Upward Comparison

Something that we criticize a lot about ourselves, but is entirely normal and built into human nature, is a tendency to compare ourselves to others. It’s our mind’s way of figuring out where we fit within the hierarchy of a group so that we can position ourselves and our behavior for survival.

I was listening to Mark Manson’s episode about comparison on his podcast “Solved”, and he presented some interesting findings on the science and psychology behind it.

What’s interesting about comparison is that it usually only goes in one direction. While there are just as many (if not more) people with less status and resources than us, we insist on comparing ourselves to those who have more and better. 

This type of comparison is called ‘Upward Comparison’ because it corresponds with us looking higher within society. But not all upward comparisons are the same. Some are better in the way it causes us to relate with others, and knowing that comparison is something that we can’t eliminate from our lives, perhaps we can learn to do it the right way.

Think of someone you admire. Someone whose life example inspires you because of what they’ve accomplished, how they show up in the world, and who they are. 

This is a form of comparison but it’s value added. It’s productive. One person’s success doesn’t threaten your own but proves that it’s possible. This type of upward comparison is helpful because it gives us the perspective, insight, and encouragement we need to increase our odds of success. If infuses capability.

Reflect on that against the more common form of upward comparison, which is fueled by envy and jealousy. This is when someone else’s success triggers an insecurity and causes your mind to deflect or discredit them in an act of self-preservation. That, or you start feeling inadequate about yourself because it highlights how far away you are from where you could be. This means that upward comparison usually creates more separation between you and your goals, when ideally everything in your life brings you closer.

Manson has a simple recommendation for this, which is “Compare yourself to better people for better reasons.” If comparison must happen no matter what, choose the role it plays in your life. So rather than following an influencer whose life circumstance is completely different from yours, pick the right role model whose story you align with and respect, and let their transformation serve as proof that yours is possible too.

After all, you’re human. There are things about you that you cannot change. All I’m asking is that you seek to be a better human, creating your conditions for success, so that you know you gave the world all you’ve got.

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