Last week I was speaking at an event and I had a conversation with one of the attendees. The talk I gave was about the benefits of self-care, and how many busy professionals see time for themselves as a tradeoff... That it takes time time from other important things rather than as an investment in creating more quality time for important things. In the talk I shared the importance of getting enough sleep, and how it contributes to you being more energized, focused, and present throughout the day.

To that point, this attendee said to me “Brian, I hear what you’re saying about getting more sleep. But I can’t. I have 4 kids, a commute, a demanding job, and 24 hours in the day.  It’s impossible for me to get 8 hours of sleep.” 

That might be how you feel too if you have a lot of responsibilities. Your days are already full and if you were to carve out time for more sleep or improved self-care, something else would need to go. And while the logic is right, the perspective isn’t. And here are two reasons why:

1. It’s not that it’s impossible to get 8 hours of sleep… It’s that it seems impossible to maintain your current load of responsibilities and add on the extra time for added sleep. You could make changes to your current commitments and enable yourself the rest. You could completely neglect your kids needs and get more sleep. You could do a horrible job, work part-time even though full-time is expected of you, and have more time to sleep. Obviously those aren’t acceptable solutions... But what it illuminates is the choice you’re implicitly making. You’re choosing to be a good parent, friend, and worker. You’re choosing that it's not worth it to you to disrupt these other important things. So let’s use the right language that’s more accurate - it’s not impossible - you’re choosing not to get 8 hours of sleep and you’re choosing the consequences of that over the alternative.

2. It’s with that fairer perspective that you can actually do something about it. You don’t need to accept a certain fate for yourself and improve the quality of your choices. Even with everything on your plate, there are ways to create space and get more sleep. Waste less time on your phone throughout the day and be proactive about doing your errands so that they don’t pile up at night. Delegate certain responsibilities so that you don’t need to handle them. Change your routine from working out early in the morning to integrating it within the work day, and enforce boundaries that protect that time. There tradeoffs you’re making are within the current design of your life, and the opportunity is to create a new design that supports you in choosing to do things in a way that help you get more of what you want.

Nothing is impossible, it’s that it appears to be impossible based on how things are currently set up. When you realize that you’re in more control than you think, that you have agency, you feel empowered to make small adjustments that support you in creating the life that you want. So embrace the creativity that comes with your most important responsibility - doing your best with what you’ve got - so that you can fulfill your personal and professional mission in the world.

I don’t know who needs to read this, but let me tell you something about destiny. The factors in the world are always supporting you in living out your destiny. The world desperately wants you to maximize your impact and contribution to others. However, it’s often beyond our awareness to know that it’s happening for us. 

Tragedy strikes and it’s nearly impossible to realize how it’s in your best interest. You keep struggling with the same personal problems and feel embarrassed that you just can’t get your act together, but the struggle is part of your destined growth process. You’re surrounded by injustices, unfairness, and inequities but somehow, it offers the exact perspective you need to prepare you for what’s next.

The universe doesn’t make mistakes - you’re exactly where you’re meant to be. And I believe that’s because, whatever you’re going through, it puts you in a position to be more helpful toward other people going through something similar. Rory Vaden says “you are most qualified to help the person you once were.” 

Personal tragedy, addiction, financial hardship, unhealthy relationships, health issues, everything is all part of your lived experience for a reason. It’s what you’re meant to go through to live out your destiny.

In the iconic book “The Alchemist”, author Paolo Coehlo calls this the process of “living out your personal legend”. It’s impossible to know how the dots are going to connect, but you must have faith that ultimately they do. And when you do believe that, it infuses your life with hope, possibility, and purpose. It turns your mess into your message, pain into promise, and wakes up your spirit.

So rather than judging that you’re falling behind, caught in the same unhealthy habits and patterns, struggling in the same areas, realize there’s a reason for it. You can’t have a story of overcoming if you have nothing to overcome. So absolutely, do the work to change your life and break-free of the things that are holding you back from your fullest potential! And know that it’s the process you discover along the way that becomes your best guidance to help others.

You, me, everybody - we’re right where we need to be. That’s not to say that we need to stay there, but it helps us accept that we’re exactly where we need to be to start.

Having found yourself right here, right now... If you’re looking for a place to start, I’ve got this for you.

One of the most incredible, overlooked aspects about life is that we’re creating it. Literally everything that you see around you was once just an idea that someone had that they dedicated themselves to and made a reality. First and foremost, we are creators. It’s within our control to shape the future. 

Some of us take that seriously and become inventors, pioneers, and leaders… And some of us don’t tap into that potential and become the recipients of the life that everyone else creates for us.

There are two components to being the creator of your life: The idea to do it and  the follow through that creates it.

Both of those components improve when you have an example to follow, and that’s why it’s important to follow people who inspire you. When you see someone else succeeding, achieving, or creating at the level you want to, it gives you reason that it’s possible for yourself. In particular, you have selected your life heroes, mentors, and guides for a reason. They’re the voices and examples that you feel most aligned with, that you gravitate toward, that are shining the light on your path ahead.

