Last weekend I went on a volunteer trip to build a house for a family in need in Mexico. As we were getting ready to cross the border, my good friend and mentor Mike Sherbakov shared a quote that was really profound. He was relating it to the experience we were about to have but I believe it applies across the board in our lives.

“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.” It’s a quote by a man named Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. 

As we chase new perspectives and expose ourselves to new things, it all leaves a permanent impression on us. While we may not feel like things are different or have changed at all, the impact is subtle but present. Everything we experience influences our worldview in one way or another. If it’s an experience that validates what we believe, it makes the shape tighter. If it’s something that challenges the way we see the world, it will create a rip that will be repaired but will never returns to its original form.

This happens on big and small scales, for positive and negative experiences. During a service trip where you spend 48 hours with people living in poverty, it causes your perspective to permanently change so that even when the stimulus is removed the change remains. Similarly for something unfortunate, difficult, or challenging that happens, we carry the remnants of that experience with us even when we’re no longer in that situation.

We are dynamic human beings. Our present moment is a product of what happened in the past. Fortunately by the same math, this means that our future self is an outcome of the things we do in the present. So the more we can be intentional about our growth (the skills we’re building and the ways we’re developing, pursuing new experiences that mold our minds) the better our tomorrow will be!

“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.” A great quote and inspiring challenge for us to take on! 

If you want to give the gift of growth, forward this article with someone that you care about!

A question that we often ask each other to catch up is “What’s new?”. The question is well-intended but the response is usually underwhelming - "Work is good, family is good, all’s good!"

But if you actually think about the question it’s an opportunity to share what you’re most excited about, to reflect on how things are changing in your life, and to embrace your personal evolution.

Zooming out for a second and to add perspective, if you’re pursuing the best version of yourself there should always be something new going on. Something new you’re trying, something new you’re experiencing, something new you’re thinking more about.

There are only two options - Either things are changing or they’re not. So when things are stagnant and stuck, and nothing is changing, then you’re not allowing yourself to grow.

So I’m going to ask you this question - What’s new?

And I want you to find a real answer to it. Not just the superficial greeting we’re too accustomed to giving but a real example of how things have changed in your life.

Evolutionarily, if something is new it’s considered to be a threat. That’s because this novel thing is unpredictable and might be dangerous to us. But that predisposition is contrary to our growth, and if you want to reach new levels you need to do new things.

Marshall Goldsmith wrote a book whose title summarizes this perfectly - “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”.

You keep doing the same things that don’t feel new, you'll keep getting the same results you’re tired of getting. Or if you’re doing something that’s really good for you, it’ll eventually lose its shine unless you make a cognizant effort to keep it fresh.

So the next time someone asks you the question - “What’s new?”, tell them the new things you’re trying, the little experiments you’re running, the subtle changes you’re making.

The more you can identify these small novelties the more your identity will be built around being someone constantly pursuing positive change and growth. And the benefits of that are immense.

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I heard a really profound quote from former boxing champion Mike Tyson. The core theme of it is that we must not overgeneralize or assume anything. In fact, it’s often incorrect and biased when we try to draw conclusions from a narrow set of conclusions. The quote has two sides of it, equally profound, and I’ll dive into each independently. The quote is “Everybody you fight is not your enemy and everyone that helps you is not your friend.”

First, “everybody you fight is not your enemy”. Tyson understands this better than anyone as he built a life squaring off with someone in a boxing ring. The suggestion in this quote is that there’s way more to it than meets the eye. 

From one angle, someone you’re fighting with might be your competition. While they’re a thorn in your side making it harder for you to reach your goals, they’re presence is also a catalyst to your performance. No one likes losing and competition forces people to be better. So it’s not fair to say that competition, or who you’re fighting with, is an enemy. They play a specific role in your development that cannot be neglected.

And similarly, when you have a disagreement with a coworker, a family member, a friend, or whoever, that doesn't automatically qualify them as an enemy. When you put the emotions aside and focus on the core outcome you both want, it’s probably very similar. Fighting coworkers want to do what’s right for the company while feeling fairly valued themselves. Family members want to maintain a strong bond despite conflict. Again, just because you’re fighting with someone does not make them an enemy.

