This message is a technique by an individual I really admire from Joel Brown. In his coaching business, he gets results by encouraging his clients to step outside of their comfort zone.

I recently implemented this for myself and put it up on my wall, and although it’s too early to advocate completely for it I want to share the theory behind it. First, it is very visual and a constant reminder of what you want to achieve, serving a similar function as a vision board. Then, when you do achieve a stretch goal, you get the validation and reward of expanding your circle, which motivates you tackle the next one. And last, it forces you to specifically list things that exist outside of your comfort zone, and in the pursuit of achieving them you experience growth as you navigate new frontiers, making the uncomfortable more comfortable.

Recently, I spent a weekend in Mexico volunteering through a company called “The Greatness Foundation”.  We built a house for a family in need, visited orphanages, and added love to the community. It was a very emotional and heart-filling experience and I am so grateful for it. It provided an immense amount of perspective in two very powerful ways.

First, for the blessings and privileges I live with on a daily basis that I often take for granted, and second for the realization of what poverty looks like in the world and how widespread it is. The work we did in one community, and specifically for one family is life-changing, but knowing that one family is just a grain of sand compared to all of the people in need was overwhelming to me.

That’s where the story of the starfish comes in. The founder of the Greatness Foundation, Mike Sherbakov, shared a story that put our volunteer work this weekend all in perspective. 

A girl is on a beach and on by one, bending over, picking up a starfish, and throwing it into the ocean. The tide was low on a hot summer day, and all of the starfish were bound to be dried up before the tide came back. 

An old, cynical man walks up to her and says “what are you doing?” 

She answers “I’m saving the starfish, they’re going to die if I don’t help”. 

The man replies, “there’s miles of beach in each direction with thousands of starfish, there’s nothing you could do to make a difference”.

The girl picks up one starfish, throws it in the ocean, and says “I made a difference for that one”.

The truth of the world’s problems are huge, but if we each focus on our own role, and saving our own starfish, then the world quickly becomes a much better place.  Focus on your cause, be present with the people around you, and live a life of service and you’ll pick up more starfish than you knew possible.

The Habit Loop can be separated into 4 parts which are Cues, Cravings, Responses, and Rewards.

The cue is the trigger that starts the entire process. Our behaviors are very responsive to our environment, so for that reason it is very important to control the cues we surround ourselves with. To make cues more effective, the trick is to make them obvious. If you want to read more at night, put your book on your pillow. There is no confusing what your intention was and that cue will remind you to read when the time is right.

Next are cravings. Cravings are the sense of anticipation you feel after experiencing the cue. What has only recently been understood is that cravings provide a spike of dopamine greater than the spike you receive when actually doing the behavior. This makes cravings extremely influential when it comes to our habits and behavior.

And next is the response. This is the behavior or action taken as a result, or response, to the cue and craving. If there is a certain positive behavior you want to take action on more often, the best thing you can do is make that action easy. It limits the friction you feel when performing the behavior and will help you execute on it more often. For example, if you’re training for a half-marathon, just focus on putting your running shoes on. It’s an easy action to take, and once you’ve made it that far you are much more likely to continue on go for a run.

And last is the reward. The reward is the mechanism that determines whether or not you should do the behavior again.  And given that our brains are still operating in evolutionary mode, we must remember that our perception of reward is limited and best summarized as this, "that which is immediately punished is avoided".

Atomic Habits has been for me one of the best reads I’ve had in years. I highly suggest you pick it up and check it out for yourself!

We’ve dove into detail in the first 3 parts of the Habit Loop presented in James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits.  It starts with a cue, which creates a craving, which induces a response and leaves us with reward.

Rewards are crucial to the habit formation process because we need to know which habits are worth keeping. The experience at the end whether positive or negative, reinforces the behavior you just did so that you can later decide if you want to do it again. This also makes sense evolutionarily.  A great example is sex. The reason sex feels so good is because sexual reproduction is the objective and mechanism of natural selection. So, those animals that were rewarded for doing it more often were more likely to have more offspring carry their genes in the next generation. The core concept is, what is rewarded is repeated, and what is punished is avoided.

Now, here’s the tough part. Our brains are still in survival mode and immediately attribute rewards to their triggers to see if it should repeat it. For instance, take smoking. The rush of nicotine provides a reward, but in the long run smoking that cigarette does more harm than good. So, there’s an interesting distinction that needs to be addressed when trying to build a new positive habit. What is immediately rewarded is repeated, and what is immediately punished is avoided.

So, to make a positive habit, which usually presents a delayed reward, more frequent, it needs to be more immediately satisfying. His suggestion is to associate the positive behavior with a natural immediate reward. For example, after finishing a glass of water to hydrate, have a sugary grape. Or after meditating, acknowledge it on a goal tracking sheet. Both of those immediate rewards build a strong enough association to encourage the behavior again.

I first just want to take a moment to receive this quote, because it feels really refreshing today.  It comes from Postiive Thinking Only, “Use your smile to change the world, don’t let the world change your smile”.

A smile is a universal expression. It speaks all languages, overcomes all differences, and holds all space. It’s something that two people can always share and instantly connect.  Your smile is representative of your being and the unique role you play in the world.  Your smile is unlike any other.

A true smile can’t be faked. It is one of the most reliable forms of communication, and the effect it has on others is powerful.  It is capable of cutting through layers and impacting others on a personal and emotional level. A smile is also capable of changing the world one interaction at a time.

However, our smiles are also responsive to our environment. Our emotions are expressed through our smiles, and when we are exposed to negativity, it affects our mental state and the way others receive it.  Our smiles can betray us because they can’t be faked and tell the true story.

