Something that I've been very personally affected by in my life is caring what others think about me. I have a tendency for overvaluing the way others will perceive the decisions I make, or things I choose to do, and it often leads to me doing what I feel like I should do and not what I authentically want to do. Rooted in it is a fear of rejection, a fear of failure, and a fear of disappointing others. For me, I think this comes from growing up in really competitive environments and finding self-worth in my external accomplishments rather than my internal progress.

I know I’m not alone in this, which is why I’m sharing about it. As social animals, it’s literally within our evolutionary history to consider the perspective of others. Those who did were more likely to survive because it enabled for more collaborative and mutually beneficial environments. This need to care what others think about you, it’s biological at its core, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you’re affected by it. 

The difficult part is we live in a society that has hijacked that part of our brain and created value structures and mechanisms that amplify it, generating a desire for approval that really pulls at you. But let me end by saying this - You don’t need anyone’s permission to do anything in your life. You are independent, you have full agency, and you are at your best when you’re following your heart.

We’re all full of great ideas - The next billion dollar business, a new habit or routine we want to incorporate that we know will serve us, or a clever way to make an introduction or strengthen a relationship. All of those things are important and would add significant value to your life, but there’s one problem... They’re not going to happen on their own. Having an idea is one thing, and turning that idea into reality is entirely different.

A billion dollar business doesn’t start itself, new positive routines don’t materialize out of nowhere, and you don’t grow relationships with people that you don’t speak to. My Uncle put it perfectly, you’re not going to meet the man or woman of your dreams by sitting on your couch. You need to get up and make it happen yourself.

When it comes to taking action I’ve identified 3 steps that maximize your effort and investment. First is “Alignment”. What do you want to achieve, and why? This will help you verify that the ship is pointing the right direction. Second is “Plan”. What is the goal you want to set, how will it be objectively measured, and what action will you take on a frequent basis that will help you make progress toward your goal? Then finally is “Support”. How can you design your environment in a way that encourages action through simplification, clear triggers, accountability, and motivational reminders?

Each of those 3 steps (Alignment, Plan, and Support) are fundamental to your taking the appropriate action. And it’s the action that is the vehicle for change, it’s taking action that makes things happen. Positive change in your life won’t happen on its own, and it’s not supposed to be easy, but it becomes easier when you have the right pieces in place.‍

If you’re in the US or Canada, text me at 949-799-0788 and I’ll send you daily prompts that help you get to know yourself better and build a more meaningful life every day. 

If you’re looking to grow alongside a community of like-minded improvers, then click here to join the Better Together Community.

It’s unavoidable in life that we’ll experience challenges and setbacks. These roadblocks may seem to cause issues, but in reality they’re  just stepping stones in your path that are present for a clear reason. With the right mentality you can smile through the struggle and immerse yourself in the bigger vision rather than the short term inconvenience.

The way I like articulating this mindset is as “Can’t stop, won’t stop”. The ‘can’t stop’ side refers to the momentum. You are already so invested in something that you couldn’t slow down if you tried. Like a train on the tracks with a bunch of speed, stopping isn’t even an option. This cultivates a certain commitment and necessity around the task in front of you.

Then the second piece is the ‘won’t stop’ side. Even if you could stop, you don’t want to. This is the resilient spirit, the piece of you that is so steadfast in the pursuit that you won’t consider an alternative. There’s a strong identity piece to this because it’s not up for debate, you’ve decided what you want and you’re pursuing it relentlessly.

Now how does this work in practice? In a workout where you’re pushed to your physical boundary - “Can’t stop, won’t stop”.  In a collaboration opportunity you’re pitching really hard, and you receive some disappointing feedback - “Can’t stop, won’t stop.” When barriers are present you break through them with momentum and conviction. Nothing can get in between you and what you want. When you start thinking this way by default get ready because you’re about to take off!

After reading (again) David Meltzer’s book “Connected to Goodness”, I found a line in it that I thought was perfect to reflect on. The line is: “You cannot feel bad enough for someone to make them feel better.” This thought really jumped out at me when I read it because it illustrates a fundamental of life.  Commiserating or putting yourself through personal sacrifice doesn’t help anyone, but it can make things worse. 

If you truly want to help someone you need to put out an energy that creates the environment for them to receive what they need. Meltzer shares about this is an example - If someone offends you or attempts to make you feel bad, pray for their happiness. Be above the insult because and be a part of creating the environment that is most conducive to a positive outcome.

