Self Improvement Daily Podcast

March 8th, 2021 is International Women’s Day. It’s a day dedicated to celebrating the social, economic, and political achievements of women. If I’m being honest, I didn’t realize there was a difference between how men and women were being treated in the world and in the workplace until I went to college. I think that’s a testament to the incredibly strong women I have in my family - my mom, grandma, and sister in-law, but it’s also something I’ve tried to be more aware of so that I can be part of a more equitable future.

So let’s speak some truth today! Women are incredible. The strength, resolve, and selflessness of women throughout the world inspires me to be a better person. If you identify as a woman, then take today to own it! Get involved and amplify this message so that girls who come after you are brought up in a world with better treatment and equal opportunities.

If you don’t identify as a woman, then get introspective. Think about the potential biases you’ve held, the ways you’ve taken action in a sexist or non-inclusive way, and commit to being better. Send a note to a woman in your life that you love and respect acknowledging her for her gifts and contributions. That’s not to say you’ve been treating women poorly your whole life, but explore that room for improvement so you can best advocate for women and their future. 

No matter who you are or where you come from, I encourage you to take this simple action today. Learn more about She’s The First. This organization ensures that women and girls in more oppressive areas are given opportunities to thrive!

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As it relates to the work you do, you need to spend time applying certain skills. In relationships you can only make time for so many people. In service, there is only so much you can do to counteract the inequities you see in the world.

That's where Tammy Tibbetts, founder of the international women’s rights and advocacy non-profit She’s the First, comes in. Tammy has made a huge difference in her life and career but only when she narrowed her focus and began applying her resources in a specific way.

If you don’t concentrate your resources on a few things then it’s very possible they will be diluted among many things, and not really move the needle. As Tammy said, just because you pick something small doesn't mean you’re neglecting everything else… it’s important that you feel aligned with where your resources are going so that you can play your role in the change you wish to see, and have faith that others will serve alongside you to fill in the other gaps you see.

Let’s bring it back to what it’s all about. Ultimately in life we should enjoy what we do and the moments we are a part of. We deserve to be happy. And we don’t need to overcomplicate it, you already have everything you need. “Happiness is within you.”

I truly believe this. You are capable of being happy and your intuition knows what makes you happy, but one fundamental piece of it is that you need to define happiness for yourself. You need to have that north star to pursue in order to start making progress toward it. 

What keeps many people from accessing their happiness is living to the standards and expectations of other people. This creates barriers to happiness because you are prioritizing someone else’s desires over your own. But you are in control - Every thought you have originates from you. It is your interpretation of the context around you that produces the thought, and it’s your relationship with different topics that creates the way you perceive things.

Your responsibility in life is to keep yourself happy. Does that mean sometimes you need to do things you don’t like to do? Of course, but it’s because those things are necessary to make sure you are fulfilling your personal, overall priorities. Things like making sure you have a roof over your head, you are physically and emotionally safe, and that your loved ones are taken care of. 

Whatever happiness means for you, how you want to feel when you show up in the world, the right answer is already inside you. You just need to listen to it and trust it. “Happiness is within you.”

I love thinking about behavior change, and in the coaching and programming I offer it’s the majority of what I teach. I wanted to share how my philosophies are very much based on what I’ve learned from others who have pioneered the space, one of those people being the legendary psychologist BJ Fogg.

BJ Fogg’s behavior change model is a formula: B=MAT. Behavior = Motivation x Ability x Trigger.

To talk about each of those elements one by one:

The behavior is the activity you do. Good or bad, the activity is dictated by the other parts of the formula, which holds the keys to positive behavior change.

Motivation is your desire to do it. It’s how appealing a reward or incentive is at the end of doing the behavior, and the source of that motivation has both extrinsic and intrinsic forms.

Ability is how possible it is that you can do the behavior in this moment. You need access to the resources required, the physical capabilities to do it, and the time necessary to complete it. That all is bundled into ability.

And last is the trigger. Something needs to prompt you to take action. As Nir Eyal puts it, It could be an internal trigger which originates from your own feelings, positive and negative, as well as external triggers and the various ways you’re notified of the happenings around you. 

