Self Improvement Daily Podcast

Today’s tip comes from Shark Tank Star and entrepreneur Daymond John.  He achieved wild financial success by creating and scaling his apparel brand FUBU, but says it wasn’t solid business practice, smart spending, or anything financially related that led him to success - it was doing something that he loved.  Listen to Daymond describe that passion:

John said, "What changed my life wasn't the fact that I wanted to become a millionaire. What changed my life was the fact that I wanted to make for other people because nobody respected this market. I was doing something I loved, and then all of a sudden it started to take off. When that passion grabs a hold of you, as they say when the needle is finally in the vain, and you are really hooked, its like being in love. Its like um you know when you thought you'd like somebody when you were thirteen/fourteen years-old. It was just something new and it was puppy love. But, when you are twenty-two/twenty-three years-old and you are out there making life decisions and saying, 'I can see myself with this person for the rest of my life', and you are getting butterflies every time you see them. That's what it is when you have a business or a company that you love. You can't see anything else, and I would have dressed people til today for free if I could".

When we think about this message, without having Daymond John in mind, we can relate it to all of us.  There is a business, or an activity behind each one of our passions, and if we can tap into that, we will soar.  Work doesn’t feel like work when you’re doing what you love, what you would do for free.

We all communicate in our lives because it’s an essential part of being human. And many of us have picked up the same mannerisms just based on what is socially acceptable. One of those mannerisms is the use of filler words. The reason we use filler words are because, when we are transitioning thoughts but want to continue speaking, we feel the need to communicate that we will continue speaking. So, we fill the space to discourage others from interrupting us.

Essentially, this is a defense mechanism that protects us from awkward communication. And we have all adopted it because it seems to improve the quality of communication.

However, these filler words, also known as “crutch” words, often do more harm than good. Words that disrupt the normal flow of language make the speech more difficult to understand and the message less engaging overall.  

So what’s the alternative? Instead of using a filler, embrace a pause. The silence strengthens the weight of the words, injects a perception of confidence in the speaker, and demands attention. It is an extremely effective tool that many great public speakers use often to be more effective.

A few good steps to get rid of your ums is awareness. Start to notice how often you use your crutch, and maybe even try recording yourself. Next is preparation, and it just requires practice. Embracing silences, speaking slower, and gathering your thoughts are all ways to reduce the need for fillers.  And last, is perform. Often times, our fillers come out in public speaking settings, and being able to fight the nerves, and have confidence in your speaking abilities, will help you to perform.

How many things do you wish you started a long time ago?  Maybe it was a workout routine that would’ve helped with your half-marathon training, or maybe you wish you would’ve attended meetups and events to meet new people when you first moved to a new city.  If that sounds like you it’s okay, because there is an addition to the quote that I want to share.  “The second best time to plant a tree is today.”

We all come up with reasons why we shouldn’t do something, or why now is not the right time.  This self-talk creates an insurmountable tendency to procrastinate and put off that thing you want to do for too long.  For instance, I wish that I had been running Facebook Ads for Self Improvement Daily all this time to help my audience grow.  But I didn’t, and the next best thing to do is change my behavior today and just start.

In an ideal world, I have already put in the groundwork and can now be reaping the benefits of it. However, building the foundation is a requirement, and it won’t happen on its own. It’s crazy to think about how quickly things change. Maybe you’ll be seeing the results of that work way sooner than you expected.

So, do a little introspection, and think about what that thing is that you want to have, be, or do.  Once you have identified that, make a plan and start tomorrow working toward it.  Don’t listen to the reasons why you can’t, and have faith that the process will get you there.

Let's talk about owning our misunderstandings, and what I mean by that, is when something is not communicated correctly, or not completely understood, to take responsibility for the error. An example that illustrates this case is to say, “Did I explain that clearly?”, instead of “Do you understand?”.

Your conversational partner is much more likely to remain confident and open in the conversation because they don’t feel like they are the one at fault, and therefore do not need to protect themselves with their behavior. Also,it helps your conversational partner to be more honest with you, and provide more valuable feedback, because they don’t feel like their intelligence or capabilities will be put into question with another mistake.  

It takes some practice to get into the habit of making this switch, and it is much more natural to speak in a non-filtered way. But, knowing some of those phrases ahead of time will help them arrive more easily.  So, a few expressions, when summarizing, say something like “did I get that correct?” rather than “Do you agree?”. Or, when referencing something, say “As I recall” instead of “as you mentioned”.

