Playing The Victim
I think there are many instances in our lives where we choose to play the victim. After something you experienced, which could be as serious as significant trauma or as subtle as losing an argument, it’s natural to seek some form of soothing behavior. This is meant to produce feelings of security and add layers of protection by getting the attention of others, asking for sympathy, and helping us believe that it’s not our fault (or that there’s something wrong with us).
Playing the victim accomplishes something similar - It deflects the blame, shame, and responsibility of something so that you don’t need to internalize it as yours. This generates a sense of security, and gives you a reason to complain about what happened to you.
The problem here is when you play the victim, you have no desire to find a solution. And if you're not motivated to change something then the same roots will keep producing the same fruit, and you’ll continue to be victimized.
Ultimately, when you play the victim you’re giving your power away to the external world. No longer are you responsible for or accountable to the things that are happening in your life. You are merely affected by everything else going on that seems to be out of your control. Relating with your life in this way deepens into helplessness and dependency, which then ripple into the ways that you think and talk about yourself.
I don’t think anyone wants to play the victim, but sometimes we’re so in it that we can’t even see it happening. That’s where I really want to challenge you to take 100% ownership of your life. I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through, but what I do know is whatever that is, it doesn't serve you to let it label you.
With that in mind I want to ask you a question - What is something negative that happened to you that you deemed was out of your control?
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