I can’t attest to how true this is, but my grandma told me that in the New Year there’s a new state law in California where you can’t park within 20 feet of a crosswalk. And it’s not like cities are going to paint every curb red that this affects, it’s on us to remember this new law and change our behavior accordingly.

This is most likely how it’s all going to go down: People either haven’t heard about the law, or forget about the new law, so they’ll park as they usually do and get a ticket. Each ticket will interrupt their pattern, offer a short-term pain that slowly encodes as a lesson until our everyday behavior changes. What won’t happen is people preparing to adjust their behavior in advance so that they don’t get into trouble once the law is being enforced. 

It’s the difference between being reactive to the consequences and proactive about preparing to do it right. It’s human nature to only make something a priority once it becomes a problem in an effort to conserve energy and do things in familiar ways. 

At the core of it, it’s this same bias that is responsible for moments where we lack self-control and give in to immediate pleasures over what benefits us the most. Like over-splurging on dessert, scrolling too long on social media, getting angry at a friend, or purchasing something that makes us feel good about ourselves.

Those that are proactive, and choose to invest in learning the lesson or making the changes before they’re needed, are less wasteful of their time, energy, and resources. It’s those who can think ahead and prepare today for what comes tomorrow that are in a better position to maximize the opportunities headed their way. 

Ultimately, being proactive over reactive is the result of two things: Awareness to know what you should be doing that most serves you, and discipline to follow through on that plan even when you don’t feel like it.

I call that living intentionally, and when you have a thoughtful reason for everything you do, with an understanding for the good and bad that could come from it, you start taking action in empowering ways that build the life you desire.

During a Holiday break, you might start to feel guilty about your choices. You’re on the road and not in your normal environment, and it’s more likely to miss your workout a few times. Big family gatherings involve lots of tasty food and you let yourself splurge more than you’d ideally like to. Maybe the TV is on more than it usually is at home and you find yourself stuck to the couch. Speaking from experience here…

But unfortunately this could be something that slows you down and causes you to lose the positive momentum you had. If you don’t want that to be the case, here are a few things you can consider doing.

First is to earn small wins. Maybe you can’t get into a gym on Christmas Day, but you could go for a walk to get some movement in. And maybe you’re off your diet a little and not eating as healthfully as you usually do, but you choose to eat mindfully and keep yourself from over-snacking or getting seconds unnecessarily. 

While it doesn’t seem like much, these little moments do a lot for your momentum. Instead of zeroing out and going back to the beginning, getting yourself to do even the smallest fraction of something that contributes toward your goals helps you to stay aligned with them. Rather than the Holiday trip being some major step back, you find ways to generate control that keeps you moving forward. Of course ideally you hold yourself to the same high-standard you have for yourself, but if you can’t do that it’s really beneficial to hold yourself to a standard.

Then second, the more obvious point of intervention is to transition quickly back into your normal routine. There can be a ‘Holiday Hangover’ that comes as a result of previous poor choices. Bad food and more TV makes you feel more sluggish. In order to shake it off, you need to reassert yourself back into the standard you’re committed to maintaining. It may require more will-power and self-control than normal, but it’s worth the investment because it gets you back on track.

At the foundation of it all, you need a few things: Awareness of how you did and the state of your choices, accountability so that you can be honest about your level of performance, and grace to know that growth is a process that is not linear but always trending up as long as you show up for it.

If you need help incorporating any of those things  - so that you can hold yourself to a higher standard and stop undoing all of the progress you make when you step out of your normal routine - then you should check out this high-performance system that keeps you consistent even when life has other plans. It's the same one I've been using for over a decade!

While this all centralizes around the Holidays, it's true year round. A change at work interrupts the rhythm you've built in the gym. New responsibilities at home make it harder to meal prep. If you want to make 2025 a year where you hold yourself to a higher standard regardless of all the chaos and changes that are happening around you... This is the missing piece!

I’m sharing this on Christmas Eve, and for those who are celebrating - Merry Christmas! For those who aren’t I wish you a special, joyful, warm Holiday season.

As a Holiday, Christmas is known to be an opportunity to get gifts from loved ones and receive the gifts loved ones have gotten for you. While gift-giving dominates what people think about leading up to Christmas, it’s the intention behind it that’s most important.

