Self Improvement Daily Podcast

No matter how high-performing or high-achieving you are, everyone goes through phases of life where they’ve lost momentum, progress stalls, and no matter how hard they try they just can’t move the needle. 

In other words, everyone gets stuck.

Having worked with hundreds people at this point, I’ve found there are reliable patterns that explain what’s getting in the way. In particular there are 4 types of ‘stuck’ that keep people frustrated, disappointed, and discouraged as they try to improve their life. And not only that, but they come up in a specific order where at each step, you get closer to breaking through.

The first type of ‘stuck’ is you don’t know what you want. It’s hard to make progress on anything if you aren’t clear on what it’s all for. You’re going to keep feeling misaligned if you don’t have a definite direction established. This shows up as feeling lost, aimless, and unexcited about doing the work.

The second type of ‘stuck’ is you don’t know what to do next, or what to take action on. There are a lot of ways to make things happen, and lacking a clear strategy makes it that much harder to execute. Often just taking one action step in the right direction is a catalyst for more, but you still need to know what that first step is. This shows up as feeling overwhelmed, indecisive, out of ideas.

The third type of ‘stuck’ is not knowing how to do something. Let’s say you've determined what action to take… If you don’t have the know-how or ability to do it, you won’t follow through on it. This is an education and skill gap, and until you bridge it, you’re going to be motionless. It shows up as fear, self-doubt, and self-deprecating thoughts as you muster up the courage to make an attempt without looking stupid.

The fourth and final type of ‘stuck’ is you don’t feel like doing it. You know what you want, you know what to do next, you know how to do it… Now it’s just a matter of following through on it. But something is still getting in the way - you’re not feeling motivated or enthusiastic about your path forward, which is keeping you caught in a web of inaction.

Your breakthrough is on the other side of overcoming these versions of being 'stuck'. Each one you overcome brings you closer to breaking yourself out of your rut and kickstarting momentum. It first involves doing the strategic work upfront to create an action plan you believe in, and then executing it.

And if you’re feeling stuck right now, start from the beginning and work through each layer. Slowly but surely you’ll climb your way out and get back to firing on all cylinders, just like the world needs you to be! 

Or, if you already know what you want and it’s to hold yourself to a higher standard and maximize your potential, I can show you what you need to do next and how to do it. That’s what the 21 Day Super Habits Challenge is all about, and if you want to go from feeling stuck to feeling unstoppable, I encourage you to give it a try! 

Living our best lives involves living with self-confidence. And not with arrogance or a distorted sense of self, but grounded and humble self-belief.

When you break down the roots of the word ‘confidence’ you get ‘con-fidere’, which in Latin means ‘intense trust’.

This means you have wholehearted conviction that you’re capable of creating a desired result, or performing at the level required of you. It also means that when you stretch yourself and risk failing or not meeting expectations, you have the self-esteem to keep your life intact and move on without it completely destroying your momentum.

When you get to that level of confidence, you’re showing up for life with more boldness and speed. It’s what we all want, which begs the question: “How do you build confidence?”

Ed Mylett says you build confidence by keeping the promises you make to yourself. The more times you do that, the more evidence you have to believe that when you say something, you mean it. Conviction is earned through instances of delivering on your commitments.

Layer on to that what Heather Monahan says, which is that confidence is the byproduct of action. When you show up every day and take action, even when you’re scared or you’re not fully ready, you build confidence. You earn intense trust in yourself because you prove that you are above your circumstances and can make yourself do hard things when you don’t feel like it.

Now here’s the kicker: What you do in private does so much more for your self-confidence than anything else.

When others know your commitments and have expectations of you, other factors are influencing how you show up. There are external consequences to the choices you make that impact you unconsciously. But when you strip away of all that external influence, your true character comes out and you face up with who you really are, and if you can really count on yourself. 

If you keep the promises you make to yourself in private… And take action in brave and empowered ways even when no one is watching… It reinforces authentic self-belief.

So take yourself seriously. Understand what’s at stake. How you do one thing is how you do everything, especially when it comes to your confidence. Because when you hold yourself to a higher standard at all times, no matter who knows it and even with the small things, you prove to yourself that you’re the type of person who does what they say they’re going to do.

If you’re looking to connect better with others, come to understand what’s really going on at a deeper level, or even do the same for yourself, here’s a really powerful phrase to use:

What that really means is…

Often, our conversations and understandings stagnate at a superficial level. The entry point to sharing our thoughts and feelings are the things that are most present. The things we’re already thinking about the most and most aware of. But in every case it’s just the fractional expression of what lies underneath. It's the tip of the iceberg that is visible above water but not representing the fuller truth below.