Now the second half, which is really juicy - “everyone that helps you is not your friend”. Just because it appears as though they’re doing something for you in the short-term, that doesn’t reflect their intentions in the long-term. People can be deceptive, selfish, and backstabbing. Often times the people who take advantage of you must first earn your trust. I’m not trying to be cynical but I do want to represent the reality of it, which is why you need to use more discernment to understand people’s intentions before drawing any conclusions about their behaviors.

And that’s really the summary. Give people benefit of the doubt and be collaborative and optimistic, but with a healthy dose of reflecting on their motivation. Good or bad, right or wrong. “Everybody you fight is not your enemy and everyone that helps you is not your friend.”

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Getting in the routine of taking cold showers doesn’t sound fun at all. I already hear you pleading “You can’t make me!”. While I do take cold showers and I usually recommend other people do also, it’s not for the reasons you might think of. 

I don’t know enough about the physiological benefits of a cold shower but I have heard that cold exposure is a great way to kickstart your metabolism. But what I’m more interested in exploring are the subtle psychological benefits that you can be intentional about recreating in other ways.

First, taking a cold shower is  an opportunity every day to remind yourself that you’re in control. In a society that is overstimulating and often causes us to be reactive, taking a moment to pause and choose who you want to be is a game-changer. Especially when it’s something uncomfortable, like cold, it reinforces that you are stronger than the circumstances around you. 

When I jump in the shower and flip it on cold, I repeat to myself through the discomfort “I am in control of the way that I feel” and I find that it translates to give me more presence in other uncomfortable moments that I didn’t choose but must respond to.

Second, it’s an opportunity to consistently tap into the power you have to create the life you desire. A great life is made up of great years, which have great months, great weeks, great days, great hours, great minutes, and great moments. When you make the choice that feels tough in the moment but serves you in the long term, you’re reminded of how you’re constantly making choices that affect the quality of your life. The more moments you can live in integrity with your most inspired, purposeful, intentional self, the more inspired, purposeful and intentional your life will be.

Now here’s the practical reality of it - When people think about incorporating a new habit they naturally go to the extreme side of the spectrum. In this case, that would be incorporating a 5 minute cold plunge routine. But the most sustainable way to actually make changes to your life is to start small. It could be 10, 20 seconds of cold. I’ve been doing it for a long time and one minute is enough for me. 

Don’t set yourself up for failure by making the bar too high from the beginning. If you want to start receiving some of the benefits I shared, it only takes a few moments of a cold shower to create a disproportionate impact for yourself. 

No matter how this lands, stay open-minded to new ideas. If a part of you is inspired by this, great! What will you do about it? If a part of you is dismissive of it, great, what can you learn about yourself from that reaction?

Something I learned through Brian Johnson and his personal development platform Heroic, which I use daily, is the etymological definition of confidence. The latin roots of confidence can be traced back to “con-fidere” which translates to “intense trust”. Now this might not make immediate sense when you think about your own relationship with feeling confident, so let’s break it down and you can see it for yourself.

First let’s think about scenarios that test your confidence. It’s following through on making that bold decision or taking a chance. It’s putting yourself out there, maybe even in a public way by speaking on a stage. The common theme in situations that require you to be confident is that they’re inherently uncertain. You’re making a decision and you don’t know if it’s the right one. You’re taking a chance and you don’t know how it will pan out. You’re on stage and you’re unsure if it’ll tank, if you'll embarrass yourself, or if the message will really land.

So for that reason I have always described confidence as how you perceive you will perform in an uncertain or unpredictable situation. When you’re confident you feel as though things will go well, and when you’re short on confidence you’re worried that it might not.

Now this is where the intense trust comes in. If you have your own back so genuinely, without hesitation or reservation, you have a knowingness that you will rise to the occasion. This gives you the perception that you will perform well through uncertainty. 

But also worth mentioning, if things do go poorly, you have the tools, mindsets to not let it destroy you. You have the trust in yourself that you can pick yourself back up if you fall. That’s also confidence, but being placed in more of a ‘recovery situation’.

