Self Improvement Daily Podcast

I’m in a season of thinking bigger, being bolder, and taking more risks. Because of that I’ve been thinking a lot about the ideas of courage and bravery, and in my exploration I came across this quote from Robin Sharma:

"Bravery is the solution to regret."

Man, regret hurts.

Regret is when you wish you would have done something differently, or made a different choice. What ignites regret is an undesired result - That we didn’t pursue our passion, appreciate something while we had it, or capture the life experiences we want.

Regret is an acknowledgment that something else could have been, that you genuinely desired, and now the opportunity is lost. 

Sharma claims that “Bravery is the solution to regret.” 

That if we take courageous action then we eliminate regret. And I find that really interesting because the thought exists on two different planes - ‘Regret’ is a function of not getting the results or outputs we wanted, and bravery is a function of taking courageous actions and controlling the inputs.

And furthermore, it suggests that we wouldn't feel regret if we did the courageous thing and still didn’t get the result we wanted.

So ultimately, regret comes down to this: Being too afraid to take action.

It’s one thing to not be aware of the action you could have taken, it’s another to have known the action and not do it.

Here’s a personal example that explains this nuance. My grandma is one of the most important people in my life and she’ll be an inspiration for me forever. She’s still alive and well, but when she passes (as we all do) I wonder what I’ll regret about our time together. 

This brought to my awareness that there would be questions I wish I would have asked her, lessons I wish I had learned, and details of her life I wish I would have known. And my idea to account for all of that was to interview her and capture her life story. 

So I did! But if I didn’t and missed the chance, it’s something I certainly would have wished I did and would later regret. 

"Bravery is the solution to regret." So let’s be more brave and not let fear get in the way of us living the lives we aspire to.

One of the pillars of what Carol Dweck calls having a “growth mindset” is the way we interpret poor results. A growth mindset sees lessons in poor performance and uses it to be better moving forward. It implies that results can change, that we can change, and that our level of skill or ability to generate a certain result aren’t permanent (as opposed to having a ‘Fixed Mindset’.)

Many people talk about a growth mindset as being able to bounce back quickly from failure, and I don’t think that’s fair to say. ‘Failure’ is just a conclusion that you can choose to assign to a certain result. Nothing is a failure until you get discouraged, give up, and choose to make it so. 

When we don’t hit our goals or meet expectations, which happens all the time, it’s a value-rich opportunity. There’s so much insight to be gained in our shortcomings than our successes. But our negativity bias makes it harder to see as we interpret results in a way that protects our sense of self…

This is what causes us to label our performance as a failure.

But let’s capitalize on this moment and begin to see failure as feedback. How do you do that?

I had a really bad sales call last week. I was unprepared, fumbling over my words, and got completely off track from my strategy. Rather than wallowing and being overly self-critical, I chose to see the opportunity for improvement instead. 

With that awareness I took immediate action to polish up some of my speaking points, review my game plan and sales strategy, and dial in some of the parts that got unhinged. And because I took corrective action to shore up some of my weaknesses, the sales call I had 2 days later went so much better!

Rather than allowing a bad result to make you emotional and self-critical, seek to understand what caused the result. Do it in an unbiased, 3rd party way as if you were helping a friend.

And I encourage you to try it now! Think back to the last time where you fell short. From the outside looking in, what caused it? What in particular didn’t go well? What could you have done differently? 

Ironically, detaching from the outcome helps you to achieve it.

Accountability is one of the strongest forces we can put in place to help us be disciplined and pull us into taking positive action. But the reason it works is probably different than what you might have thought.

Humans respond to two great motivational forces: The pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain.

The latter, the avoidance of pain, is a much stronger force because it’s in reaction to threatened wellbeing and taps into our most basic needs for safety. Pleasure, however, is ‘nice to have’ and not a matter of life and death (and therefore has less power over us).

Accountability leverages the avoidance of pain by creating social confrontation. When you make a commitment to someone that you'll do something, you risk damaging that person's trust in you if you don’t follow through. Less trust means less belonging, and less belonging means less support in keeping you alive -  which was essential in humanity’s primitive history.

Knowing the value accountability offers, we can be more successful by implementing an accountability system. This is just a standard procedure for how you make commitments to someone and report back on how you did. And to support you in getting this to work for you, I wanted to share a few recommendations and best practices.

1) The best way to be a good accountability partner is to be accountable yourself. When you take your commitment seriously it demands the other person does the same and raises the stakes for being out of compliance.

2) Have a pre-determined consistent cadence for check ins so that expectations are set. The more specific and designed the system is, the more effective it will be

3) Provide supportive awareness and intervention for each other. It’s not necessarily about saying “You didn’t do good enough” but helping each other understand the conditions and circumstances that led to different choices and results. When you know better you can do better!

Darren Hardy calls accountability buddies a “peak performance partner”. Someone where built into the dynamic of the relationship is this extra focus of wanting to be the best that you can be. 