In this age of social media, we can’t help but compare ourselves to what we see. Even though we know that what we see isn’t reality, it still somehow manages to become our point of reference for everything that we do.  The only way to rid ourselves of that comparison is to completely shut it out, and this can be done by deciding not to compete with it. This helps us rely on only our own expectations to evaluate our behavior. It’s at this point, when you are confident enough in your own interpretations and standards, that you can open your eyes and see the world again without comparison, acknowledging that you are different. And that’s exactly when something really interesting happens.

Without comparison, we no longer feel threatened by the best version of everyone else, no longer feel the need to compete with them, and can instead become everyone’s biggest fan. We can encourage others to attain success because it doesn’t threaten our own.  With this mentality, you surround yourself in an aura of positivity that diffuses into your own life and improves your own environment.  Happiness is the result of eliminating comparison, and positivity is the byproduct that then amplifies your happiness.  

As a marketer, I am constantly running tests to understand the market and create better ads. It is a slow and iterative process, but over time it gets results.

The same thing applies for our lives and personal development. I fully acknowledge that not every tip I give is perfect for everyone’s life. That’s impossible because we are all so different. But, what it does do is it introduces new opportunities for personal growth that you might not have thought of before that might be worth a try!

Try to experiment and test things out. If you want to make a change, there is no one way to do it, and that’s why you need to figure it out for yourself. All tests are made up of 3 fundamental components.

First is to plan. you need to know what you are looking to learn so that you can optimize your actions to highlight those metrics. Second is to execute by implement the plan, and give it a fair shot. I know that creating new habits can feel uncomfortable at first, but that’s the nature of anything that challenges your status quo. Stick to the timeline you established in your plan and don’t conclude anything before everything has run its course. And Last, is to evaluate. Understand findings of your experiment, and reflect on how the results relate to your pre-experiment expectations. 

To give a personal example of this, this process is how I started taking cold showers. For one week I took only cold showers, and it was miserable. The next week I took half cold showers, and it still sucked, especially at night. Then the third week I decided to do 15 seconds of cold at the end of my shower, excluding showers after 9pm, which is the perfect amount and what I have continued to do for the last 9 months.

Give it a try, or maybe I should say, test it out! I’m curious to know how it goes for you.

WBeing human is about instinct, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around exactly what it is, and why it exists. It had an initial purpose way back in our evolutionary history as a mechanism for survival, where having an innate sense about the way things are, particularly when they don’t feel right, was the difference between life and death.  

The stakes aren’t quite as high, but instinct still plays an important role in our lives. Being in tune with that feeling is incredibly important to have a complete understanding of how we are meant to respond.  This thought was inspired by Mike Sherbakov, an incredible philanthropist and entrepreneur, who has coined this feeling “divine discomfort”. 

The point that Mike really brings home is the way we approach that discomfort - do we ignore it and let it fester in our subconscious, or do we address it and use it to make a change?  With his life experience, he has learned to trust that the discomfort he feels is communicating something unique and important.  Allowing space for it in your mind, and to not reject it, is an essential way of coming upon a new realization.

Do you ever feel like something happens and it is the end of the world, only to realize a few days, weeks, or months later, it wasn’t as big of a deal as you thought?  It’s human nature and you’re not alone, it happens all the time. I’ll admit, those emotions feel very real, but there are things you can do to make them more manageable in that moment.  

Write down your issue so you can revisit it at a later date, or as I call it, “Write and Revisit”. 

The Write and Revisit Method works because the physical action of writing your concern down addresses the issue face on, as you are actively working through it. This  operates in two ways. First, when you reread the problem immediately, you can look at it more objectively because at that point it has been removed from yourself, and you may already feel better about the situation. Second, I write down the issue in my journal, “The Happiness Project”, ensuring that I am going to reread that segment in a years time. This puts everything into perspective and reminds me that time and life will go on regardless of this issue, which helps me move beyond it.  

Write and Revisit doesn’t have to be in year long spurts. It can be done in the amount of time feels right to you. What is important is that you write it with the intent to revisit it. So, with the next end-of-the-world event you face, try the “Write and Revisit” method, and see how it makes you feel.