When you ask someone “What does that really mean?” it pierces that layer deeper. The nature of the questions asks them to get introspective, discover, and share on that next level. It takes the frame that the current discussion is the symptom of an underlying root cause and asks them to identify it.

It invites vulnerability. They shared at a superficial level because it was more comfortable and familiar. Understanding what something really means deep down gets them speaking into what they are also aware is true but didn’t want to say. And it’s not that you’re making them share a secret, but offering to hold space for something they haven’t had the opportunity to give voice to.

Take the same line of thinking and apply it to yourself - See what’s presenting and explore what that really means. It’s a practice that makes you way more self-aware in that it points out your blindspots, stories, and things being blown way out of proportion. It gets to the heart of what’s actually happening so that you can change the way you relate with it. 

Let’s look at a few examples: 

“I’m sick of my job”, but what that really means is “I feel like my time is more valuable than what I’m doing 50% of my waking hours.” 

“I’ll do it next time”, but what that really means is “I don’t have the confidence right now to try, and I want to feel more prepared and ready before I give it a go.”

Or “I can’t move forward with this program”, but what that really means is “I’m scared I’ll fail and look stupid, and have to face up with the fear that I was never capable of the success I see for myself in the first place.”

There’s a reason why it’s a popular question to ask in a sales call or use in sales copy. It brings to the surface what’s really going on, the real problem someone is facing. With that awareness they can face off with the problem head on. Otherwise, it might not be something that motivates them enough to change.

Something that has become central to my understanding of behavior change is that your environment is everything.

We live unconsciously 95% of the time, which means that for most of the day we are just drifting in whatever direction our environment is taking us. We make the choices, take the actions, and get the results that are perfectly calibrated to our environment.

Things don’t happen by mistake or chance, they’re the perfect byproduct of our design.

Environment shows up in many ways you wouldn’t even realize. Our belief system is an environment where we unconsciously assign meaning to the world around us, which shapes our thoughts. Having clarity and an action plan is an environment because it highlights the path we want to take, and helps us avoid getting hijacked by confusion. 

But the environment I want to elaborate more on today is our physical state. Your state is your internal environment.

The health, energy, and vitality that you experience internally plays a huge role in what manifests externally. You’re more likely to get in the gym when you’re not exhausted. You’re less irritable and argumentative with people when you’ve eaten. You can better put off distractions and stay focused when you’re feeling good.

Why? Because you’ve created a supportive internal environment, one that promotes more of what you want and less of what you don’t.

This is why it’s so important to make healthy choices. Quality exercise, diet, and rest increase your energy levels. With more energy, not only do you have more conscious control of yourself and your feelings, but unconsciously you’re being pushed in a more empowered direction.

A positive physical state helps you show up to everyday moments with more presence, focus, and quality without even having to think about it. It’s a filter that goes on top of everything you do.

If you know that you’re not living the healthy lifestyle you want, and you’re ready to really start prioritizing it (even through busy life with endless responsibilities that make it hard to do), you should sign up for the 21 Day Super Habits Challenge. It will make you unrecognizably disciplined as you consistently make the healthy choice by walking you through a step by step process that takes only 5 minutes a day to do.

One of the most consistent pieces of advice we’ve all been given is a reminder to “focus on the process”.

It connects in with other common guidelines: Finding validation in the day to day and not getting too attached to outcomes… It’s the journey not the destination… But it’s a recommendation that goes beyond finding fulfillment. It’s also the direction of generating results.

In business, people talk about  KPIs - "Key Performance Indicators". These are the metrics that determine if things are headed the right direction. Businesses are complex so it’s helpful to have one datapoint that you measure to know if your actions are driving meaningful change. 

But those are related the outcomes, the tangible shifts in reality that occurred. Equally important to measure is the consistency with which we’re taking strategic action, which we do in good faith that they’ll steer the outcomes in our favor.

That’s why as far as KPIs go, there are two types: Leading metrics and lagging metrics.

Leading metrics refer to the inputs that are in your direct control - the actions and the way you’re working the process. Lagging indicators are the results that come about based on those leading actions, which represent the ultimate transformation you’re trying to create.

The reason I make that distinction is because when we talk about focusing on the process, there's an acceptance that the results are out of our control. We can commit to taking actions in ways that we believe are most likely to generate the results we want, and that’s exactly what we should do, but the results aren’t guaranteed. 

Cause and effect is real. Certain inputs tend to generate certain outputs. And that’s where the art and science comes in - How do you take in feedback to change your approach so that you maximize your ability to obtain a desired outcome? This is a strategic process. It’s not part of the day to day and should only happen at certain intervals.