Accountability is one of the fastest ways to change your behavior, and if you aren’t accountable enough to yourself, then maybe it’s time to involve someone else. Send this to someone you want to be your “peak performance partner” as an invitation, and let’s get to work!

The word ‘ideology’ is defined as “a system of ideas and ideals, especially one which forms the basis of economic or political theory and policy.” Removing the political context of this concept, we all must be aware of what ideologies we are operating from. 

Over the course of our lives we develop our own ideologies. Experiences, lessons, and moments inform the way that we see the world. Psychologist John Locke says we’re all born ‘Tabula Rasa’, which translates to being a ‘blank slate’. Outside of the core beliefs and instincts that we inherit through evolution, everything else is imprinted on us.

When two different people are exposed to two different things, they can develop very different worldviews and ideologies. And the most remarkable part is people thnk that what they believe is the truth.

Our ideologies are made up of our beliefs, values, and principles. It’s our understanding of how the world works around us and how we exist within the world. As we develop we slowly arrive at what makes sense to us and eventually embody ideologies as our identity, generating a sense of safety for what’s familiar about it.

Unfortunately this causes us to be resistant to anything else and keep assigning meaning to external events that are in alignment with our ideology. 

But in order for us to maximize our impact on the world, connect with others more authentically, and see all of the possibilities available to us rather than just the narrow lens we allow ourselves to see - we need to challenge our ideologies.

When we’re open minded to new perspectives and ways of thinking, a new world opens up. This is expanding our worldview!

And the best way to initiate that is by disrupting the unconscious pattern. Ask yourself “Is this the truth, or my subjective truth?” More often than not you’ll find that your thoughts are a judgment of the situation and not representative of the undeniable facts.

One of the most important elements of our personal development is clarity.

In our efforts to improve our lives and contribute to the world, we’re only fractionally effective if we don’t have clarity. Knowing what result you want to create, what strategies to employ in creating it, and what tactics execute the strategy are critical to maximizing the impact. 

Having said that, let’s be practical of the fact that you can never have 100% clarity. We’re always limited by our awareness and our task is to do our best with the context and information we’re given.

However, when you know what you’re working toward and you’re clear on how you’re going to make progress on it, it gives you confidence. Maybe you’re not placing the perfectly right bet, or maybe there are some things that you don’t know to consider, but clarity helps you make a decision you believe in.

It reminds me of what Tom Bilyeu of Impact Theory says:  “When you’re presented with 1000 open doors, it’s your job to know which 999 to close.”

While you don’t know perfectly well what’s on the other side of any of those doors, you’re making a confident decision that you believe maximizes the likelihood of getting the desired result.

To gain clarity on anything the most important question to ask is “What do I want?” 

To get clear on questions you have about a romantic relationship, to understand if the sacrifices you’re making for your work are worth it, as you’re debating whether to choose fries or salad…

“What do I want?”

And not just the immediate ‘want’ but the long term, full-life vision of what you want for your life. Every time you take a disciplined and faithful step toward that, it reinforces your belief and confidence.

If that long term vision is too hard to see, then you can start with using inversion and identifying what you don’t want, and use the process of elimination.

Clarity starts with the self-awareness of knowing what you want, transfers into knowing how to create it, and requires follow through so that it’s more likely to happen. When you have all that in place, it instills confidence.

Do you have clarity on how you want to spend your time? Watch the Replay of the live session I created about building your Ideal Daily Design. It will help you strike that perfect balance and support you in being more consistent in your health routines, more dialed in during your working hours, and more present with your loved ones.

This very popular quote inspires me deeply. It’s about how we must not limit ourselves to accommodate our own fears and insecurities. 

Throughout my life I felt like I’ve permitted myself to not be as bold or loud as I could have been, and it has come at a cost. I haven’t been able to give the world all that I have to offer.

That’s unacceptable, but now since I know better I’m committed to doing better. And I hope the same for you.

The quote I’ve been referencing comes from Marianne Williamson, and it goes as follows:

--

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

--

What this quote suggests is how we think that diminishing ourselves serves others because it makes them feel less bad about themselves, but the reality is when we model excellence and full self-expression it inspires others to be better themselves. 

And I’ve found that this limiting story is entirely self-sabotage. It’s a convenient rationalization that keeps you in the confines of your comfort zone. It convinces you to not make waves in the world because your success threatens others.

“Your playing small does not serve the world.” 

So quit playing small! What does playing big look like? What would you commit to? What would change?

Allow yourself to picture that possibility and if you’re courageous enough, choose it today.

Something that kills dreams and stalls people on their pursuit to becoming the best version of themselves is comparison. We live in a world where we can see the best parts of everyone’s life and it makes us question the quality of our own.

Our need to compare ourselves to others actually has evolutionary roots.

As a social species it was critical that we could assess our relative placement within our tribe. The quick metric we use to calculate that is an evaluation of power, which is a combination of physical prowess, strength of community, and attractiveness.

