Self Improvement Daily Podcast

As things transition and change, one phase of life may end and a new one may begin. This is often triggered by standard life events like graduating high school, getting married, having a child, or leaving a job. But it also can happen very randomly - When you meet someone who changes your perspective, you commit to something new and major in your life, or something big happens out of nowhere. In all cases, change by the very nature of it is disruptive.

Many people articulate this as the beginning of a new chapter in your life, and it’s important to acknowledge what that means. On one side, it’s you moving on from something and rejecting the comfort in the way it was. On the other side, a new chapter and it’s unchartered territory bring a sense of uncertainty about how things will be. It’s your choice to embrace new chapters in your life and make the most of your story moving forward.

While you don’t know the contents of this new chapter, and you don’t know the lessons and learnings it will provide, it’s still a matter of perspective to approach the uncertainty with optimism. Even a seemingly bad start to a new chapter -like a death, a divorce, a break up, or a health scare - can be viewed with a lens of curiosity. It may be the key to unlocking the inspiration, self-worth, confidence, or fire you need to become who you are meant to be. New chapters are new beginnings, and that’s something to look forward to.

Integrity is so important. It’s living in a way that is consistent with your values, having morals and ethics, and doing what you said you were going to do,  But interestingly, integrity is usually presented in a way that has consequences that affect other people. You flake on your friend, well now your friend is upset. You cheat on your partner, now your relationship is in jeopardy. You succumb to an addiction or vice, and now others are affected by your actions or lack of action.

But let’s turn this conversation around and make it entirely about the self. What does it mean to have self-integrity?

To me this is having completely intrinsic accountability. This is waking up at 6am like you told yourself you would the previous night, but you didn’t tell anyone else. It’s knowing and abiding by your limits in different settings, even though no one else knows what your limit is. And be careful - What happens every time you violate that inner-accountability is you breach your integrity.

This has devastating effects. You stop trusting yourself, you stop believing in yourself, and therefore you stop prioritizing yourself. Every time it happens it weakens your relationship with that element in your life, and forces you to rationalize or adjust to live in a way that is more consistent with having less integrity.

But the other side of it, every time you do what you said you were going to do, you have control of yourself, you execute - You start trusting yourself more, you start believing in yourself more, and your start prioritizing yourself more.  Your choices are so important because they are the foundation of everything else, and you need to be extremely mindful when your choices interface with your integrity. 

Our existence is a very emotional experience. How lucky are we that we get to participate in something that really pulls at us and allows us to feel? It’s truly a blessing to be able to endure and enjoy our life in such a unique way. While emotions can be the best and worst thing to ever happen in the moment, it provides a meaning to our experiences that is unlike anything else. A quote by Maya Angelou recently perfectly embodies this thought.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

I think we should be more intentional about our emotions. Whether we want to or not we are constantly communicating with others through our emotional states. It’s through this implicit conversation that we can connect with others in a way that leaves a lasting impression. In fact, our brains are hardwired to identify and remember emotions as a survival advantage that can be traced all the way back to our fight or flight instinct. 

If you want to make a difference, make a point to influence someone on the level of their emotions. Don’t just hand a homeless person a $5 bill, look them in the eyes and let them feel their humanity. Don’t just say a rehearsed “I love you" to a partner or family member, announce it from the depth of your being so that they can feel the love carried in your words. Moments like these really do stand out from the crowd and serve as an opportunity to introduce more light into this world.

We’re in a world that constantly renews itself. Almost anything can be traced back to a natural cycle that exists so that an equilibrium can be maintained over time. For example, did you know that 25-70 million of your cells die everyday, only to be replaced by brand new cells in a matter of seconds? 

We quite literally live the expression “Out with the old, in with the new” on a cellular level, and do you know why that is? It’s because we require it.

Everything around us is dynamic. Nothing ever exists exactly how it did a minute ago because the environment and energetics around it are always changing. Just like our body adapts every single day to the concepts, priorities, and expectations we live by, we need to adapt in order to be a good fit for the current times. While it’s still important to recognize how everything has its purpose at the time, it’s equally important to acknowledge when that context of that purpose is no longer what it used to be. 

Within our awareness of these dynamic processes we’re subject to, we need to embrace when things are out of place. It could be something big like a job or friendship that doesn’t serve you anymore, or as small as a habit or belief that no longer has a place in your life. In either case, it’s important to upgrade - Out with the old, in with the new.

