Something that no one is above in life is having problems. That’s not to say that there’s something flawed about the system, but rather that the very essence of life is about solving problems.

I don't believe that all problems are the same. Some are very basic, like not having a safe environment to come home to or enough money to put food on the table. And some are more complex, like getting into an argument with a romantic partner.

I define a problem as “an unmet need”. When you label something as a problem it means that it’s not perfectly comfortable in your life. Something is being agitated or irritated, and it’s impacting your well-being. The size of the need determines the size of the irritation and therefore, the size of the problem.

What this means is that we’re naturally motivated to take action in ways that alleviate our problems and address our underlying, unmet needs.

You might notice that this explanation is integrating a bit with Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs. Not having money to put food on the table is an unmet need for survival. Getting into an argument with a partner is a reflection of a need for more love and connection.

As we continue to step our way higher up the pyramid, where the “needs” are less significant and the problems are less dire to solve, they create problems all the same.

And then when we get to the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs, we find ourselves seeking self-actualization.

What is self-actualization? I’d describe it as a need to be the very best version of ourselves and to maximize our contribution to the world.

This need is insatiable. Complete self-actualization can never be achieved. And it means that we’ll always have an unmet need and therefore, we’ll always have a problem.

So maybe this understanding will help you reframe the way you think about problems. Rather than seeing them as inconveniences in our lives, what if they’re actually stepping stones for our personal evolution? That’s what it’s there for at the top of the Hierarchy Of Needs, so why can’t it be true for every problem you experience no matter the need?

Problems are indications that there’s room for growth, for expansion, for improvement. And if that’s the ultimate purpose of life, then we should try to be thankful for the problems we face no matter the form they take. 

I don’t mean to discredit or minimize the hardship you might be facing from some of the problems in your life, but instead give you a new perspective you can use to approach them differently, and like a video game advance to the next level

Do you remember the fairytale “Goldilocks And the Three Bears”? It’s basically a story about a little girl named Goldilocks on her quest for comfort trying out chairs, porridge, and beds, finally settling on what is 'just right' for her. 

We’re all Goldilocks in our own way looking to find what’s ‘just right’ for us and in every aspect of our lives.

The process of discovering your ‘just right’ starts with the basics. We need to be self-aware of what we want (what our preferences are, how we like it, what feels right to us) and we need to accept ourselves and that preference, despite the criticism, judgment, or difference in opinion we might face.

Now how do we figure that out? First we need to understand the spectrum that’s out there. There are few things in life that are truly black and white - we need to find our shade of gray that’s ‘just right’ for us. We get there through trial and error, and experimentation and feedback, to better understand what we’re looking for. 

Like Goldilocks - She had to eat hot porridge and sit in an uncomfortably hard chair to learn what she liked.

Going beyond the fairytale, what’s equally important to accept is that your preferences can change. What you wanted before could be undesirable now. Your definition of success might change when you start a family. 

But you know what? We should change our minds! What’s ‘just right’ should change. As the world evolves around you, your way of fitting into it must evolve as well.

However, we see it as a weakness to change our mind on something. Almost like we’re giving up or quitting and it causes us to stick with things that are not right for us for too long.

That’s when we come back to the basics - Being self-aware of what you want right now, and accepting of that without concern of what others think. We get to run the experimentation process again with curiosity to figure out what feels ‘just right’ now in a different season of life, with different context.

The main source of disappointment I see in people is they fail to live up to the expectation they have for themselves. But when that expectation was crafted in a certain environment, like working out every day for an hour in your mid-twenties, you’re setting yourself up for failure when you hold yourself to that same standard but now you’re in your mid-30s and have two kids under 5.

Just like Goldilocks, feel it out, see what you want, align with your preferences, and boldly state what you think is ‘just right’ for you. And as long as you believe it, that’s all that matters.

What’s interesting about personal development is it’s both very old and very new at the same time. There are some proven, tried principles that will (as long as we are still human) continue to be true for everyone. But then there’s the constant inflow of new information - studies, science, technologies, etc. - that has helped us explain and expand on those same principles.

Today I want to just simplify it down to the very basics. That’s not to say the tactics and technical details aren’t important, but they become much more valuable when you know exactly what foundation they’re meant to fit into.

Let’s focus on positive behaviors - things you can do that make you healthier, more productive, or help you reach your goals. Everything else comes from the simple understanding that positive behaviors come from knowing what we want to do, having a plan to do it, and then actually doing it.

The goal is to get as much clarity as possible on each so that we know exactly how it’s all going to work. We can use motivational strategies, behavioral design, psychology, gamification, incentivization, or whatever we want to support the behavior.

But again, it needs to be within the foundation and first principles of taking action: Knowing what to do, having a plan to do it, and actually doing it.

This reminds me of the difference between being effective and being efficient. They’re often said in the same breath but there’s an important order of operations. We must first make sure the behavior is effective. This means that it produces the specific outcome we want it to. Then once we have that confidently in place, that’s when we can think about more creative tactics to make it more efficient.

