Self Improvement Daily Podcast

I want to feature an incredible quote from Sahil Bloom’s book “The 5 Types Of Wealth”. If you’re curious, and without going into detail, the 5 types are time, social, mental, physical, and financial. If you want to learn more about that I recommend you get his book. 

When you read it, you’ll find that all forms of wealth have one commonality. They all encounter the same problem, a core theme of the book, which is knowing what ‘having enough of it’ is.

What’s enough time to yourself? What’s enough money? What’s enough quality relationships?

Without defining it for yourself, you’ll get caught up in the insatiable pursuit for more. ‘More’ is the scoreboard we’ve been taught to pay attention to, even though it doesn’t serve us. Which is precisely why Sahil shared the quote:

“Never let the quest for more distract you from the beauty of enough.”

When we’re not appreciative of what we have and always desiring what’s next, it strips the present moment of its richness. It creates an emptiness that’s impossible to fill because it’s always falling short of an unachievable expectation.

But don’t mistake this as permission to be complacent or settle for less than you desire. When you clearly define what ‘wealthy’ looks like in different areas of your life, it gives you something to measure against. You create a reference point that you can evaluate your lifestyle and progress against to see if you’re satisfying it. It makes success in life a winnable game because you’ve established the rules of it.

Defining ‘enough’ is tricky. On one hand it communicates sufficiency and satisfaction, and on the other it’s a threshold for what’s tolerable but not fully desirable. 

That’s where defining what ‘enough’ is becomes critical. In doing so you decide what’s required to be wealthy. This is a dynamic process. Over time as you get feedback on what actually feels right for you, and what meets your needs and makes you feel ‘full’, that’s how you arrive at your own amounts. And when you have that memorialized as something to measure against, you can overcome feelings of insufficiency because you have your success metrics in place.

I understand that this is a more philosophical point, and I usually speak more tactically. But nonetheless I think it’s a helpful perspective as you determine what a meaningful life looks like for you.

Have you ever made a decision in a moment - whether it was changing plans, reconsidering a commitment, or changing your mind on something - only to realize later that you made a mistake? That you somehow talked your way out of doing what you actually wanted to do?

It happens all the time, and the reason why is because all decisions are dependent on your physical and psychological state. 

Every present moment brings its own set of pressures, constraints, opportunities, needs, and context. We’re always operating within an environment that’s influencing the way we think about things. This means that every decision is biased by what’s present, inside and out, when you make it.

Let’s say someone wanted to spend an hour writing their book. When it comes time to do it, whether they choose to do it or not depends on the context:

Something popped up at work that needed to be addressed…

They didn’t get good sleep the night before and they’re not feeling up for it…

They just received some bad feedback from a client and are feeling down on themselves.

Urgency, tiredness, discouragement - These are just a few examples of the different states someone could be in that influences their decision. Do they stick to writing the book or not? Is there something else that’s better to do instead?

Whatever decision they end up making could be perfectly logical. It could make all of the sense in the world, then. But was it actually the right choice?

It’s hard to say and it’s especially hard to know in the moment. That’s why if you want to be more confident about the decisions you’re making, so that you know you mean it, is to reflect on them later. 

Take a moment when you’re not being influenced by the pressures, needs, and context of the current moment to see if you agree with the decision you made.

It’s powerful. 

Because when you do that, you look at the same moment but with an entirely different, more unbiased perspective. You take the viewpoint of your highest self and see what they think about your choices, versus trusting your rationalization in the moment. 

This is my own life hack that I use to help me be more disciplined and aware of when my mind tries to pull me off track. If you want to see my process for how I do that, here it is!

I heard the legendary entrepreneur and philanthropist David Meltzer describe gratitude in a really unique way, that is spot on!

For many people, gratitude is a spirit of appreciation. It’s being thankful for the blessings we all have in our lives. And while that’s true, it’s only representing a small piece of it. Gratitude isn’t just an acknowledgment of the things that are good, it’s a belief system and consciousness that everything is good.

That’s why Dave describes gratitude as “The perspective of finding the light, love, and lessons in everything.” Rather than feeling inconvenienced by a change of plans or victimized by something unfair, living in a state of gratitude is the ultimate reminder that everything is working for you.

It’s the belief that life (the universe, God, karma, or whatever you believe is the ultimate authority in life) only wants to promote and protect you. And it often delivers its goodness in ways that you don’t immediately see as good for you. It’s our limited awareness that keeps us from seeing how everything that happens to us is always the best thing that could ever happen to us.