Getting a gift for someone is a very thoughtful gesture. You take the time to think about their passions, interests, needs, and future-direction to give them something that they’ll find helpful for enjoyable. It’s an expression of love and care to want to get someone special something nice.

What goes along with getting gifts for loved ones is spending time with them. For Christmas families gather and reunite in wonderful ways. Phone calls and pictures sent from miles apart turn into warm hugs and quality time together. And it’s in these moments when you can give the greatest gift of all - your energy and attention. 

As much as a new sweater, toy, or book helps to make someone feel loved and appreciated, your presence is the greatest present. What’s more impactful than a gift you buy for someone is that moment of connection you have with them when they open it, and the conversations you have catching up on all things in life. 

The generosity of gift giving creates the right conditions for real, meaningful time to be spent together. So make the most of it! Lean in, listen, ask questions that bring up great stories, stay off your phone, and give people your most present self. It’ll help them meet their needs for love and belonging unlike any other gift could, and you’ll feel really good about how you spend your day!

Our relationships, and the people we associate, with are among the most important and influential aspects of our life. Wired into our DNA is a need to be in community because evolutionarily it offered humankind safety. In today’s world, that urge is still very much alive. But since the stakes aren’t as high, it is being expressed in a different way.

This is where I want to outline the difference between ‘fitting in’ and ‘belonging’. To ‘fit in’ is to be like everyone else. Your look, interests, preferences, and mannerisms aren’t that different from what other people got going on. You blend in with the crowd. But the problem is that you still feel separate, just one of many who isn’t drawing attention to themselves. To ‘fit in’ feels safe, but it’s also lonely.

To belong is to be part of the shared experience if the crowd. You don’t feel lost or looked over in a sea of people, and instead feel safe to express yourself freely. When you belong you don’t need to ‘fit in’ because your uniqueness is accepted. And while you naturally share interests and values with the other people in your group, you have the freedom to be different.

When we seek community in our lives, we naturally try to ‘fit in’. It’s the hardwired setting that we’re pulled toward because it keeps us safe and alive. But we don’t want to just be alive… We want to live! And it takes effort and courage to be above what’s expected of you and express yourself vulnerably and fully!

In the book “Belong”, Radha Agrawal talks a lot about how building community is an intentional process, and that the only way you find your tribe is by taking action and showing up. As simple as it is, a good litmus test is to ask yourself if the people around you make you feel good about yourself when you’re with them.

My favorite quote as a kid is relevant here. It’s from Dr. Seuss and it goes “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Will some people disagree with, be resistant to, and not vibe well with the fullest expression of you? Of course. But they aren't your people. Find those who embrace it and love you for it.

James Stockdale is a naval aviator who won the Medal of Honor for his bravery during the Vietnam War. In 1965 his plane was shot down and as he ejected from his plane, he only had a few minutes to prepare himself for what would become some of the most challenging years of his life as a Prisoner Of War. 

But James Stockdale wasn’t your average man, he was a practicing Stoic. As he descended to land he recognized that he was entering the world of Epictetus, a major Stoic figure who was a slave and physically disabled that coined many of the wise truths we know Stoicism to be today.

This means that Stockdale knew that he would be captured, tortured, and treated in the most terrible ways humans could ever treat each other. But he also knew all of that was out of his control, and he committed that his captors would never be able to take his inner resilience and freedom.

In order to survive these conditions, Stockdale had to embrace an unexpected paradox. On one hand, he needed to have undying belief that in the end, things would be okay. He needed to maintain hope that he would return to his family and the life he wanted, no matter the odds. 

But on the other hand, he had to be very practical. He knew that being a Prisoner of War would be challenging, and that he’d have to endure years of horrific treatment. He had to accept his current conditions and not deny them because that would do more harm than good.

It’s this unique combination of overly optimistic hope, paired with a practical and painful embrace of reality, that got him through 7 years of captivity. He never broke, defected, or complied with his captors demands to be used for political propaganda. He lived in the virtuous world of Epictetus.

I share this story because while the stakes in our lives aren’t so high, the same principles come out. Maybe you have some things in life that you realize are unlikely to happen. It’s by fully believing it will happen, and accepting the time, work, and sacrifice that comes with making it happen, that you’ll actually be able to achieve it. 