A friend of mine named Heather Monahan has an expression that “at every moment you’re either creating confidence or chipping away at it.” She argues that this self-perception is a dynamic quality and you need to prove it to yourself. It involves putting yourself in these uncertain situations to realize that you’re capable of managing them well. It’s doing the work in advance so that you can be prepared and lean on all of the reps you’ve done in the past. 

Confidence is earned and grown over time. You need to invest in building that intense trust. But when you do you’ll start pushing the boundaries for what you thought was possible in the world.

And the good news - by showing up for this lesson, internalizing the growth, and investing in your future, you’re supporting your own confidence. It’s a first step and there are more to come, but you’re on the path.

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Featuring one of the best souls to ever grace this earth, today’s positivity quote is an intention that will benefit all of our lives and the world. It comes from someone who has embodied love as much as any person in history, Mother Teresa. She says “Let no one ever come to you without feeling better and happier.”

We live in a shared world. The air we breathe is in my lungs in one moment and your lungs the next. The same sun rises to kiss our skin with the same rays. We are more connected than we think, which is why it’s such a shame that the world focuses on our few differences rather than our many similarities.

But in understanding how connected we are we can recognize how powerful we are. The world and its energy exist as a symphony where everyone is a part of it at the same time. Everything you do creates ripples that shift reality for everyone else, creating a universal and global impact. So stop looking around you and waiting for someone else to do it - You are the source of change in the world!

So if you want to see a positive change, Mother Teresa has a great intention for you to consider - “Let no one ever come to you without feeling better and happier.”

You cannot control everything but you can control the way you hope to make people feel. It’s within your control to show up in life with enthusiasm, authenticity, compassion, and presence. While it might seem like a drop of warm water in the ocean, it may not seem like your positive energy does anything. But truly the ocean gets a fraction of a fraction of a degree warmer because of you. 

Eventually, your impact inspires others who inspire others, and what seemed like an inconsequential contribution became something much bigger.

To further this metaphor, the best way you can great that global effect is by adding warm drops of water one at a time in your positive interactions with others. And living within Mother Teresa’s beautiful intention, you’ll play your role in creating a better world.

So my ask of you is simple. If you can find one moment today to be intentional about the way you make someone feel, you’ll have made someone’s day and begin your journey on this path. Just one person, in one moment, is a perfect place to start.

This is for anyone who has been working hard and waiting for their breakthrough - for that opportunity to knock or that piece to fall into place. I’m going to share a little story and while it does have religious language in it, the concept applies far beyond the religious context.

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A terrible storm came into a town and local officials sent out an emergency warning that the riverbanks would soon overflow and flood the nearby homes. They ordered everyone in the town to evacuate immediately.

A faithful Christian man heard the warning and decided to stay, saying to himself, “I will trust God and if I am in danger, then God will send a divine miracle to save me.”

The neighbors came by his house and said to him, “We’re leaving and there is room for you in our car, please come with us!” But the man declined. “I have faith that God will save me.”

As the man stood on his porch watching the water rise up the steps, a man in a canoe paddled by and called to him, “Hurry and come into my canoe, the waters are rising quickly!” But the man again said, “No thanks, God will save me.”

The floodwaters rose higher, pouring water into his living room and the man had to retreat to the second floor. A police motorboat came by and saw him at the window. “We will come up and rescue you!” they shouted. But the man refused, waving them off saying, “Use your time to save someone else! I have faith that God will save me!”

The flood waters rose higher and higher and the man had to climb up to his rooftop.

A helicopter spotted him and dropped a rope ladder. A rescue officer came down the ladder and pleaded with the man, "Grab my hand and I will pull you up!" But the man STILL refused, folding his arms tightly to his body. “No thank you! God will save me!”

Shortly after, the house broke up and the floodwaters swept the man away and he drowned.

When in Heaven, the man stood before God and asked, “I put all of my faith in You. Why didn’t You come and save me?”

And God said, “Son, I sent you a warning. I sent you a car. I sent you a canoe. I sent you a motorboat. I sent you a helicopter. What more were you looking for?”

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I share this to bring awareness to our role in life. We cannot wish things into existence, we must play an active role in making them so. The truth is, we live in an abundant world where we already have access to everything we need. That lucky break is always happening right now. The once in a life-time chance exists in every moment. 

