Tell Yourself The Truth

We’ve all been raised to know the importance of telling the truth. Being truthful is a sign of good morals, integrity, and character. That’s something we all want for ourselves and for our loved ones, isn’t it? And that’s precisely why it’s so valued.

Yet, many of us struggle to tell the truth. At one point or another I imagine we all have lied, exaggerated, or misrepresented something about ourselves. I’m certainly in that camp. But don’t consider that to mean that we’re all horrible people… It’s more a comment that it’s hard to tell the truth, and how human it is to feel a pressure to portray yourself a certain way to others.

Thinking through the factors that might cause someone to not tell the truth… Perhaps someone is scared of what others might think of them if they had certain preferences or interests. Perhaps they worry that they won’t be taken seriously if they’re truthful about their finances or levels of success. Perhaps they don’t want to create conflict in a relationship they value, and potentially damage it.

No matter the form or expression, the common thread that explains all unwillingness to tell the truth is fear. And given that context, I want to propose a deeper point:

Fear must also be the thing that keeps us from being honest and truthful with ourselves

In a coaching session with Gina Piggott, she once asked: “What are you pretending not to know?” It’s a creative way of probing into the truth you’re unwilling to see, accept, and take action on.

I know for myself, once I see something that doesn’t serve me - that explains something that is responsible for why I don’t have the life I want to live - I can't unsee it. I feel compelled to do something about it or else I feel like a hypocrite, or I’m not truly maximizing my growth and potential.

And that’s why we’d pretend not to know. We fear the negative consequences of life-change. We’d prefer to not do things that might make our life harder, put ourselves out there in uncomfortable ways, or hurt others. In this case ignorance is bliss, but it comes at the expense of our ultimate potential.

A technique I use to break through that layer of fear, and uncomfortable commitment that comes with more awareness, is to approach the issue in a lighter way. I use the word ‘might’:

“How might this client be bad for my business?”

“Why might I be unhappy with my weight?”

“Why might this volunteer role I’m in be a bad fit for me?”

It invites curiosity before commitment, and it helps you see truth in ways you might have been unconsciously avoiding. Telling yourself the truth is just as hard as telling others the truth, but it’s vital that you do. Or else you’ll keep playing out unfortunate patterns in your life.

“The truth will set you free”, right?

‍