Last week I was getting dinner at a restaurant with a friend and I became aware of some of the underlying beliefs that we have. While there are little consequences to these examples, in truly questioning them we get to see the power beliefs have and how it shapes our lives in more meaningful ways.

Here are two examples.

First, someone walked into the restaurant to place the order at the front. There was no line, but rather than walking straight up to the cashier they rerouted their path through the barriers that normally contain the line to end at the waitress.

Looking directly at it, this makes no sense. Our brains are hardwired to conserve energy so adding extra steps contradicts our natural state. This means that something larger had to override it. In this case, it was a belief that in order to be a cooperative member of society we need to wait our turn and take our place in line. It’s just a social convention, and in this case the belief influenced the behavior.

Another example was when someone’s fork hit the floor. They didn’t really think about what to do next, they stood up and grabbed another fork. At some point in their past they learned that it’s unsanitary to eat with a utensil that touches the floor. They incorporated that belief. And their unconscious behavior flowed from that belief.

However some of us might think about the “5 second rule”. This suggests that we don’t have the same belief or same strength of belief in that core lesson. There's individual variability. This demonstrates how our beliefs are all integrated in unique and personalized ways.

With those examples, maybe it’s more apparent to see how beliefs about “money being evil”, “it’s hard to eat healthy”, “I’m not good at public speaking”, or other beliefs like that would impact our daily behavior (and from that behavior how it would influence our results).

This is why it’s so important for us to increase our level of consciousness. Rather than being at the mercy of these unconscious scripts, we can question them and choose to do something different that might better serve us. It helps us to break the pattern and in doing so, gives us the opportunity to create new results.

Martial arts is known for teaching and emphasizing self-control. It focuses on helping practitioners to maintain full presence and be unaffected by disturbances. This requires being in a state of mind that has unique qualities to it.

Bruce Lee has a famous quote that highlights these qualities. It goes:

“Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend.”

When we experience situations in life we naturally try to impose our will on it. We try to shape the experience so that it’s familiar to us or we can maintain a sense of agency. But truly surrendering to a moment is like water. The displacement is equal to the extent of the disturbance.

Picture dropping a rock in a still pond. The pond water responds by creating ripples of displaced water that travel the entire distance of the pond. It temporarily affects the state of the pond until enough time passes, and through natural properties it returns to stillness.

That’s what it means to have a “mind like water”. David Allen defines this in his book 'Getting Things Done' as “a mental and emotional state in which your head is clear, able to create and respond freely, unencumbered with distractions and split focus.”

You can imagine how improved your performance is, and how much quality you can put into what you do, when you’re in this state of mind. It allows you to truly respond with what you believe is best rather than fight urges to react in ways that aren’t.

The best way to train yourself into this state is by practicing mindfulness. Meditation is the most popular form of mindfulness, but you can also do things that take the charge out of events. For example Marcus Aurelius was known for calling the best wine in the land as “simply fermented grapes”.

Or of course, simply focusing on your breath and experiencing that helps you go into your body and get out of your mind.

Try treating your mind like water. Influenceable, unattached, flowy, and receptive. It’s a beautiful thing to work toward!

If you think about it, it’s pretty crazy that this is happening right now. Whether you call it God, source, or the Universe… And whether you believe this is real-life, a dream, or a simulation… The fact that you’re having this experience right now means that there had to be a miracle.

At some point something came from nothing. How does existence even exist?

As humans we live our own life that impacts our own little sphere of influence. We find purpose in improving what we can and making the world a better place. But zooming out, our world is just the tiniest sliver of the world. And one day everything about our world will be completely erased.

This philosophy is called "nihilism". It’s a belief that life is meaningless.

I refuse to believe that, and I find myself on the other side of the famous quote “If nothing matters, then, everything matters.” and here’s why.

While it’s true that everything we’ve ever created will disappear from the face of Earth and be lost history, that’s not to say we didn’t influence the way it all went down. We live in a shared, interconnected world where everything we do offsets reality a little bit.

On a microscopic level, every electron that moves impacts the activity of another electron, which interacts with another electron in another atom, and so on and so forth. Every breath we breathe changes the distribution and interaction of air particles.

Most importantly, every action we take, every person we help, and every idea we share influences the thoughts and actions of others. That goes on to ripple into the lives of more and more creating this never-ending and infinite loop of influence.

It’s through all of these micro moments that we participate in as a collective that we shape the future, and every moment is perfectly crafted by everything ever done. And that will continue on long after we’re gone.

What’s the point I’m trying to make here?

What you do matters. Every choice you make matters. Every word you say matters. Every idea you share matters. Because it’s one of the factors in the formula that calculates the future.