Now let’s relate this back to positivity. In a sea of darkness it does not help to be dark. Everything can be lit up by one courageous soul who chooses to share their light. David Meltzer has also been quoted saying “One particle of light outshines millions of particles of darkness”. To me this means that we are singularly capable of inspiring change and having influence on a massive level, simply through the choice of being positive.

Of course there’s more sensitivity to these situations then that, it’s not always appropriate to be enthusiastically positive when someone is in despair, but now we know that even in subtle ways you can inject more positivity in the environment and it will go a long way!

If you’re in the US or Canada, text me at 949-799-0788 and I’ll send you daily prompts that help you get to know yourself better and build a more meaningful life every day. 

If you’re looking to grow alongside a community of like-minded improvers, then click here to join the Better Together Community.

I want to walk you through a process that is intuitive, but it’s not something we think to do. In our lives we are constantly making decisions. These decisions are contextual and influenced by a variety of things - Our emotional state, our subconscious wiring, and our short term and long term rationalizations. Often we find ourselves making decisions out of integrity of who we want to be because the more impulsive voices are louder than our voice of reason. But in order to know what is within our integrity, so that our actions can map to it, we need to clearly define what our ideal is.

The secret to it is you need to take time to establish who you want to be in an unemotional, matter of fact state of mind. Viewing yourself as a third party that sets certain standards allows you to get the core of what your tolerances are. If you have a tendency to do things you know are unhealthy, like drinking too much, eating poor food, or not exercising enough, you can determine what your ideal relationship with that area of your life is. If you find yourself scrolling on social media for too long at night and it compromises your sleep, you can set expectations about when and for how long you want to be on it. 

It’s extremely empowering to wipe the slate clean and decide for yourself how you want to live your life, your ideal life, because you can. We all are capable of making changes. They may be painful, or uncomfortable. They may or make you feel imposter syndrome. But know that the discomfort is there because it’s rewiring your subconscious to be more like the person you want to be and the ideal you are choosing to strive toward.

If you’re in the US or Canada, text me at 949-799-0788 and I’ll send you daily prompts that help you get to know yourself better and build a more meaningful life every day. 

If you’re looking to grow alongside a community of like-minded improvers, then click here to join the Better Together Community.

Something that is really human, that we all share in one capacity or another, is an occasional feeling of awkwardness. We feel like we don’t belong, and it consumes us from being more present in the moment because we’re preoccupied about an insecurity. What’s interesting is that awkwardness has nothing to do with other people, it’s entirely within yourself and your own perception of the experience. Kerrie Phipps shares about the nature of this in more detail.

Awkwardness is merely an expression of your self-judgment. It’s how you compare yourself to a fraction of what you see in others. You can’t represent the craziness and awkwardness that’s going on in someone else's head, you can only evaluate what’s being displayed externally. It’s unfair to judge because you’re comparing two very different things.

That’s not to say you aren’t going to encounter more awkward moments, of course you are. But hopefully now you have a new perspective on where that feeling is coming from so you can be more present in those moments.

This is some advice you’ve probably received before, but it's for good reason. The advice is to cut your losses. In personal development there are two sides to the coin. First it’s important to know what to do, and what’s working for you in your life. But that will only get you so far. You also need to know what not to do, and when things aren’t working. You need to have the self-awareness and humility to know when something isn’t serving you. You also need the courage to actually do something about it, which is unnatural but all important.

Psychologically we have a tendency to hold onto previous investments we’ve made because we don’t want to accept loss. This is called sunk cost bias. It’s a phenomenon where you’ve put so much into something that you just can’t let it go. But the unfortunate part is, the longer you hold on the worse outcome you’ll get.

That’s why they call it cutting your losses. Imagine a loss as a thread that’s sticking out of a shirt. You could refuse to acknowledge the problem, ignore it, and hope that the thread will fix itself. But as we know an exposed thread will get snagged on something and stretch even longer. Bt if you cut the thread (aka your losses) then you have a solution and the problem won’t get any worse.

This came to mind because there’s a book I was excited to read that I  wasn’t enjoying. So I chose to cut my losses, I won’t finish it, and instead I'll pick up a different book. Things aren’t going to be perfect all the time. That’s okay! And as long as you have the presence to know when things aren’t working for you, then you can make an adjustment.