When you raise your awareness to see all of the forms that these things are taking, and you gain the courage to take action on it, that’s when things really start to happen. But if you’re wishing and waiting for something to intervene and do it for you, it’s going to be a while.

A lot of people ask the question “how did you sleep last night?” but I think we’re missing the mark. When we ask that question what we really want to know is how the person is feeling now - are they rested and ready to go or still dragging a bit? So let’s be more direct and think about that more specifically.

The moment you wake up and open your eyes your new day starts. It’s a pivotal moment because it sets the tone for how the day is going to go. But beyond just trying to feel rejuvenated from a night of sleep, you can be intentional about the way you spend the first moments of the day to connect with what you want the day to represent. This is just as much a factor for how you feel in the morning as getting rest, yet many people overlook it.

With this in mind, there are some things to avoid and best practices first thing when you wake up to set the tone for the day.

The first thing to avoid is pressing the “Snooze” button. When you “snooze” and delay starting the day, you’re giving yourself permission to allow your emotions to affect your decision making. This often causes you to start the day running behind, which then is an energy that affects how you show up to everything else. I have a lot to share on this, but the main thing I recommend for people who are “snoozing” in the morning is to pre-determine 5 minutes of activity that you begin the second your alarm goes off. If you want to go back to bed and get sleep after that, by all means do it, but now you’re doing it from a place of choice rather than emotional reflex.

The second thing to avoid is checking your phone. Again, this is training yourself to be okay with being reactive to other people rather than captaining your own day. And especially try to avoid social media unless you have a very specific purpose to checking it because it’s designed to hijack your attention and set you off course.

On the best practices side, it’s all a matter of being intentional about how you want to feel. That could be grateful, joyful, inspired, loved, whatever it might be. And what really looks in that feeling is doing a specific activity that allows you to tap into it. For example, the first two things I do when my alarm goes off is I brush my teeth and dance to a high-energy song to prime my day for joy, and then I go back to bed to snuggle my fiancé and tap into a moment of love. And then it’s gratitude journaling.

Similarly for you, start experimenting with what little actions you can start doing to generate positive feelings.

The summary is - If you want to have a great, inspired, productive, present day, you need to intentionally set the tone. And your best opportunity for that is to paint on a blank emotional canvas as the first thing you do in the morning and fill it with how you want to feel.

I know I might be crazy because of the things that I do, but I’m happy. And to me that’s way more important.

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One of the most influential minds of the modern personal development movement (that you maybe have never heard of) is Phil Stutz. He’s a psychologist and therapist for celebrities as well as a high performance coach for some of the world’s most successful people. I’ve been diving into his work more recently and wanted to share some of his best with you.

Stutz says that 3 unavoidable, universal aspects in life are pain, uncertainty, and hard work. He finds that a lot of people find themselves in conflict because they don’t have the right relationship with these things and therefore, they become negative influences.

To quickly define each - Pain is an aversive response you have to emotional, physical, or psychological strain. Uncertainty is the doubt and fear we experience around an unknown future. And work, in particular hard work, is the mechanism that changes any circumstance.

Put them all together in an acronym and you’ve got PUH - Poo!

If we want, we can choose to treat these things like poo. The default response is to be disgusted, avoidant, and dismissive of pain, uncertainty, and hard work. I think we can all agree that feces are nasty... and similarly we default to relating with PUH a bit negatively as well.

But here's the opportunity. From a different perspective - poo is a fertilizer! It is the ingredient you need to support growth, development and proliferation. In that way poo is a great thing and a catalyst to things changing and improving.

In order for this PUH to serve you - pain, uncertainty, and hard work - you must choose a positive way to relate with it.

Instead of feeling like a victim in pain, get curious about where that pain is coming from and what you have to learn from it.

Instead of being paralyzed from taking action by uncertainty, use it as a training ground to experiment and get better at predicting how things will be.

And instead of being allergic to hard work, find more value in the ways you’re investing your time so that you can build the life of your dreams.

I don’t mean to be grotesque - My aim is to get your attention so that you can improve your life. If you feel like this insight was interesting or helpful for you, it will certainly be helpful to other people you care about.

Sharing is caring! Forward this along to someone who you think would be curious to learn about it.

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