So hold yourself to that higher standard. And treat each moment and everything in it like it matters, because it does.

A powerful concept to utilize more in our self-improvement, decision making, and to inform our own self-awareness is called “inversion”. When you invert something it means that you flip it on its head, put it upside down, or orient in the opposite arrangement.

Typically when we seek to solve problems in our lives or understand something we look at it directly. We want to figure out what our right amount of exercise is, what entails a healthy diet, how much time we want to spend on social media, and how many hours we consider a full day of work (among everything else).

While it’s helpful to have a clear track of thinking, sometimes we run into a dead end trying to define something that is really difficult to lock down.

This is where we can try inversion. Instead of focusing solely on what we want, we can get more informed by also thinking about what we don’t want.

How much exercise in a week is certainly not enough to keep up a healthy lifestyle? How much is too much when it comes to having dessert or fast food? How long is too long to spend on social media in a given day? When does it become a problem that you’re working beyond a certain time of day?

Invert the focus and you gain a new insight.

When it comes to establishing personal standards for ourselves, using inversion is very helpful. By thinking about what’s unacceptable to us we indirectly define what is acceptable. This gives us a clear expectation that we can hold ourselves accountable to, get feedback on, and navigate forward with.

So my recommendation to you right now is to go through a mini-thought experiment...

That one thing that you’re struggling most with, try inverting it to gain better insight into your standards. WIth the extra visibility you will either realize that you’re not as far off as you thought, or kick start motivation because you cannot deny that you need to be better.

Are you going to do it now? Great!

If not, do you need support getting into action? If so then this will do the trick!

I feel like the idea of will-power has gotten a bad reputation. Not only is will-power a bit misunderstood, but it’s a super power.

There are scientific studies that suggest will-power is 2x more likely to predict academic performance in kids than IQ! It’s not the smartest kids who succeed but those who have control over their choices and can delay gratification.

When we impose our conscious will on something it means that we shape what happens despite the circumstances of how we feel or what would be easiest. As you’d expect, this leads to healthier, more productive, more empowered choices and actions. To live our best life it’s very important that we do that, but the way we go about doing it needs a more diverse approach.

That’s because will-power is known to be unsustainable. Like a muscle, as you use it it fatigues. This explains why at the end of the day it’s harder to be disciplined than in the beginning of the day: Because you’ve used your reserves.

This is the very reason why we must use our will-power wisely - So that when we most need it, we have it.

So while it’s true that will-power cannot be your primary source for self-discipline, it plays a very important role in supplementing it. You first must build out systems that support consistency and intentional decision making. Things like accountability, goal setting, and routines help you to be disciplined without needing as much will-power. And given that these are often influencing us at an unconscious level it serves as a more sustainable source of discipline.

So how can will-power best contribute to you being the best version of yourself? There are two ways:

First is to use will-power to establish new systems. Use it to reach out for accountability despite resistance, outline your routine and its sequence of behaviors, and invest the time and energy now to build the system that will work for you later. It’s by getting yourself to design your environment that you can get exponential and recurring returns from your will-power.

The second instance where you can use will-power wisely are in the moments that need a little extra. Almost as if you’re reserving it for when you really need it. Getting out of bed on a tired morning, initiating your morning routine, exiting out of social media and putting your phone on Do Not Disturb. These micro-moments of discipline help you interrupt the pattern dn get into the systems you’ve designed that make taking the good, positive, healthy actions consistent and easier.

Protect your will-power. Honor it and use it in the occasions when you most need it. But that’s not constantly, it’s in very specific occasions that kick off your high-performance processes.

If you feel worn out at the end of a long day or like you’re losing the battle to make the healthy choices that you know are best for you, then this could really help. I’ve identified 9 Super Habits that work as systems behind the scenes to support your will-power and make you more disciplined in the most fundamental areas of your life. It only takes 15 minutes to implement all of them every day, and it will change your life!

Michael Jordan is one of the most competitive and prolific athletes of all time. He outworked, out hustled, and outsmarted his opponents on his way to setting records and winning NBA Championships.  What’s so fascinating is how someone like him, who achieved so much, barely allowed himself to look at the results he was earning.

Jordan was obsessed with the process. He was fiercely dedicated to his craft and wouldn’t let anything get in the way of him being the greatest of all time. One of his core beliefs that demonstrates this, that he brought into everything he does is having a deep faith that “the score takes care of itself”.

What does that mean?

It means that there’s this implicit connection between what we do and what we get out of it. It’s an acknowledgment of “cause and effect”, and how the result is out of our control but we can influence it by controlling what we put in. And not wanting to leave the result up to chance, Jordan was relentless in his preparation and approach to the game.