Perhaps that’s why so many of the world’s problems come back to people doing unethical things to obtain it…

Knowing this mechanism is in place, let’s find a more constructive and healthy way to utilize comparison by expressing it internally. This means we compete with ourselves and stop discrediting our performance because it doesn’t stand up to someone else’s.

You can’t fall behind in your own race.

When you define what winning and losing is, and make the unit of comparison your previous best or a reflection of your own effort, now you’ve created a fair playing field. And doing so requires advanced intention so that you can make an accurate comparison rather than try to see if after the fact.

And in life, I think we should be racing! There are problems to solve, memories to make, and good to be shared. We should apply ourselves fully to it. But we should be going at our pace, for our reasons, on our accord.

Rather than feeling bad about yourself that you are not living up to the ‘doing it all’ example you see in other people, how about you figure out what’s practical for you! Because comparing to others neglects all of the conditions and circumstances that are so important to consider.

And your first step to creating the fair but maximized version that represents YOUR best, not anyone else’s, is registering for the Ideal Daily Design Workshop. In one hour I walk you through an exercise that helps you set up you optimal life balance where you figure out how to integrate your career, your responsibilities, and your self-care in a harmonized way.

You can register for the Workshop here!

I find there are 3 limiting beliefs that constantly come up for busy professionals, keeping them stuck at a level of career and personal success that is falling short of their full potential.

This is particularly true for professionals with big career ambitions (who really want to make their mark on the world!) and have big personal responsibilities (like providing for their families)...

Limiting belief #1 - Time on self-care takes away from time doing other things.

This is often mistaken because we all have only 24 hours in a day, and time doing anything means you forfeit spending that time doing anything else, right?

That doesn’t give the full picture. What’s more important than the quantity of time we spend on something is the quality of time we spend. It’s more appropriate to see time spent exercising, or on your self-care, as an investment. Prioritizing your health and energy means that you can focus better on everything else, which overall produces more output and better results.

Limiting belief #2 - A better life is more productive.

I believe productivity is improperly defined, and misunderstanding the true meaning of it causes us to compulsively seek to do more. A more productive day means we did a lot of things…

But truly exceptional, high-quality days aren’t optimized for productivity. They’re designed for intentionality. It’s not just doing more things, it’s doing more of the right things that produce the highest leverage results in our work, health, and life. That’s what we actually want when we seek to be more productive, so pursue it directly.

Limiting belief #3 - I just don't have it like I used to.

Many people get hung up on comparing things to how they used to be - their level of fitness, number of hobbies, time spent with friends… And they get discouraged because they’re falling short of the standard they have for themself.

The more accurate truth is that people can’t do it like they used to, and it’s true! But they’re not meant to.

Priorities change. Life evolves.

And rather than trying to be the person they used to be in a previous environment, they need to update their expectations for themselves so that they’re fair to the realities of the present. This helps them align on the version of ‘doing it all’ that fits with this chapter of their life.

And here’s an opportunity to get support with all of it!

For those who want to be prolific in their career, improve their health, and maximize their life, it all starts with establishing an ideal daily design that allows you to integrate all aspects of your life into one cohesive plan.

And that’s exactly what I help you to do in the hour long Ideal Daily Design Workshop. Register today because we're going live on Thursday!

Many people in their personal development focus on building new habits and taking new action to change their life. I very much agree with the idea that actions generate results, but perhaps our effort isn’t best applied to the action itself.

There’s something else that provides more effective and sustainable intervention, and it’s part of an ongoing cycle. And that thing is ‘systems’.

A system is a procedure or sequence of events that reliably leads to a certain output. Whether we realize it or not, systems run our lives behind the scene leading us into action as part of our environment.

For that reason, 'systems make people' and shape us into who we become. Built into human nature is a predisposition to take the path of least resistance. Systems are designed to maximize output for any given input, creating as little waste as possible, and therefore serve as the path to least resistance.

How do systems get there in the first place? People create them.

In order to achieve a certain result, or in response to a certain circumstance, systems are put in place to make our lives more predictable. Sometimes we architect systems unconsciously, and sometimes we build them with a specific purpose in mind. In either case, they’re implemented by people (or groups of people) to set the environment.

Systems make people, people make systems. That’s the cycle.

And if you’re looking to change your life, I’d recommend thinking about the baseline system that needs to be developed in order to get more consistent, or pull yourself into taking compelling action.

It’s not just getting in the habit of exercising, but having a plan for what workouts you’re going to do on what days.  That’s a system.

It’s not just trying to make your relationship more of a priority in your life, it’s creating a standard monthly check in process to voice any concerns or opportunities for more intimacy. That’s a system.

Think about the habits of course, but know that the real action step is to build the system that creates the habit and you’ll really start to get results!

The main system that dictates our overall life-balance, our productivity level, and our ability to prioritize our self-care is having a detailed schedule that incorporates it all.

If you want to create new awareness around how you can do it all, and build a system that supports it, register for the Ideal Daily Design Workshop I’m leading.

It's free to attend!