Super Habits now so that you can reach that next level of performance that you’re after.

I heard a quote that I believe can be attributed to former Navy SEAL Alden Mills, and it shines a light on something that I think most of us have a hard time seeing.

The quote is: “Nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.”

The reason this quote is so attention-grabbing is because of how it describes the common person. It suggests that the average person is both underachieving (in that as a society we accept a low standard for ourselves) and completely capable (with gifts and strengths that aren’t being expressed).

If that’s true, it makes you wonder why.

The bridge that people are missing, that I think Mills is alluding to in this quote, is hard work. Having talent isn’t enough.

As Angela Duckworth says in the book “Grit”, combing talent and hard work generates skill. Then working hard to develop your skills leads to success. In other words, hard work counts twice.

There are a few things that come to mind as reasons why people aren’t working hard and therefore, are chronically unsuccessful. 

First is a matter of weakness.

Our lives are so comfortable. Especially compared to just a few generations ago, our problems are not that serious. This means that we’ve had less opportunities to cultivate resilience and what we think is “working hard” isn’t actually that demanding.

Second is a matter of convenience.

Anything we want is available for overnight delivery at the touch of a button, and endless entertainment can be found in our pockets. Frankly we don’t have the attention span to work hard any more because we get bored with it so quickly. Impulsively we jump to something else just to keep our minds occupied with something stimulating, which we’ve grown too accustomed to.

And last is a matter of clarity.

Maybe we are putting some good quality work in, but we’re working on the wrong things. We’re investing our time and effort in ways that lead to fractional results. Because things are so fast we struggle to slow down and get strategic about what exactly we could be doing to make progress.

Because of all this, many people with a world of talent settle for falling short of the level of success they’re capable of. This is the majority. However it’s also a massive opportunity. Those who can apply their talent toward the right things, be resourceful, and practice resilience do work their way to the top.

It’s easier to win than ever because we have access to so much and everyone is doing so little with it. So if you delay gratification, do the boring and mundane things others are unwilling to do, and stay consistent, you’ll find yourself achieving more than you thought possible.