You’d think that one of the best scorers in history would be concerned with the score. It almost sounds like an apathetic approach to it. Michael is one of the fiercest competitors in history, so it’s not to say that he didn’t care about the score (because he very much did). If anything it reinforces his unbelievable commitment to doing the work and dedicating himself to what was in his control, which was his work ethic and development.

Not surprisingly, another basketball icon, UCLA coach John Wooden, had a similar philosophy. His definition of success is “having peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.”

Wooden says it with a bit of a different intention, suggesting a healthy disconnection from the end-result and a strict prioritization of preparation.

We’re in a world that values results. What’s the weight on the scale? How much business did you bring in? And results are important because they reflect our personal realities. But those are just the lagging indicators of the work that actually fuels the process, which is the work.

I’m willing to bet that both Michael Jordan and John Wooden were more in tune with the daily actions they needed to take to meet the requirements of championship worthy performance.

So if you want something really badly in your life, take a note from some of the most successful and accomplished men in basketball. Think about what you could do on a daily basis, as part of your core process to attain it, rather than be fixated on the thing itself. Your energy and attention isn’t as valuable there.

For most of us our best life doesn’t involve treating our life like Micahel Jordan treated his. But his success leaves clues, and we’d benefit from paying attention to it.

I’m blessed to know some really good leaders in my life, and in observing their behavior I’ve noticed an odd paradox. Sometimes the best way to lead is by being the first to go, and sometimes it’s by being the last to go.

At the foundation of this concept is that good leaders are of service. They’re willing to inconvenience themselves to do what’s required to serve those they lead.

On one hand, Mike Sherbakov is one of my best friends and best leaders that I know. Multiple times a year for the last decade he has organized social impact trips to build houses in Mexico. He’s the one standing alone at the very beginning of the fundraising process, making a bold statement and inviting people to join him. Few people have the courage to organize their own build but he does it time and again.

Then, once in Mexico and after the first day of grueling sun and hard work, we eat at an authentic taco restaurant. Every time Mike patiently helps everyone make sure that they’ve put in their order, and that they get their food, before he worries about himself. He’s always the last one to eat after everyone else has already been fed.

Another great leader I know is Alex Sheen, the founder of the nonprofit “because I said I would”. As he travels for his speaking engagements he organizes meetups so that he can connect with community members. There are times when he makes a reservation, shows up to the table first, and only a few of the people who he expected to come show up.

Then the next day after he delivers a speech to a school or business, he’s there to greet every last person that wants to meet him. He listens patiently to every story they have to share and gives them the space to receive his support.

And although there are many more that come to mind, the last great leader I want to highlight is my wife Irene. She has an incredible way of opening up with others and going first in being vulnerable. This then invites her friends (and sometimes strangers) to open up as well and talk about things they usually don’t.

At the same time, if someone is going through a tough time or invites her to be at something meaningful to them, she makes a huge effort to show up and is among the last to leave. It’s her way of being of service to the people she cares about, and it’s inspiring.

All that to say, there’s no one right thing to do as a leader. But there is a right way to lead, and that’s to be of service in whatever way the moment requires.

For today’s positivity quote I wanted to feature two of the most enriching things we can do in our lives, and the distinction between them so we can make sure we’re prioritizing both.

The quote is, “Playing is different than having fun.”

We all have a pretty good idea around what it means to have fun. It means that we do fun things - go to shows, organize events, have enjoyable hobbies, play games, experiment with a new recipe, travel and experience new things, it’s a long list...

Having fun is the output of doing fun things, and the world would certainly be a better place if we all had a little more fun.

That’s not to say that it’s easy to have fun… Prioritizing the time to do fun things amidst life’s responsibilities is a real challenge and it’s one of the first things to be deprioritized.

But "playing is different than having fun".

Playing is not the outcome you get at the end, it’s the energy you put into what you do. When we play we choose to see more intrigue, mystery, and wonder in everything. You do not need to do something to play, but rather you do something a certain way that makes it play.

What happens then is that choosing to play creates more fun because it transforms anything into an opportunity to have fun.

Take children for example. They use their imagination and can turn any moment into a moment of play. A random object becomes a fake phone to have a conversation. The asphalt becomes lava that they must navigate forward. Children have the skill of creating playful moments out of nothing.

As adults, the way we play has changed. It’s a more sophisticated form of imagination and creativity where we can be cheeky in conversation, animated as we do mundane tasks, and make games out of random things. We choose to be playful and in doing so, infuse more fun in what’s already happening.

So do both. Plan fun things, but also create more fun moments through play. It shouldn’t be an afterthought, we’re at our best when we’re being attracted by the enthusiasm of life!