You can’t change the fruit without changing the root.

Sometimes we’re just waiting for things to be different. For whatever reason we think things will change on their own. A system or routine or mode of operation will continue to produce exactly what it is designed to do. Sometimes this is good, we’ve worked hard to incorporate certain positive habits in our lives, and we’re getting exactly the result we’re looking for. If that’s the case in your life, as I imagine it is in many areas, then well done! But, what about those areas that aren’t?

I love this metaphor because it’s so visual. I just imagine someone taking a chainsaw to the trunk of a tree, thinking they did something massive, only to wait a few months for the tree to grow back and find it producing exactly the same fruit it was before.

This is a philosophy people use in medicine. They say instead of quote putting a band-aid on the issue, doctors are told to address the root cause that creates the pathology.  

Oftentimes, that root isn’t what you’d expect it to be, something that first thought is distantly related and seemingly indirectly contributing to the outcome. But, all of those layers are just your conscious mind trying to rationalize and defend yourself from the truth in the subconscious. By doing the work and gaining clarity on the root, we can begin to change the fruit. 

There is a lot that has been manifesting in my life recently, and I really do owe it to being in the right frame of mind, and encouraging myself to pursue opportunities as the story unfolds. This concept is very similar, if not identical to the topic in my TedX Talk “Do it for the story”.

The slight nuance is that I have been more intentional about being okay with failing. Almost like I’m pushing just a little farther passed that boundary where it could hurt a little more. That’s why this quote is about being ready to try, because a very inherent part to any attempt is the chance of failure.

Fortunately, with more risk, there’s more reward. It is unbelievable what this incredibly abundant world has to offer us. 

So I’d encourage you to approach your challenges, or risk, with a little more optimism. Understanding that the reward has a slightly higher probability than the risk, and that the big breakthrough is just around the corner. It might be exactly what you’re looking for, it might be what you didn’t know you were missing, or it might be an entirely new trajectory. Just know that greeting what life has in store for you with open arms is a choice, and while the discomfort of doubt might pull you away, it’s right where you’re supposed to be.

"It’s amazing what happens when you’re ready to try”.

The grounded and wise Jay Shetty believes that in relationships, and specifically disagreements, the worse thing people do is figure out how to handle it on the fly. This makes sense because it’s an emotional encounter that likely has skewed decision making. Jay proposes something else. He proposes setting ground rules and expectations ahead of time while things are good.

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I’m definitely curious to see how this works. While it might compromise the current bliss of the relationship when things are good, it prepares you for when things turn. It’s definitely a tradeoff, and this might be a good way to make emotional relationships a bit more sustainable and consistent.

Awhile back I was in San Francisco and I linked up with a friend. While we were catching up, I told him that I wanted to take up surfing and for Christmas I was going to get a Wetsuit. He loves surfing, and he told me, “Dude! I’m going to be in San Diego in two weeks, we have to get a surf sesh”.  I had worked out with my mom that I would choose a Wetsuit I like, that fit well,  and get reimbursed for it. What this did was it created a deadline by which I needed to get my Wetsuit, in order to use it when my buddy visited, and it motivated me to take action on it much quicker than I normally would have.

What this helped me realize is, deadlines help you prioritize and take action. I could have done months of research and stalled my decision. I could have put choosing my Wetsuit off for a less hectic time. But, the deadline held me accountable to a certain date, and it forced me to expedite my process to meet it.

It’s no surprise that setting deadlines are really effective at driving action and boosting productivity. So, after this experience what I did was I went out and bought a calendar whiteboard, and got to work on setting firmer deadlines for those more ominous elements of my work and life. I look forward to seeing how the rigidity and structure help me to be more on top of the things I need to get done!

Is there something in your life that’s just bland? It’s not great, and it’s not horrible. It’s definitely not ideal, but it’s not doing too much harm, so it’s probably best to just leave it as is.

You may recall something Nir Eval described in a past SISD, it’s this idea that our natural state is to avoid discomfort. And if this thing is providing a slight consistent discomfort, shouldn’t we be motivated to rid ourselves of it? Yet, we don’t. Why is that?

“It’s the devil you know or the devil you don’t”. This discomfort is familiar. It’s predictable and we've become accustomed to it. It’s even gotten easier over time because we’ve become desensitized to it, and rationalized our way into being more okay with its presence. This is the devil you know.

The devil you don’t know is uncharted territory. In its unpredictability, you can’t be sure that it will make things better. It’s the fear of more discomfort induced by taking action that keeps us from trying it in the first place. We have this bad habit of accepting the realities in our life,  and it’s rooted in this thought.

But, when we get the courage to make a change, challenge ourselves to be vulnerable and outside our comfort zone, we often find that it wasn’t as bad as we made it out to be. And in doing so, we can get rid of our inconveniences, our discomfort, and step into a more authentic and fulfilled self.

Life is hard.

It is. It really is, and it’s okay to feel that way. I think we all try to put on a thick skin so that we feel it a little less, and choose not to talk about it because it’s stigmatized that it reflects negatively on us as people. I’m sure we’d be surprised by the number of people we come across every single day who are struggling, but don’t have the confidence to share that with others. Life hurts when it doesn’t go according to plan. Life presents real challenges and obstacles, and the adjustments we make don’t always make things better. That’s just the reality of it.

Yea life is hard, but compared to what? Compared to not having this opportunity in the first place? Compared to what others are dealing with. The difficulty of life is a big spectrum and there’s no real point of relativity. The super wealthy have a difficult time finding and keeping genuine close relationships. The poor have a difficult time covering their basic dietary and sanitary needs. They’re both very different, and one sounds a whole lot worse than the other, but can we know for sure?

That is why I challenge you today to be mindful about the details of your life, and the challenges within it. What is it about your life that makes it hard? It’s probably something extremely specific and contextualized to your life. Then, the question becomes, what can you do about it? Yes, life is hard, and it’s okay to feel that way, but don’t let it restrict you. You are capable of the work required to make your situation better every day.

Before I go into the quote, I think it’s important to understand what motivation is: the dictionary definition is “the reason one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.”

Does that sound a little different than you expected ? It makes motivation much more tangible and measurable than I thought.

To motivate yourself means to identify your reasons. What is it on a personal or emotional level that moves you, that inspires you to take action?

That leads to the second part which is to aim to be better every day. This is the action I just referred to relates to the process of personal development, and the day by day grind of making progress.

Now let’s put it all together. What are your reasons for making progress on a daily basis? That’s not a question I can answer for you. This is where you need to identify why you value pursuing your potential.

I can only speak for myself. I pursue personal development because I know that when I put in the work to develop skills and mentality, I can be more efficient with my efforts and more impact in the areas that matter to me, which ultimately is to help others find meaning and fulfillment in their lives.