That’s why this quote, “Use your smile to change the world, don’t let the world change your smile”, is so beautiful. By choosing to see positivity, and focusing on your many reasons to smile, you can begin to infuse that love in those immediately around you.  This creates a local effect that then amplifies as each affected person becomes an advocate and impacts those immediately around them.  We need more smiles in this world. You never know the real effect a smile will have on the lives of others!

Part 3 of the habit loop presented in James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits. Remember the cycle includes a cue, a craving, a response, and a reward. We’ve covered cue, and craving. Now it’s time for response.

The response is the action taken. It is the habit, the routine, the activity. This action is labeled as a response because it is determined by the cue and the craving.  Positive action leads to positive results. It is really important that we have control of the habit cycle at this level.

Clear has a brilliant solution to it, which is to make the response easy. As humans, we are susceptible to something called the law of least effort. We are evolutionarily hardwired to preserve energy at all costs. This is why we have a natural tendency to prefer procrastinating, and laziness. So, with that in mind, making the behavior easier will help us to perform it more often. It’s not about doing less, it’s about doing more with less effort.

One thing he proposes is the two minute rule. If you want to start something new, keep it at a very small effort level. Instead of running a marathon, start with putting your running shoes on. It’s easier. And the rest of the activity usually follows as a result. The key here is being consistent, because frequency is a leading factor when it comes to habit formation.

And as always, the inversion. What if you want to do less of something bad. Well then you make it harder. You can take the batteries out of your remote if you want to watch less TV, or move the TV all together. By intentionally adding friction to the activity, you are much less likely to do it because it requires the extra work.  This is called using a commitment device, and they work!

We are on to part 2 of the book, Atomic Habits, by James Clear. We are slowly but surely developing a well-rounded understanding of our habit forming process.  Remember, the habit loop is cues, cravings, response, reward.

First, we are going to discuss cravings. Cravings are the most underrated component of the habit loop because they have only recently been better understood. The strength and influence of cravings can best be demonstrated with a quick explanation of neurobiology. Dopamine is the primary neurotransmitter in our reward experiencing pathway, and it was designed evolutionarily to encourage positive behaviors that help in survival. Makes sense. But only recently was it discovered that the largest dopamine spike in the brain occurs in anticipation of the reward, not while experiencing the reward. This is really important because that is exactly when cravings are active.

So, let’s not fight against this normal pattern we have, let’s use it to our advantage. And that’s where James Clear presents his solution to optimizing for cravings. Make it attractive. If we want to add a positive behavior, it likely doesn’t have a natural high-dopamine release that sustains a craving. You can associate that behavior with something else that does to make the positive behavior more attractive. He calls this temptation bundling.  For example, if you want to meditate in the morning, link it with your morning coffee. The natural craving will help you act on the positive behavior once they become associated.

He also suggests changing your mentality, and sited an example I’ve used before. The difference between “I have to” and “I get to”. With time that self-talk will change the way you approach the thought and slowly train your brain to crave it more over time.

Part 2: Optimize for your cravings by making it attractive.

This week is going to be a series of lessons that all come from James Clear’s book “Atomic Habits”.  In the book, he shares how our habit loop is divided into four parts, and I want to address each segment of the habit loop individually so we can optimize the routines and behaviors in our lives!

So, let’s do it.  The 4 part process involves a cue, a craving, a response, and a reward.

Starting at the top with cues.  All habits require a cue to initiate the process. These cues are normal stimuli in your environment that prompt you to take conscious or subconscious actions.  Your environment is littered with cues that induce your current behaviors, and if you want to make a change, you need to optimize for your triggers because they begin the cascade toward action.

Clear’s proposal to adding positive habits is make cues obvious. It makes sense, it all needs to start from the top, and we can design our lives around that. If you want to workout in the morning, set out your workout clothes. If you want to read at night, leave a book on your pillow. Being intentional about the cues you are putting out can help guide your behavior to make the positive change you are hoping for. The important piece to this is that the cue presents itself in the right time and place where you are willing to go on to performing the behavior.

If you want to reduce how much you perform a certain behavior, the opposite (or as he calls it the inversion) applies. Make the cue invisible. If you want to go on social media less on your phone, hide the app and turn off notifications.  If you want to quit smoking, don’t hangout with smokers. The cue produces the craving that inspires the action, that elicits a reward, so controlling your cues is the first step to developing positive routines.

That’s part one: Optimizing for cues. Make them obvious.

This story is empowering, inspiring, and unbelievably impressive. I had the privilege of meeting Juana, a 17 year old girl in Maneadero Mexico. I went to Mexico as part of a house build project through Baja Bound and The Greatness Foundation, and was wholly moved by the experience.  

During my time there I learned that Juana was born into poverty with no access to clean water, no electricity, and living on the dirt. Another group came through and donated their time to build her family a house. Through a related organization, she also was given a scholarship to study in a local school. Juana’s dad disapproved of her desire to pursue education and refused to let her go, but her mom stood up for her and insisted. Sexism, unfortunately, is still most definitely present in our world.

Both of Juana’s parents worked in the field to provide for the family, so at 7 years old, Juana went to school with her baby brother strapped to her chest so she could take care of him and study. She continued providing for her family beyond her years through today. Now, at 17, she wants to study psychology and help other girls in her village to understand that their dreams can become a reality. She wants to serve the community she was born into and fight against the injustices. Her maturity and poise for her age was unbelievably impressive and her mission even more so.  

This message carries many tips. The message that stand out is we are capable of more than we know, we must continue to be cognizant of oppression, and perspective is one hell of a motivator.