Like James Stockdale, we each have that best version of ourselves living inside of us. We just need to summon the courage to bring them out!

Something I hear a lot from people who are looking to make improvements to their life is “the time isn’t right”. They want to lose that extra weight and get serious about their health, but they’re going to wait until after the Holidays. They want to go on that dream trip but they need to wait for things at work to settle down before they can. 

I know for me, I was waiting for the right moment to write my book. In my mind the stars needed to align where I had extra time to write it, I was in a season of getting a lot of exposure, and felt confident that I had a complete message that was ready to be shared. And for many years it was an idea that kept getting pushed off.

The reality is, the time is never right. If it’s not ‘this’ reason today it’ll be ‘that’ reason tomorrow. Waiting for the time to be right is waiting for a day that will never come. And if you’re serious about making the most out of life, that’s unacceptable.

Do you know what makes the timing right? Choosing for it to be so. Making a commitment that you’re going to do something big and new is like shaking a snow globe. Everything gets displaced but it all settles back down in some orderly way. The idea is that it settles in a way that incorporates the new thing you want to prioritize. 

That’s what happened for me - I gave myself a deadline to write my book in 6 months and locked in the commitment by telling a mentor to hold me accountable to it. It shook up my snow globe and everything else settled back into its own rhythm with my book writing commitment a centerpiece to it.

It takes courage, but in a single moment you can change your life forever. It’s not easy, but you can make a decision today that changes your daily routine for good. 

How long have you been talking about getting consistent with good and healthy habits? How many times have you told yourself that you’re going to live inspired only to repeat the same unmotivated patterns? How often do you fail to do the things you said you were going to do, or the things that you know you should do, and it’s keeping you from being the person you know you’re capable of?

What if today was the day, and this was the moment that you actually changed your life trajectory? 

To kick off the New Year I’m leading a 21 Day Challenge to help people permanently and positively change their life. It’s for people who know that they’re destined for more and who are ready for their breakthrough. You can learn more about the 21 Day New Year Challenge here.

Stop waiting for the time to be right to achieve your goals… And make the timing right. The time is now! This is it, and your fullest potential is calling.

I’m not going to lie… I’m a sucker for vanilla ice cream. Add some fresh fruit with it, or put a scoop on top of a piece of pie, there are few things that makes my mouth water more. Yet, in the last year I’ve probably eaten vanilla ice cream less times than I can count on one hand.

I’m not sharing to tell you how ice-cream deprived I am, or asking you to express-ship me a carton overnight… It’s to highlight one very simple concept: While I want ice cream, I want something else more.

What’s more important to me than the sweet pleasures of vanilla ice cream is a long and healthy life where I stay in good shape and physically able to play with my kids and grandkids. What’s more important to me than the tasty delight of vanilla ice cream are my goals to impact the world, which require my very best and cannot be compromised by a sugar crash or a poor night of sleep.

In fact, sometimes in private settings (I’d do it more often if it didn’t sound so elitist!) when someone asks me if I want dessert I answer “Yes, I do… But I’m choosing not to have any because I want to achieve my goals more.” 

And whether I say it in my head or out loud, every time I do it’s a flex. It reinforces that I’m in control of my life, committed to what truly matters most, and able to overcome the temptations of instant gratification to invest in my long-term success. It fires me up and helps me compound results with other positive choices. 

Now I’m fully aware that one bowl of ice cream every once in a while isn’t going to ruin everything. I know that there are moments in life that are meant to be enjoyed. But there’s a tradeoff to it and the right amount is somewhere on the spectrum between ‘always’ and ‘never’.

Over time I’ve arrived at the balance to enjoy one bite of something sweet - and do I savor it! It’s the right amount for me to enjoy something special without negatively impacting other things that are important to me.

Our minds want us to feel good right now and do the things that are pleasurable in the moment. But these things are often in conflict with the things we want most that we’re working toward in the future. The more often you can bring that perspective to mind, the more intentional you can be about the choices you’re making today, and the more aligned you are toward living your best life!

Ready to make 2025 your best, most disciplined, most life-giving year to date? Check this out!