An important lesson I learned is to control the things that can be controlled. There are many factors in our life that influence the way things are. Realizing that many of those things are out of our control, and coming to terms with those results is an essential piece to a happy life.

For example, you can’t control the call a referee makes during a game, which very well could change who wins and who loses. But, what you can control is your effort, your preparation, and attitude. We all should evaluate our own performance and results from the lens that makes the most sense through what we can control.

Similarly, other people’s behavior could affect the way you are feeling, especially if you care about them and their well-being. But, at the end of the day, their behavior and choices are out of your control and should not dictate the way that you feel. Have confidence in yourself, and you will see that you can maintain that inner peace you are so dedicated to achieving.

Tony Robbins takes at least ten minutes every morning to do the following:

"We all want to be able to change the way we feel, and that's why I spend my life showing people what to do. Most people don't know emotion is created by motion. The way you move determines the way you feel.You have eighty different muscles in your face. For most people, this is the largest area of unemployment in the country. Everyday I say look, you got to have ten minutes to yourself. You don;t have ten minutes for yourself you don't have a life. We think we are just feeling what we are feeling, but if we don't take control of our environment, it takes control of us. The way I do this process is for ten minutes I put this music on and I do this massive change in my breathing so it erratically changes the way I feel. And then, I do this three step process. First, I do three minutes of gratitude. I think of three things that i'm really grateful for. Then, I do a three minute prayer for my family and my friends, and then I do a three minute process of the three things that I want to accomplish, and I see it as done. Sometimes I go twenty, but the idea is ten so there is no excuse not to do it".

There you have it. Gratitude, thoughts for loved ones, and three goals for the day. As simple as that.

Happy Holidays, and Merry Christmas to those who are celebrating. I wanted to take a quick moment to share a bit about what the Holidays mean to me, and challenge you to think about what the Holidays mean to you.

Our family’s celebration on the eve was entirely different from last year. Two new babies, a few unfortunate passings, and many major life transitions later, we were brought together to enjoy each other’s company.  It’s crazy to think about how much changes in so little time, but I guess that is a given in life.

A great tradition in my family is that we decorate the family tree.  What we do is collect memories and major milestones in ornaments, and reflect on great times as we retell those stories. Again, it reminds me of how quickly things change, and how the events that seemed like they were my entire world have already come and gone.

But, from all of that change, I have found consistency. The core group of people that I couldn’t be without. So for me, the Holidays are a great reminder to what sits at the core of my life.  What does the Holiday season mean to you?

It is so important to take the time to formalize your core principles.

When I started this process myself, it took me over a week to figure out what I truly hold most dear and what I take the most pride in. I still see this as a dynamic process, and my own core principles will always be re-evaluated based on new circumstances. Nonetheless, it is important to have them. For example, my core principles are Quiet Diligence, Dream Big, Enjoy the Journey, and Dependable Execution.

Having formal and explicit core principles provides a cornerstone for all decision making. If they truly reflect the person you want to be, then you can use them in any dilemma, with the point being that all decisions align with your overall vision and values. 

If having concise representations of complex concepts is difficult for you, like it was for me, then I suggest adding smaller affirmations that contribute to the larger core principle.  For example, within quiet diligence, one affirmation is “I believe in practicing humility and letting actions speak louder than words”.

In life we get rained on. We hear bad news, miss opportunities, and lose friendships. Times can be really hard and test your will. But, it’s all about how you greet those challenges and moments. Rain is meant to test your character and see what you’re made of.

To those things that beat you down and wore you out, can you think of what happened next? You evolved and changed to your new reality, and likely grew as a person.  Those moments are necessary sometimes because it takes hitting a new low to push a new ceiling.  Darren Hardy articulated this like a pendulum, you need to be far on one extreme to swing back and hit a high point on the other side.

So, “Be like a flower, survive the rain but use it to grow”. Adding a positive outlook to those negative moments will help you extract more out of them and become even more resilient to their power.

Let’s talk about leadership. As a leader you are required to make big decisions, keep the peace, and get everyone pointed in the same direction. A tactic many great leaders use is to lead by example, to be the one with their elbows in the dirt, delivering the energy, and executing on a day to day basis.  

I heard a really cool thought recently from Alex Pirouz, the CEO of LinkedInfluencer. He made the comment that true leaders don’t say “go”, they say “let’s go”.  I think this embodies how we can truly lead by example.

To enumerate, if we expand out the abbreviation" let’s" into it’s two components," let us", we can realize the power in the expression. By putting the command in the “We” form, it takes a more inclusive meaning that integrates the speaker into the action. This is called “we speak”, and it’s a very effective communication form for leaders. By making the choice to place themselves in the brunt of the action, they assert themselves as an equal in the group, rather than an authority figure, and is more likely to garner more support as a result.

So, the next time you are managing someone, choose to lead by example and say “let’s go”. Then, to stay consistent with that message, execute on that level, and you will earn a ton of respect from your team.

Let’s talk about perspective.  I normally talk about this with relation to appreciating our life in the context of the larger world, and the blessings we have that go unnoticed. However, I actually mean more of the artistic perspective. Artistic perspective is the way that artists can represent three dimensional objects on a two dimensional surface. This naturally has its own limitations because information needs to be conveyed in a way that has a consistent meaning. As far as we know, there is a lot of interpretation to art, and perspective is no different.

The same thought can applied to our own perspective in this world. Think of our eyes as viewing only a 2 dimensional picture when the world exists in 3 dimensional. A great example of this is the shadow given off by a cylinder. Look at it from the top and see that the shadow is a circle. Look at it from the side and the shadow is a rectangle. Same object, different results, and neither is wrong.

The goal is to acknowledge multiple interpretations. The second we get into thinking that our vision is the only way to see things is the second we close our eyes to everything else happening.  

A few techniques to make sure you see, well, know about the whole picture. First, is ask someone what they think and listen with an open mind. Note the differences and adjust your view. Second is to be empathetic. Place yourself in the shoes of the other person and brainstorm reasons why they might see something differently. And last, the classic, play devil’s advocate with yourself. Find flaws in your own reasoning and bring attention to those limitations.

I’m no artist, but I thought that example would help illustrate the point. See what I did there?

The start of the work week is worth celebrating and our approach to it should match that. Don’t believe me?  Well, let’s hear from Kim Kaupe, the CEO of the Superfan Company and a Forbes 30 under 30, who gives us a few pointers on greeting Monday with a smile.

So, when those “Sunday Scaries” hit, change the messaging you use and frame your thoughts and concerns in a more positive light. It’s the perfect start to the week, and we all get to go to work!  Whether you believe it or not, just try it, and let me know how it goes.