Our minds are powerful beyond measure if only we could tap into it. Well, the reality is, we can mold our minds more than we would expect. The separation between conscious and negative thought seems large to us because we can only access one and not the other. Our conscious mind strongly influences our subconscious mind, and we can control what we consciously think.

Instead of saying “I have to”, say “I get to”.  It’s only a one word switch but it is massively impact. Here’s why!

If you have to do something then the motivation is external, and you behave as a response to that thing you are told to do. With that approach, your subconscious mind views this more as a pull away from what you’d rather be doing, and this all occurs based on how the phrase is positioned.

But, if you ‘get’ to do something, then the choice is yours to engage in the behavior, and you approach it with more autonomy. From that angle, you become more intrinsically motivated to follow through and your subconscious mind prepares itself for deliberate and positive action.  

Doesn’t that sound different?

The core difference in this positioning is that you become much more grateful for whatever needs to get done.  Here’s an example: Waiting on a long line at the grocery store. Either you have to or you get to, because you can afford food. It’s a privilege. Take that position in your life and you will find abundance and fulfillment.

I wanted to take this opportunity to learn more about a term I came across recently, and extend that knowledge out to you. The term is survivorship bias, and it is a psychological “short cut” that can lead to major misunderstandings when out of place. In learning about it, we can ensure it doesn’t impact us negatively, but what is it?

Survivorship bias is a misplaced focus on the people or things that have made it to the next stage in a selection process. Basically, you only focus on part of the whole picture, seeing those who advanced as representative of the average, and neglecting the elements that got eliminated. It is a form of selection bias that can lead to us making the wrong conclusions because we have a skewed understanding of what is  normal.  

Within the context of personal development, survivorship bias can be really dangerous because it prompts you to compare yourself to others on an uneven playing field.  That perception may lead to us to question our capabilities, lose confidence, or a engage in general introspection that asks, “what am I even doing?”.  The reality is that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others in the first place, but we do because we need that validation. Lets call it what it is, and not completely identify with that.

An example of survivorship bias in action is let’s say you are put through a competitive interview process, and you get to meet some of the other candidates also applying for the same position. They are impressive, and you don’t feel like you belong or meet the same qualifications. This happens because the only candidates you see are the ones who also advanced to the next stage, and you completely unaware to the fact that many people have already been eliminated. In advancing yourself, you were selected as better than the average candidate, but we don’t rationalize it that way because we only use what we see to draw our own conclusions.

So, if you’re in a case similar to this, I’d encourage you to give yourself credit for your success, understand that you belong, and know that any self-doubt comes from a psychological shortcut called the Survivorship Bias.

“a negative mind will never result in a positive light”. Usually, I’m not the one to speak about negativity, because why choose to speak about that when you can speak about positivity? Well, I’m making an exception today because the message at the end is worth it.

Positivity and negativity both respond to the law of attraction. You can think of it as a decision tree where every decision branches off of a starting point. If you choose to think positively then you branch up. If you choose to think negatively then you branch down. Then from that new location you make the same decision, and the branching continues another 5, 10, or 20 times a day.  

What you’ll quickly find is that the product of negative choices is way lower than the product of positive choices, and it speaks to the power your mental state. If you want to live a positive life, you need to make the positive choices consistently by having a positive mindset. Having a positive mindset will help you be at the top of the branching pattern, looking down at the the progress you made rather than at the bottom trying to climb your way up against all odds. For that reason, “A negative mind will never result in a positive life”.

In the age of digital distraction, our attention gets pulled away so quickly and so often. This, often, means that we don’t truly engage in the moment because our brain is trying to do so many things at once, and we start losing quality.  This is an issue I have seen in others and within myself that I would love to address.

In my mind, someone that masters this is Gary Vaynerchuk. Something I admire about Gary is the way that he can take the time to connect with people on an individual basis. And when he does connect with them, they have his undivided attention, which you can tell means the world to everyone he interacts with.

I want to point out a few things that Gary does that will help us all be more invested in everything we do.

1. He is a great active listener.  He gives acknowledging feedback at the end of each thought, helping the speaker to believe that their message was heard. It makes the conversation much more efficient and poignant.
2. He limits technology use around others. Before an interview or meeting, you see him doing his thing on his phone, but then before he starts he puts his phone away and enters the conversation completely.
3. When he is on his phone or busy doing something else, he is not shy to ask someone to repeat themselves. In doing this, you know that he cares about everything you have to say and wants to make sure he doesn’t miss a word.
   

While Gary is criticized for interrupting people and speaking over others in conversation, there is no denying that he is 100% invested!

This message comes from Brian Mazza, the founder of High Performance Lifestyle Training.

“The get it done mentality. Last night my childhood buddy shot me a text - ‘Want to get in 10 miles before the kids wake up?’ I knew I needed to make a decision and choose between the pain of discipline and the pain of regret.  4:30 am never looked so great! Once you start earning your self-respect you will start choosing the path of discipline and enjoy it. Nothing changes if nothing changes.”

Brian Mazza positioned this story in an interesting way. Either way, he was going to experience something negative and was choosing between two evils. If he does the workout, he is up early and setting himself up for a long and exhausting day. If he sleeps in, then he spends the rest of his day justifying the decision and trying to rationalize why it was okay.  

He is in the top .01% when it comes to drive and productivity, which isn’t a fair point of comparison, so let’s create a more relatable example. Do you go through the effort to get groceries and eat healthy, or order take out and rationalize your health? Do you avoid getting involved in that chat thread at work, or get distracted and feel rushed to make up for lost time?

Discipline exists in every decision we make, and it’s important that we choose discipline over regret as often as we can. When you take the easy way out, the only person you’re cheating is yourself.

For a while now, I have been conducting weekly check ins. Every Monday morning, Zach and I get on the phone and catch up about interesting insights we had throughout the week. Then, we reflect on our productivity during the week. If we accomplished the goals we set out to accomplish, and set new goals for the upcoming week that we will hold each other accountable to. Often, we check in with each other during the week and remind them to complete their weekly goals. Needless to say, you don’t want to have to report that you didn’t achieve them.

But, what I realized in one of our more recent calls, is outside of the external accountability of a performance partner, it is really useful just to take the 15 minutes to think through my opinion on how I performed the previous week. The calls force me to slow down and analyze how I spent my time, often from a critical lens, which I have found to be really eye opening and valuable.  

And a week seems to be about the right amount of time for a check-in. It’s long enough to do something big or prove you can build a new habit. I like the concept so much that I now write down my Wins of the Week on my goal sheet to facilitate more of that positive introspection.

So, I’d encourage you to take the time to journal about your week, maybe even at the end of this weekend, to set your goals for the next week and begin this cycle of tests to iterate.

Yes, there is a chance you could fail, but are you are going to focus your energy and attention on potentially failing? The reality is, the inherent part of anything good is that it has it is associated with bad. To add, good is relative to bad, just as happiness is relative to sadness. It’s all a given in life.

Without taking the chance, and putting yourself in a position to fail, you won’t be able to experience joy.  With love comes the fear of heartbreak, and with a promotion comes the fear of sudden underachievement.  Life is a series of contrast. It’s how we respond to these situations that dictates what will happen in our life.

So, step up and swing for the fences, because we only have one at bat in life.  When you let the existence of that joy you are seeking pull stronger than the fear of not reaching your goal, a very interesting thing happens.  The positive outcome becomes more probable, and the joy creeps that much closer, because the energy you exude is the energy you attract.  

Reject fear with action. Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.