Otherwise, you might be investing a lot of time and energy in making something better at doing the wrong thing.

Again, with this simplified view of behavior, what matters most is that you know what to do, you have a plan to do it, and you actually follow through on doing it. If there’s a particular behavior that comes to mind, use this framework to help inform what you want to focus on to make it more effective, more efficient, and more reliable.

We all encounter difficult moments throughout the day. Times when our patience is being put to the test. Times when we get not so great news that we need to respond to. Times when we just don’t feel like doing it but we know deep down we should. No one is immune to feeling this way as they all come from very human emotions, but some people have a better way of dealing with it than others.

My friend David Williamson gave me what is perhaps the best way to think about it. He said that in those times when we’re feeling angry, tired, frustrated, disappointed, or unmotivated, we need to ask ourselves “what is the victory in the moment”?

It’s brilliant for a few reasons. One is it disrupts your current state of thinking. Our thoughts are simply the questions we ask ourselves and our answers to them. We do that back and forth as a conversation in our mind. What this does is it causes us to ask a new, different, intentional question. But not only that, it’s a question that guides us to bring to mind a high-quality output.

What this also does is leverages the powerful associations we have with the word “victory”. Our entire lives when we think about victories we think about hard-work, dedication, consistency, triumph over obstacles, and accomplishment. So when we introduce the concept of “victory” into our thoughts it immediately shifts our physiology into a more empowered state. This makes us feel different and kicks off a cascade of more positive feelings, completely shifting your emotions.

Then of course, the most important part, when you ask a question the mind wants to answer it. So from the endless possibilities of how you could relate with the present moment, you start to home in on what is the most ideal, best, championship outcome that could come from it. Just bringing this option into your awareness is so crucial because then you can choose it - Rather than be stuck with the options that you’re tired, frustrated, disappointed self was giving you.

So you don’t feel like working out… What’s the victory in the moment?

You are starting to get defensive in a conversation with someone you love… What’s the victory in the moment?

You catch yourself scrolling on social media and feel like you’re falling behind on the things you wanted to get done today… What’s the victory in the moment?

You put so much private  hard work into a project and now it’s time to share it publicly, but you’re scared to do it… What’s the victory in the moment?

Start using this mantra often throughout the day, especially when you’re aware of how you might not be feeling so good, and allow that awareness to pull your behavior in productive and empowering ways that make you proud.

An article came out recently that talked about the value of daydreaming, and I wanted to share the highlights with you. It’s pretty crazy, sometimes we get so caught up in the world in our minds that we rest motionless, visualizing an imaginary world. 

It could be replaying the sequence of an experience you’re trying to remember, generating new insights about a thought that interests you, or going down some “rabbit hole” of interconnected ideas that only make sense to you. When we snap out of it we laugh about where we went in our minds, but if we’re being critical, would rather have stayed focused on our immediate tasks.

The article shares that the daydreaming process is actually extremely important for brain function and is a very healthy thing to do.. The reason why is because daydreaming creates a state of what scientists call “quiet wakefulness”. This brain state has incredible benefits.

First is it’s a form of mindfulness. Mindfulness helps to offset stress and anxiety by deactivating your nervous system, and rather than meditating and getting really quiet, we can use daydreaming to accomplish the same. In fact we often judge ourselves if we can’t stay focused during a meditation, and the suggestion here is that doesn’t compromise the mindfulness benefits you’re receiving. 

Quiet wakefulness also is an optimal learning environment for the brain. When we daydream at the end of the day, it actually helps to encode our memory of it. And beyond that, it is considered to be a creative process that activates the right hemisphere of the brain. This allows us to be more imaginative and inventive in our thinking, and helps us with problem solving challenges. But not only do you get these benefits in the moment while you’re daydreaming, but hours afterwards as well while your brain is still influenced by that “quiet wakefulness” state.

In my personal experience, one of the most productive things I do is I create designated “thinking” time on my calendar. To be honest, I don’t do enough of it. It helps me make plans, rethink strategy, and consider alternatives that I hadn’t before. With this new information about daydreaming, I’m going to try elevating my “thinking time” and let my mind wander just a little bit more and see how it goes!

One of the most difficult parts of self-improvement is sustaining the positive changes you’ve introduced into your life.

We’re all good at catching a wave of motivation - Getting into better habits, making healthier choices, avoiding distractions and staying more focused on what matters and what’s working. But when the motivation dies off or a big life disruptor comes in, it can be really hard to stay consistent and maintain the level you’re at.

If you have a tendency to lose your progress and slip right back into how things used to be, here are a few things to have in place that will support you in actually keeping the good habits you’ve worked hard for. 

The first thing is having awareness of the slip. Often there’s no big moment where all of a sudden you stop eating healthy and exercising, or you’re spending too much time on social media again. It’s a gradual transition that is almost invisible to see if you’re not looking at it. 

That’s why awareness is so important. Rather than things changing without you realizing it and ending up where you don’t want them to, you can have pieces in place that make you aware of if you’re meeting certain expectations in your life.