I know that this comes off as a polyanna. Practicing this form of gratitude is easy to say but much harder to actually do. Especially in the grips of despair, discouragement, defeat, and loss - the last thing your ego wants to admit is that it’s all happening for you.

But consciously, you can try to pull yourself out of it and manufacture gratitude. To change the story around what you’re experiencing. And how you do that is exactly what Dave recommends: Finding the light, love, and lessons.

The ‘light’ is the positivity, the silver lining, the way that things could actually be brighter for yourself and others. 

The ‘love’ is an encouragement to be empathetic and understanding of what someone else might be going through, or the pain someone else might be feeling that’s causing them to show up a certain way. 

And the ‘lessons’ are the breadcrumbs of insight that you can use to drive improvement and accelerate your personal evolution, which is what everything we ever experience is all about anyway.

That’s gratitude not as an action, but a way of life. The more you can intentionally create this perspective, the more it integrates unconsciously as your everyday lens into the world. It’s the reason why gratitude journaling literally changes your outlook on life, and how to actually change your belief system so that you start being more positive.

If you want support with making that transformation for yourself, that’s what the 21 Day Super Habits Challenge helps you to do: Transform your health, daily productivity, and mindset from the inside out in 21 days.

Tom Bilyeu, founder of Impact Theory, is known for saying “all that really matters is how you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself.” And given that few people have studied high performance and fulfillment as much as he has over the last decade, I figured it was something worth exploring.

I believe Tom makes this argument because we live in a world that is externally facing. We achieve and get applauded. WE do the right thing and get recognized for it. We perform to maintain a certain perception.

The approval of others can feel really good and be validating, but it’s superficial. The only opinion that matters is the opinion you have of yourself, when you turn internally. You always have to be with you. And if you don’t like what you see in the morning when everything else is stripped away, then what good is everything else? 

But to say that nothing else really matters is a bit of an overstatement. For things to be only about your own self-perception is an overly self-centered approach. While it’s true that what we experience is our world within a much larger world, and our awareness is limited, it doesn’t mean that nothing else matters. Of course other people’s health and happiness matter. The world would be a gloomy place if it didn’t. 

Tom’s point wasn't to convince you to only care about yourself. At the heart of his message is a note about agency and self-efficacy.

We are in control of our lives and we have the ability to influence every facet of it. The encouragement is to be able to answer honestly that you wielded that power responsibly and with integrity. That you choose to show up in a way that you’re proud of and that doesn’t compromise on your values.

Because if we were to optimize our lives around the concept of getting external validation and approval, it would come at an internal cost. It offers short term positive feelings when you’re around others, but leaves you with a deep emptiness when you’re by yourself.

So in that way, I agree with Tom’s thought: What really matters is how you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself. And within that is an evaluation that you also showed up in ways that benefited others too.

What you do is the external expression of who you are.

Let the essence of your being shine brighter than the acknowledgment of what you did. Only you know how authentic and honorable you’ve been. Only you know your truest, deepest intentions. So let the feelings you get around that be a powerful point of feedback as you consider how to navigate forward.

So many people in their personal development know that they need to be held more accountable. They believe that if they actually did what they said they were going to do, became more disciplined in the habits and routines that make them feel and perform at their best, they’d actually start generating the results they want in life.

When can you hold yourself accountable, you can make yourself do the things you know you need to do to succeed even when you don’t feel like it. When someone else holds you accountable, it creates an expectation and social pressure to follow through because if you don’t, you’re letting them down.

Accountability is extremely powerful and one of the most impactful things anyone can add to their life to help them live with more discipline, integrity, consistency, and honor.

Yet… People are missing the true meaning of what it means to be held accountable. The meaning lives within the word itself: ‘Account’ and ‘Ability’

To ‘account’ for something means to keep track of it. It means that you’re aware of and understand the state of how things are. Just like accounting in business is keeping track of the ins and outs of your money, accounting in actions is an honest documentation of what you did or didn’t do.

‘Ability’ is just about taking action. That you have what you need to actually do something.

Through that lens, ‘accountability’ is ‘to take action toward keeping track’. This means there’s no expectation for what you actually do... You are accountable when you take the time to look at how you did with something - good, bad, or otherwise.