It’s about time someone flipped this common expression on its head. Growing up we heard a very important saying “Practice what you preach”, and it served us. It goes along with other lessons like the Golden Rule - “Treat others the way you want to be treated”, and “Always say please and thank you.”

But now that we’re a bit older and we know how things work, we can think about this simple quote in a different way. It’s not that you must practice what you preach, it’s that you should preach what you practice.

There are three different ways to communicate something. You can say it, you can show it, or you can have someone experience it. Those 3 ways are listed in order of increasing effectiveness. “Show not tell”, right? You've heard it before.

Well with the quote, “Practice what you preach”, you’re leading with ‘tell’. You’re telling people what to do first, then holding yourself to that standard. A more effective way of communicating with other people would be to “Preach what you practice”, because what happens first is your commitment to demonstrating it by your own example. Then when you talk about it you have more authority and credibility on the topic because you are living proof of the thought, rather than a messenger of it.

Another schoolyard quote that wraps this thought up nicely: “Lead by example”. That’s a classic way of ‘showing not telling’ the best way to do something.

So what does this all mean? It starts with you. You need to first be the practitioner before you can preach it. It’s not just about practicing what you preach, but preaching what you practice.

Have you heard this before? ‘There’s only so much time in the day.’ Or ‘I’m just running out of gas.’ The physical limitations we experience are real, and while there are ways to optimize our lives a bit to have more energy, there’s an alternative consideration - What is your energy going to right now?

Our behavior is driven by satisfying our human needs, all the way from securing food, water, and shelter to self-actualization. These desires are rooted deeply in our evolutionary past and still play a large role in our day to day lives. But what’s interesting is how we have a tendency to overcompensate for past needs. This ultimately leads to us spending our energy in unnecessary ways, and is probably best understood by way of a few examples. 

Let’s say that as a child you weren’t acknowledged as much as you needed after personal achievements. You may take action today in a way that makes up for that void and guarantees you receive the validation from others that you desire. Or maybe you didn’t grow up with much money. Now you work hard to secure more money but in a way that is beyond your means and needs.

The important point here is that your overspending in these ways may actually be the key to increasing your capacity. By identifying what is holding you back, or what is being prioritized unnecessarily, you can redirect that energy toward a more aligned cause in your life.

If you are unaware of your subconscious mind, how can you go about identifying what needs to be changed? Jim Fortin is an expert in subconscious transformation who teaches that identity is the root of all behavior change. But it’s not only the source of your potential for positive behavior, it’s also the key that unlocks the mystery of your negative realities. For those things occur at a subconscious level, that can’t be rationally comprehended, you need to look somewhere else. You need to look in your environment.

Just because we can’t see into our subconscious does not mean that there is no evidence that suggests what's in there. Our internal identity provides clues in our external reality that we can use to learn what exists inside. So if you want to learn more about your subconscious thoughts on your relationships, look at your relationships as they are. If you want to know the subconscious positions you hold regarding money and work-life balance, look at the current state of your money and work life balance. This awareness will allow you to recondition your brain in a way that helps you improve your identity with these important elements in your life. When you make progress on your internal state, you'll see and your evidence in your external state - your environment.

Think positive. It’s something I’ve said a thousand times, something you’ve heard a million more, but what does it actually mean. Quite simply it’s about adopting a lens of positivity that filters everything around you so that it appears more optimistic and encouraging in your world. While that all sounds great, positivity is not a natural response. It needs to be developed. The question becomes HOW can we go about thinking positive more often?

First is practicing gratitude. Gratitude works because it focuses your attention on the positive things in your life, training your subconscious to look for more of the same in your environment. If you haven’t begun a gratitude practice, I challenge you to try journaling about 3 things you’re grateful for everyday for two weeks. It will change your life.

Second is to utilize reframing exercises. Positive and negative is a perception, an arbitrary label to a situation, and you can be intentional about which one you focus on. When something bad happens in your life, you can reframe it to find a silver lining or an unexpected blessing that is buried in the situation. It’s uncomfortable and difficult to do when in a highly emotional state, but it very quickly changes the meaning of the negative things your experiencing. 

Then last, if you don’t want to direct this effort toward yourself, direct it toward others. Compliment others on the good things they’re doing, acknowledge them, and you’ll find that the energy you put out returns to you indirectly.

That’s what it takes to think positive. Positivity is a choice, and these are some of the tools you can use to begin introducing more positivity into your life.