Put it all together and you have your reason to take the action, the realistic possibility of taking the action right now, and the prompt to take the action. All of these components are present in obvious and non-obvious ways, and you can learn a lot from being curious about how they play a role in the different behaviors you engage in throughout the day.

This is a difficult topic to tackle, but let’s try. It’s not necessarily about having regrets, or why they exist, but more a perspective around regrets that might be new to you.

To quickly define it, you feel regret when something happened that didn’t produce the result you wanted, but more particularly, you realize that you could have done something differently that would have influenced the result.  This goes for steps that you did or didn’t take, and the action or inaction that in hindsight was the wrong decision.

What happens with regret is it consumes us. We let it hold more mental bandwidth than it’s worth and preoccupy us. But in every moment we are making more decisions that generate results, and if we aren’t as present as we should be in those moments we’re more likely to do things incorrectly and do things we’ll later regret.

For example - And I don’t know the first thing about this but let’s say you almost bought Bitcoin 10 years ago. You regret having not taken action, and that regret distracts you from seeing the opportunity to invest today, because it very well still could be the right decision.

Or, let’s say you didn’t study a topic as hard as you wish you did in college because it would be valuable for you now. You could feel sorry for yourself and regretful for not making the most of that opportunity, or you could take the time to bridge that knowledge gap right now.

Regrets have a compounding nature to them, one thing leads to the next and leads to the next, but being mindful that you’re still making decisions about that thing today allows you to start correcting it.

Personal development doesn’t have to always be an uphill battle. Believe it or not, there are small things you can do that produce far bigger results. It’s just about getting creative to identify these ideas so that you can leverage them for yourself, and accelerate your journey without much work.

For example, something I just realized and started doing last week is I started setting my alarm for 5:59 am instead of 6:00 am. What does that mean? Well, it means I’m waking up one minute earlier than I used to. That sounds pretty reasonable doesn’t it? It’s basically imperceptible. But then the outcome is far greater than the investment. Now, instead of being someone who wakes up at 6am, I can honestly say I’m someone who wakes up BEFORE 6am. The subtle shift in language helps me identify more as a go-getter, and sacrificing one minute of sleep has much bigger effects on my psychology.

Another idea - If you move your social media app icons to a new folder, with the intention that you’re doing it to be on social media less, then you have that decision in place to remind you throughout the day.

So that’s it! Make a small decision, that you know is best for you, and watch it generate results that are much bigger than the effort it takes to make the decision.

You’ve probably heard the expression “Talking yourself out of doing it”, and if you think about it, what that literally means is you tell yourself that you can’t do what you want to do. You have an idea that you want to pursue and you actively keep yourself from doing it. This happens because we have defense mechanisms installed in our brains to keep us safe, two of those being rationalization and justification. When you rationalize or justify you use logic to come to the conclusion that what you want isn’t actually in your best interest. This is often misplaced, and what it is actually doing is protecting you from the discomfort of change.

So what I’d suggest, is when you feel that hint of inspiration, trust that feeling and pursue it. Don’t limit yourself because it’s the comfortable thing to do. Your brain will want to tell you something else but your intuition knows what is truly best for you.

This topic is the summary of a few different quotes all wrapped into one simplified expression - Take your shot. It was probably most inspired by my recent obsession with "Hamilton", and the song that goes “I am not throwing away my shot”. Hamilton had the slightest opportunity in sight, and even though he probably was going to fail he chose to act and take his shot, becoming one of the most influential historical figures in the United States.

Then there’s the quote by Wayne Gretzky, featured by Michael Scott in one of my favorite shows The Office “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. I love the perspective of putting two outcomes side by side - Taking action and failing versus not trying at all. In not taking the shot at all, you guarantee that you’ll fail because you  never give yourself the chance to succeed.

Then last, one of my all-time favorite quotes, “Don’t pump fake the money shot”. The money shot is the shot you take when everything is on the line. It decides the game, and if it goes well, you’re the hero. To pump fake is to second guess, to not take decisive action, and if you hesitate during the most pivotal moments then you’re going to miss the opportunity. 

So basically in three different ways I’m saying the same thing - Take your shot. Trust yourself and go for it, even in the face of failure and resistance, because it beats the alternative every single time.