“It’s easier to dream it if you see it.” Creation starts with the dream, the idea, and then it gets built into reality. Your vision may not take the form you thought it would, and the process might not be as smooth as you’d want it to be, but when you’re committed to creating you are literally shaping your future.

The main thing people relate the idea of 'creating' to is in business. You identify a problem and create a product, service, or solution that solves the problem. The world has changed because now it has your creation. 

But similarly you can create the health, relationships, impact, influence, culture, fulfillment that you desire in life as well. And it all stems from having an idea that you really believe in, a dream, and finding ways to build it into your world.

I think of it like a snow globe. At rest all of the snow settles to the bottom of the globe. When you shake it, it all gets disrupted but in time it’ll all settle in a similar way again. But if you add some structure and elements into the globe and shake it again, the snow settles around those structures in a new way. 

That’s what creating does - it establishes a new normal. But again, you won’t have the ideas to create, or feel like it’s worthwhile to create, unless you see how it’s being modeled by others. “It’s easier to dream it if you see it.”

One of my greatest creations, that I’ve designed to help myself and others get into the good habits, routines, and next level consistency, is my Self Improvement Scorecard. Check it out!

My wife Irene is remarkable and very inspiring. She grew up doing gymnastics and still trains and competes as an adult, getting back skills that she only was able to do in her prime. Last week she was frustrated though because she has a big competition coming up in a few weeks and she injured herself by twisting her ankle.

Motivated to heal it as fast as possible, she pulled out all the stops - ice bucket, compression recovery, acquiring a stabilization boot, doing physical therapy exercises… Whatever it takes to get better quickly.

As someone who helped to build and a sports recovery technology company that got acquired, and as a former D1 student athlete, I know a fair amount about recovery. And I have recommendations for her... But it’s a fine line to play between offering to help someone and supporting them.

In my morning meditation I forecast the next 24 hours and set an intention for my health choices, my work tasks, and my quality time with others. This was on a Tuesday morning and every Tuesday evening we go for a nice walk near the ocean with friends. Knowing Irene was unsure about if / how she could do the walk, I set the intention to prioritize supporting her. Whatever she reasoned was the right path forward, my intention was to not challenge it even if I disagreed with it.

It’s with that clarity of intention that I was able to show up for her in the best way I knew how. She came up with some ideas to go for the walk in the boot, bring a scooter, ask us to walk slower… And amid all of these options my intention was to support her in doing what she wanted to do.

Interestingly enough when I approached the situation with that energy, she wanted my perspective and recommendations. So I provided them unattached to whether she’d take them or not, and it turns out she did!

The insight here is to connect with your intentions and let that determine the tone of your actions. When you have an intention, you have a specific purpose for doing what you’re doing. This purpose is connected to the highest version of yourself, and it helps you hold yourself accountable to that higher standard.

Intentionality is the North Star that I have in my life, and being intentional over being productive is one of the 7 Fundamentals To Self Improvement. Check out the rest if you want to build up your life the right way!

Perhaps the thing that holds people back the most from pursuing their dreams, taking more chances, and playing a bigger game in life is a lack of self-confidence. When you lack confidence it means that you’re more hesitant, tentative, and unwilling to put yourself outside your comfort zone for fear that you’ll fail... And give yourself more reasons to feel inadequate.

When you break down the etymology of the word ‘confidence’ it’s divided into two latin roots ‘con-fidere’ which translates to “intense trust”. When you fully trust a person or process, you have confidence in them. This means that in order to have self-confidence you need to have intense trust in yourself, that you will show up, perform, and give your best when you find yourself in challenging situations.

I’ve found that in order to build that intense trust in yourself, you need to earn it. And that the best way to build confidence is by doing hard things. When you take on hard things and prove to yourself that you have what it takes to overcome them, you gain confidence.

This is something I’ve been leveraging for myself. Literally today (as I’m sharing this) I’m giving a Keynote speech. Beyond preparing relentlessly for it, I’ve also been reinforcing my own self-confidence by pushing myself in the gym. I’ve been starting every workout by turning the treadmill on faster than is comfortable and holding the pace for longer than I thought possible. And each time I do, it’s giving me more evidence that I step up to the occasion when it’s presented in front of me. I'm doing this strategically to reinforce my self-confidence, which is elevating all areas of my life, but in the short-term is being specifically directed toward delivering on this Keynote.

But there’s an extra layer to it. Beyond just supporting you with the things that are on the horizon and that you’re aware of, building confidence proactively helps you to better manage the things that come up unexpectedly. I hear Mike Posner say “we choose to do hard things so that we can do the hard things we don't’ choose.” 

Life will always present challenges, and the more prepared we are when they arrive, the better we’ll be able to manage them. So if you’re feeling short on confidence, start giving yourself reasons to be confident. And that starts with stepping outside of your comfort zone and giving yourself the opportunity to prove to yourself that you’re more capable than you thought.

The primary purpose of our personal development is to achieve self-growth - to improve the quality of our lives by becoming healthier, more effective, more present, and more impactful. This idea of constant growth suggests that we’re always seeking to tap into our next level and maximize our potential. And as I’ve found in my life, when it comes to generating improvement and growth, there are only two paths to reaching your next level…

The path you take comes down to asking yourself this simple question: Do you know what you should be doing to improve your life?