That leads to the second element, which is clarity. If you’re not crystal clear on what your standards are, then it’s impossible to know if things are slipping. For example, let’s say that you were working out 4 times a week. Then something happens and you stop working out so consistently. With full-clarity on how often you want to exercise, you’ll notice that you’re starting to slip when you review the week and see that it only worked out twice. The clarity gives meaning to the awareness.

And last, you need a system for reviewing your performance. When things are out of sight, they’re out of mind and no longer a priority. If you’re not intentional about paying attention to the things that are focuses for you, they’re naturally going to gravitate toward their comfort zone. That’s why you build a system for it. Something that’s easy, consistent, and keeps you honest. Not having a system means it’ll take more effort and be less reliable.

Don’t push a boulder up a hill for 3 weeks just for it to roll back down. Make sure you have the resources you need in place to hold yourself accountable to reaching a higher standard. Do not neglect to do the fundamentals. And once that feels more manageable then you know it’s time to grow again!

Strength in numbers is a real thing. As humans we are designed to work in groups, as a team that collaborates to support each other. In a world that is becoming more independent and individualized, I wanted to remind you of something very powerful - “We really are better together.”

As I see it, there are actually two ways to interpret this quote, one that is more commonly understood and another that is more subtle. Let’s explore both.

The common way of being 'better together' is captured in the expression “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” To say it another way, the total output of individual contributors working together is more than the total output of individuals working independently. Good teamwork creates efficiencies that lead to better results, and more can be accomplished by fewer people when everyone has a specific role to play that maximizes their skillsets and interests.

Now the other more subtle interpretation is where things get interesting. Not only is “the whole greater than the sum of the individual parts”, but the individual parts increase their output when in an effective community. Another way to say this is that collaborating helps teams be more effective as a unit but also helps individuals perform at a higher level within a team.

The reasons why are the subtle dynamics. When you’re in a values-aligned and hardworking  community, you’re more accountable to staying within those values and working hard. Unconsciously we calibrate to the level of the people we’re surrounded by and adopt their standards, their habits, and their beliefs. That’s why your social environment is one of the most influential factors of your lifestyle. 

If you’ve heard the expression “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with”, this is where it comes from. Being surrounded by people moving at a fast pace unconsciously causes you to speed up, just like being in an environment where people are lazy, unfocused, or lacking ambition will cause you to embrace the same.

That’s why in my opinion, the Best Life Community, a group coaching program I lead, is so effective for me. Being around so many people that are deeply invested in their self-growth, prioritizing good habits and a healthy lifestyle, with big goals for what they want to do in the world - it pulls me to be better without even realizing it. I hold myself to a higher standard and in turn achieve my next level of personal success and fulfillment because of it.

Now if you could quickly reflect, and be honest... Are you surrounded by people that make you better? Are the people you affiliate with helping you move toward your goals? If not, think about the changes you might need to make to place yourself in an environment where you’re around a group of people that help you (rather than hold you back) more often. 

If there’s one person that comes to mind as that person who speeds up your pace, inspires you to take yourself more seriously, and makes you better, send them this article as a way to acknowledge them!

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You don’t have to be a perfectionist to struggle with perfectionism - it’s probably coming up in your life in ways you didn't realize.

At its core, perfectionism is an avoidance tactic. It’s your unconscious mind’s attempt to slow you down and keep you from taking some form of action. Often this is motivated by our mind’s desire to resist change. Anything that is different than normal is flagged by the mind as uncertain and therefore, a potential threat to our safety. So our unconscious mind actively tries to prevent us from doing new things with the intention to keep us safe.

Another way of phrasing it - Perfectionism is self-sabotage. Seeing perfectionism through this lens, let’s be more aware of the ways it comes out so that we can more quickly identify it and remove its power over us. 

One version of perfectionism is indecision. Indecision stalls you from making progress because your time is being spent figuring out what to do rather than doing it. This is interpreted to be much safer by the unconscious mind because being unsure of which path to take is basically another way of saying you’re continuing to do nothing new. 

Another form of perfectionism comes up as a limiting belief that you’re not good enough. It comes out as a desire to guarantee success before doing it, setting the intention that you need to get the perfect result. But you can tell how impractical that is, the results are largely out of our control, and the limiting belief keeps us from doing anything at all in a freeze.

Then the classic version of perfectionism is never accepting something as finished. There’s a fine line between optimizing something and overthinking something. Fine-tuning and editing something beyond consequence is the issue here, and the best way to navigate this gray area between optimization and overthinking is to see if the changes you’re making simply represent a new opinion or is it actually generating a better outcome? And you’ll need to measure that outcome somehow to be sure.

In order to defeat perfectionism and self-sabotage, you need to take imperfect action. Send the important email when you’ve reviewed it once. Pick the diet plan that you think is likely to work. Set an app limit to spend less time on social media even if you don’t know the right amount.

You need to overcome self-sabotage to become that next, better version of yourself. And that happens through real, tangible action.