Now the reason accountability works to drive consistency and follow through is because in keeping track of your actions and choices, you’re forced to be honest with yourself. You’re forced to face up to your lapses in judgment, priorities that aren’t being prioritized, and results that you’re tolerating. Just looking at yourself honestly, and being accountable to that, creates a vulnerable layer of awareness that fuels positive change.

So in practice, to be accountable isn’t to do what you said you were going to do (although that often is the byproduct of it). It’s just to report back on how you did, to keep track of how things are going no matter what happened.

And if you don’t have your own personal performance tracking system, and the habit of completing an honest reflection every day, then you’ll never be able to hold yourself accountable. But if you want help getting started in being more accountable, disciplined, and focused on your goals...

In the 21 Day Super Habits Challenge I help you implement the exact self-accountability system I’ve used for a decade that is singlehandedly responsible for all of the growth and success I’ve had. It's your choice! If you want to be more consistent, disciplined, and accountable, this is the best way I know!

A long time ago I heard a cool quote: “Wherever you go, there you are.” It’s a reminder to be present with what’s immediately in front of you. Our physical bodies take us into physical spaces where we engage with real things. Our minds can be anywhere else, but having a simple mantra like this helps you be reminded to come back to the present moment. 

This quote took an extended meaning last week I was at an event and I heard Mario Wilson, a former Navy SEAL, speak. He said “You are where you are where you are.”

He didn’t misspeak, and that’s not a typo. 

The first part, “you are where you are” directly correlates with the idea of being present. You physically can be nowhere but one place at a time. But the way we show up in that physical space has a lot of variability, and that’s what Mario was commenting on. It’s more than just being somewhere, but the energy you bring to where you are that shapes the experience.

Beyond being physically present, it matters where you are personally on an emotional and spiritual level. The being that you bring into every moment plays a huge role in what it becomes. We’re creating the future and the actions we take today have real impacts on what happens next, and our energetic state is very responsible for what we end up putting into the world.

It’s the difference between showing up bravely or afraid. Abundant or scarce. At peace or stressed. Open-minded or closed off. And while we’d want to choose the former in each of those scenarios, we’re often not in control of it. Our energetic state decides that.

And that’s because our physiology influences our psychology. Our thoughts change depending on what state we’re in. If you’re tired, you're less disciplined. If you’re stressed, you’re more volatile. It’s the reason why being ‘hangry’ is a thing - our state hijacks our mind and brings out a certain version of ourselves. 

“You are where you are where you are” - emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. That’s why it’s so important to take care of yourself, otherwise you might be putting yourself in the right places but compromising the ways you’re actually showing up to them.

In a world that we share with over 8 billion people, I’ve got some news for you: Not everyone wants exactly the same thing.

Shocking... I know... But important because when people want different things, it creates conflict. That’s why one of the most important things for you to do to help protect what you want is to set boundaries.

In some ways, it is confrontational: You need to tell people to call you less often, call out their gossip, or change their plans. But that’s only in the more majorly interventional cases. More often than not, we have opportunities to set boundaries in really subtle ways that protect our day to day lives from outside influences.

Last week, I had two clear instances where I set boundaries, and they were times that the other person probably didn’t even realize I was doing it.

First, I was on a video call with a new connection. We were both excited to meet, and I could tell that based on where we were in the conversation, the call was going to go long. Knowing that I had another commitment I didn’t want to compromise, I said the quick line “By the way I have an appointment I need to get to, so I only have 10 minutes.” I communicated my needs and set a boundary for my time that this person respected.

Another time, I was at a friend's house and had a similar situation - we often get to chatting for a while. But I had other things I needed to get back to, a call on the books to get home for, and wanted to make sure I could do both. So I said to my friend “Hey just so you know I need to get out of here by 2:30”. The request was also respected.

It might be subtle, but notice what happened. I took action in such a way that I designed the environment for what I wanted. A simple line of communication altered the path of least resistance so that it was more likely for me to stay on schedule. Had I not said something, in either case it’s possible that the other person would go on and I’d have the difficult decision to either interrupt them or be late for my next commitment.

But instead, I set a subtle boundary that shaped the environment. It made what I wanted to happen much more likely to happen, and with way less resistance. So it did!

Hopefully that’s a helpful lesson, and an example for how you can be proactive about communicating your needs before it becomes an issue. Give it a try the next time you enter a situation that you’ve had difficulty navigating before.