The balance is: We define the strategy in one focused session (to support our success toward achieving lagging indicators) to then allocate the majority of our attention focusing on the process (executing the plan consistently to meet leading indicators). 

Daily actions are derived from our committed strategies, which support the achievement of our stated goals. And you need clarity at each step to ensure your efforts are materializing into what you want. 

Two established ingredients for a successful life are good habits and discipline. There’s something immeasurable about the power of consistency that creates exponential results wherever it’s applied. It’s what Darren Hardy has coined as “The Compound Effect” and what Albert Einstein references when he says “Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world.”

With that in mind, I want to pose the question: How do you build the habit of being disciplined?

Oftentimes people muddy up personal development terms and say things that sound good but don’t have real meaning or actionable value. That’s what I originally thought about this, until I chose to break it down into its elements.

As I understand it, a habit is “an action that’s completed with a reliable frequency, often without needing to think about it”. That’s why good habits are so powerful. When you have them, you automatically do things that contribute to improving your health, work, and life. Those positive actions generate positive results that add up to extraordinary outcomes over time.

As for discipline, I define it as “following through on doing the thing that most serves you, consistently, despite the circumstances around you”. Self-discipline isn’t doing what you said you were going to do at all costs, it involves thoughtfulness to determine what choice makes the biggest impact and executing that.

So if you put the two together, here’s my summary: The habit of self-discipline is “the act of consistently making the choice that most serves you despite the circumstances around it”. It’s a foundation that applies to all areas of your life. It’s a constant filter being applied to everything that keeps you accountable, intentional, and resilient.

Ideally, the habit of self-discipline is effortless. Imagine unconsciously making the self-disciplined choice without having to think about it, negotiate with yourself, or talk yourself into it. That it’s just a natural part of everything you do.

That’s possible when you have a self-disciplined mindset, one that comes from the belief system and identity that you are a self-disciplined person. I call this having a ‘best-self reflex’ where unconsciously you respond to life’s situations by making good, positive, empowering choices that you never regret.

Like any belief system, that transformation must be earned. And the best way to install a new unconscious program is by consciously drilling it into your psychology. In other words, to be hyper-intentional about taking action in alignment with the new belief until your unconscious mind is convinced that it’s just who you are. 

There’s a lot more to share on this, and I’ve created a video you can watch that talks about it in much more detail and teaches you how to install your own ‘best-self reflex’ for yourself. You can watch that here and start building your own 'best-self reflex' today.

One of the biggest things keeping us from taking action on our dreams, goals, and ambitions is knowing how to do it. We can spend years in the uncertainty of what to do that we miss out on the progress we could have been making had we just gotten started. This goes for things as big as launching a new business, or as small as making healthy choices while traveling. 

When it comes to figuring things out, there’s really 3 paths forward: Ask for help, do some research, and give it a try.

Asking for help is probably the fastest way to figure something out. Someone who’s already been there and done that can provide real insight into what needs to be done. The problem is, we get in our own way and fail to ask for help enough.

We’re embarrassed that we don’t know how to do it… We don’t want to inconvenience someone else… We’re afraid to admit we don’t know what we’re doing… And it keeps us from tapping into the most helpful resource we have - the knowledge of other people. 

Doing research is a bit of a trap. We figure we’re being productive in figuring something out because we’re putting time into it, but it’s also a form of procrastination. It’s safer to prepare than it is to take action and risk failure. Many people get stuck researching too much and it keeps them busy doing something else that they don't actually getting anything done.

Which is why giving it a try is a great way to figure things out. This gives you real, hands-on feedback. Rather than debating the theory of what might happen, you get to observe what actually happens. With that newfound knowledge you are better positioned to make another better attempt, and slowly optimize your way forward.

It’s a silly example, but I was staying at my friend’s place in Austin, Texas and utilized all 3 of these methods to help me figure out how to make healthy choices. To have healthy food available, I researched the nearest grocery store and found one within walking distance. To get consistent workouts in, I needed to figure out where the onsite gym was. I could have put it off, but the first day I was there I went searching for it. I got the the floor of the apartment complex I thought it would be on (giving it a try), and had people point me in the right direction until I found it (asked for help).

The truth of it is,  we make up in our minds that something is going to be difficult, elaborate, or complicated. But once we get started in trying to figure it out, it quickly unfolds. What’s uncertain is often blown out of proportion. What’s known is more tangible and therefore, less overwhelming. So whatever it is for you that you’ve been putting off because it’s such a big project, or so unknown that you don’t know where to start, put some time into it and you’ll find it’s not as scary as you think.