If the answer is “Yes”, you do know what you should be doing to improve your life, then the path forward is just a matter of doing it. This becomes a process of understanding the roadblocks, obstacles, challenges, and details getting in the way of you doing it. It becomes more of a behavioral design approach to changing your life so that you can get consistent in doing the things that most serve you.

Some people would call this being more self-disciplined, which I define as “faithfully following through on doing the thing that most serves you, consistently, despite the circumstances around it”. Cultivating self-discipline isn’t just about willing your way into action but exploring all the factors around the action, clearing out the resistance, and structuring your environment to be more supportive in doing it.

If the answer to the question is “no”, you don’t know what you should be doing to improve your life, then the limiting factor is your own awareness. This means that the path forward is to go out and find the ideas, perspectives, examples, lessons, and recommendations that will help you improve in the ways you seek to. 

It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes of all time, shared by Maya Angelou - “Do your best until you know better. Then once you know better, do better.” It’s a reminder to not judge or criticize how things have been because it was the best you could do from that level of awareness. And then, once you have acquired that awareness, it becomes a matter of being more self-disciplined to faithfully follow through on what you know you should be doing.

The truth of it is… The majority of the time, if you’re being really honest with yourself, you do know what you should be doing to improve. Or at least you have an idea for something to try. So the real bottleneck to your own self-improvement, and reaching your next level, is to get yourself to follow through and take action. Even if it scares you, even if you don’t feel ready, even if you have reasonable excuses to make about it.

My personal process for that, which includes self-discipline subconscious priming, and honest self-accountability, and clarity on my goals and committed areas for growth, is my Self Improvement Scorecard. It's how I take action to elevate to my next level every single day.

There’s a powerful quote attributed to the greek philosopher Heraclitus that goes “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” I love this quote because it reminds us of how rapid, constant, and unrelenting change is. 

Even things that appear to be static are dynamic. Balancing on a bike is not a process of being still but of stabilizing and restabilizing as the rider tilts subtly off-center. Equilibrium in a chemical reaction is not a dormant state of inactivity but a very active process of constant chemistry. 

The quote also talks about the two different faces of change, internal and external. As individuals we are always learning, experiencing, and growing. With every datapoint our brains rewire to update our understanding of the world, creating personal evolution in every moment. We update our beliefs, preferences, and perspective instantaneously causing us to never think the same way twice. This is the man in the river.

The internal change interacts with everything changing externally. We’re constantly acquiring new information, and context from the outside world. The same conditions are impossible to reproduce because there are so many variables that go into it, and so many forces that influence it. This is the river the man is in. 

Given how constant change is, our mission is to keep reorienting ourselves to meet the demands of the moment. As Charles Darwin shared, “it’s the most adaptable that survive” and that’s equally true about who thrives and succeeds in our modern world, which is changing faster than ever. Critical to keeping up with the changes is having strong feedback systems in place that give you the insight you need to know which direction to go. 

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” Every moment is unique, internally and externally, and that’s part of the fun! We get to continue improving and growing in the ways that help us maximize our potential and contribution in the world.

Some of the happiest, most abundant, most fulfilled people I know are the most grateful. They have a genuine appreciation for the goodness in the world around them and seem to live in a positivity bubble that insulates them from the chaos of the outside world. I believe that we would all benefit from embracing gratitude as a way of life like they do.

While positivity is something that appears to be based on your personality, I’ve found that it’s something that can be trained. You can intentionally build your mindset to be more grateful, and to start to see the world through a lens of more positivity. 

The way that you do that is by being intentional about finding reasons to be grateful. It’s the consistency of consciously scanning your day and finding the goodness and blessings that you begin to see it unconsciously too. You start noticing the good things that are happening in the world instead of the bad because you’ve literally trained your mind to. 

There are two different depths of gratitude journaling that I’ve incorporated into my life and that I encourage you to try:

For those who are just getting started, it’s as simple as finding 3 things to be grateful for a day with prompts: One thing about your health and body that’s functioning well for you, one thing about the people in your life who’ve made an effort to support you, and one about your circumstances and how good you gave it compared to those less fortunate.

For those who are more advanced, you can try a reframing gratitude practice. It’s also a daily discipline where you recall something that didn’t go well, that was far from ideal and created inconvenience, sadness, frustration, or anger… And you choose to see the breadcrumbs of good within it. 

You get in a car crash and realize how lucky you are to survive, and have insurance. You lose a deal in business and find gratitude in being aware of the weaknesses in your pitch. You get in a disagreement with a loved one and appreciate how most of the time you resolve conflict amicably. 

It's not easy to do, but it's possible, and very effective in shifting your mindset. It’s the conscious reframing of something that impacted you negatively into something positive that you begin to start seeing failures through a more empowering lens.

In any case, being grateful is a super power because it shapes your perspective to find more possibility, hope, opportunity, and goodness in the world. That’s the type of world we want to live in, and it starts with making that the reality of our world. Do that by getting in the routine of intentional gratitude journaling, and soon you’ll be embracing gratitude as a way of life.”